Soundtracks of a Life (9 page)

“How much I want to rip your clothes off.” I say honestly and I can see my answer catches him off guard.

“Well I guess like minds think alike…”  He comes over and I barely have time to get up from the chair
as he immediately takes me in his arms pressing me with his body against the wall. He passionately kisses me and we start ripping each other’s clothes off, impatient with desire, we never make it to the bedroom. At least not for the first time…

We spend the rest of the night chatting, drinking champagne, eating strawberries and making love. The next day he wakes me up with coffee in bed and then drags me out of the bed to take me to the movies like he promised.

It was the happiest I’ve been in all my life.

Chapter 13

We are on the last leg of our North American tour and there are just a few more shows left before we head off to Europe. We are packing up, getting ready to leave the hotel that morning and board the tour bus on our way to the next location when the phone rings the room. I pick up and am surprised to hear Chris’s dad voice at the other end.

“Hi Lorelai, how are you?

“Hi Mr. Henderson, I’m good. Are you looking for Chris?”

“Yeah, is he there? I need to talk to him.”

“Yeah sure. Just a moment.”

I go and get Chris.
He picks up the phone, greet his dad but then is quietly listening as his dad is doing all the talking. I can see by his expression that he is not getting good news… he went from cheerful to deeply concern in seconds. I watch him talk, worried, not knowing what is going on until he hangs up.

“What’s the matter?” I ask immediately.

“It’s my mom…” he says in shock. “She’s sick.”

“Sick? Like, how sick?”
“She has cancer.”

I just close
my eyes and don’t say anything. I let the wave of that bad news wash over me.

“Apparently it’s been going on for a while now, they didn’t want to disturb us but it’s getting serious and so they thought I should know now.”

“I’m so sorry Chris.” I give him a hug. He has tears in his eyes. We just remain sitting in bed, silent, embracing for a while.

“I need to go home, Lor,” he finally says
with sadness in his voice.

“I know
... Let me call Susan, and see what we can do.”

I speak with Susan and explain what’s going on. After a while, she calls me back. Chris was to go to the airport where he would take the next flight out to go back to Santa Barbara. We were supposed to go on the bus to
Detroit, where Susan would meet us with a guitarist that would cover for Chris while he was away.

We all say goodbye and wish him good luck
before he boards the taxi to the airport. It’s horrible to see him so sad and worried. I ask him to keep us posted and we kiss a long bittersweet goodbye kiss.

The rest of us reluctantly hop back on the tour bus. Deep in thought, we all make a very silent journey to our next destination.

**************

We arrive in Detroit and the bus drives us straight to the arena that is normally the home of the Detroit Red Wings hockey team.
As we go in we find Susan already waiting for us.

“Everybody welcome Tom, your new alternate guitar player,” she says. “He is a very skilled guitarist and is quite familiar with all your songs.
He will be covering for Chris while he is away.”

We all
greet him as Susan continues, “I think it would be best if you guys did an actual rehearsal this time to get him acquainted with the set and you can make any adjustments you need before the concert.” We all answer an unenthusiastic, ok.

“Guys… it’s temporary. Just until Chris comes back,” she reassures us.

The rehearsal goes fine. Tom is a really good guitarist and indeed seemed to know all the songs in the set, which made our lives infinitely easier, we got through rehearsal with almost no problems. We are feeling confident we could do a good show so we go to our dressing room to get some rest before the concert. The mood of the band was far from a happy one but in this business happy or sad doesn’t matter. Whatever you’re feeling, you put all that into the music and give the best performance you can give.  It may not have been our best show but they can’t all be. What is important is that we give it our best so we know the audience had a good show no matter what.

I
watch the crowd slowly streaming out of the arena through the windows of the bus as we pull away. In my mind all I can think is that I can’t wait to talk to Chris…

When we get to the hotel room and I finally have a moment alone
I take my IPhone and call him glad to finally hear Chris’s voice.

“How did the concert go?”  H
e asks me immediately.

“Oh, it went fine, don’t worry. It was definitely weird not having you there though. It’s not the same without you. But tell me, how’s your mom?”

“She is ok, very weak. Apparently, she has been on chemo for a while now. I can’t believe they didn’t tell me before.”

“Well, we were on the road,
I’m sure they didn’t want you to worry.”

“Yeah...”

“Is she going to be ok? What are the doctors saying?”

“Well she is going through the first round of chemo. After the tumor shrinks enough, they will be able to operate, but it will still be a very risky procedure.”

“Did they say what kind of risk we are dealing with?”

“60/40…”

I don’t say anything. We’re both silent for a while.

