I walked around to the driver’s side. Nathanael rolled down his window and said, “Get in, we have a lot to work on today.” His whole body was weary, shoulders slouched, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he’d been beaten. Even when he smiled, I could see the fatigue and stress.
“Nathanael, why don’t we take the day off and do something together...other than training? Then we can call it an early night so you can get some rest.”
My eyes were pleading with him.
He shook his head. “I took off early because of the ground we have to cover today.”
There was no getting through to him. “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m taking today off and if you want to spend some time with me, I’d like that. As it is, I’m not training today.” I pivoted toward the door of Sloppy’s.
A car door slammed. “What are you talking about? Why didn’t you say something last time? Then I wouldn’t have taken the time off!” His voice rose with every word he spoke. “I didn’t take time off work to lounge around doing nothing. I took the time off because we have a lot of ground to cover today,” he repeated.
And that’s what we had come to. No, he wouldn’t have taken off early for my birthday, it was only about how much work was required that day. It was no longer about us; it was only about strengthening our donum.
I looked directly at him, with my heart breaking. “Nathanael, just go home and get some sleep. You deserve to take a day off.”
He clenched his fingers, rolling them into fists. His eyes went almost black and his voice came from deep inside, talking slowly. “You whine and complain that you never see me, then when you have a chance, you tell me to go and sleep. Which is it, Saydi? Make up your damned mind!”
He turned on his heel and flung his door open, talking through his teeth. “I just lost hundreds of dollars wasting my time on you! Fine! If you want to die, go for it!”
It took three seconds for his tires to squeal against the pavement. He didn’t stop to look for cars and cut off whoever was coming and sped down the street.
The tears burned the back of my lids. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing what I was feeling and tightly clamped them away behind the armor. It was clear where we were—my worth to him was being gauged by a dollar amount. I went back inside and said goodbye to everyone, thanking them for everything. They all looked at me sympathetically knowing we had another fight—that’s all we ever did.
While I walked home, my mind went over the months before. They’d gone from a beautiful love to me being a tolerance for him, an obligation, because he was stuck with me. Every minute we had been together ran in sequence through my mind and I could see with each time, the deterioration. I got madder and madder, because with each one, looking back, I could see where it could have changed the whole situation simply by a few different choice of words.
The tears came fast when my feet found the highway. I took off and the landscape became a blur. I loved him so much and all I was...was an obligation.
The mine came into view and I threw down my knapsack when I reached the bottom. Without hesitating, I threw my hands up in the air. I could hear the air moving in the trees way on top of the ridge. It was coming in fast, then the Pue crested over the ridge flying at me at a high rate of speed.
From the corner of my eyes, something moved and when I spun around, Nathanael leapt in the air as high as the ridge, his eyes locked on me. “Pay attention,” he yelled while he descended back down in a crouch, his fist at his side. His smooth landing was deceiving. At first pebbles bounced lightly against the ground, then I could feel the rumbling of rock shifting under my feet. The earth moved, then with an explosive wave, buckled against itself and spit out boulders the size of trucks directly at me.
There was no time for me to protest, they rotated around as they picked up speed. My mind swept the perimeter analyzing my target, all the while ammunition flew at me and with a thought, the Pue converged on the boulders with strength, quickly pulling them together. My mind locked on Nathanael as his eyes grew big...then my focus turned back to the massive rock pile speeding toward me.
“Saydi!” Nathanael yelled from right in front of me and with swipe of his hands, the rocks disbursed, crashing into the sides of the cavern. He whirled around and abruptly said, “Let’s try it again!”
It was too hard for me to deal with anymore. “No! Let’s not and say we did!” And with a quick pivot I ran, reaching the top of the ridge before he could respond and just when I got to the path that would lead me out, my knapsack landed not an inch in front of me.
It was the final “get lost.”
Once home, I flung open the front door and could smell roasted chicken, along with hearing people talking and chuckling in the kitchen. I went in the opposite direction through the living room. Mora stood just outside my bedroom with a very concerned look on her face.
“Mora, I’m sorry but I’m not in the mood right now!” My words were straight to the point.
“I know. I just wanted you to know I’m here if you need to talk. He does love you, Saydi...”
He has a funny way of showing it,
I thought, not really wanting to say the words out loud.
“Anyway, your mom and dad have quite the feast cooking up for your birthday. I know you’re not in the mood, but they worked hard all day.”
She gave me a small smile and left me alone.
At that point, all I wanted to do was crawl under my bed and stay there, hiding away from everything. It felt like my insides were on fire. They tingled with pain and sharp jabs, stabbing me every time I thought about him.
Great. Now I’m getting an ulcer.
“Saydi,” Mom called, knocking on my door.
“Yeah?”
She poked her head in. “Hi honey, supper’s ready.”
Though I didn’t want to be around anyone, Mom and Dad had worked hard. Attending my birthday dinner was the least I could do. I smiled slightly. “Okay, I’ll be right out.”
“Okay, honey.”
I followed her and when I entered the kitchen, the lights flipped on and everyone yelled, “Surprise!”
It actually did scare me. “Thank you,” was all I could manage.
Mom and Dad had even pulled two or three tables together, though I had no idea where they got them. It was nice with the mishmash of table clothes covering them, set up so we could all eat together.
Dad put his arm around my shoulder. “Cheer up, Saydi. It’s not every day you turn eighteen.”
Sitting down at the table, I agreed. “Yeah, I know. It also isn’t every day that your eighteenth birthday is the last shoe to drop before a battle.”
