Authors: Jeffrey Littorno
He looked up to find confused expressions before continuing, “Forgive me, once again I digress. As I was saying, the one gift which prison life offers is an abundance of free time in which to think. Of course, such a gift can easily turn into a curse. I spent countless hours staring at the white stone walls of my little cell engaged in the activity.
“Thoughts, images, and memories from my life ran continually through my brain. As I said before, I make no claim for sainthood. My life had been dedicated to making money for myself and clients. To such an end, I was focused on using whatever means presented themselves. However, I never set out to intentionally harm anyone and could find no reason for which I should be punished. I should clarify. The thoughts, images, and memories which ran through my brain did not include those from the one night that mattered most to me. Recollection of that night still remained sequestered somewhere inside. Somewhere in the contemplation of my cell wall, I came to realize until I freed my stolen memory nothing would make sense.
“For hour after hour, day after day, week after week, and month after month, I focused on the wall blocking me from my memories, but I got no closer to remembering the events of the shooting. After a time, I found myself staring at the wall resigned to the fact part of my memory was lost forever and my confusion was permanent. As mentioned, I had decided to die inside the prison. However, prior to dying, I hoped to gain some sort of insight into why fate had punished me. One day it dawned on me that my pursuit of knowledge was really no different from the quest made by the greatest thinkers throughout history. Not to suggest I had completely gone off the deep end to the point of placing myself among history’s greatest thinkers. It was more of a realization of my search for truth being no different than searches conducted for thousands of years. But I digress. The long and the short of it is I threw myself into research. I wanted to learn what methods others had used in the pursuit of truth. All of this must sound like a big exercise in mental masturbation. After all, masturbation is the most popular hobby in prison.” Stoaffer chuckled and looked at Joey and me as if to signal he had made a joke. We were both silent.
“Okay, so I guess I will forget about a career in standup comedy,” Louis muttered. “Anyway, the prison had a surprisingly well-stocked library. I spent hours poring over books detailing the ideas of philosophers, physicians, psychologists, and charlatans. To my profound surprise, I discovered a common element between them. The link was the idea of examination. It was Socrates’ idea about the unexamined life not being worth living.” He glanced at the two members of his audience to discover neither of us had any idea about Socrates or his ideas. “Well, no matter. The idea I focused upon was examination, and the method for en-hancing examination was meditation. Of course, the mention of meditation made me think of long-haired folk wearing loose-fitting tie-dyed clothes and burning incense.” Stoaffer chuckled, but this time he didn’t bother to check whether anyone had caught his little joke. “However, I was concentrating upon a specific type of meditation. Mindfulness meditation is a therapeutic technique which has been used to unlock repressed memories in patients. Don’t worry I am not going to bore you with every detail of how I taught myself the technique. Anyway as I continued to perfect the technique, the wall entombing my memories began to show cracks. Finally, one afternoon as I was engaged in meditation in a corner of the cell, the wall came crashing down.” He paused for a moment and to be sure there was no confusion said, “Not the literal wall … but the wall inside my head. It was like a dam bursting and a river of images washed over me.”
The old man suddenly looked extremely tired. My guess was the mention of releasing all those repressed memories brought them right back to him. I am definitely no expert on psychology, but remembering how your wife and best friend tried to kill had
to pull the rug out from under you.
After a minute, Louis seemed to shake off the memories and regain some energy. “Okay, we’ve already been through what happened at Gary and Linda’s. No need to go back over it.”
“Yuh know, Lou, I do have a question.” Joey seemed a little hesitant to ask. Maybe he saw how the events were draining the life out of the old man.
“Ask away, Joey.” The nonchalance in the old man’s voice sounded as if he had brushed aside every emotion.
“Well, you told us all the crazy shit goin’ down the night you crashed in the canyon, but you never said nothin’ about this Gary guy gettin’ shot.”