“And how are you feeling?” I ask him finally.

“I don’t know.
It’s a lot to take in. I’m just trying to stay strong and try to support my family through it all. It’s been really tuff on all of us.”

“I can imagine
… look, I talked to Susan and after the next concert in Toronto we have four days before New York. I’ll take a plane and meet you for a couple of days after Toronto.”

“That’s a lot of tr
aveling Lori, you don’t have to. You’ll be so tired.”

“It’s okay. Traveling is all we’ve been doing the last few months now, so a little more won’t make any difference. Besides, I want to visit your mom and be with you…”

“That would be really nice. I’m sure she would like to see you. I’ll like to see you too.”

“Okay, good. I better go now.
I’m so tired I need to get some sleep.

“Lor?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

I sit on the edge of my bed, silent. “I love you too,” I say finally. Neither of us wants to but we finally hang up.

**************

The next morning, we hop on the tour bus not looking forward to the long haul to Toronto. All I can think about is Chris, his mom and her odds. They were good odds but 40%
seems awfully scary too. My thoughts wander to how unfair life can be sometimes. After all, she is a good person.  She doesn’t deserve this but deserving has nothing to do with it. No one knows this better than I do! My parents didn’t deserve their fate. My sister, my poor sister, what did she do to deserve such an untimely end? Spend the last years of her life being mom to her younger sister?  I started feeling that familiar anger that accompanied me so much throughout my life.  Just like that, the all too familiar darkness started to creep back into my soul. I could almost hear it call out, “
Hello Lorelai, you didn’t think you could forget about me did you?”

That
night at our hotel in Toronto, I start drinking again. I have worked my way through half a bottle of whisky when my phone rings. I see the name on the screen; I pick it up and answer.

“Hi Chris,” I try to sound normal but he
knows me too well and doesn’t buy it for a minute.

“You’ve been drinking… Lor, please. Take it easy.”

“I’m fine.” I say dismissively. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s ok I guess, taking it day by day.”

We don’t say anything for a while, both of us silent on the line.

“Maybe I shouldn’t come to visit,” I say at last.

“Why not?” He asks surprised.

“I should stay away. I should stay away from her. I should stay away from you and everyone else for that matter.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Everyone I get near dies. Death just hangs around me…”

“Stop it! Lorelai it’s not your fault that my mom is sick. It’s not your fault your parents died. It’s not your fault your sister died. These horrible things happened to you but you are not to blame!”

I don’t say
anything, just break down and start crying.

“This is not like your parents. My mom can fight this, and she is fighting this,” he says. “You’ve been drinking and you’re tired.  Please just get some rest and stop letting your mind get the best of you.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Goodnight.”

Not long
after we hang up I hear a knock at my door.  I’m in no mood for visitors but I go look through the peephole.  It’s James. I take a deep sigh and open the door.  He pushes the heavy door open farther, walks straight to the night stand and immediately picks up the half empty bottle of whisky.

“Oh Lori… you stopped drinking like this for quite a while now. What happened?

I don’t answer his question, “Chris called you I take it?”

“Yeah, he was worried about you. He
asked me if I could check up on you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Yes I can see that,” he says sarcastically showing me the bottle. “I’ll just hang here with you for a while.” He then takes a sit in the couch by the sitting area, turns on the TV and starts flipping through the channels casually.

Knowing it would be useless to argue I join him.
“You didn’t go out partying with Ted tonight?” I ask.

“No, I’m too tired. That guy is a real party animal.  I think he still can’t get over all the
rock star perks in clubs with the VIP lounges and the free booze.  He feels as long as it’s there and free, it would be a sin not to enjoy it but I sure can’t party that much!” he says laughing.

“Well it is pretty fun.”

“Yeah, but before Chris left to be with his mom, you and Chris hadn’t been joining in very much either.”

“My fault mostly. Now that we are seriously dating I can’t stand too much all of those girls throwing themselves at him. I’m not usually the jealous type but geez, give me a break you know?”

James laughs. “I can understand that.  Man, especially here in Canada, these Canadian girls… we always get a couple of girls flashing their boobs at us!”

“I know! What’s up with that, eh?”
I say as we both crack up. 

We
watch TV for a while mocking a bad movie that’s on until it gets late and James finally gets up to leave so we can get some sleep.

“Thanks James,” I say
earnestly as he walks out.

“You’re welcome.” He gives me a knowing smile and disappears down the hall.

Chapter 14

I arrive at Chris’s parents’ house and I’m exhausted, Chris meets me at the door, gives me a kiss and a hug and then looks into my eyes for a while, almost like he is searching for something.

