Southern Rocker Boy (Southern Rockers Book 1) (14 page)

She knew just where to hit. I knew I owed Gaynell for my sudden and surprising success. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I caused her any harm chasing after a girl I couldn’t be sure I’d ever claim. Hell, I wasn’t even sure she’d still like me when I saw her again.

If I sang for Gay tonight, or any Monday night, I could pretty much guarantee she wouldn’t.

“You have a future in music, Jonah. I see it. Jasper Carrington sees it. And, believe it or not, she sees it, too. If she’s the kind of woman you need and deserve, she’ll support your choices.”

She let that hang in the air for a moment or two. Finally she said, “I guess I just need to know one thing.” My eyes met hers. “Are you going to start performing on Mondays? Or do I need to start auditioning guitarists?”

“I’m not performing tonight,” I told her. “But if you give me a few days to sort it out, I’ll perform next Monday.”

She clapped her hands together gleefully. “That’s my boy. A smart, smart man you are.” She rounded the desk. “Now let’s walk you out of here in full view of all your new admirers. Make ‘em pine for you. People always want what they can’t have.”

She pulled out her cell. “Bring my car around.”

“I brought my truck,” I told her.

She shook her head as she chuckled. “Oh, honey. I have so much to teach you.” She led me down the stairs where a horde of girls now waited. They clamored for me when I got to the bottom step, but she put her arm around me and rushed me through the crowd. “Come back next Monday, y’all,” she said, raising her voice over the din. We pressed through the groupies who were offering beers and drinks in their hands as they took photos with their cell phones. I ducked my head and just forged ahead. I didn’t stop until we reached her luxury sedan parked right out front. We climbed in the back and left the club.

I looked down her. “What about my truck?”

“Give me your keys,” she said. “I’ll have one of the boys drop it off.”

Her driver took us straight to my apartment building, which I was embarrassed for her to see. The building was kept up, but barely. It was clear money was a struggle for me. Her voice was soft when she turned to me. “You’re a very lucky man, Jonah.”

“Yeah?” I countered. “How so?”

“You have a clear juxtaposition of what your life is and what your life could be.” She reached across me to open the door. “Choose wisely.”

I lumbered up the stairs to our apartment, using my loose house key to open the door. I saw Mama asleep on the sofa in front of the TV, with a book sprawled on her chest. I nudged her leg to wake her up.

“Jonah, there you are,” she said as she sat up.

“Sorry, Mama,” I said. “I had to go to the club.”

“Everything all right?” she said as she studied my face.

I sat on the large oak coffee table that barely fit in our tiny living room. But Daddy had made it, so she couldn’t bear to let it go. “I don’t know,” I said. “On one hand, things couldn’t be better. Things are happening with the music, Mama. I don’t understand it. I can’t explain it. But it’s like I’m in the passenger seat of a race car. Someone else is driving, someone else is winning, and I’m just along for the ride.”

Her voice was soft. “And on the other hand?”

“I don’t know who I am anymore, Mama. This career threatens everything I thought I knew about being a man, about being loyal and true.”

She sighed as she caressed my face with her hand. “Oh, baby. That’s just life. Every single thing we go through hones us. Refines us, like a sword forged in fire. We balance our expectations and the expectations of others against our own desires, and we grow from that constant conflict. It all boils down to one question. What do
you
want to do?”

I hadn’t put that much thought into it. Things had happened so fast. Suddenly, right out of the blue, like some stray bolt of lightning. Up until then, I thought I wanted Lacy. She was a mystery I had yet to solve. She was lovely and enticing and I was just along for the ride to get closer to her.

But I wasn’t thinking about Lacy when I was singing on that stage. I was lost in the music, like I always was. Only this time I was getting paid to do it. I was getting begged to do it.

Was that destiny?

Was it coming easy because it was meant to be?

Everything in my life aligned me to this fate. We needed the money and this new career path promised to offer plenty of it. If I could just perform by myself on Mondays, Mama could quit her job if she wanted. And the video? That money could finally get us into the black, which we hadn’t been in years, even before Daddy had died.

I hated factory work. And building another farm without Daddy seemed pointless.

I had been set adrift like a feather in the wind. Maybe this was exactly where that wind had wanted me to go.

