Sorrows of Adoration (44 page)

I found Jarik waiting
for me, a grim look upon his face. I apologized again for my
rudeness the day before.

“No, Aenna, I’m not
upset with you for that. As you so frequently tell me, stop
apologizing. I’m simply less than pleased with the idea of you
being in the east end of Endren.”

“Then I suggest you
learn to be comfortable with it, Jarik. Come—I must go there now,”
I said as I started on my way. He began to protest, but when I made
it clear I was going with or without him, he grumbled and followed
me.

On our way, I gave him
a summary of my plans. He seemed unconvinced but said nothing. When
we arrived at the east end, I said, “I have to speak to the people
now, to see if this is something they want. I’m obliged to ask them
before I go tearing apart their homes and businesses, after
all.”

“Aenna, we shouldn’t
even be here,” he began, but again I walked away from him. I
approached a merchant who had several wooden crates piled behind
his stand and asked if I could borrow one. He appeared surprised by
the question but immediately said that I could.

I put the crate on its
tall end in the centre of the shoddy marketplace. Jarik was beside
me with the strangest look on his face. “Help me up,” I said,
putting my hands on his arm and stepping up on top of the crate. I
balanced on it rather well but kept a steadying hand on Jarik’s
shoulder.

“Aenna! Get down from
there! Are you mad?” He put his hands around my waist to lift me
down, but I brushed him away.

“I’m fine. Don’t you
dare lift me away!”

“This is not a game,
Aenna! That crate could break, and you’d fall! Someone could throw
a knife at you or fire a bolt at you up there! I can’t shield you.
Now get down before you’re killed!”

I looked at his serious
face and tried not to laugh. A curious crowd had gathered around
our little spectacle and was watching us intently. I held my arms
out to them all and loudly asked, “Well, then, are any of you
considering killing me? My good Champion fears one of you shall
try. I’m here to speak with you about a massive undertaking that I
believe will bring great improvement to your lives, so really,
killing me at this moment is not in your best interest.”

Those gathered were now
very quiet, which attracted even greater attention. Soon I was
surrounded by a large and curious crowd, none of whom seemed to
have the slightest interest in striking me down.

“Do you see, Jarik?
Just because they’re poor does not mean they’re violent.” I turned
back to the crowds. “Now then. This way that you live in these
terrible conditions, it’s ridiculous. There’s not enough room for
so many people.”

A young man who stood
near me shouted, “You’re not going to make some of us leave, are
you?”

Before I could respond,
two of my guards were upon the poor man, dragging him away from me.
“Stop there!” I commanded. “He did nothing wrong. Why are you
handling him that way?”

One of the guards
stated simply, “Majesty, he questioned the Queen’s words.”

“No, he did not,” I
said incredulously. “He asked the Queen a question, and a valid one
at that. By the Temple, do you attack every poor man who speaks out
in defence of his home? I’ll have none of that! Let him go at
once.”

The guards let the
young fellow go and stood aside. He seemed a little shaken but
otherwise unhurt.

“The answer to your
question, good sir, is absolutely not. I have no intention of
forcing anyone to leave. My plan is quite the opposite, in fact. I
wish to rebuild entirely this end of the city. I wish to expand the
city walls, tear down these old wretched buildings, and build new
homes in their place. There shall be a grand marketplace that the
nobility will not be afraid to enter. The whole area will be more
open, like the rest of Endren, to allow the guards to better
prevent thieves and other miscreants from their sordid doings.”

A woman with a child in
her arms timidly said, “Forgive me, Majesty, but we cannot afford
such improvements. We shall have to leave after all.”

I smiled at her. “No,
you misunderstand. You shall not pay for this. I shall.”

Murmurs of disbelief
overtook the crowd, and several shouts were called out that the
Council would never approve such a thing.

I regained their
attention and said, “Don’t worry yourselves about the Council or
the funding or the design and materials for now. That shall be my
duty. What I require of you first is approval. I won’t march into
your lives and tear down your homes if you believe my notions to be
flawed. I do not wish to be a source of consternation. Secondly, I
need from you all a commitment to work with me. The Council
certainly will not approve an enormous budget that includes an
external labour force. I will need men to drag stone and build
walls and homes. I will need strong women to pack and move
belongings. I need you all to help in this.

