Soundless (6 page)

You didn't clap that time
, I say.

How are you doing this?
he asks.

I steel myself, working up the courage to state what I can barely believe myself.
I can hear the sounds—they're caused when you clap. I don't understand it, but somehow my hearing has returned. I hear this. I hear all sorts of things.

The idea is so ludicrous, so beyond our everyday experience, that Li Wei can't even try to take it seriously. He looks at me like we're children again, caught up in a game.
It's some kind of trick. Come on, Fei. Tell me how you're really doing it.

It's not a trick!
I tell him.
It's been going on for almost two days, and I don't understand it. That's why I was so distracted earlier when your father died. Li Wei . . . you're the first person I've told. You must believe me.

He scrutinizes me intently.
It's impossible
, he says, though his expression isn't so certain.
Hearing is gone for us.

Not for me
, I say.

Why just you then?

I wish I knew. . . . You can't even begin to imagine what this has been like.
The burden of carrying this secret is catching up with me, and I think Li Wei is beginning to realize this. His expression softens, filling with an affection I haven't seen in him in a long time. Out of habit, he reaches for me, wanting to comfort me like he might have in our childhood.

I nearly let him, but the importance of what's at stake enables me to push aside my own desires. Stepping back, I try to look tough.
Look
, I say,
believe me or not, but the point is, I can help you on this trip. Maybe I can communicate with the line keeper. I can certainly help in other ways.
I pick up a small stone on the path's side and hand it to Li Wei.
Throw it at one of these trees.
I turn around again and wait. After a pause, I hear a sharp sound off to my left. When I face him again, I point in that direction.
There. You threw it over there.

It's impossible
, he repeats. But I can see in his face that, despite whatever reason is telling him otherwise, he's daring to believe my story.
How? How did this happen? Fei, you must have some idea!

I don't
, I say.
I really don't. But it seems to be here to stay, and as long as I've got it, it can be helpful. If I can hear where you just threw the stone, I'll be able to hear when stones are falling on the climb down.

His breath catches as understanding hits him, and for the first time in our acquaintance, he is at a loss for words. At last, he lifts his hands to speak.
Perhaps . . . perhaps you might be useful on this trip after all.

WHEN I RETURN TO THE
dormitory later that night, I'm certain that everyone will notice my nervousness and excitement, but much like my hearing, the storm of emotions churning inside is apparent only to me. The other apprentices who went to the funeral have returned, and everyone is preparing for bed. I'm certain if Zhang Jing had still been in my room, she would have noticed something was amiss. But my sister is on the other side of the school, with the servants.

I change for bed and slip under the covers dutifully, just like all the other girls in my room. Darkness descends, lit only by peeps of moonlight shining through the edges of the blinds. Soon my roommates fall into sleep, and the room is filled with the soft sounds of what I've come to recognize as breathing. Sometimes I find that sound oddly soothing, but tonight I'm too anxious to give it much thought. I have hours to wait until I can spring into action, and my mind is spinning with all the things that can go wrong on the journey I'm about to embark upon with Li Wei.

It took some time for us to come up with a plan. Neither of us was sure if anyone would try to stop us when we left. It isn't that climbing down is forbidden; it's just that no one has ever really attempted to do it. Both of us are valued for different reasons: I am valued for my artistic skill set, and he is valued because of the village's burning need to mine more metals. It's possible others might prevent us from leaving simply to keep us in the workforce. Leaving under cover of darkness will be our best chance of escape.

That will make our descent even more dangerous, but the moon is full and bright tonight. We will get our start by its light and be far enough down by sunrise that no one can stop us. Around that time, most villagers will still be getting up and preparing for the day, walking to the center to read the record. My absence will be noticed before Li Wei's, but it seems unlikely the masters will guess where I've gone.

The hours drag by as I lie in bed, analyzing our plan and how I'm going to proceed. I know rest will help me, but I can't risk sleeping and missing when I need to get up. I track the moon's position outside, and at last the time comes for me to begin. I slip out of my bed and out of the room, heading toward the servants' wing of the school. My eyes dart everywhere, looking for signs of activity, but I soon realize my ears will serve me better. I hear footsteps and spot a servant on night watch heading toward me from an adjacent hall. I duck into a doorway, crouching in the shadows, until he passes. He stifles a yawn as he goes by, never guessing anyone else is up and about.

I'm not familiar with the servants' wing. We have more rooms in the Peacock Court than we have need for, and it takes me a few tries to find the laundry room. I strip off my nightgown and change into a clean set of apprentice clothes intended for a boy. They're the same blue I usually wear, but instead of a girl's long skirt, they have pants paired with a wrap top. Wearing them feels a little strange at first, but I know they'll be infinitely more practical than my skirt for climbing. The laundry room also has a small knapsack that I take, adding a spare change of clothes for myself.