It had all fallen into place, like a puzzle.

I caressed Mama’s face. “I want to take care of you and Leah.”

Her eyebrows rose. “And?”

I took a deep breath. “And I don’t want to spend all my waking moments in some factory to do it.”

She smiled. “There you go.”

“Will you still love me when gossip rags are printing horrible lies about me?” I asked.

She hugged me tight. “I know what kind of man you are, Jonah Riley,” she said before she kissed me on the cheek. “And I will always love you.”

I hugged her back, just as tight. “I love you, Mama.”

When I made it to my room, I saw my phone still charging on the nightstand. With a sigh I plopped down on the mattress. I grabbed the phone and Lacy’s contact page was right on top, from our last phone call. I sent her a text. “
We need to talk. In person. Dinner tomorrow
?”

It was midnight, so I didn’t expect an answer right away. I put my phone back on the nightstand and went for that shower.

I was surprised to find a reply by the time I came back.

“
You win, Ace. Tell me when and where
.”

I had my first date with Lacy Abernathy.

It threatened to be my last.

The excitement I felt that whole next day was tempered by the idea that another meltdown might be forthcoming. Sure I had a date, sort of, but everything I knew about this girl suggested she’d promptly lose her shit if I pursued a solo career without her.

Why shouldn’t she? She’d been working on her dream for a helluva lot longer than I had, and it seemed all the opportunities were coming to me and not her. What person wouldn’t be pissed?

Granted, she resisted a lot of the advice Gay had to give her, but who could blame her? Should she have to sell her body to sing her song?

Pretending to be the new arm candy for some prissy, snotty little diva was asking a lot of my integrity. I couldn’t imagine if I had to parade around half-naked just to get a gig.

I had to let her know, somehow, that I wasn’t going to leave her behind. We had started together, we’d end it together. I wouldn’t be like Tony Paul. I wouldn’t drop her cold. I couldn’t even imagine a world without her in it now.

She would have to drop me first, which could very well happen that night. I was so worked up about it that even Leah picked up on my mood. I wouldn’t use music to pass the time, because every time I played or sang a note it felt like a betrayal. Until I could talk to her, I couldn’t move forward. It was the only way to feel right about any of it.

I was out the door just as Mama came home from work. I had agreed to meet Lacy at Southern Nights, where I would drive her to our final destination. I was cryptic about where I was going to take her, which kept her wary of me as she climbed into the passenger side of my truck. “I should probably tell you,” she began as she belted herself in, “I have pepper spray and I know how to use it. So no funny business, mister.”

There was a smile on her face, so I knew she was teasing. I crossed my heart. “Scout’s honor,” I promised as I pulled out onto the street.

“So where is this mystery place you’re so hot to share with me?”

I stole a glance. “It’s a bit of my past. If you can take it.”

She laughed. “As long as I don’t have to slop any pigs, we’re fine.”

I laughed. “Not today,” I promised.

We drove north on 183, back to my old stomping grounds. We reached my secret, special spot on the edge of my Daddy’s land just in time to watch the sun set.

It was perfect.

The spot was isolated, which is what I loved about it. It was on the outer edge of the property, next to the creek and under a huge oak tree. The bright colors came alive under the warm glow of sunset. “This is gorgeous,” she said as she reached in the truck bed for the picnic basket. “How’d you find it?”

“I used to own it,” I said, folding out an old blanket next to the water’s edge. “Technically we’re trespassing. If you hear gunfire, run for the truck.”

I was only half-teasing.

“Great. Our first date and I’m committing a crime.” She smiled as she unpacked the food, some cold sandwiches and chips I bought on the way to pick her up. “My kind of night.”

I laughed. “See what you missed by not going out with me?” I said. It made her chuckle. “What made you change your mind about dating me anyway?”

She shrugged as she put the food on paper plates. “Cody told me to.”

I had laugh. “Your three year old told you to date me?”

“He’s smart for his age,” she insisted with a grin. “Actually he can’t stop talking about you. He wants a guitar now. I don’t know,” she shrugged as she handed me the plate. “I guess I realized we were missing something. So what the hell, right?”

“A ringing endorsement if ever I heard one,” I said, toasting her with half a hoagie.

