TWO
“How is my beautiful daughter this morning?” Patricia asked. Every Sunday morning since Stephanie Madison had left for college it was their ritual to call each other and gossip about the events of their week.
“Hi, Mommy,” she responded in her Mommy-I’m-so-happy-to-be-talking-to-you-because-I-need-to-feel-like-a-little-girl-even-if-it’s-only-for-a-moment voice. “I’m just recuperating. I was getting ready to call you myself because I’ve got to tell you about the crazy weekend I had.”
“I can’t wait to hear, but first let me tell you about my crazy weekend. Your daddy woke up Saturday morning all out of the blue with the bright idea that he wanted to purchase a Land Cruiser. Tell me what your father is going to do with all that truck! So here we are spending all day Saturday trying to find a black Land Cruiser, in Savannah. And, of course, he wanted it loaded. So we ended up driving all the way to Atlanta to find the perfect sport utility vehicle. And you know how particular your daddy is. We did get a good deal on the damn thing. It’s really nice too. But I’ll tell you what, when that man gets his mind set to do something, there is no stopping him.”
Her father hadn’t been home the last few times Stephanie called, which was odd because he was usually in the background yelling comments until her mother passed him the phone. Once Stephanie called on a Saturday night to ask her father’s permission to charge a plane ticket, hotel accommodations, and a ticket to see
Cats
on Broadway on the credit card he had given her when she graduated (she always asked if her purchases went over her $500-per-month limit). He wasn’t home, and her mother was upset and didn’t seem to know where he was. She told Stephanie to charge whatever she needed to and to go ahead and purchase a theater ticket for her friend Sidney, who was going to New York with her. She added that if Howard had a problem with it, then he’d have to talk to her.
“Where’s Daddy?” Stephanie asked her mother now.
“Where else! Riding around in that oversized SUV. He left about thirty minutes ago. He’s picking up Richard and Will. After they get tired of riding in circles, showing off, they’re going golfing. I truly believe that man is going through his midlife crisis. I’m trying to be supportive, but he’s driving me crazy. I needed a break from him, so I told him I was going to stay here today and let him enjoy his new toy with his friends. Now I’m going to pamper myself. I’ve decided that since he’ll be gone awhile, I’m going to listen to some jazz, sit back in the hot tub, and relax my muscles. Then I’m going to inspire my mind by reading a few chapters from Susan Taylor’s
Lessons in Living.
Have you read her book yet?”
“No, but I do need to get it. I heard that it’s really inspirational. And Momma, I hate to tell you, but according to his track record, Daddy has been going through this midlife crisis for a long time. Remember when he had to have a new Lexus when they first came out? Same difference. Momma, Daddy’s just a big kid. He’s never gonna grow up. You, for one, should know that by now.” Although it was obvious, Stephanie was trying to convince her mother that nothing was changing between her and her husband. But they seemed to be growing apart, and although she wanted to help, she couldn’t do anything to fix their situation. Patricia acted as if nothing was wrong, but Stephanie knew it was only to protect her. Nevertheless, she often wondered if her father was having an affair. The thought of him being with another woman disturbed her, so when it crossed her mind, she forced herself to think about something more pleasant. She loved both her parents and wanted them to stay together. Once upon a time they seemed the perfect couple. They gave her hope that she would have a sincere and committed relationship in her future, and she needed them to continue giving her hope.
“You’re right, Steph. You would think I’d be used to raising that overgrown child by now,” her mother joked, in a tone meant to convey that everything was okay. Then she changed the subject, “So tell me about your crazy weekend. What happened? Did you go out with Jeff?”
“Yeah, I went out with him Friday night, but as usual he was rude to the waiter, and all he talked about was himself, basketball, and mutual funds, and at the end of the night, he wanted to get his groove on. Momma, there’s more to life than sex, sports, and money, but no one could ever tell that to Jeff. He’s so boring and uptight and I’m so bored with him.”
“Good!” Patricia said, wishing Jeff out of the picture. She had told Stephanie, many times before this conversation, to move on and stop clinging to him. But she knew Jeff was her daughter’s security blanket. She prayed that God would perform a minor miracle and move Stephanie to stop seeing him. “So, when did the excitement start? Come on, tell me the juicy stuff.”
“Well, Saturday morning Sidney and I went shopping. Oh Momma, I found the cutest little dress for rush, but I’ll tell you about that later. Anyway, we stopped in the record shop to get a new CD, and I saw the man of my dreams. He was clean-cut, extremely handsome, intelligent, and he had the smell of money all over him.”