“Now, I shall give you
a week to discuss and debate this issue amongst yourselves. In
seven days, if you wish me to go ahead, send three of your number
to represent you and bring ideas of what will be needed. One should
be a merchant, one should be a woman, and the third should be
someone known as a leader amongst you. I want to have every
consideration raised so that you all can live better for it. If you
have any questions in the meantime, appoint a single messenger to
bring them to me. Do not be afraid to ask what you need to
know.”

The crowd began to
chatter excitedly as I stepped down from the crate. I returned it
to the merchant who had loaned it to me. Jarik and the guards
escorted me out of the east end, and as we went I heard shouts and
calls of “Praise to the Queen!” and “May the Gods bless you, Good
Queen Aenna!” I could not help feeling a swell of pride. I knew
this plan would work. I could feel it in my heart.

We were no sooner out
of sight of them when Jarik put his hands on my shoulders, stopping
me, and angrily said, “Are you mad?”

“What do you mean?
Kurit has already heard the plan and he said—”

“I care not for your
plan nor its legitimacy, Aenna. What you did back there was very
foolish!” The man was furious. “Standing before those people like
that, inviting them to kill you on the spot! What in the name of
the Gods were you thinking?”

“Those people are no
threat to me, Jarik!” I retorted. “Those are my people! You will do
well to remember that I share a background with them, and they are
all aware of it. The attempt on my life came from a woman of
nobility, one of your world. Even the threat from Daufrae came not
from the poor but a nobleman. I feel safer amongst rabble who call
praises to my name than I do in the midst of the quiet hatred and
cold stares of those who held Sashken dear.”

I stormed away from
him, but he had had quite enough of my tendency to do so as of late
and grabbed my arm to stop me. “I can’t allow you to go off and be
hurt by the one in the rabble who disagrees with you.”

When I glared at him,
Jarik sighed, and the angry look on his face faded to one of
concern. “Aenna, usually you are very wise. Forgive me for saying
it, but in this you are being foolish. Yes, most of those people
would not dare to harm you and likely have no desire to do anything
of the sort. But you know yourself that there are some poor who are
poor because they are not of sound mind. All it takes is one of
those slow-headed half-wits to do something rash, and you could be
dead. Now, it’s my duty to protect you, and I can’t do that if
you’re determined to leave yourself openly exposed.”

I sighed myself,
knowing that he was right. I had been so enthusiastic that I had
wanted to push aside any threat or chance that the plan would fail.
“I’m sorry, Jarik,” I said. “You’re right. I should not have mocked
you as I did. Will you forgive me?”

“I care not for what
you said. I care only for your safety.”

I put my arm in his as
we walked again. “What if I were to wear armour?”

“Armour? Aenna,
really,” he said disapprovingly.

“Yes, really. What’s
wrong with that?”

“It’s unbecoming for a
lady. Oh, I know, you’ll tell me you’re not like the other ladies,
and I know it well. But I don’t think you realize how difficult it
is to wear armour. It’s hot, heavy, and uncomfortable.”

“You wear it day in and
day out, Jarik. I’m sure I could manage a few hours per day.”

“I’ve been wearing it
since I was a boy. And I’m twice your size.”

“Then you have to wear
nearly twice the weight. If I had armour made for myself, it would
be much smaller than yours. And it need not be full armour. A vest
of hard leather will do.”

He looked at me in
earnest. “Leather armour might protect you against an awkwardly
thrown blade, but certainly not against the bolt of a crossbow or
someone lunging at you with a knife.”

“And your chain mail
would be insufficient protection against bolts as well.”