She sat cross-legged on the blanket as she nibbled her sandwich. Birds chirped high in the trees as insects buzzed around the water’s edge. Every now and then we heard the gurgle and pop of fish in the creek. Nature serenaded us as we ate. “It’s peaceful here,” she said. “I can see why you loved it.” Her eyes met mine. “Must have torn you up to leave.”

I nodded. “It sucked,” I said. “I really didn’t know where I was going to go from here. I grew up believing this would be my future. I’d have a house here. Planned to build it right there,” I told her as I pointed to a spot just beyond the oak tree. “I’d help my Daddy with the upkeep of the farm. I’d probably settle down and raise my own family. Everything was going to grow solid on these roots.”

She nodded as she listened.

“But honestly, Lacy, I was in a holding pattern long before my dad died. It seemed like I was just waiting for my future to start. I worked here. I played in Austin. I had a good time and my future was some far-off notion that hadn’t quite fully filled itself in yet beyond some abstract details.”

She nodded again, as if she understood.

“How’d you know music was it for you?” I asked.

She moved her plate aside to recline on one elbow. “It was in my blood from the time I was born. My dad was a singer. My mom met him in a bar. They got married a month later, when neither of them had a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I came along about a year after that, right in the middle of the struggle. Dad was trying to break into the business and Mom… well, Mom was just trying to keep our heads above water while he played a new bar night after night. God, they fought like cats and dogs. But there was always music. And music made it better. More bearable somehow.”

She grew quiet for a moment, so I moved my plate away and sprawled out next to her. “Getting up on that stage the first time was the most natural thing in the world. It was like a refuge from all the shit. When he got this gig at the county fair, part of a tribute band that played all those songs from the 70s, he asked me if I want to sing backup. Of course I said yes because it’s more time with my dad, right?” I met her smile with one of my own. “The minute I hit that stage, something clicked. It was like… I was more comfortable there than anyplace in the world. I knew people were around, but they were safely at the edge of the lights on stage. I was in a world all my own, full of color and light and music and rhythm that just made sense. It was home.”

She lay back on her back. “I sang backup the first night and he gave me my own song the second. I was barely out of elementary school and there I was in front of this crowd of people. Some snickered when I took the stage, like who is this kid, right? But the minute I opened my mouth, they all shut up, one by one. It was like a superpower.”

I was dazzled by her as that tightly closed rosebud bloomed right in front of me in the golden light of the setting sun. As far as I was concerned, she
did
have a superpower. And I had no defense. I leaned closer and her eyes grew wide as she watched me. I touched her face with my fingers, but it was her hand that pulled me down for a kiss.

I parted her lips and deepened the kiss almost immediately, which made her groan deep in her throat. I pulled her towards me, fitting her body along mine. She offered no protest as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I wanted to sink myself inside of her and never find my way out again.

I dragged my lips away and fell over to one side. “God, Lacy. What are you doing to me?”

Her fingers wound into my short hair. “I don’t know,” she finally said. “It’s stupid to get involved. But you seem to make me break all my rules.” She sat back up again and I followed. “Dad ended up leaving when I was fourteen. Nothing had happened in all that time, and he drank away all his disappointment, and most of our household funds, in the process. Mom told him he had to get a ‘real job’ or else she’d take me and leave. He was gone by morning. He just couldn’t make music and family work. And in the end, he chose the music.”

I could tell by the hurt look on her face that it was a theme that had repeated in her life. It made what I had to tell her even more upsetting. I ambled to my feet and pulled her up to hers. I fit her close to my body to dance. It was all I had wanted to do since the first time I laid eyes on her. Her arms snaked around my neck as she stretched up to hold me tight. We kissed again, and again she initiated it.

My body strained toward her and I knew she could feel every hardened contour. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you,” I murmured as I tangled my hand in her long hair.

Her eyes fluttered closed. “God, I wish I could hate you,” she muttered. I cupped her face with my hand as I kissed those irresistible lips again. She opened her mouth to me and it was all I could do not to throw her on the blanket and ravish her.

I was wild for her.

But I couldn’t take her. Not yet. Not until she knew the truth.