I next make my way to the kitchen. It too has a servant on watch, and I recognize her as the intimidating head cook. She sits in a chair near the back door, sewing by the light of a small lamp to keep herself awake. I'm not sure if her presence is a result of the recent theft or a precaution always taken. All I know is that if she catches me, my rank won't save me from her wrath. At the moment, her focus is on her sewing, and she's angled in such a position as to allow me some freedom of movement out of her sight.

She doesn't see me slipping in through the door that leads to the rest of the school, and I creep around the kitchen, watching her carefully and listening for any signs of movement. Several times, she shifts position and forces me to duck or seek other cover. I find a table where lunches for the coming day have been prepared and neatly laid out. It's the kind of food meant to be packed and stored easily, ideal for the journey I'm about to undertake.

And yet my fingers hesitate as I reach for it. Stealing food is a grave crime. Everyone is hungry, and I hate the thought of
depriving someone else. I find small comfort in knowing that one of the ration bags I take would have been my own lunch tomorrow. Li Wei and I don't know what we'll find at the bottom. Maybe when we get there, we'll find a land of plenty. Or maybe the township sends us small amounts simply because they too are starving. After much deliberation, I take three more packs, giving Li Wei and me two meals each. We will have to fend for ourselves once these run out.

A long, drawn-out sound catches my attention, and I duck into the shadows, searching for the source of the noise. It is one of the doors from the servants' wing being opened. The servant I saw in the hall earlier enters the kitchen, heading over toward the chef. They have a conversation I can see only part of, but it appears to be a status check, verifying all is well. While they are speaking, I seize the opportunity to dart out of the kitchen.

I'm about to take the hall that leads to a side exit when I notice another corridor. In searching for the laundry room and the kitchen, I encountered most of the areas that the servants work in, which makes me think this must be their living quarters. I need to be on my way, but I just can't bring myself to leave without seeing Zhang Jing one last time. In a moment, I've made my choice, and I turn down the hall, carefully peeking in each room. Many doors make that same long noise the kitchen door did, and I'm grateful no one else can hear it. If I ever get a chance to read Feng Jie's book again, I intend to learn what the name for that sound is.

At last, I find where the servant women sleep. The space is
smaller than my bedroom but with more beds crammed into it. Zhang Jing is sleeping at the end of the room, her bed up against the wall. I lean over her, feeling my heart ache as I take in the features of her beloved face. With a pang, I suddenly wonder if I'll ever see her again. Li Wei and I have no idea what we'll find at the bottom. We don't even know if we'll reach the bottom. What will happen if I die? Who will take care of Zhang Jing then—especially if her sight goes?

The fear is almost enough to make me change my mind about the journey. Then I remind myself that while there are risks, there's also the chance that I might be able to change everything—not just for Zhang Jing but for others in my village. Whatever it is we find—more food, answers about the blindness—it has the possibility of improving the world of those we know and love. Li Wei is making this journey regardless, and he needs every asset he can get. I am one of those assets.

I smooth Zhang Jing's hair from her face, my touch as light as a feather. She shifts slightly but continues sleeping peacefully, her cheek on her pillow and hand underneath it, just as she has slept since childhood. I look around the room. Along with a bowl of water on a table, there are some scraps of paper and a pot of ink resting on a shelf. I go to it, and in the moonlight I write a brief note:
I will be back with help. Trust me.

I take the scrap of paper and tuck it under Zhang Jing's pillow, near her hand. She will feel it when she awakens and hopefully have faith in what I'm doing. I have no doubt my disappearance will eventually be linked to the theft of the food, and I hate the
thought of her believing the worst of me—especially after she told me how my position brings prestige to our family. Knowing I'm risking throwing that all away, I place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

I give my sister one last fond look and make my way out of her room. The patrolling servant is back on his rounds, but I dodge him, winding through the corridors until I reach a side door. Although I don't expect there to be many people out this time of night, this door is less exposed than the main one, allowing a more discreet exit. Keeping to the shadows, I follow paths and trails until I reach the spot on the outskirts of our village that Li Wei and I had both agreed on: the place where our ancestors used to mount climbs from, farther up the trail from where the supply line is. And it is where I find Li Wei waiting.

You're late
, he signs to me in the moonlight.
I thought maybe you'd changed your mind. Or feared the restless spirits that come out at night.

I stopped believing in them when I stopped believing in pixius,
I respond haughtily.
I had to say goodbye to Zhang Jing
.

