I sighed. Apparently I wasn’t very good at hiding my feelings. “I’m trying not to be.”
He gently took my hand. “I know you are, but you’re crummy at it. Come on, I’ll take you home.”
Once on the road, he didn’t drive his usual maniac way. In fact, he drove just below the speed limit, which made me suspicious. “Why are you driving so slowly?”
He shrugged, not saying anything.
Though it was a losing battle, I tried again. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Norma?”
He belted out, “Saydi, that’s between me and Norma!” Then he snapped his eyes back to the road.
His outburst was ineffective in the wake of his revelation. I blurted, “Then you admit it!”
“Shit!” he muttered under his breath.
Getting him to open up that far was a miracle. If I were going to get the rest of the info, kid gloves were in order. With a softer tone, I asked, “What happened?”
He glowered my way, debating whether to say anything or not. Then he popped off, “Things! Stuff!”
From the look on his face, I knew exactly what “stuff” meant. “Have you talked to her about it at all?”
“No.”
“Todd, you should. You really hurt her.”
His voice went up two octaves. “Did she tell you that?”
“No, but I could tell. You know she’s had a crush on you since sixth grade.”
“It just happened,” he whispered.
“Just talk to her, clear the air. It’s always so thick when we’re all together.”
His face wrinkled up. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Take her for a pop somewhere other than Sloppy’s and explain things to her.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
A small smile came to my face. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
~ * ~
As he walked me to my door, that creepy feeling that he wanted something snuck up and...I was right.
He turned to face me, then looked to the ground. “I really don’t like seeing you so unhappy. I watch you in the hallway and even though you’re laughing, something in your eyes says you really aren’t. It’s like there isn’t a spark there anymore.” He turned crimson.
“It will pass,” I resounded, trying to make light of it because he was taking me somewhere I didn’t want to go, nor did I want him to see me there.
Stepping closer, he wrapped one arm around my waist, and leaned in—my stomach lurched! It felt like I was cheating on Nathanael.
“Please don’t, Todd.”
He stepped back and hung his head low, then sighed. “Nathanael has left you out in the cold, and still you say there’s no chance for us?”
It was an off the cuff question, one that we both avoided for years. “I do love you, Todd, but only as a brother/friend. I’m sorry.”
His eyes glazed over just as he turned to leave. “Okay. See you tomorrow.”
“Todd!”
With a backhanded wave, he said, “It’s okay. I figured as much, but I thought I’d give it one last go. See ya.”
“Bye.”
The episode added one more thing to the pile of crap that had my insides mixed around and spitting up, keeping me on the brink of crying. Then that disconnected feeling took over again when I stepped into the kitchen. “Hi, Mom,” I called.
“Hi, honey, how was school?” she asked, peeking up from her newspaper. She’d become obsessed with reading our little local newspaper every day, along with following all the big city newspapers on the internet.
“Good,” I said, sticking my head in the fridge looking for something to eat. “What new mayhem is happening out in the world?”
She sighed. “Too much, way too much.”
It was her typical response every time I asked.
She snapped the pages and folded it. “You didn’t go to Sloppy’s again?”
Taking a bite of apple, I shook my head.
Her forehead creased with concern. “Saydi, you haven’t hung out with your friends for almost two weeks other than in school. You go to school, come home, go to work, come home, go to church, come home...”
I cut her off. “I get it, Mom. They’re always with Job and Joshua.”
The mention of their names consistently turned her eyes dark. “I wish they’d stay away from those boys. Besides, it’s not healthy not having any girl time.”
“Mom, it’s none of our business. They seem happy. I don’t know why you have it in for the Braxtons. The only one you need to not like is Nathanael. The others haven’t done anything.” Even saying his name threw my insides into turmoil.
This is stupid! It was only three days! Get a grip.
“Did you pass that book along to Angie to give to Mr. Braxton?”
I totally forgot about it again. “No, I’ll do it tomorrow.”
There was a slight pleading in her eyes. “Please do, Saydi. It gives me the creeps having it in the house.”
“You’re still weird, Mom,” I said and scooted to my room, not waiting for a response—I could hear a little giggle behind me.
The book was still in the bag sitting on my dresser. I took my social binder out of my knapsack and shoved the book in. A piece of me didn’t want to give it back; it felt like Nathanael was close with it in my room.
The next day the book was finally in the not-so-safe hands of Angie, with strict instructions attached on how to handle it and not to forget to give it to Joshua. Other than having to give the book back, the following couple days were uneventful, though Norma and I made plans to watch a movie on Saturday night at her place.
~ * ~
After I finished work, Miranda handed me a bag full of goodies for our movie night. I headed for Norma’s, and once we hit the couch, we immediately loaded up on the popcorn and goodies, settling in with a comforter over our legs.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m good, why?”
“Well, we hardly see each other anymore.”
Throwing a piece of popcorn at her, I teased, “That’s because you’re always the fifth wheel.”
“Get out!” She giggled, then turned serious. “No really, Nathanael seemed to totally affect you.”
We both turned to look when the previews started.
I shrugged. “I don’t know what it is. There was something about him, and it feels like he ripped a piece of me out and took it. I feel so out of place and out of sorts all the time, like I don’t really belong anywhere.”
She rubbed my arm. “That sounds like depression. Maybe you should see someone?”
“No way, silly. I’m fine! It gets better and better every day,” I lied.
She eyeballed me and threw another piece of popcorn. “You better not be lying.”