“First of all, that’s
not entirely true, and second, you’re missing the point. The
purpose of armour is to be a last wall of defence for a warrior,
not protection in and of itself. It’s meant to keep you reasonably
unhurt from a blow that you’ve already attempted to deflect. The
only armour that really gives any protection on its own is heavy
plate, and you simply wouldn’t be able to bear wearing that. You’d
be unable to stand upright with that much metal about you, and even
if you could, you’d surely cook inside it. I am made weary myself
by wearing it and have only ever done so as training. It’s meant
for men who are storming a fort or castle, not for Queens out on
the town.”

We had arrived back at
the gate to the palace. I stopped him and stated, “Jarik, I am not
going to stop this plan, and I am not going to manage it from the
background where I cannot even behold with my own eyes how it
unfolds. Now you’re trying very hard to frighten me away with talk
of brutal weapons and unpleasant armour, and I understand that you
do so out of concern. But the fact is I am going out there again
until a threat makes itself known. So you can either help me and
recommend what sort of protection I ought to be wearing, or you can
run yourself ragged trying to drag me back to the palace day in and
day out.”

He sighed, crossing his
arms over his chest. As he considered my words, I watched his
ever-attentive eyes dart about as people passed us on all sides. I
had no doubt that he was acutely aware of every movement around me,
always ready to leap between me and danger.

Eventually he said, “I
suppose we could have a breastplate made for you. That ought to
deflect any direct blow and give you some protection against being
crushed or otherwise injured from an impact. But that won’t help if
someone aims for your head. I still do not like the idea, and you
do of course realize this will give Kasha and those who disdain you
more fodder for their bitterness.”

I nodded. “I know, and
I care not for their opinions. I shall take your advice and wear
what you suggest. And, as compromise, I shall ensure I am at all
times surrounded by several guards, all of whom will be
specifically trained and instructed to watch for any suspicious
movements. You shall be at my side at all times as well.
Furthermore, I promise to be responsible and not to go running off
into a crowd alone or any such thing. That provides me with several
layers of defence and still allows me to do what I must. And I’ll
even promise you now that if someone should try to harm me, I will
cease to make a personal appearance out there and instead manage
everything from behind these walls,” I said, pointing to the
palace.

He nodded slowly.
“Agreed,” he said. “But only if you promise to let us protect you.
Aenna, it drives me mad to chase after you as I did today. I can’t
concentrate on watching those around you if I’m too busy trying to
ascertain where you are yourself.”

“I promise,” I said,
smiling at him. I stood on my toes to kiss his cheek just before we
entered the gate.

“And don’t do that out
here, either,” he said. “It starts rumours and …”

“And what?”

A look of concern was
on his face as we went up the steps to the main doors. When we
reached the top, he leaned close to me and quietly said, “And I
cannot properly concentrate after you … after you do
that.”

I stopped in my tracks,
feeling a slight blush rise. He took my arm and said, “Come inside.
In these walls we are close friends. Outside we are Queen and
Champion.”

I let him escort me to
my workroom. When he left me alone there, I sat for some time with
a fast-beating heart and a thousand thoughts of what to do about
him. It was clear to me that I could not condemn his obvious
affection, for I needed and cared for him too much. He had not done
anything untoward, nor had he ever behaved with anything but
nobility and honour. Yet clearly he had feelings beyond those of a
friend and had to feel some degree of the sadness of unrequited
love.

Although, to be
truthful, it was not entirely unrequited. He was, after all, my
dearest friend, and I loved him as such. I knew very well that any
attempt to discuss this with him would embarrass him and no doubt
cause him to become distant. I couldn’t bear that thought. So, I
selfishly decided to push the issue from my mind and go on as his
friend, hoping that he would have the sense to rid himself of
whatever affections burned in his mind.

* * *

A young boy, surely no
older than ten, was sent to me several times over the next week
bearing questions from the people of the east end. He had
difficulty remembering all of the questions the first time, so I
assigned an apprentice scribe to meet with the peasants and write
their questions down for them.

Many of the questions
were born of worry, and I answered them kindly with reassurance. It
bothered me that these people thought the nobility were so eager to
take advantage of them, but I understood their hesitations well.
There were other questions, some particularly insightful ones that
I had not considered. These, too, I answered, and as I wrote I had
another scribe copy for my own records every document that went
back and forth.