Shock fills his face.
You told her?

No, no. I just checked on her—while she was asleep. No one knows.
I pat my knapsack.
And I found food, just as I promised. Did you get the things you need?

He gestures to a pile of equipment near his feet. Some of it, like the ropes, look like gear I'd find among the miners. Other items—metal rings, spikes, and hammer-like tools—are beyond me.

Some of this is from the mines
, he confirms.
The rest is from
the magistrate's supply shed. It has been stored there for centuries, but I was able to find pieces still in good shape.
His face darkens.
I had to steal all of it.

I know
, I tell him.
I had to steal the food too.

He shakes off his dismay and forces a smile.
None of that will matter when we return with new supplies, right?

Right
, I say, trying to smile back. I don't bother pointing out what he already knows: that there's no guarantee we'll make it back, let alone with any bounty.
Do you know how to use this stuff?

Much of it works like what we've used in the mines
, he tells me.
I've read up on what I don't know and made some inquiries in the past.
He glances up at the sky, where the full moon is descending in the west, still bright. In the east, however, I see a faint purpling of the sky as the sun readies itself for the day.
Ready to go?

Ready as I'll ever be
, I reply.

He gives me a quick primer on the basics of the equipment and then shocks me when he uses some of the rope to tie us together. He grins when he sees my astonishment.

Nervous about being so close to me?
he asks, giving the rope a slight tug.

I cross my arms, refusing to be baited by that dangerous question—even if there is truth to it. But whatever my feelings for him, I must focus on the larger picture: Zhang Jing and our village's future.

Don't get any ideas
, I warn.

A small smile tugs at his lips.
And what kind of ideas would those be, apprentice?

You know what kind of ideas. Just because we're going on this journey, it doesn't mean anything has changed. I meant what I said two years ago: My life has taken a different course. We can't be together.
I cross my arms imperiously, hoping I am convincing and that I'm not letting on that his nearness makes my pulse quicken.

He scrutinizes me, trying to determine if I'm telling the truth.
Very well
, he says.
If that's the way you feel, far be it from me to interfere.
He gives the rope around my waist a test tug.
There. It's an older rope, but it should hold. I can't risk you slipping and falling
, he explains.
This way, I can help you.

Or go down with me
, I point out.

Then don't fall
, he advises.

The ropes and rings become a confusing web to me, but Li Wei understands them and how they'll work to keep us safe. He secures our climbing ropes at the top of the cliff and hands me a pair of miner's gloves. Although we are loosely tied to each other, we each have our own rope to rappel down with, and I grip mine with a tightness born out of fear as much as necessity. Li Wei makes the first leap, launching himself over the edge. A pit opens up in my stomach as I watch him drop, but then the rope goes taut in his grip, and his feet land on the mountain's stony face, securing his position. Stable and safe, he glances up at me nonchalantly, as though what he just did was perfectly ordinary. Easy, even. I'm sure I look terrified, but there is no coddling from Li Wei. The challenge in his gaze spurs me on, and before I have a chance to second-guess myself, I leap over the edge as well.

I do exactly as he did, hopping only a short distance down, but that first leap feels a hundred miles long. The air rushes past me, and for a few terrifying seconds, I feel as though I'm floating, with nothing to save me. Then my feet strike the mountain's side with a teeth-rattling jolt. The rope above me holds true, and I squeeze it tightly, grateful for its security . . . yet fully aware that its security is a tenuous thing. One snap, one slip, and there would be nothing to save me from the drop.

Li Wei nods at me in approval, and with that, our journey begins.

I've climbed and played on ropes before, especially when I was younger. I have the strength to do it, but it's been a long time. My hands, more used to the delicate work of painting and drawing, are unaccustomed to this type of labor and soon begin to hurt from the exertion. I refuse to let Li Wei see my pain, however, and keep pace with him as we descend the rocky mountain face in the moonlight.

We've only been going a few minutes when I hear rocks crashing and realize holding the rope requires both hands. I can't signal to Li Wei that we've triggered our first avalanche. Panicked, I twist my hips in a way that tugs our adjoining rope. He looks over at me, and I jerk my head to my opposite side. Understanding, he quickly drops and swings off in the other direction, making room for me to take his spot just as a tumble of rocks falls near my original position.

When they are gone and all is quiet, I stay frozen where I am, feet planted on the cliff and hands clinging tightly to the rope.
My heart is racing frantically at the close call, and despair starts to hit me as I squeeze my eyes shut. The journey has barely started, and we've already faced a rockslide. How can we possibly make it to the bottom?