Sound Proof (Save Me #5) (22 page)

Storming from the store, I load all the bags into the trunk and climb into my seat with a sinking feeling in my stomach. Something is telling me that no matter how much I hope today will get better, it’s only going to get worse.

“Can we go home now?” Willow asks from the backseat.

“One more stop, babe.” I look in the rearview and notice the exhaustion written across her face. Sage’s head rests against her shoulder as she snores. I flick the blinker on, turning into the parking garage of my old firm. “You can stay in the car if you aren’t up for walking.”

Panic flares in her eyes. “Why can’t we just go home? Can’t you drop us with AJ or something and then come do whatever you have to do? Can’t—”

“Willow,” I soothe, turning around to grab her hand after parking. “I only need to grab something from reception. I’ll run right in and right back out.”

“But what if…”

My heart breaks watching her internally freak out. “Nothing is going to happen. He’s in jail, baby. He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re parked right next to the security desk and you can lock the doors.”

“Mom,” she pleads.

“Willow, you need to take back your life. It’s time that you stop hiding because of what he did to you. You’re one of the strongest people I know but that doesn’t mean anything unless you realize that too.”

She nods but there is still hesitation in her eyes. Taking a deep breath, I slide from the car, closing it behind me. Willow locks the door the instant I step away from it. I nod at to the security guard when I reach the desk and he waves me through after checking my ID. It’s hard to believe that the last time I was in this building was when my entire life decided to start crashing down around me.

“Hey, Penny,” I say, forcing a smile when I get to the reception desk.

The smug look on her face is nothing new. Without speaking she slaps the files I came for down on the desktop. “Anything else?”

“Nope,” I say with a laugh. “Files and unnecessary rudeness are all that I desire today. Thanks, though.”

“My attitude toward you is far from unnecessary,” she snaps. “You left a good man for one that will never settle down. You broke Max’s heart, Payton. You broke his heart and then you put him in jail.”

Fed up, I slap my hands and the file down on the desk and glare at her. This is not what I came for. This is not a conversation that I want to keep having. I should have listened to my gut feeling about today.

“Penny, if you don’t know the circumstances you probably shouldn’t weigh in on the situation. Not only did Max cheat on me in this very building, but he almost killed my children and then attacked the man I am seeing. If that’s what you consider to be a good man than you can have him. Judgmental bitch.”

Her mouth drops when the final words float out of my mouth. I turn around, storming for the door and leave her gaping like a fish. I shove the door to the parking garage out of my way and don’t bother saying anything to the guard when I rush past him. I take a deep breath before I get to the car to calm myself down because the last thing I need is to have this attitude when I climb back in. Not after telling Willow that she needed to take back her life. Letting the thoughts of other people get to you is anything but taking back your life.

I knock gently on the window, wait for Willow to unlock the door, and climb in. After starting the car, I check to make sure that the girls are OK and pull out of the garage without saying anything. I don’t want the fact that I’m all messed up in my head now to overshadow the strength that Willow just showed.

As I drive, I get lost in my own head. How the hell did everything get so messed up? I just want to go back to my quiet little life where the only time my face was in the paper was when I was defending someone. I want to go back to my safe life where I don’t have to worry about what people think of me. As much as I would miss some things, I want to go back to when I couldn’t hear the judgement of others. Things were so much easier when no one knew about my relationship with AJ. They were so much easier before everything bad happened.

AJ runs his hands up my sides as I lift my hips and sink back down on his cock. One hand rests against his chest for balance while the other one sweeps my hair off my face. Tonight I’m in control. That’s exactly what he told me, too. He walked through the door, told me to take over, and I hauled him to the bedroom.

There’s something incredibly sexy about watching the man you love give up control for you. Right now, even though he is sexy as fuck, I know he can tell I’m just not into it. I finally give up and roll off of him, flopping back onto the pillows. He inches his hand over, attempting to hold mine or touch me, but I pull away again. Rolling onto his side, he stares at me but I keep my eyes on the same spot on the ceiling.

“I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” he finally says.

I try not to think about it, choosing to focus on just about anything else. He doesn’t give in though, he continues to stare until he wears me down. “Nothing is wrong, AJ,” I lie. “I’m just not in the mood.”

“If you didn’t wanna fuck me, Payton, you shouldn’t have hauled me into the bedroom.”

I shrug. “I figured it was what you came for.”

Pushing off the mattress, AJ settles himself between my thighs. He presses his body against mine, putting his face in my line of sight. “What part of ‘I love you’ do you not get?”

I push against his chest until there is enough room for me to wiggle out from under him. I grab my pants and a tank top and haul them on without looking at him. I grab his pants and thrust them into his hands. “I can’t do this.” I whisper as every thought that has run through my mind today hits me full force. “You need to leave.”

“Can’t do this?” he asks. “What exactly can’t you do, Payton?”

“This.” I point between us. “This isn’t going to work.”

AJ growls as he yanks his jeans on. “Again, what part of ‘I love you’ do you not understand?” With each word his voice gets louder and I’m thankful that the girls are asleep. “I’m not with you just to fuck you. I don’t need that every night.”

