Soulbound (20 page)

But I had no business thinking about Darius and the spark that I’d swore I felt. Only Trayton was my business now.

Taking my hand squeeze as a show of affection rather than distraction, Trayton relaxed visibly, a small smile appearing on his lips. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you, but I’m glad that Darius was.”

I could feel my lips pressing harder together in tension. It wasn’t Trayton’s fault—he’d been raised in a world where Healers were supposed to be protected by their Barrons. But the fact that he’d implied that I couldn’t have taken care of myself sent an angry chill up my spine.

Maddox returned with a full tray of food—enough for me and Trayton and several small armies—and as soon as she sat the tray down, she threw me a questioning glance, as if to ask if everything was okay between Trayton and me. I shook it off, promising her with a look that we’d discuss it later, and reached for a slice of crispy bacon.

“You look well. Better than I thought you would after such a rough night.”

Darius’s voice stopped the bacon halfway to my open mouth. I froze with panic. Maddox and I hadn’t yet had a chance to discuss with him the details of our plan, and here he was, blabbing to me about what had happened the night before. And besides that, he was being nice!

I turned my head to give him a look of what-do-you-think-you’re-doing-exactly, but when my eyes found him, he wasn’t looking at me at all. He was looking at Trayton. Mentally smacking myself—something that was becoming the norm for me lately—I relaxed in my seat, realizing that Darius was, of course, referring to the repairs at the north gate. Of course he wasn’t talking to me. Why would he? I was no one. Just a stupid Healer who’d gotten mixed up with a monster in front of his living quarters.

Trayton pulled his hand back from mine as he spoke, as if it weren’t manly to hold a girl’s hand when speaking to one’s instructor. It didn’t bother me. Not really. Okay, not a lot. But some. “At least I got out of it without bruises.”

The smirk on his face said that Darius hadn’t escaped the task completely unharmed. Not that there was any evidence of that now that I could see. Darius grinned, and I bet that no one but Trayton would be allowed to taunt Darius in this way. Not without Darius taking them to task, anyway. “I imagine it’s hard to get bruised when you’re busy watching other people doing all the actual work, Barron. Or should I call you Supervisor?”

Trayton’s laughter was loud and real. It was obvious that he and Darius enjoyed each other’s company. I could tell the two shared more than a few inside jokes, and even though I was sitting directly between them, I couldn’t help but feel distinctly apart from the
conversation. I wondered if it was because I was a Healer. Or maybe because I was a girl.

“It appears I owe you my deepest gratitude, Darius. Kaya said that you came to her rescue last night.” With every word that left Trayton’s lips, I sank down another inch in my seat. This was it: the moment where Trayton would discover that I had lied to him, and the moment where Darius would learn that I had entangled him in my lies.

To my immense surprise, Darius didn’t miss a beat. He smiled kindly at Trayton and offered a nod. “My pleasure. Still can’t figure out how the damn beasts got inside the wall. Any theories?”

His pleasure? He was going along with my ruse, and even being pleasant about it. But why? At the moment, I didn’t care why. I only cared that my moment of terror had passed in a single blink.

Trayton shook his head. “Not a clue. The wall’s solid. We did a perimeter sweep before coming back inside this morning. Unless they somehow managed to get over the wall.”

Darius shook his head too. “We keep the trees cut back enough that even if they could manage the height, they couldn’t cross the distance. No way are they coming over the wall.”

“Maybe someone let them in through one of the gates.” My softly spoken words immediately drew the bemused attention of both Trayton and Darius.

Trayton bit into some buttered toast to hide his smirk, but Darius propped his foot up on the chair next to me and met my eyes. “That would mean a lack of loyalty on the part of forty Barrons at the same exact moment, Kaya. It’s not an impossible idea, but extremely unlikely. Forty Barrons—skilled men and women—stand guard every night, watching the north and south gates. Ten stand inside each gate, and ten more guard each gate from outside. These Barrons are our best and brightest, our most skilled. I know. I personally chose them for their duties. If they banded together and decided to let two Graplars inside…well, I would be amazed by such blatant betrayal, yes, but also surprised by their immense stupidity.”

“Stupidity?”

He nodded. “Why let in just two? When you could let in an entire army, thousands of Graplars, tens of thousands of soldiers? Why just send in two beasts? It makes no sense. Not to me.”