“Stephanie, money is not everything.”
“And he gave me this look that could melt ice. Anyway, I smiled at him, and he walked over and asked me what I was doing later. I told him I would be at my apartment sipping on some wine and listening to this new Maxwell CD. He smiled back and said that he had a better offer. . . .” Stephanie always made it a point to be honest with her mother about most things.
“And what did he mean by that, young lady?”
“Shhhh, Momma, just listen. You’re always interrupting. To make a long story short, remember that nice restaurant that you and Daddy took me and Jeff to the last time you visited? Remember how nice and exclusive it was—?”
“He took you there?” her mother interrupted, even though she knew her daughter hated it when she tried to predict her stories.
“No. But the restaurant that we went to put that one to shame. He took me to a place called Solomon’s, on the outskirts of the city. I hadn’t even heard of it before then. Anyway, we had a good time driving to the place in his convertible Porsche. The conversation was good, and he looked so good that I was trying to figure if we’d end up with one kid or two and what their names were going to be. Anyway, we ate dinner and began talking and wouldn’t you know it—”
“He’s married!?” Her mother interrupted again.
“No, Momma! There you go again. As I was saying, wouldn’t you know it, there had to be something wrong with this perfect picture. The man I was supposed to vacation with in Aruba, the man I was supposed to marry and grow old with, let me down.”
“What?”
“I never thought in a million years I would experience anything like this.”
“What, Steph, what is it? Is your daddy gonna have to get his shotgun out?”
“No, Momma. We were having casual conversation and everything was going well, at least I thought so. That was until the conversation took a one-eighty-degree turn for the worse. Momma, we started talking about sex. Don’t ask me how we got on the subject, but he was extremely open about his sexual history. I didn’t feel like he was trying to be perverted or dirty or anything like that. You know, he was just talking about how young he was when he lost his virginity and how he wished he had waited a while longer before becoming sexually active—”
“You had sex with the man?” Another interruption.
“No, I did not. Shhhh. I told him I was sure a lot of people felt the same way as he did. I wasn’t offended by the conversation at first. And suddenly, out of nowhere, he mentioned that he was not ashamed to talk about his sexuality and how being open and honest were both important factors to building a solid relationship. Somehow, in the middle of that whole spill, he exposed the fact that he was bisexual, but that he planned to marry a woman and someday have a family. However, he did say that until that day came, he would not limit his dating sphere, or something crazy like that.”
“What!”
“I lost my appetite. I couldn’t even finish my meal. He kept talking, but at that point I was in such a state of disbelief that I hardly heard another word that came out of his mouth. When I finally came out of my trance, he was asking me if I wanted to have a nightcap at his condo downtown. The nerve! I calmly told him that I was tired and had a long day ahead of me and needed to turn in early. Then I politely asked him to take me home.”
“So, turns out Don Juan is Don Juana too.” Stephanie’s mother laughed so hard that she lost her breath. “I’m just glad you made it home safely. I told you to drive your own car on the first date. Did you even get his full name?” her mother asked, showing motherly concern, which was why Stephanie loved her so much.
“David Rodrickson, not that it matters. And I don’t see what’s so funny! Dating is overrated, and I’m not enjoying it one bit. I just want to find the perfect man and start our lives together. Is that too much to ask? But how am I supposed to find him if I keep running into jerks?”
“Steph, going out and meeting men is fun. Ten years from now you’ll look back on this episode and laugh even harder than I’m laughing now. Meeting men who are wrong for you helps you to develop an image of the kind of man who will be right for you. It teaches you what values are important. You learn from dating what you can deal with in a relationship and what you can’t. And when you do find the right person, you’ll know it. How many times do I have to tell you, stop being in a hurry to find Mr. Right! You have your whole life ahead of you, trust me. Mommy always knows best.”
“But I want him now.” Although she was pretty honest with her mother, Stephanie never told her of the many short-term relationships she found herself involved in when she thought she was with Mr. Right. After a month or so, she usually realized that even if he had money, he was not the one. Unfortunately, she usually didn’t figure it out until after she was intimate with her man of the hour.
“Is it my fault or your father’s that you are so spoiled? So tell me about your new dress for rush. I remember my rush. I was so nervous, and what followed . . . I don’t even want to go into it, but I’m so glad I had the experience of pledging and being a part of such a positive sisterhood. I know that you’ll feel the same. I’m just glad you finally got off your high horse and decided to write your letter of intent. I was beginning to worry there for a while that my only daughter would not be carrying on our family legacy. Your grandmother, all your aunts, and most of your cousins are proud members, and we all hoped you too would someday join.”