“Stop!” I yell, trying to stay strong but it turns into a sob. As much as I want this to work, I know it never will. I’m not strong enough to deal with everything that comes along with being with him. “Please just stop and leave.”

He throws his hands into the air and rips the bedroom door back, slamming it against the wall. I listen for the front door to close, which is a lot easier than the way he handled the bedroom door, and sink down on the edge of my bed. I feel like my heart is stuck in my throat and I’m so consumed with my thoughts that I miss Willow walking in until she wraps her arms around me. She presses a kiss into the top of my head and strokes my hair. I’m pretty sure that this is supposed to be the other way around at her age.

“Why did you tell him to leave, Mom?”

I shake my head, pushing away from her so I can dry my face. “It won’t work, Willow.”

“Why?”

I think about telling her that she’s too young to understand but I know my daughter and I know that won’t make her leave right now. “I can’t handle being scrutinized by everyone. I don’t want my choices analyzed by the public and I don’t want you and Sage to be spread through tabloids because I’m dating AJ.”

“You love him,” she whispers, pointing out the obvious. “You love him so why would you hurt everyone over something so stupid?”

“Excuse me?”

“Every day you tell me that I need to be strong and take back my life. You drill this stuff into my head but then you turn around and do the exact opposite. You pushed him away because you’re scared. You let Sage and me love him too and now you’re just going to push him away!”

“Babe, we can’t make it through something small like this, so we’d never be able to make it through anything big.”

Standing up, Willow puts her hands on her hips. “How can you say that?”

“It’s the truth.”

“No, it’s not,” she yells. “You don’t think you can make it through the big things but did you forget that he’s stood by you through some of the biggest things to happen to you? But you’re too scared to stand by him for a few weeks until this all blows over so you can be happy?”

I stare at her in awe. How the hell did my kid figure that out but I couldn’t? I can’t breathe as the thought that I just ruined everything in my life smacks me across the face.

“Don’t just sit there, Mom.”

Shoving off the bed, I kiss her cheek before rushing for the door. I don’t expect him to still be here but he is and the second he sees me, he climbs back out of his truck. The hurt is clearly written across his face and I’m not sure how to take that pain away. Before I have a chance to open my mouth and remove the foot I put in there a few minutes ago, he beats me to it.

“I couldn't leave," he mutters.

"Why?"

“Let’s get something straight, Payton. I’m with you because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Because I want to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up with you in my arms every morning. If I wanted to just fuck I would have stuck with groupies and not fallen in love with you and two of the most amazing girls I’ve ever met. So please, Payton, please tell me what I can do to make you realize that.”

I shake my head, inching toward him. “You don’t have to. Willow just did.”

“So what was that?” he asks, pointing toward the house.

“I didn’t think that I could handle being scrutinized by everyone. Since I didn’t think I could make it through that I had no idea how we would be able to make it through the big stuff. But she reminded me that we already have. We’ve made it through more than most couples have to go through the entire time they’re together. If we can make it through those things we can make it through anything.”

Grabbing my wrist, AJ pulls me against his body before spinning us and pinning me against the side of his truck. “What do you need, Payton? What’s going to make this easier on you until things settle down?

Grabbing the back of his neck, I pull him down until his forehead touches mine. “I don’t know. I need a soundproof room or something to keep everyone’s negative comments out of my head. That’s not going to happen and that’s OK. I’ll survive as long as I have you and the girls.”

AJ pulls me closer to him. He slides his hands into my hair and starts messing with my receivers, shutting off and removing the one in my left ear.

“Right here, when you’re with me,” AJ whispers, keeping me close. “This is your soundproof room. Right here, no one matters but us. The girls are safe and you have nothing to worry about.” Grabbing my hand, he presses it against his chest while shutting off my other ear. I watch his lips in the glow of the porch light as he starts to talk again. “Whenever you need it, I’ll be here to remind you that you have the ability to shut the whole world out. Whatever it takes, Payton, but I’m not letting you guys go.”

“Good,” I breathe. “I don’t know what I’d do if you did.”

I know that getting to this place in my life hasn’t been easy and I don’t expect it to be now, either. I spent so long living in my unhappiness that I have let myself get paranoid and spooked into nearly messing up a shot at real happiness more times with AJ than I care to admit and he is still here. The fact astounds me and makes me happier than I could ever put into words at the same time. I may have ignored the signs around me until they crashed into me and tore the life I had built apart, but that changes now. What is being built with AJ and the girls now is so much stronger, and only getting stronger with every day that passes.

The saying may be “Ten foot tall and bulletproof,” but I like AJ’s idea so much better. When the outside world gets to be too much to bear, I’ll retreat with the man I love and my girls to the place where none of the painful chatter people throw around can hurt if we don’t let it.

When AJ holds me and tells me he loves me, I hear nothing in the silence but how his heart beats for me. The warmth of his embrace soothes me more than any words he could speak would. It’s a comfort that I could draw from for the rest of my life. I’ll soundproof my heart and mind from all the things that will come along and try to tear me down because at the end of the day people only see what they want to see and their opinions don’t matter anyway.