Southern Rocker Boy (Southern Rockers Book 1) (2 page)

She motioned toward a huge mesquite tree that we had climbed as kids. I could see a picnic lunch was already spread out and waiting. “I thought you could use some sustenance.”

“I’m not hungry,” I muttered.

“I know,” she said. “But you should eat anyway.”

She offered her hand and I finally relented by taking it. We headed toward the gingham blanket. She sat, opening the brown wicker basket to distribute the contents. I knew from the smell she had prepared her grandmother’s famous fried chicken. She also unpacked a fresh green salad I knew were made from produce grown directly on their farm. She poured some sweet tea for me as I chowed on a meaty, crispy chicken leg. Grief or no, my frustrating morning had drummed up quite the appetite that roared to life with that first bite.

“Thanks, Courtney,” I told her. “This was very sweet of you.”

She shrugged. “It’s the least I could do,” she said. She brushed a stray strand of honey-blonde hair from her face. After all these years, she was still the prettiest girl in the county.

“No, really,” I insisted. “It was very thoughtful.”

“You’re going to need more than chicken if you want to fix that old tractor,” she said with a wry grin. “You need another one.”

I nodded. We needed a lot of things. A new roof. A new tiller. New tires on our old truck. We had been making do with what we had for so long, it felt like we’d never catch up. And now that Daddy was gone, that put off any new purchases indefinitely. I’d never share that with her, though. Our equipment was old and run down, but my pride was shiny and new. “Nah, I’ll fix it. Gives me something to do.”

She considered me thoughtfully from behind those crystal-blue eyes. “I could help,” she finally offered softly.

I shook my head. “You have enough to do on your own farm.”

She took a deep breath and looked down at her plate, which she had barely touched. It occurred to me that she was nervous. For a girl who routinely sang in front of the church, leading a boisterous choir with her own strong voice, this was a new development. She had always gone after what she wanted and had never let anything stand in her way, up to and including snagging a date with me to senior prom.

“What is it, Court?”

She exhaled softly as she put the plate back on the blanket. “I was thinking. We’ve known each other a long time, right?”

“Since we moved here,” I agreed.

“We dated all through high school. Everyone just assumed we’d someday marry.”

My stomach dropped. I had a sick feeling where this was headed. “Yeah,” I drawled slowly.

“So I was just thinking…,” she trailed off, hoping I’d fill in the rest and not force her to ask me to marry her.

“Courtney,” I said with a shake of my head.

“It makes sense,” she said. “We get along great. We have chemistry,” she added, touching my arm with her finger. I shuddered in spite of myself. “Our families have been friends for years. And your family needs us now. What’s the problem?”

“Because you’re talking about marriage, Courtney,” I said.

“Something we’ve talked about before,” she reminded and I conceded with a nod.

“When we were still in high school,” I said. “I think even you can agree it was smarter to wait.”

It had given her a chance to go to college. She still had no idea what she wanted to do with her life, but at least now she could explore her options armed with a degree.

“We did wait,” she said. She took my hands in hers as she scooted closer. “And I know I’ll never find anyone like you, Jonah. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old. I’ll make a good wife. I can work with you side by side in the field. We can rebuild this farm and grow stronger together. We’d be unbeatable.” She caressed my face with her hand. “I’ll even buy you a new tractor.”

I pulled away and rose to my feet. It was the absolute worst thing she could say. “I’m not marrying for a fucking tractor, Courtney.”

She jumped up and chased after me as I headed to the barn. “You know I didn’t mean it that way.”

I spun around to face her. “Then what did you mean?”

Again she reached for my hands. “I mean I want to help you. I want to help your mom and Leah.” I couldn’t even look at her when she mentioned my sister’s name. “You don’t have to do this alone, honey,” she said as she stepped into my wooden embrace and wrapped her arms around my neck. I had to begrudgingly admit she felt glorious in my arms, just as she always had, even when we were just dumb teenagers learning about love in the back of my truck. Her body was so soft and supple, just like a woman should be. When she kissed me, I didn’t resist.