“What?” I say at last
feeling somewhat disconcerted.

“Nothing,”
he says dismissively and just shrugs it off. “C’mon in, my mom is in the back on the deck.”

“Hi Linda,” I say when I see her. She looks very frail and thin and just a shadow of the radiant pretty woman I saw last time I was here.

“Hello Lorelai.” She gives me a warm smile and reaches out to me for a hug. “I’m glad you came, but you didn’t have to travel all the way here…”

“Nah it’s no problem, I wanted to come.”

“I’m happy to see you. You look exhausted though.”

“I am! It’s been a long
nonstop schedule but I can take it. Before I forget... here are the autographed CD’s you requested to give to the nurses.”

“A whole box?”

“Well, I figured, heck, give them to everyone that’s been helping you. That way they’ll take extra good care of you.”

“I’ll be the most p
opular patient there,” she says smiling at me.

I
take a sit next to her and we chat for a while until she says, “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go take a nap now. I’m feeling really tired.”

“Go ahead, I’ll probably go do the same,” I smile at her. She tries to get up but is too weak to actually do it. Chris jumps up now and takes her by the arm.

“Mom, let me help you.”

“I’m fine,
I can do it,” she says though it’s clear she can’t.

“C’mon
… let me just take you upstairs. It’s better this way.” Chris says kindly and she gives in. He picks her up in his arms and carries her upstairs to her bedroom. I just sit there and watch, my heart tightens in my chest until it’s hard to breathe.

**************

Our visit is brief, time seems like it just disappeared. Before we know it
is time to go to New York to play the last scheduled shows of the North American leg of the tour.

Our US tour finishes
in Boston where we get a couple of good nights of sleep in the hotel and a day off to relax and enjoy ourselves. In the morning a car picks us up at the hotel and drive us to Boston Logan International Airport and we say hello to what would be our new “tour bus”, a fancy, big, private Gulfstream jet that will be taking us all through Europe and Asia. We go walk through the Airport stopping for autographs and pictures along the way, then we are whisked through security and customs and then directed to the runaway where the jet is waiting for us. The inside of the jet is very spacious, with big comfortable leather seats that can recline into a bed. On one side of the plane, in the back, there is a nice maple table between four seats. It is all very posh impossible not to be amazed by it.

“Oh yeah baby. Now that’s how I like to fly!” Ted says
excited as we walk in.  James joins him with an impressed whistle. “Nice!”

Our first
destination is London and we are stoked. I’ve have never been to Europe before. My parents had been there many times and they would talk about it to me and my sister sometimes. They loved visiting all the different countries in Europe and especially the wine regions of France, of course. They were planning to take us all there on my sister’s next summer vacation but they never got the chance.

Susan and Tom, the replacement guitarist, had joined us on the plane to London
as well. Susan was overseeing all the arrangements for the tour in Europe and she wanted to have Tom along since Chris might have to leave again if his mom’s surgery was suddenly scheduled.

Al
so, joining us now was “Big Bob” a bodyguard that Susan insisted we needed now, no matter how hard I protested. Big Bob was, as his name suggested, a huge man, very strong, bald and dark skinned. You definitely wouldn’t want to get on his wrong side but once you got to know him, he was really nice with a very kind happy smile that made it hard not to like him.

After the long but very comfortable flight, w
e arrive in London and it’s a typical London weather, cloudy and raining. This does nothing to improve my mood that could also have been described as cloudy with a chance of rain.

With Susan and Tom around, Chris and I had to go back t
o mostly ignoring each other. I’m acting around him like I would with any of the other guys of the band. Now more than ever, we didn’t want to slip up. We had Susan there, already armed with a back-up guitarist to replace Chris. We wouldn’t dare call her bluff now.

As it often happens, when you’re on tour, we
unfortunately never got to see much of London at all. We saw Big Ben and the Buckingham Palace through the windows of our limo on our way to the hotel. That’s almost all the sightseeing we would get to do in London. When we get to our hotel, it becomes obvious why we need Big Bob around. There’s a crowd of fans gathered in front of the hotel and as soon as we leave the car, fans asking for autographs and taking pictures surround us. Big Bob stays mostly by my side, kind of keeping the fans at a little distance as I’m giving autographs and taking pictures. It takes us about twenty minutes to make our way from the limo to the inside of the hotel. Once there, we have just a little time to rest before we get driven to the arena for the sound check before the show.

When the concert is over, the guys decide to go to a
hip London night club and check out the local scene.  I decide to join them. It was not like I was going to get to spend any time with Chris like I used to do when we were touring the US.  So, I might as well go get plastered in a London night club with Big Bob on my tow.