“Well, your wish is coming true, and maybe they’ll accept me,” Stephanie said in an uncertain tone.
“What are you talking about, maybe? You are Patricia White-Madison’s daughter. They have no choice but to let you in, not to mention the fact that you are the best thing that’ll ever happen to that chapter. Oh, Steph, somebody’s at the door. I wonder who it could be? I wasn’t expecting any visitors. Well, honey, call me after rush and let me know how everything goes. I love you. Oh yeah, and make sure you take a picture in your dress. I want to see how beautiful you look in it.”
“Okay, Momma, I will. Talk to you later, and I love you too.”
After Stephanie hung up, she stared around at her bedroom. The furniture was contemporary, and the room, as well as the entire apartment, was decorated with the same exquisite taste she had acquired from her adoptive mother. Why isn’t Momma my biological mother? Life would be so much easier if she were.
Somehow Stephanie could not be as confident as her mother that she would be accepted into the sorority. The reason she held back so long from writing, although her mother never knew, was because she feared that somehow someone would figure out that underneath all of her expensive clothes, expensive car, and expensive tastes, was the true Stephanie, the one who was born to a drug-addicted mother who could not care for her and had put her up for adoption.
Stephanie feared that if any of her friends, or anyone else who was a part of her college community, found out she was not a true “Madison,” she would not be able to show her face anywhere, let alone be accepted into such a prestigious sorority.
THREE
Anthony held the door of the Waffle House open while Malena Adams walked out. Right behind her came Philip, who was giving Tammy a piggyback. He moved so fast that they nearly knocked Malena down. Tammy and Philip were so into each other that it was borderline sickening. Malena and Tammy were juniors and had been good friends since freshman year, and they had met Anthony and Philip one night when they went out to the Noncommissioned Officers Club on the army base that was about forty-five minutes from the campus.
It was a beautiful Sunday morning, and the two couples had just finished breakfast, during which they recapped the weekend; they’d enjoyed bowling and going to a comedy show on the army base where Anthony and Philip were stationed. The four of them had been double-dating nearly every weekend for the past year and had grown to be close friends. Whenever Anthony and Philip were on field duty, the two girls would rent movies and spend boring weekends in their apartment watching television and eating popcorn and whatever assortment of junk food they could find.
Malena enjoyed spending time with Anthony, but her attention was shifting toward Ray, an intelligent brother she’d met when she was sneaking a peek at the sorority paraphernalia at the campus bookstore. She found out that he was in a fraternity, and she told him in confidence that she was interested in joining a sorority herself, but she wouldn’t tell him which one. They talked for about fifteen minutes in the bookstore. Malena was attracted to him and was floored when he gave her his number and told her that it would make his semester if she called. Since that day she realized that she really wasn’t into Anthony, at least not to the same degree he cared about her.
For the past two and a half months she’d spent her weekdays with Ray, studying, talking on the phone, and occasionally meeting him in the school cafeteria for lunch or dinner. They had only gone on a few of what she considered “official” dates—dinner and/or a movie—because she always had weekend plans with Anthony, but she was ready for a change. She liked everything about Ray and wanted to spend more time with him and less with Anthony.
Philip opened the car door for Tammy, who whined, “I guess we won’t see each other again until Friday, huh?”
“Yeah, Friday. But we’ll talk on the phone every night until then,” Philip responded, kissing her cheek.
“I wish we didn’t have to be apart,” Tammy groaned.
“You act like you’re not going to ever see each other again,” Malena joked.
“Yeah, Phil man, you’re scaring me! I’m beginning to think that you’re falling in love or something,” Anthony said. “You didn’t hear it from me, but every night at nine, just like clockwork, Phil runs down to the phone booth outside the barracks and calls Tammy. If all the phones are being used, he finds the weakest dude on the phone and bullies him until he gets off.”
“Now that’s love!” Malena said. He and Malena laughed so hard that Philip and Tammy couldn’t help but join in.
“But,” Malena continued, “don’t forget, this weekend will have to be cut short because Tammy and I have rush on Sunday.”
Tammy turned around and gave Malena, who was in the backseat of the car, a questioning look. “What does Sunday’s rush have to do with Saturday night?”