I couldn’t resist. I didn’t want to resist. It felt good… and I suddenly needed something in my life to feel good. Her mouth opened and my whole body caught fire when I explored the warm recesses of her mouth with my tongue. She moaned into my mouth. My traitorous body sprang to life between us. It seemed like a part of me was still raging at the fates, not unlike my breakdown over the tractor. All impulse control shut down as I lifted her up into my arms with a primal growl and slammed our way into the barn, kicking the door shut behind us. I deposited her on a bale of hay, and she had ripped off her shirt by the time she pulled me down on top of her.

Courtney had always been an adventurous lover. She was a good girl in church and for her parents, even in school. But in my arms she had always been a wildcat, ready to do anything I wanted to do from the very first moment we surrendered our virginity to each other when we were barely sixteen. I learned how to be a lover in her arms. She had learned how to please me in every way possible, like she was tailoring herself to be the woman of my dreams. She knew where to touch, where to kiss, what to say, to drive me crazy until we were locked in an embrace, much like we were now.

Her fingers were fast at work unfastening my jeans, loosening the denim so that she could slip her hands in my jeans to cup my ass, pressing me closer while she ground herself against me. Her breath was hot in my ear as she nibbled the sensitive area of my neck until my whole body shuddered. “Fuck me, Jonah,” she pleaded in a soft whimper. My good little Sunday School girl talking dirty against me was all it took. I tore off her jeans and kicked away my own. My dick was rock hard and she grasped it with her delicate hand. I moaned and shuddered against her. “Now, please, Jonah!”

I was barely coherent with need as I wedged myself in between her creamy white thighs. She was beautiful and naked under me, a willing flower as she opened up her legs. I sank myself into her with a grunt. It felt just like coming home, even though we hadn’t been together in two years. She wrapped her ankles around the backs of my thighs to urge me on. “Fuck me with that big dick,” she growled as she pulled me down on top of her.

I thrust hard, making her gasp. I delighted in every inch of her. “You feel so good,” I muttered, and she closed around me like a vice, a warm, wet, velvety vice. Finally reason began to knock at my brain. “Are you still on birth control?” I asked. It was a standard question I should have asked before I ever entered her.

“Does it matter?” she asked as she caressed my face and squeezed my cock with her body.

For a second, I couldn’t breathe. “Yeah, it matters. I don’t want a baby, Courtney.” Frankly I was surprised she did. She had always been a champion of birth control before, when we were exploring the miracles of sex as horny teenagers. She wanted to go to school. She wanted to be independent, maybe working someday as a teacher. She had plans, and not one of them was becoming a mother too soon. It was clear our conversation two years ago had changed some things. I started to pull out but she locked her legs behind me.

“Why not? What could be so horrible about having a baby with me? Marrying me? Don’t you love me, Jonah?”

I sighed. My cock withered inside of her. “I never thought I’d see the day you’d turn into the kind of stupid girls you hate.”

Her face fell and her legs loosened their grip, allowing me to pull away. I snatched my jeans and started to dress. There were tears in her eyes. I had to look away.

“I guess that answers my question,” she said softly as she fetched her clothes.

It only made me feel worse. “Look, Courtney,” I started but she wouldn’t even look at me. “I do care about you,” I said. “Too much to rush into anything we might regret later.”

She tucked in her shirt and fastened her jeans before she dared look at me. “I guess that’s the difference between you and me, Jonah. I wouldn’t regret marrying you.”

She stalked from the barn, slamming the door behind her.

I slid down onto a bale of hay. I didn’t return to the house until after sunset. Mama was just putting dinner onto the table. I noted the plate of fried chicken I instantly knew had come from Courtney’s kitchen. I said nothing as I sank down into a chair. Mama scooped some mashed potatoes onto my plate. “Hard day, sweetie?”

I nodded. “Tried to fix that old tractor. Just made it worse.”