It didn’t make much sense to me either. But then, not very much did these days. Like the way that Darius was acting.

Maddox piped up, “Darius, can I talk to you for a second?”

With that still-troubled look on his brow, he turned and met with Maddox just feet away, where Maddox whispered feverishly. I didn’t have the ability to read lips, but didn’t need it. I knew what Maddox was
saying. She was asking him if he would train me to fight and defend myself. Darius listened to her and after a moment, patted her roughly on the shoulder. He cast a glance back at our table before exiting the room, and in that moment I’d hoped more than anything that he was up for teaching me everything that he could. I wanted to learn. I needed to learn. Because while it was comforting to know that I was surrounded by a thousand skilled warriors whose job it was to protect Healers like myself, it wasn’t enough. I and I alone was responsible for my well-being, and there was no way I wanted to play the weak and helpless Healer the next time Graplars got inside the wall. And after my bumbled attempt and horrible injury this time, I wanted nothing more than to develop my own talents. Just in case.

Trayton’s hand, soft and warm, closed over mine, bringing me out of my thoughts and back to the present. When my eyes found his, something strange and startling occurred to me. My life, as of the moment that the Graplars had appeared in the courtyard, had become split. Two worlds coexisting within one life. On one hand, I was Kaya: reluctant student to Instructor Baak, Bound Healer to Trayton. On the other, I was Kaya: the Healer who wanted to fight, the girl who couldn’t resist stealing glances at Darius when Trayton wasn’t looking. What kind of person did that make me? I felt terribly guilty for letting my eyes linger on Darius whenever he was near—not to mention irritated at myself for doing
so. Trayton was tender, caring, thoughtful, and gorgeous, and I was fortunate enough to be Bound to him. He was sweet to me, and I wanted to be sweet to him. We were meant to have a life together, to share a bond that might someday mean children and a home far away from the trials of war. But first, I had to stop looking at Darius in the way that made my imagination dredge up the night I’d seen him shirtless. After all, he was just a boy. And not a particularly nice one at that.

If I wanted to learn how to defend myself, my options were limited. But just because Darius might teach me didn’t mean that I was cheating on Trayton. Did it?

My eyes widened hopefully. Trayton! Why hadn’t I thought of him?

He smiled and once again, I was taken by how smooth and lovely his lips were. “You look oddly happy for a girl who was very nearly devoured whole last night. Care to clue me in?”

Giving his hand a squeeze, I leaned in close, keeping my voice low. “Would you tell me about katanas?”

Immediately, his eyes darted to Maddox, who didn’t seem to be paying us much attention at the moment. He hesitated before answering, and when he spoke at last, I was certain he was going to refuse my request. “I…I’m not sure what it is that you’re asking me for exactly. I could tell you about them, but any more would be—”

My shoulders sank in hopelessness, cutting off his words. He didn’t have to finish speaking. I knew what
he’d been about to say. Protocol. It would be against Protocol for a Barron to teach a Healer how to utilize weaponry. “Any more would be giving me at least the basics in how to defend myself. In case you’re not around.”

We watched one another for a long time, a heavy silence hanging between us.

At last, Trayton sighed, as if he’d been defeated. “Can you meet me in the armory tonight? After dark?”

It was difficult to resist a grin. Why I hadn’t thought of just asking Trayton before never occurred to me. He was skilled, talented, well trained, and what’s more, he liked me. I could think of no one better to teach me. “I’ll be there.”

His smile was genuine, but a bit guarded. I wondered if he was worried that we’d be caught. Not that there was anything to catch. Not really. I hadn’t asked Trayton to teach me—not yet. I’d only asked him to
tell me
about katanas, which, as far as I knew, wasn’t against Protocol or any of the rules that the headmaster was here to enforce. Bending the rules wasn’t the same as breaking them, though I intended to do that as well. I’d break their rules to save myself from both the indignity of having to wait for someone else to rescue me and from the danger of not knowing how to stand against a Graplar if no one was around to save me.

Maddox interrupted my thoughts. “Class starts soon, Princess. We should walk.”