Finally I dragged my mouth away. I stumbled apart from her and headed to the log near the creek. “Jonah?” she called behind me.

“I have something to tell you,” I said without turning around.

She joined me on the log. “What’s wrong?”

I glanced at her lovely upturned face. “Absolutely nothing,” I said. “For the first time in a long time, everything is perfect.” I traced her face with my hand. “Unbelievable in fact.”

Her eyes studied mine. “But?”

I sighed and took her hand in mine. “I never even knew I wanted this dream of music till I met you. You’ve made this thing come alive for me and I am absolutely grateful.”

She grew even more suspicious. “But?”

I swallowed hard. “Gay wants me to headline on Mondays.”

She pulled her hand from mine and stepped away from the log. I was behind her in an instant. “You have to know that I didn’t ask for it. I wasn’t looking for it. And if I didn’t need the money, maybe I could walk away from it…,” I offered but it rang untrue even to my ears.

I wanted this every bit as much as I wanted this angry redhead in front of me.

She glanced back at me. “Bullshit.” She walked back to the blanket and started to pack up the food. It was just like I feared. So close and yet so fucking far away. “I saw it on your face the first time you sang in front of a crowd, Jonah. It’s in you the same way it’s in me.”

“This doesn’t have to change anything,” I told her.

Her eyes flashed with anger. “It changes everything. And you know it. That’s why you wanted to bring me here tonight. To let me down easy so I wouldn’t blow a gasket at the club.”

“And would you?” I asked.

She spun around. “You’re damned right I would. This is my dream, Jonah. I’ve paid my dues. I wear my scars. Every goddamned day!” she snapped as she tossed all the food back into the basket.

Was I crazy or were there tears in her eyes?

“And it’s going to happen for you. Why do you think I picked up that guitar for the first time? I see you, Lacy. You’re a star.” She shook her head.

“I should have known better than to go back to that stupid fucking club. This is my fault.”

She grabbed the basket and stalked toward my truck. I chased after her. “This doesn’t have to be either or, Lacy. Who says you can’t have both?”

She tossed the basket in the bed of the truck before she pivoted back to me. “Let’s see. Gaynell. Tony Paul. My mother. Did I miss anyone?”

“Yeah,” I told her as I forced her to face me. “I am not Gaynell. And I am not your mother. And I most definitely am not that fucker, Tony Paul. Dammit, Lacy,” I gritted as I took both her hands in mine. “I brought you here because I wanted to share this with you. I’ve been dying to get you alone since the first night I heard you sing. I’m falling in love with you, Lacy. Every single goddamned day.”

It was a brave admission, but I had nothing to lose. She tried to pull away but I held her fast. We stared at each other for a long moment before I pulled her close. She didn’t resist as I kissed her again. “Look at me, Lacy,” I told her as I lost myself in those beautiful eyes. “Open your eyes and really see what is standing right in front of you.” She tried to look away but I captured her chin and forced her to look into my eyes. “You’ve spent all this time loving the music. Isn’t it time you chose something that can love you back?”

She shook her head. “You don’t want to fall in love with me, Jonah,” she said.

I lifted her up into my arms. “Too late,” I whispered before I crushed my mouth on hers. I expected her to resist, to keep fighting, but it was like a dam broke. Her hold was strong as she wrapped herself around me, like she was bracing herself against a hurricane. Before I could pull away, she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss.

My resolve crumbled.

We devoured each other as I carried her back to the blanket, laying her gently on the old, soft material. She pulled me on top of her as I wound both hands in her hair. Her hands slipped down my back and into my jeans. When she grabbed my bare ass with her tiny hands, I shuddered against her. “God, I want you,” I breathed against her. “Tell me you want me, too. For God’s sake, Lacy. Tell me!”

It was her turn to shudder. “I want you, Jonah,” she finally admitted. I kissed her hard and she reached for me with the hunger of a woman who had never been properly loved. I planned to change that, starting now.

I ran my hands down over her shoulders and down her side, to slip under the shirt she wore. It was a button down shirt and I damn near tore every button off as I ripped it open. My mouth traveled down to her breast, toying with her through the bra until she was writhing against me. I was crazed as I unhooked that bra, capturing her hardened nipple in my mouth, sucking until she cried out loud.