“I’m not,” I lied again.
The movie was a romantic comedy and at first the lovey-dovey scenes bothered me, but then it got really funny. Nathanael, for the first time, was forgotten.
“I can’t remember laughing that hard! The part when he accidentally drops her on her head, when he’s trying to be all romantic, kissing her...” I burst out laughing again. It felt so good to laugh.
Norma threw her head back. “How dumb was that?”
The doorbell rang. We both looked at each other wide-eyed and giggled. She threw the blanket off and ran around the corner—the front door unlocked and I could hear indiscernible voices. Then Norma walked back in the room with her eyes big and a huge smile on her face—right behind her was Todd.
The grin on my face grew. “Well, I gotta get home and help Mom with...um...something.” I hurried passed them. “Don’t worry, I’ll show myself out.” Neither said a word, not even goodbye.
Mom wasn’t going to pick me up until eleven and it was only eight-thirty, so walking was my only option. It wasn’t too cold, plus I couldn’t help smile thinking about Norma and Todd.
Geez, I hope he’s there to be with her and not tell her to take a hike
. I continued to focus on the happy side of that. It would be so wonderful for her after all that time.
My mind was so wrapped up on Todd and Norma it seemed to take only a minute to get to the woods.
The closer I got to the path home, the more the air filled with the sweet, sharp smell of burning hickory, along with a luminous glow of a fire’s reflection bouncing off the branches and snow, all of which was coming from the swimming hole. Shaking my head, I couldn’t believe those beer heads. Normally after the snow fell, they were all a bunch of big babies and wouldn’t think of being outside. Then again, because it was them, they weren’t smart enough not to party there, especially if someone pulled some type of dare. Curiosity got the best of me and I lumbered on down the path in the exact opposite direction of home.
By rights there should have been a whole lot of hoopla from the drinkers, but there was none. The only sound coming from that direction was a loud off beat humming that piqued my interest even more, putting a little bit of scurry into my step. The edge of the trees came into view and I trekked into the clearing. Then my stomach hurled up into my throat as my hand slapped against my mouth to stop the sudden intake of breath from reversing direction into a scream.
Yes, there definitely was a fire.
People with dark robes and hoods stood around it; five had their arms raised while the other five held their arms out in front of them. Their hoods and the dancing shadows from the flames hid their faces, but you could tell their eyes were closed. Someone stood in the middle towering over another person on their knees. They had their head bowed down, faces hidden by the hood of a robe.
A chant that sounded like the chant from my dream got louder. The fire danced higher, and in one motion all arms went to their sides. Then five lifted their arms above their heads, the others out to the front again, but there was a difference: the ones that lifted above their heads had a ball of fire in the palm of their hands, defying all reason.
Swiftly and at once, they clapped their hands, the fire launched into the air, spiraling until it formed a ring, then it shot through the middle of the circle meeting each point of clasped hands, forming a star. A pentagram made from a fire rolled and crackled above their heads.
My mind screamed,
Step back and run!
I shrank back into the shadow of the trees. The air finally released from my lungs, as my heart pounded in my ears, bringing with it the taste of lead to my dry mouth. My muscles tensed and shook, turning my legs to rubber. I recognized what they were doing. It was a ritual of some sort, for what I didn’t know, but what I did know was...it wasn’t a good one.
The whole group stayed in view. However, my attention was drawn to the one on their knees, in the middle, simply because, even though my mind continuously screamed at me to run, a calm came over me when I glanced at them and my heart rate slowed. With no warning, their head shot up, eyes clamped down on mine...Nathanael!
My teeth found the flesh of my tongue to stop the scream from echoing against the trees—I could see all of his features like I was standing right in front of him. The whites of his green/blue eyes were red as blood and there was no expression on his face. It was a lifeless stare. He looked dead.
Something pushed against my side. My teeth tightened down and the bitter taste of blood ran down my throat.
Saydi, run!
It wasn’t
my
inside voice.
I gagged as Nathanael’s features started to blur from the tears building in my eyes. Still, I couldn’t move. Every muscle, cell and nerve, was a blob of nothing—I was paralyzed with fear.
Saydi, run!
The voice was panicked, louder.
Another hard shove pushed me back and unlocked my focus from Nathanael. It looked like a deer was eyeball to eyeball with me and the tears let go. It wasn’t registering, only Nathanael was. My stare whipped back to him, but his head was down again.
Behind them, the color of the air was turning as a pink curtain slinked its way around the trees and landscape, past the fire, right through Nathanael and the rest. It found the swimming hole and as it cascaded across, it reflected against itself on the thin layer of ice.
My hysteria was going to let the whole world know where I was, and from the corner of my eye something else emerged... A dark silhouette stepped out from behind some trees, then ducked back in again—the pink monster rolled within itself and slowly disappeared. With no warning, I was being shoved farther down the path away from the fire.
Run!
My brain was finally able to command my legs to reattach, and without thinking, I fled down the path. Somewhere in the distance, in the farthest reaches of my mind, I heard a faint whisper, m
ask her footsteps.
A deer was right behind me, keeping pace... I stumbled and landed face first in the snow. It stopped and waited until I pushed myself back up. It was all I could do to keep my feet moving, because if I didn’t, they would deceive me and knock me to the ground.
The path ended and my feet hit the pavement. It felt like a split second later when I made it through the front door.
“Mom!” I screamed, running to where the only light was on...the kitchen. “Mom!”