I started to stand, but Trayton held fast onto my hand, his eyes on mine. “Kaya…”

He almost said no. I could see it in his crystalline eyes, the
no
burning there on the edge of his irises. He almost changed his mind about meeting me in the armory and showing me what a katana was and what it could do. But he didn’t. He just spoke my name, his tone full of doubt and fear and wonder that maybe what he was about to do wasn’t exactly the right thing, that maybe he was too close to breaking Protocol—something that meant a great deal to him. Trayton, after all, wasn’t just a rule follower. He was a rule enforcer. An admirable trait, for certain, but one that I desperately hoped he could set aside for just one night. And then maybe just one more.

I met his gaze, but said nothing, hoping that Trayton wouldn’t utter so much as a whisper of his doubts. To my amazement, he didn’t. Instead, he squeezed my hand as he raised it to his lips, then brushed a feather-light kiss against my skin.

But it was more than a kiss. It was more than the first time that Trayton’s lips had pressed against my skin, no matter how lightly. It was a promise. He would show me how to wield a katana. He would explain the parts of the weapon to me. He would bend this rule for tonight, and that was all I could hope for.

Squeezing his hand, I released my light grip and so
did he. Then I stood, following Maddox out the door. She had a distant look in her eye, one that made me wonder exactly what she’d been talking to Darius about. “What’s going on, Maddox? You seem distracted.”

Maddox nodded, steering me toward the building that was home to Mr. Ross’s classroom. “I started to ask Darius if he’d train you, but he interrupted me to give me some bad news. Apparently, several Elder Barrons have decided that many guards would do better on the battlefield rather than guarding Healers inside the confines of schools, despite the fact that they lack Bound or Soulbound Healers. So they’re making a list of guards who will be moving to the front. No one knows yet. Darius was seriously going out of his way to warn me.”

My hand found my mouth in shock and my feet came to a sudden halt. “You’re going to war? But Maddox, you aren’t trained! And you have no Healer!”

As if I were telling her anything she didn’t know already.

Foregoing her usual snark, and playing it off with casual indifference—which I could tell was just barely covering her panic in a thin glaze—she said, “Darius said if he can keep my name off that list, he will. I trust him. I’m just…concerned.”

I was concerned too. Fak that, I was worried. The very idea of Maddox facing down Graplars and soldiers and some horrible, seemingly invincible king seriously frightened me. I liked Maddox. She was probably the
best friend I had ever had. Which was weird, considering how obnoxious she could be.

Resisting the urge to hug her—something told me that Maddox, no matter how much she was hurting, wouldn’t exactly be very receptive to anything vaguely sensitive—I started walking with her again, and tried to find the right words, words that might lessen her stress level some. “Why don’t we ask him to train both of us?”

Maddox sighed. “And give them more reason to send me outside the wall? No, thank you. I’m clinging to my Healer duties as long as I can.”

And that’s when it hit me. Not only was Maddox afraid to die. She was afraid to fight at all, afraid to train, for whatever reason. Making the decision not to push the issue any further, I said, “It’ll be okay, Maddox. If you trust Darius, I trust Darius.”

Apparently, I’d chosen well, because she smiled at me through the shadows of her troubled expression. Once we made it to Mr. Ross’s room, I dared a change of subject. “I was thinking of asking Trayton to train me. You know. Instead of Darius.”

She cast me a sidelong glance that said that that was a pretty terrible idea, but apparently she wasn’t in the mood to berate me for choosing poorly, because she said, “Trayton is Darius’s best student. But…why not just learn from the best?”

I shrugged in response, resisting the urge to say so much more. I couldn’t tell Maddox about the way my
stomach jumped whenever I pictured Darius shirtless. Hell, I hadn’t even told her I’d seen him shirtless. And there’s was no way I could find the words to say what it had felt like, what it had meant to me when Darius had let his guard down and shown me just a brief glimpse, a tender moment of fragility. Because the truth was, it had meant more to me than I would dare give voice to. I couldn’t admit those things to myself, let alone Maddox.

But at least one thing was settled: tonight, after boring Healer classes and my usual extra duties in the rose garden (this time thanks to my outpouring of laughter when Instructor Baak referred to Healers as nature’s way of blessing Barrons with long life), I was going to spend some time with Trayton, learning about katanas, and maybe, if I was lucky, forgetting about the look in Darius’s eyes when he’d spoken of his loneliness.