Soupy Saturdays With the Pain and the Great One (5 page)

“Yes,” the Great One said. “They can’t figure out what’s wrong with it. So I’ll go on my blades instead.”

Emily said, “It will take you forever on your blades.”

“No, it won’t,” the Great One told her. “I’m a whiz on my blades. Bet I’ll get to Sasha’s house before you.”

“Okay,” Kaylee said. “Let’s race.” And
her friends took off on their bikes.

As soon as they were gone, the Great One ran into the house and asked Mom for a ride to Sasha’s house. She said, “I have to get there before my friends. It’s a race and I told them I’d win on my blades.”

“Abigail …” Mom said.

“Please, Mom … just this one time,” the Great One begged.

“Abigail …” Mom said again.

“Pretty, pretty please with strawberries on top?”

“Abigail,” Mom said. “This is getting out of hand.”

“This is the last time,” the Great One said. “I promise.”

Mom looked at the Great One.

The Great One whispered, “I can’t tell my friends.”

“I’ll bet they’d understand,” Mom said.

“Please don’t make me tell them.”

Mom sighed. Then she grabbed her car keys.

The Great One got into the car wearing her blades. I jumped in too. “Let me off a block away,” the Great One said to Mom.

Mom stopped the car before we got to Sasha’s house. The Great One jumped out and bladed away.

As we were driving home I asked Mom, “How come it’s okay for the Great One to lie to her friends?”

“It’s not exactly lying,” Mom said. “It’s more like pretending.”

“Pretending she can ride a bike?” I asked.

“Pretending she can blade faster than they can ride,” Mom said.

“It sounds like lying to me,” I told Mom.

“Sometimes it’s not that easy to tell the difference,” Mom said.

“And sometimes
you have to let people figure things out on their own.”

But I
have
figured it out on my own. And I say the Great One is lying!

That night I told her so. “Liar, liar, liar!” I sang while I jumped on her bed.

“Get off my bed,
stick!”
she yelled. “Get out of my room or you’ll be very, very sorry!”

I could tell she meant it, so I took off. The second I was gone she slammed her bedroom door.

Later, when she thought I was asleep, I heard her on the phone. “Hello, Emily,” she said. “I have something to tell you.…”

I got out of bed and tiptoed over to my door. Fluzzy followed me. I put my ear right up against the door so I wouldn’t miss anything.

“You know my bike?” I heard the Great One say. “Yes, the one that needs to be fixed …

Well, here’s the thing.…”

That’s when I sneezed. A big, noisy sneeze. I couldn’t help it. It just came out. Fluzzy jumped. The Great One shrieked. Then she said, “Emily … I’ll call you right back. As soon as I …” Then she mumbled something I didn’t get. Something that ended with “
 … my brother.”
I knew it wasn’t good. I ran back to bed, pulled up my blanket, and pretended I was asleep. Fluzzy jumped on top of me.

Two seconds later my door opened. “Jacob Edward Porter!” the Great One shouted.
Uh-oh! She used my whole name
. “Were you spying on me? Because if you were, you are in Big Trouble … capital
B
, capital
T
!”

The Great One marched over to my bed. “I know you’re not really asleep. People don’t sneeze while they’re sleeping.” She poked me. “Wake up!”

“
What?
” I sat up and acted really surprised. I held Bruno against me.

“You can’t fool me!” she said. “You were spying.”

“I was sleeping. You woke me up.”

“Ha!” she said. “I know exactly what you were doing. I
always
know exactly what you’re doing.”

“No, you don’t,” I said. “You don’t know anything.”

“No more spying or I’ll tell.”

“Spying is better than lying,” I shouted as she marched away.

She stopped. She turned. She looked right at me. “So you admit you were spying?”

“If you admit you were lying,” I said.

“I’m not a liar!” she said. “I’m a great pretender. And I
can
ride a bike. I just don’t like to fall.”

“Is that what you were going to tell Emily?”

“That proves it! You
were
spying. And if I ever catch you spying again, you will be
sorrier
than sorry.” She walked out,
shutting my bedroom door behind her.

This time I didn’t bother to get out of bed when I heard her say “Hello, Emily … it’s me again.” This time I didn’t have to spy. I already knew what she was going to say. Fluzzy and I just laughed to ourselves. Then we fell asleep.

Party Girl

I’m having a sleepover party on Saturday night. I’ve been waiting all my life to have one and now it’s finally happening. Emily, Sasha, and Kaylee are coming to celebrate my half birthday.

My real birthday is on July fourth. Every year our family has a picnic. All the aunts, uncles, and cousins come. Every year it’s the same. Oh, sure—they sing “Happy Birthday”
to me. But the cupcakes have red, white, and blue sprinkles on top.

On Saturday night everything will be different. On Saturday night everything will be pink.
Pink, pink, pink
! It’s going to be the best party ever. It could be the best party in the history of the world. And one of the reasons is, the Pain won’t be here. He won’t be here to toot his horn, or jump on my bed, or sing stupid songs at the top of his lungs. He won’t be here because he’s going to Grandma’s house.

He cried when Mom told him. “This proves it,” he said. “You love Abigail better than me!”

“Sweetie,” Mom said to him. “I know this is disappointing, but there will be other birthday parties.”

The Pain looked at me. I reminded him that he doesn’t eat chocolate. And the frosting on my cake is going to be gooey, yummy double chocolate.

“What about the roses on top?” he asked.

“Pink,” I told him. “Pink roses with green leaves.”

“Oh,” he said. “I thought they would be white.”

I could tell he was disappointed. I tried not to feel sorry for him. I mean, why should I feel sorry for him? It’s not my fault he only eats white food. It’s not my fault he doesn’t know how to behave around my friends.

By the end of the week all I could think about was my party.
Saturday, Saturday, Saturday
, I sang inside my head. My teacher, Mr. Gee, said, “Abigail … are you with us? Abigail, are you listening?”

“What?” I asked.

“Where are you, Abigail?” Mr. Gee said.

“I’m here,” I told him.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Mr. Gee said. “Then maybe you can answer my question.”

“I don’t know the answer,” I said. I didn’t know the question, either, but I didn’t tell that to Mr. Gee.

Madison Purdy laughed. I don’t like Madison Purdy.

On Friday night I couldn’t fall asleep. I got out of bed and tiptoed down the hall looking for Fluzzy. I found him in his usual place. On the Pain’s bed. I don’t understand why Fluzzy likes to sleep on the Pain’s bed when he could sleep on mine. It’s so unfair—especially since I’m the one who feeds him. I lifted Fluzzy off the bed, careful not to wake the Pain. I carried
him into my room and put him down on my bed. He opened his eyes and yawned. “Go back to sleep, Fluzzy,” I told him.