Songbird (27 page)

“Why’s
that?”

“Because
something should have told me who she was.  Some maternal instinct.”

He
chuckled.  “I think you’re asking too much of your maternal instincts.”

I
sighed.  “Yes, you’re right.  I refused to allow myself any maternal feelings
for Emily, so I suppose my instincts were non-existent.”

“I
remember the day she was born.  We…I was there, you know.  I decided to make an
excuse and crept upstairs.  I was outside the door when she was born and I
heard her first cry.  It was all I could do to hold back the tears.”

“You
shouldn’t have done that.  You caused yourself unnecessary pain.”

“Oh,
my sweet Isabelle, I care nothing for that.  I shall always remember that
moment.”  He caressed my cheek.  “And then later on that day, I tried to see
you and Mrs Holland caught me and sent me away.  She was so angry I thought she
would put me on bread and milk for the next week.”

I
smiled bitterly.  “I certainly never realised how involved we would become.”

“I
think Mrs Holland did.”

I
looked at him.  “Why do you think that?”

“She
often warned me not to get emotionally entangled.  To remember what we had
agreed and stick to it.”

“A
business arrangement,” I nodded.

“Yes
and at first that’s exactly what I did.  But then I found you so…delightful, so
interesting to be with that I wanted more.  There were times when I actually
forgot what we were there for.” 

The
clock struck one-thirty.  “I must go to bed.  It’s so late,” I said wearily.

He
turned me round so that I faced him, his hands on my shoulders.  He glanced
briefly at the fire and then his eyes swept over me.

“This
is how I always remember you.  The firelight making your skin glow like amber,
your eyes sparkling, your hair tumbling over your shoulders.  And yet now…now
you seem more beautiful.” 

“I
shouldn’t be here, dressed like this.”

“Have
you forgotten that I’ve seen you in far less.”

I
pulled my dressing gown more closely round me.  “That was different.”

He
gripped my shoulders tighter.  “Why?  Because I was paying for it.”

I
began to feel uneasy.  “Yes!  Well, no, not exactly.  It’s just that
circumstances are different now.”

“Do
you ever think of that time?  When we were close.”  His voice sounded desperate
and I began to feel suspicious.

I
lowered my head, not wanting to meet his gaze.  “Sometimes.  But I try not to.”

He
pulled me back into his arms, pressing his face against my hair.  “Sometimes
it’s all I can think of.” 

“Then
I wish you wouldn’t.”  I tried to extract myself from his tight grip.  “I must
go.”

“Isabelle,
I love you,” he whispered.

His
sudden confession went through my heart like an arrow.  I could never believe
that he loved me.  I remembered the wager and a shudder went through me.  I
shook my head slowly and eased myself away from him, holding him at arm’s
length.

“No,
sir, you’ll not trick me into winning any bet for you.”

“What
bet?” he frowned.

“The
wager Sir Joshua Portland suggested.  Remember?  The one were the winner is the
first man to make me his mistress.  If I recall you found that very
interesting.”

A
look of puzzlement passed over his face.  “But that was just male banter.  I
didn’t mean it.”  I reached for the small lamp on the mantelpiece and holding
my fan in the other hand, I turned away from him.  He reached out and gripped
my arm.  “Isabelle!  Oh, dear Lord, please believe me.  It’s the truth.”

I
glared at him and steeled myself against his shocked and pained expression.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-SEVEN

I
t was
difficult to wake up the following morning.  I felt so tired and my eyelids
refused to open.  It was only when I heard laughter outside my window, did I
make the effort to haul myself up onto the pillows and rub the sleep from my
eyes.  I reached for my watch on the bedside table.  For a moment I gazed at
it, my fingers caressing the tiny diamonds round the rim, marvelling once more
at the farewell gift from Karl after our last afternoon together.  A precious
memento that I had worn over my heart for seven years.  But then I remembered
our conversation in the study and in the drawing room the night before and I
felt betrayed, almost defiled.  How could I have been so wrong about him?  I
noticed the time.

In
horror I saw that it had gone ten-thirty.  I had never slept so late and
panicking, I struggled out of bed.  I staggered over to the window and drew
back the curtains.  I realised that the fire was hungrily consuming a huge
mound of coal and knew that Nelly had already been to my room to make it up. 
She must have crept about not wanting to disturb me.  I looked out at the
weather.

There
were quite a few dark and ominous clouds about and it was obvious that the rain
would return very soon.  By the looks of it, it had rained during the night as
everything seemed sodden, the water dripping from the bare branches of the
trees and large puddles accumulating in the dips of the gravel path.  Suddenly,
Emily appeared wearing her blue cape edged in fur, but also wearing rather
large waterproof boots.  She was jumping in the puddles and her face showed
absolute delight.  I couldn’t help smiling.  But my smile faded when I saw that
Karl and Danny were following close behind.

Karl’s
arm was round Danny’s shoulder and they were talking amicably.  Now and again
Karl would laugh out loud at something my son had said.  To a stranger, they
could have been father and son enjoying a morning stroll and a moment of male
companionship.Anger surged through me and I gripped the curtain, crushing the
soft fabric.  How dare he try to appease me by ingratiating himself with my
son.  I would have to have words with him immediately.  I wouldn’t tolerate
having my boy used as a weapon.  I stepped over to the bell-pull and almost
yanked it from the wall in my fury.