“We have to get ready for Sunday. You haven’t even written your letter of intent yet, and we have midterms coming up . . . at least I do.”
“I promise I’ll have my letter ready by the weekend. And since when have you been so concerned about studying hard for midterms?”
“Since I saw the rush signs hanging all over campus warning me that I need to get my act together if I want to pledge and still graduate on time. That’s when. Anyway, you two are grown and can do what you want, but Tony and I have already discussed it.”
She hated to stretch the truth, but she’d already spent a few extra hours at the library every night during the past two weeks to prepare herself for midterms, and she had written her letter of intent before the semester began. As a freshman she decided she’d wait until her junior year to pledge, and had plenty of time to plan for this semester. It was all part of her bigger plan on the road to success. She hated to lie to Anthony about her availability Saturday, but she already had plans with Ray, and wouldn’t dare miss a night with him. Actually, she didn’t even want to spend the upcoming Friday with Anthony, because she would be too distracted thinking about Saturday night.
“Whatever!” Tammy said, and rolled her eyes, then abruptly turned around and fastened her seat belt.
Phil and Anthony always took turns driving the forty-five minutes to and from base to campus to pick up and drop off their girls. Today it was Phil’s turn, and it seemed to Malena that he was driving slower than usual. He and Tammy were in the front seat kissing and whispering in each other’s ears, while she and Tony sat in silence.
When they arrived at their apartment, Malena jumped out of the car. She couldn’t get out fast enough, and hoped for a quick good-bye. Ray had gone home over the weekend to visit his family, but had promised he would call her today, whenever he got back, and she didn’t want to miss his call. Phil opened the trunk and gave them their overnight bags. Dreading good-bye, he and Tammy stayed by the car and clung to each other. Malena and Anthony walked to the apartment door. She opened the door and dropped her bag in the doorway.
“Are you okay, Malena?” Anthony asked.
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” she snapped. “Why are you always so concerned about me?” Malena was not a cruel person, but the thought of kissing Anthony good-bye made her feel uneasy. He was a good guy, however, and she hated that she felt that way about him.
“I don’t know, I’m just wondering.” Anthony gave Malena a concerned look, then changed the subject. “Even though I’ll see you Friday, I’ll wish you good luck on your midterms and good luck with rush now. You seem to be on such a mission to be prepared that I know it’ll all be good.”
Malena sensed sarcasm in his voice. “Anthony, I really am concerned about making sure my grades are stable before I go on line, because from what I understand, pledging has been known to damage GPAs. Don’t take it personally . . . we’ll make sure to have a good time Friday, because after Sunday I can’t be too sure about when we’ll see each other again.” Not wanting to break his heart, Malena figured she’d get through one more date with him before she went on line. After she crossed, she would tell him that with all the time they’d spent apart and with all of the changes she’d just gone through, she needed time for herself. She knew it was dishonest, but how could she possibly tell him that she’d fallen in love with somebody she barely knew, and that she didn’t want to see him again, and that all the time she’d spent with him meant nothing? She couldn’t bring herself to be that cruel. She’d give him time, while she was pledging, to realize he didn’t really care about her as much as he thought.
“You know I want this for you just as much as you do for yourself, but one part of me really doesn’t want to spend all of that time away from you. You know I care about you, right?” His declaration chipped away at her conscience.
“Yeah, I know you do.” She couldn’t bring herself to lie and say the same. “Thanks for being so understanding. I’ll see you Friday, okay?” They kissed good-bye. Anthony walked toward the car confused and Malena went into the apartment feeling guilty. She really liked Anthony. He wasn’t the greatest-looking guy, but he was sensitive and supportive and fun to be around. He listened to her when she talked about her dream of one day owning her own public relations firm. Even though he couldn’t really relate, he listened to her dreams of pledging and of one day being able to call somebody “Soror.” Malena’s biggest problem with him was that he was not a dreamer. He was content with his job in the military, and wasn’t concerned about going to school so he could move up the ranks quicker. He wasn’t even sure when or if he was going to leave the military, and what he would do with his life if he did. Although he had good qualities and values, he wasn’t the kind of man she could see herself marrying, or even having a monogamous relationship with. He was not the type of person who would be beneficial in helping her with her master plan to be both economically and socially secure.
Malena walked into the kitchen and checked the answering machine, hoping to hear a message from Ray. There were five messages, and she couldn’t wait for Tammy to come inside, so she hit “play.” There was a message from Ray. He wanted her to go to a movie with him that was playing on campus that night. It started at nine.