Louis smiled at the question. “Thanks for listening so well. You are correct. I said nothing about the shooting. The reason is I didn’t know about it until later. Gary must have been alive when I crashed the car. I am sure of this because he had to help Theresa carry me from the house to the BMW. Someone had to drive me to the edge of the canyon while Theresa followed in another car. I can only assume Gary drove. How he wound up with a bullet in his chest is something I spent a lot of time contemplating. Since Gary had allegedly been shot as he and I wrestled on the floor, the gun would have to be fired at very close range. Close enough to leave powder on his clothes and skin. Perhaps it’s just a product of my sick mind, but I always imagined Theresa embracing him and firing a gun concealed near her breast. Such a scenario would certainly inflict a wound congruent with the story of a fight.”
“Fuckin’ bitch!” Joey slammed his hand down on the table hard enough to rattle everything and knock over the salt shaker.
The few heads in Jack O’s at 1:23 a.m. turned toward the sound. I focused on the fallen salt shaker. I have never considered myself a superstitious person, but I had the strange urge to take a pinch of that spilt salt, throw it over my shoulder, and say “To spite the Devil”. Of course. I did not do this. I simply set the salt shaker upright and was startled to discover Louis was watching me with a big smile on his face.
Seconds later, he turned toward Joey. “Thank you for your passion, Joey. I certainly appreciate it. You know, I have thought a great deal about why she killed Gary. My conclusion is he began to show signs of remorse. Perhaps these guilt feelings were leading him to consider confessing his crime. Theresa certainly wouldn’t allow him to implicate her in a murder, so she was forced to kill him. Such a scenario makes sense.” He paused as Joey and I nodded in agreement. “Of course, there is also a simpler, more deceitful explanation. Theresa planned all along to kill Gary as soon as she did not need him. Killing him removed the only other person who knew what she had done.”
“The only other person who knew what she had done except for you,” I added quietly.
Stauffer looked straight at me while rolling his eyes and shaking his head. My words clearly irritated him, and he had a tough time keeping his irritation from taking over as he spoke. “Yes, you are correct, Thomas. Of course, Gary would be the only other person who knew what she had done except for me. However, at that time, she thought I was already dead. In her mind then killing Gary would remove any threat of her crime being discovered. My survival must have thrown quite a monkey wrench into her scheme. After all, she was looking forward to having the company and all of its assets to herself. With my reappearance, Theresa’s bright future was under attack. All of this is conjecture on my part. I cannot presume to understand what went on in my wife’s twisted mind.” He glanced at me to check for further input. I had none and neither did Joey.
“Oh, I should correct myself on something. She is my ex-wife. It was another bit of news that knocked my knees out from under me. Shortly after entering North Kern State Prison, papers were delivered to my cell notifying me that Theresa had filed for divorce. As rid-iculous as it may sound, my wife presented the only connection I had to the outside world. Somehow, even after everything, I held out hope of it all being a big mistake and returning to my life.” Stoaffer smiled without any humor as if a thought had just occurred to him. “I guess my memory of things isn’t quite as sharp as I thought. I left out the fact my wife never came to visit me during my stay in the hospital. Even so, I deluded myself into thinking sooner or later my life would be restored. The arrival of the divorce papers served to shatter my illusion of ever returning to my previous life. This played a large part in my aforementioned decision to die inside prison. I was not suicidal … merely resigned myself to going through the motions until my heart stopped beating. Another part of my apathy was due to the fact that I could not recall the events which had resulted in my imprisonment.
“When those memories came flooding back, I instantly regained a sense of purpose. I now had something waiting for me beyond the walls of the prison. I had found a calling, if you will. You would probably guess that considering the circumstances which had put me in prison I would be driven solely by revenge. However, mine was not simply a desire to take vengeance for being wronged. It was more. I needed to affirm my very existence by looking into Theresa’s eyes and seeing signs of fear. I know it must sound … well, to use Joey’s words, it must sound ‘fucked up’.” Louis stopped to look at Joey who was beaming with pride at the idea of being quoted.