Nelly
appeared within minutes.  “Oh ma’am, you’re awake at last.”

“Why
didn’t you rouse me?” I asked crossly. 

She
didn’t seem put out at all by my snappish manner.  “I was instructed by her
ladyship that you must be left to sleep for as long as you needed.”  She picked
up my dressing gown and held it open.  “Now, put this on, ma’am, I don’t want
you catching a chill.”

I
slipped my arms through the sleeves and then felt angry with myself for being
so willing to follow orders. 

“I
didn’t want to sleep too late,” I muttered.

Nelly
gave a satisfied grin.  “Well, you look a lot better for it, if I may say so
myself.”  She steered me over to a small table by the window and pressed me
down into the chair.  “I’ll go and fetch your breakfast and you can enjoy it
looking out at the scenery.”

Her
tall frame disappeared through the door in a whirl of white frilly cap and
apron.

I
rested my elbows on the table and cupped my chin in my hands.  She was right, I
did feel better for sleeping longer.  I turned my head to the window and saw
that Karl and the children had disappeared, probably to the stables.  Danny had
done nothing but talk of his new foal and no doubt would want to visit him
every day until we finally left for London.

I saw
Karl coming back along the path and then Sir Joshua Portland came striding
across the lawn.  He was a mountain of a man, well over six feet tall with a
ruddy complexion and sporting an impressive profusion of side-whiskers. 
Although he wore a hat, I knew he was completely bald.  Karl called him over. 
I watched them talking for quite a few minutes, taking note of Karl’s earnest
almost angry expression and Sir Joshua’s rather concerned one.  Sir Joshua
rubbed his hand over his face and shook his head slowly and then they moved
away and I could no longer see them.

Nelly
appeared a couple of minutes later, carrying a small basket containing a tablecloth,
crockery and cutlery and immediately set the table.  She went back out and in a
short while returned with a breakfast tray.  My mouth fell open at what I saw. 
There was a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, a medium sized bowl of
porridge with a little honey poured over it, a slice of toast covered with
scrambled egg and a small pot of tea.

“I
can’t eat all this,” I gasped.

She
wagged her finger at me.  “Yes you can, ma’am.  Cook has prepared this
especially for you.  He says that he wants the dishes to come back completely
empty.”  She smiled.  “And when you’re finished I’ll prepare a bath for you and
then do your hair.”

I
picked up the napkin and spread it on my knee.  “And then will I be able to go
out?” I sighed, trying to show patience with someone who only had my best
interests at heart.

“Not
this morning, but perhaps later on this afternoon.”

I
stuck my thumb in my mouth like a little girl.  “Yes, Nanny,” I said, in a
small voice.

The
meal was quite delicious and I did devour every single bit, much to Nelly’s
satisfaction when she came to clear the table.  She prepared my bath and as
promised, dressed my hair.

She
seemed thoughtful, as she fastened the buttons on my gown and straightened the
material.

“I
met Lord Shelbrook on my way to the kitchen.  He asked if you’d be so kind as
to go to the drawing room when you’re ready.”

I
turned to look at her.  “He wants to see me?”

“I
think that’s the general idea, ma’am.”

I had
terrible misgivings.  “Where’s my son?”

“In
the stables with the young ladies.”

I
nodded since it was just as I expected.  I had hoped to have a word with him
and ask him what he had been discussing with Lord Shelbrook on their little
walk.  I prayed that he hadn’t divulged any secrets and Karl now wanted to take
me to task yet again.  If he did then I would pack our trunks and go straight
home.

I was
rather subdued as I made my way to the drawing room and three pairs of eyes
turned in my direction when I opened the door.  To my surprise, not only was
Karl there, but also the Marquess of Salisbury and Sir Joshua Portland.  They
looked like guilty schoolboys and I could feel the tension.

“You
wished to see me?” I asked, looking at Karl.

“Please
sit down,” he said politely and I obeyed, making myself comfortable in the
armchair and smoothing out my gown.

Silence
fell and then I saw Karl send the marquess an expectant glance.  Obviously, he
had been chosen to open the proceedings. 

He
cleared his throat and then took my hand, bowing over it.  “My dear lady.  I
want to apologise most sincerely for my crass remark in the stable the other
day.  I had no idea you were in earshot, but even so, to say you would make an
excellent mistress was both rude and insensitive.  I can only say that I have
embarrassed myself and I feel utterly ashamed.  Please will you forgive me?”

I
stared at him and then briefly closed my eyes.  “Sir, I feel I must accept your
apology.”

He
smiled and released my hand, only to be replaced by Sir Joshua who seemed to
tower over me.

“I
too, dear Mrs Asquith, have shamed and disrespected you by suggesting that
stupid wager.  It was a moment of unkindness that I bitterly regret.  I’m
afraid I have a propensity for saying and doing things that are totally
unacceptable, as my darling wife will tell you.  I also, beg forgiveness.”