They ignored me.
Everyone sat down and started digging in, not allowing my somber mood to wreck their evening. They kept me in conversation and even made me laugh a little. However, that didn’t help the dreadful pain that sat on the cusp of ripping me to shreds from the inside out.
The doorbell rang.
Mom licked the mashed potatoes off her fingers and got up. “I got it.”
A few minutes later, she came back and pointed her thumb toward the front door, smiling. “Saydi, someone wants to see you.”
My eyes narrowed. I knew who it was, and it was time to confront him. I pushed hard on the back of my chair and tromped toward the front door.
Nathanael stood there with a beautifully wrapped gift in his hand. “Hi, sweets.”
All he got from me was a nod.
Running his hand through his hair, he fixed his eyes on me. They were so tired and sad. “I’m sorry for today and for the last few months. After you left the mine, I realized what day it was. Your parents invited me to this dinner and of course I was going to come, but unfortunately, my mind has been so full of everything else. The most important day slipped through.”
He gulped hard and titled his head back, holding in his tears and biting his lower lip. “For the past months, this day is all I thought about. It’s what’s kept me going, no matter how hard it got, so we would be strong.”
He dropped his eyes to mine. “It would seem I went a little too far in my determination, trying to ensure you’d be safe.” The tears fell from his beautiful eyes. “I ended up driving a wedge between us...”
My assumptions of what was happening to us were the total opposite of what it really was. I wasn’t an obligation, after all. He was working tirelessly to keep me safe, to ensure he was the strongest he could be for me. All I did was make it more difficult for him.
I’m such a brat,
I chided myself.
“And tonight, just before you clamped down on your emotions again, there was the most excruciating crush inside me, making me cry out. Everything that happened in the last months flew through my mind...”
At that moment he risked his brothers feeling his emotions. He allowed the hurt, worry and love to burst forward. My breath caught at the intensity, as there were so many all wrapped in a hurricane. The worst was the pain he was feeling and the guilt.
I started crying.
“I lost sight of what was important...you. You are the most important thing to me, and Saydi, if you weren’t by my side, I’d tell Father everything and let him take me.”
I threw myself around him and we practically collapsed into the each other’s arms. “I’m so sorry too, and I love you,” I blubbered. “But you have to hide your emotions! We can’t let Job and Joshua feel you.”
“I don’t...” His chest heaved, “Care.”
“Yes, you do. Don’t worry, I felt you. Now hide them, please!”
And they were gone.
He slumped back against the door, bringing me with him. The sobbing eventually stopped and we regained control.
“Are you hungry,” I asked him.
Releasing me, he dug in his pocket and pulled out some tissues, handing me one as he wiped his eyes and nose. “Actually, I am. It’s the first time in a long time.”
I took his hand. “Come on, let’s have some supper and you can fill Dad in.”
“No wait!” He tugged back. “Here,” he said sweetly, offering me a nicely wrapped package.
I took it and stroked my hand over the top of it.
He moved in closer, his breath fluttering around my neck as he murmured, “By the way, I love you more. Happy birthday.”
Then he kissed me.
We found ourselves tight against each other in our embrace, for it had been weeks since we had been that close. Even our guards to hide our emotions were no match when our hearts kissed again, we inhaled deeply. It felt like the first time and our disconnected feeling instantly lifted.
As we untangled ourselves, he whispered, “Now, your gift.”
Stepping back I looked at it, then shook it.
Grabbing my hand, he chuckled. “Don’t!”
With a grin, I ripped off the paper and opened the lid. A gold hair clip in the shape of a feather stared back at me. I gently touched each teardrop shaped diamond that lined the spine. Glancing up at him, tears rolled down my cheek. “It’s beautiful!”
With his thumb, he wiped away my tears. “Don’t cry.” Then he gently took the clip from my hand, moving around to the back of me and began twisting my hair up.
When he was done, my new hair clip held the perfect, funky twisted bun, Nathanael style.
“Thank you,” I said, after looking at it in the mirror by the front door.
He kissed my nose. “You’re welcome. Now your hair won’t be in your face and you won’t be able to use that as an excuse for not performing up to standards.”
I smacked his chest. He laughed.
~ * ~
Everyone, of course, greeted him with a smile. He kissed and hugged his mom, and I was sure I heard him say, “Thanks, Mother,” but couldn’t be positive.
Everyone resumed eating. Nathanael sat beside me and all was good.
“That’s a beautiful hair clip you gave Saydi, Nathanael,” Mom said.
“Thank you. The diamonds match her diamond necklace.”
Looking at him I stated, confused, “Huh! I don’t have a diamond necklace.”
He raised an eyebrow and reached over and held up the crystal necklace from my neck. “Yes, you do.”
Snatching it from him I looked at it. “It’s a diamond?”
“Yes, what did you think it was?”
Tapping it on my teeth, I remarked, “I thought it was a crystal.” I smiled at him.
He looked at me through narrowed eyes.
“What?” I blurted.
Shaking his head, he glanced at Dad, then Mora, and said, “Nothing.”
Everyone slightly chuckled.
“Well Saydi, how does it feel to be eighteen?” Dad asked.
Shrugging, I answered, “The same.”
“It feels like only yesterday you were born, doesn’t it John?” Mom said.
“Mm-hm.”
Nathanael turned to me. “After dinner, can we go for a walk? It’s beautiful outside.”
“Yeah, that would be nice,” I answered. He was going to take the day off and spend time with me. Yay me!