She nodded as she took her place.

“Where’s Leah?”

“She wasn’t feeling good,” she told me as she smoothed a napkin onto her lap. “I gave her supper early and put her to bed.”

I nodded. “She’s not getting better, is she?”

“She has her good days and her bad days,” Mama dismissed with a shrug of her shoulder. I knew she didn’t want to worry me.

But the less she said, the more worrying I did.

“Did Courtney ever catch up with you?” she asked.

I nodded. “She brought me lunch.”

“She’s a sweet girl,” Mama said. “Your Daddy sure loved her.” Her voice caught on unshed tears. She hopped up and grabbed a pitcher of tea to refill glasses that were still full.

We ate in silence, both of us weighted down by our thoughts. Finally, after my plate was empty and Mama was spooning some homemade peach cobbler in a bowl for me, I asked, “Mama, how did you know Daddy was the one?”

A ghost of a smile crossed her face as she sat back down in her chair, with a small portion of cobbler for herself. “That is the big question of life, isn’t it?” she mused. “I think on some level I knew the minute we met. I went out to a club with some friends, not expecting anything other than just having a good time with the people I already knew and loved. And then I saw him, dancing with some other girl on the dance floor. He was spinning her around with such authority, like a man in charge. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.” Her voice trailed off as she reminisced. “He was handsome, but there were a lot of handsome men there. There was just something about him. Something magical. Like he knew a secret, and I just really wanted to know what it was. I was star-struck from the minute our eyes locked.”

“So you always knew?”

“My heart did,” she corrected. “That made every decision I made afterwards easier. I began to weigh each option of ‘with him’ or ‘without him.’ And I never wanted anything without him.”

I nodded but said nothing.

“You haven’t found that person yet, have you, Jonah?”

Our eyes met. “Of course I have.” Her eyes widened. “You and Leah,” I said with a smile full of cobbler and she tossed her napkin at me.

“Terrible boy. Terrible, wonderful, amazing boy.”

Despite her loving words, I couldn’t help but notice the bags under her eyes and the lines in her face. She sighed as she began to gather the dinnerware. I jumped up, ready to help. “Let me take care of this.”

She shook her head. I knew she was busying herself to keep herself from dwelling on anything. Just like the funeral and reception, I knew that her busy hands meant she was still finding a way to cope.

But late at night, every night since Daddy died, I had heard her weep softly from the empty bed they had shared. She had a lot on her shoulders now, and maybe just like me and that old, stupid tractor she just didn’t know where to start.

I didn’t really start to worry until Mama called me into the den before she washed one dish. She sat at Daddy’s desk in the corner, staring helplessly at a stack of envelopes.

“What’s wrong, Mama?”

She gave me that smile, the one that had always warmed my heart and made me feel safe, secure and loved. Right then, however, I felt anything but. “We need to talk, Jonah.”

I sat obediently in the chair across from the desk. She held up the envelopes in her hand. “These are our financial obligations. The mortgages on the house. Leah’s medical bills. Daddy’s final expenses. I won’t lie, honey. It’s not pretty.”

I nodded. I didn’t expect it to be.

She held up a smaller stack. “This is what we can expect from Daddy’s life insurance policy and from his social security.” Her eyes met mine. “It’s not going to be enough. Not by half.”

My stomach sank. I briefly thought about Courtney and her offer, but I knew I’d never be happy settling into a marriage for practicality. There had to be another way. “What can I do?”

She smiled. “I love your enthusiasm, sweetheart. But unfortunately one person won’t get us out of this particular fix. That’s what got us into this mess,” she added with a sigh as she glanced back down at the huge stack of envelopes. “We need to partner together, you and me.”

My brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

She sighed. “I mean I have to get a job, too.” She sat back in the chair. “Daddy didn’t want anyone to know it, but there’s very little value left in our land. Even if we sell it now, it will only pay off what we’ve borrowed against it,
if
we’re lucky. It won’t help with Leah’s medical bills, past or future.”