I
nodded.  And then Karl stepped forward.  Unlike the others he didn’t take my
hand, but instead gave me a polite bow.

“And
I thought I was being witty by saying the wager would be interesting.  But
instead I made a damned fool of myself.  All I can do is offer my sincere
apologies and hope that our ungentlemanly conduct has not spoilt your visit.”

I
inclined my head towards him.  “Your apology is accepted, sir.”  The marquess
and Sir Joshua bowed and left the room, their heads lowered in humility.  Karl
stayed where he was, his hands clasped behind his back, his eyes on his shoes. 
“I take it that was your doing?” I asked, as the door closed quietly.

He
nodded.  “I felt it was necessary after our conversation last night.”  Our eyes
met.  “I didn’t want you to go home thinking ill of me.”

“What
did you have to do to persuade them to apologise?”

He
seemed genuinely shocked.  “Absolutely nothing.  In truth, they barely
remembered saying it, but when I explained how upset you were, they were more
than willing to make amends.”

I
rose slowly to my feet and sighed.  “So, it’s better to put the incident behind
us.”  His lips parted as if he was about to say something but then thought
better of it.  I took my opportunity.  “I saw you speaking to Danny this morning. 
Would you mind if I asked what you were talking about?”

He
smiled.  “He was telling me about his governess.  What’s her name?”

“Miss
Rupp.”

“Exactly! 
He said that she brings a grass snake called Jasper to see him and how
terrified you are that it might escape.”

“I’m
not terrified.  I just don’t like snakes, that’s all.”

Silence
fell between us until he said, “Your son is becoming fond of Pegasus.”

I
felt uncomfortable.  “I can’t understand why Lord Waltham gave him such a
generous gift.  It’s wonderful, but that foal must be expensive.”

“Perhaps
he’s grown attached to the lad and wants to see him happy.”

“Even
so, it’s put me in an awkward position.”

He
stepped closer, frowning.  “Tell me why.”

“I’ll
not be able to keep him away and I have obligations in London.  I can’t be
running backward and forwards between the capital and the country.”

“The
foal must stay here and I don’t see any reason why Danny can’t visit him
accompanied by someone other than yourself.”  He hesitated a moment before
saying, “Perhaps your sister-in-law or your friend would oblige while you
continue your music lessons?”

I
felt alarmed at such a suggestion.  “No, Danny stays with me.  If he wants to
visit his foal, then I’ll bring him.”

“You’re
too possessive, Isabelle,” he said, clicking his tongue.

Anger
coursed through me.  “Don’t tell me how to be a parent.  I’ve cared for Danny
for nearly nine years.”

“And
I’ve brought up Emily for over six years and I’ve learnt that a child must be
given a certain amount of freedom and independence.”

“You
make it sound as though I keep him a prisoner.”

His
face broke into a grin.  “I know you don’t do that.  But just look how he’s
been since coming to Claythorpe.  He’s run around like a wild colt and enjoyed
every minute of it.  He should be allowed to discover his own interests and
potential.  With his mother’s guidance not her control.”

I
moved away from him.  “I don’t control him.  I’ve always done my best for him.”

His
expression softened.  “I can see that.  You’re an excellent mother, just a
little overprotective.  He’s a wonderful young boy and it’s a terrible shame
his father didn’t get to know him.  He would have been so proud.”

“Would
he?” I asked, discomfort and anger making my cheeks burn.

“Absolutely. 
It’s what every man desires, a son like Danny.”

I
thought this over.  “Are you disappointed that you had a daughter?”

He
shook his head.  “Certainly not.  I didn’t mind what sex my child was.”

“But
you’d have liked a son?”

“Under
normal circumstances, I would like many more children.  At least two of each. 
But Emily is the only child I’ll have and I thank God for her.”  His turquoise
eyes suddenly misted over.  “And I must thank you too.”  He came towards me and
I stayed still, not daring to move.  “Despite the money you received, I realise
you went through a lot to give me Emily.  Every man owes a debt of gratitude
when a woman bears him a child.  As you said at your interview, it’s a risky
business and some women don’t survive the ordeal.”

I
tilted my head and smiled.  “You seem to remember a great deal about what was
said at that interview.”

“You
left a lasting impression on me.  Both then and later on when…” He stopped
abruptly and stepped closer to me.  He took my hand and kissed it.  “Isabelle,
I meant every word I said last night.  I fell in love with you and I still love
you.  I always will.  I didn’t intend it to happen, it just did.”  I tried to
withdraw my hand, but he held it tightly.  “No, listen to me.  Let me finish. 
I’m not going to ask anything of you.  I would like us to keep in touch, but if
you wish it, we’ll see no more of each other.  We’ll go back to our lives as
they were before you ever came to Claythorpe House.  However, I want to give
you this.”  He pulled a white card from his pocket.  “My address in Wiltshire. 
You told me once before that you wished you knew my name and where I came
from.  Well, you know my name and there’s my address also.  If you wish to
write to me, then I’ll be happy to receive your letters.  But if you ever need
my help in any way, then just let me know.  I would like to remain your
friend.”