“Of course I will!” Malena responded to the voice on the recorder. “But what will I wear?” She grabbed her overnight bag and went to her room.
While rummaging through her closet, she heard the front door open and close, then she heard Tammy checking the answering machine. After the last message, Tammy knocked on her door. “Can I come in?” she asked.
“Come on.”
“So you got a date tonight?”
“Yeah, I’m going out with Ray. I’m just trying to figure out how to be casual and cute at the same time,” Malena said. She was shuffling through clothes, but nothing caught her eye.
“What just happened with you and Anthony?”
“Nothing, but I guess you’re so in love with Phil that you forgot about our little conversation when we were waiting for them to pick us up on Friday. I told you that Ray and I had something planned for Saturday night.
“Oh Malena, I’m so sorry. I totally forgot.”
“Don’t worry about it, everything’s okay. I guess I’m just not cut out to juggle two men.”
“But you’ve done such a good job for . . . how long has it been, two and a half, three months?” Tammy joked.
“Yeah, about three months too long. It’s time to go ahead and let Tony go. I’m beginning to feel guilty. I’m truly beginning to fall in love with Ray. Anyway, after I cross, if I’m accepted, I’m gonna have to somehow break up with him. I faked it all weekend, but to be honest there’s nothing there.”
“You mean you faked it during sex?”
“No, I mean I faked enjoying his company. We didn’t have sex.”
“Really.” Tammy seemed surprised. “So what did he say?”
“He said he wasn’t going to force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. And he didn’t. He just held me all night.”
“He is a good man, you know.”
“I do. That’s what makes it so hard.”
Both Malena and Tammy saw the breakup coming all along, but they enjoyed their couples weekends, and hated seeing them come to an end.
“I’m one year short of graduating. I want to try to work on building a strong relationship with Ray,” Malena expressed.
“I thought you said he wasn’t ready yet.”
“Well, he wasn’t at first, but I think he’s beginning to think about settling down. He graduates this spring and already has a job lined up with a good company downtown. The only thing left to do is get engaged, right?”
“Malena, like my grandmother always says, ‘Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.’ The relationship is still new. Also, don’t forget, Tony’s ready and willing to marry you. All you have to do is say the word.”
“You think so?”
“You don’t see the way he looks at you. He’s put you on a pedestal. And according to Phil, he does nothing but talk about you nonstop. He even said he could see himself spending the rest of his life with you.”
“Stop making me feel guilty. I think Ray could be the true love of my life. I need to break things off with Tony so he can go on with his life and find someone who will be able to love him back. He deserves that. I’m just gonna have to be woman enough to tell him Friday.”
“What? Friday? No. I think you should wait.”
“I don’t know. We’ll see.” Malena had already made up her mind, but she didn’t want to continue the discussion. “So do you want to go to the library for a few hours? I’ll figure out what to wear for my date later.”
“I guess so,” Tammy said. “Just let me get my study sweats on.”
After studying at the library and grabbing a bite to eat, Malena and Tammy arrived at their apartment exhausted. They walked through the door, and each went toward her separate room. The apartment was sparsely furnished with bits and pieces of used furniture they had collected from their families and friends. They had individual bathrooms attached to their bedrooms. Malena walked straight to her room, dropped her book bag, and went to the bathtub. She ran hot water and poured bath beads under the running water. She was going to soak in her bath and decide what she would wear tonight, and how to make sure Ray remained in her life, even while she was pledging. She was also going to go over her plan to somehow break things off with Anthony.
She became totally relaxed while immersed in the warm bath. She had already decided what to do about both Tony and Ray, and was on to daydreaming about what she would name her future PR firm and who her clients would be. She dreamed of representing Jim Carrey, Michael Jackson, Madonna, and Dennis Rodman. “Maybe they’re a little too outlandish,” she thought out loud. “Maybe I’ll deal with milder personalities like Michael Jordan, and Brandy, oh yeah, and Angela Bassett and Whitney Houston.”
Tammy knocked on the door and interrupted her dream. “Ray called while I was on the phone.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m telling you now! I was talking to my mother when he called. Anyway, he said he’ll be here to pick you up in thirty minutes.”
“What? How long ago did he call?”
“Oh, about five, ten minutes ago,” Tammy responded nonchalantly.
“Great!” Malena yelled and quickly got out of the tub. There was no way she’d be ready in time.
She rushed, applying makeup and dressing simultaneously, and made herself presentable by the time he knocked on the front door.