I watched the friendly exchange between my two companions and felt a surprising flare of irritation. “So this whole trip to San Pietro is all about you scaring some bitch?”
Two pairs of eyes glared at me. Clearly, I had ruined their good feelings.
Joey was the first to speak, “Hold on, Thomas. I think Lou’s got a right to get some payback, donchu? ‘Sides we’re gonna get some bucks outta the deal. Right, Lou?” He turned to look at the old man.
“Of course, we are all going to make a big profit on this deal. I told you about it in the grocery store. How-ever, I am not going to say seeing an expression of total shock on my ex-wife’s face when I stand in front of her is not also appealing. I dreamt of the moment for the eight years I wasted in prison. But at the same time, I wouldn’t expect you to come along with me unless there was a huge payoff waiting.” Stoaffer looked at me and then at Joey and then smiled as if any doubt had been brushed away.
“A huge payoff or just the promise of a huge payoff? Seems to me all we’ve had so far is a story about how you were done wrong by some bad people.” I raised my right hand to chest level and began rubbing my thumb and index finger together. “This is the world’s smallest violin, and it’s playing
My Heart Pumps Piss for You
.” It took me a few seconds to realize I had just done something which I had not even thought about since high school.
To a very confused Joey, I said, “Look, I’m just saying, we’ve known this guy all of a day, right? And here we are buying into this whole story about how he was framed and rushing south with him so he can … I don’t even know what he wants to do. All I know is that we haven’t heard shit about anything in it for us.”
Joey nodded his head in agreement with me and then turned toward Stoaffer. “He’s sorta right, Lou. Whadda you got to say?”
“My friends, I can certainly understand any doubts you might be having regarding the veracity of my story. After all, as Thomas so astutely observed, we have known each for a very short time. However, our time together has been very eventful. There was our fateful meeting amid the chaos and violence of the grocery store. Surely, you must have felt some connection between us. Otherwise, why would you be interested in taking me hostage?” The question hung in the air but before I could find an answer he continued, “Then there was the long drive in which I revealed so much about myself. We had car trouble and an encounter with a police officer. Following that, we took an invigorating hike through the hills. All of it led us to this place and this time. All in all, I would have to say we three have shared much more in a day than some friends share in a lifetime. And I for one feel something of a bond between us.”
He looked at us to see if he had inspired trust. From Joey, he received a big grin of approval. My expression showed more hesitancy. I was not quite ready to simply jump on the Louis Stoaffer bandwagon and let him take us wherever he wanted to go. I had to admit he was right about us having gone through a lot of stuff in a short time. The thing that stuck out most to me was the change in Stoaffer himself. Almost before my eyes, he had transformed from a strange old bum into a guy who had been screwed over and deserved some sympathy. Now with a little time to stop and consider things, it seemed awfully convenient that Stoaffer suddenly became our ticket to a big score. Not that I was one to
look a gift horse in the mouth
, but I did not want to simply charge ahead into some mess without knowing what to expect.
“Look, Louis, I haven’t decided yet whether we can trust you, and I’m not sure about any bonding going on.” I looked at the old man and gave him a crooked smile. “All I know for sure is I haven’t heard anything about this big reward we’re gonna get for helping you out.”
I looked to my left to find Joey once again nodding in agreement with me.
Stoaffer reacted with a wide smile. “I can certainly understand your skepticism, Thomas. And I truly want to quell any misgivings you may have about me or the story I am telling. However, it might be best if we hold off on that right now. It looks as though we may have out-stayed our welcome.” Louis nodded his head toward the cash register where a short, dark-haired waitress was talking to a young, curly blond-haired cop and an older, heavyset cop.
The three of them seemed to be looking directly at us as they spoke. I felt a chill go down my spine. A glance around the restaurant showed the possible reason that we had become the center of attention. We were the only customers in the place, which was not surprising since it was just after one in the morning.
“Time to go!” Joey announced with surprising energy. He grabbed the check and slid around to get out of the booth.