Sparing the Heart (Pastime Pursuits #3) (19 page)

I head to Linda’s office, but her door is closed. I’m partially glad because now I’ve been spared a few more minutes to collect myself. Yes, I want to get it out of the way, but I can use this time to gather up more courage to spill the beans. I’m a salesperson. I can spin this around, explain why
I
fired
Macy
. If I can show my boss Macy is bad for our company, she’ll go easy on me. No. No. That’s not me. I’m not a liar. I peek out of the break room and her door is still shut. Now I’m nervous again to tell her.

I heat up my tea, sit down in my office, and fire up my laptop. Since I like to torture myself, I log onto Channel 13’s website and watch Kellan’s forecast. On Thursdays he’s on in the mornings. I think the AM forecasts are his best because he’s definitely a morning person. Today, though, he seems tired. His jokes either lay flat with the anchors or he skips them altogether. Something’s not right. He’s not himself.
 

I finish watching the forecast — cold, a chance of flurries, with a warmup on the way — and for the next fifteen minutes I pretend to respond to email when I’m actually daydreaming. What’s wrong with Kellan? I grab my phone to call him, but set it back down. Nope. Can’t do it.

I’m itching to leave work. There are a few houses on my radar I can scout, and I want to get a move on with my day. My legs dance in my chair as I wait for Linda to finish up so I can face my reality. Another ten minutes pass before I can finally knock on her door.
 

She motions me in with a beaming smile. I’m about to wipe that right off her face. I sink down in the seat, then straighten myself out. I should display confidence if I’m facing termination.
 

“We have to talk.” I’m stern in my voice so she knows I mean business.
 

“Oh?” She fixes her glasses and sits straight in her chair. “What about?” Her hands meet her desktop and she curls her fingers together.

“Kellan Valentine.” I take a breath and count to three in my head. Spit it out. “His fiancée fired me yesterday.”

The corner of her lip twists as she crinkles her nose. Oh no. This is the end of my career. I blew it. I threw everything out the window because of a dumb little crush. Not like Kellan Valentine is a
huge
name, but he’s a local celebrity. Macy can bad mouth me around town and we’re screwed. No one will use our firm. Why did I mess this up? The stupidest thing I ever did was take down the shield around my heart. Now everyone is plunging their sword straight through it.

“I already know.”

Her admission fills me with both relief and dread. I squint my eyes, shifting them to the right. She knows? Macy already told her. Or worse, Kellan. My stomach twists into knots and my posture loosens. “How?”

“Macy called last night.”

Last night? She didn’t waste any time. I’m surprised she wasn’t calling as she screeched out of the driveway. I can’t imagine how the phone call went. I don’t think I want the details.

“I’m sorry, Barb.” I hang my head. I’m ashamed.

“She said you’re infatuated with Mr. Valentine and doesn’t want to do business with us anymore. I can’t say I blame her.”

My throat thickens and my body tingles, every nerve on edge. This is worse than being sent to the principal’s office. “I don’t feel anything for … Mr. Valentine.” The words are difficult to say, but maybe if I say them enough, I’ll start to believe them.

“You don’t? Really?” She takes her glasses off and sets them on her desk. “I’m no dummy, Kate. I see how excited you are whenever you’re supposed to meet him. I wouldn’t be surprised if you held off a few homes hoping things would work out between the two of you.”

“I — “ I can’t believe she thinks I would do that. I never prolonged the searches for the sake of a potential relationship. “I can’t apologize enough.” I cover my eyes with my hands as I try not to break into tears. I can’t cry in front of my employer. I’m thirty-five years old. Big girls don’t cry. Well, at least at work. This is insane. I jeopardized my career for this.
A crush
.

Linda raises from her chair and picks up a photo frame. “Did I ever tell you how I met my husband Ken?”

I shake my head. How is this relevant? Fire me and let me go home. I need to spruce up my resume, or pack my bags and move back with my brother.

“Many years ago when I was starting out, I was hosting an open house. The event was pretty busy. I could barely keep track of the people coming and going.” She sets the picture down. “In walked Ken.” Her face glows as a smile spreads across it. “The second I saw him I knew I had to marry him. I pursued him until I convinced him to sell his house … and move in with me.”

“You didn’t.” I didn’t hear her correctly. She
is
an excellent businesswoman. This though, this, is unbelievable.

“We met, dated, got engaged
and
married all within one year.” She leans against her desk and crosses her arms. “When you know, Kate, you know.”

She’s staring at me, waiting for a response. I don’t understand. She’s
not
firing me? I survey the room for the hidden camera because someone must be playing a joke on me.
 

“Kate, honey, I’m not upset with you. Yes, losing a client is never a good thing, but my conversation with her was so unpleasant, I realize what you were dealing with.” She pushes herself off the desk. “I’m not saying I agree with how everything happened. We
do
have a business to run. I
am
saying I believe in romance. Cupid doesn’t necessarily hit at the most opportune times, but even I have to admit with a man named Valentine, that’s a sure sign.”

I laugh at her remark, but my amusement quickly fades with the truth. “But what if that person doesn’t want you?”

Linda steps over by the chair and crouches down. She reaches out and takes my hands in hers. “Only an insecure woman would do what Macy did. She’s upset and jealous because she knows she has a reason to be.”

“That doesn’t mean Kellan feels the same way about me as I do him.”

“I think it does.”

My heart palpitates at the prospect. As much as I hate Macy, I can’t act on this. “I’m not the type of person to break up a relationship.”

She lets my hands fall to my lap as she stands back up. “You do what you think is right. Let me point out, though, that the reason these insecurities exist is because something is already broken.”

My mind flashes back to Kellan’s parent’s house and the hints his mom gave that he wasn’t as committed as he once was. Gretchen despises Macy and has doubts about their marriage. Could Kellan as well? “That may be true, but I shouldn’t be the one to unravel it if there’s a chance for them.”

“I think their chance has long passed.” Cold air swooshes in when Linda opens her door for me. “Take the rest of the day off. Go for a long walk. I think you need some time to calm down and evaluate this. Keep in mind that glue only holds things together; it doesn’t make it whole again. The fracture is always there, even if you can’t see it.”

I nod my head in agreement, my chest tightening as the shield around my heart goes back up.

••••••••••

I'm relieved things went well with Linda, though I’m still in shock over what transpired. I completely expected to be out on my ass without a job. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket because I think the outcome was sheer luck. The way she met her husband is quite a surprise and very romantic. Still, even if there
is
trouble between Kellan and Macy, I don’t have the right to put myself in the middle. And I don’t want to be there, either.
 

This morning I stayed in the office for about an hour after Linda recommended I leave. I took her advice, though, and once I finished my to-do list, I rushed home. Now I’m ready to color.
 

This time I choose my paisley design coloring book. The intricate swirls consume me as I try to figure out where one line ends and the next begins. I opt for blues today, much to match my current emotions. I toss some yellow in for a little bit of fun and to uplift the picture a little. No one likes a monotone page. The splash of color does its job and my heart isn’t quite as heavy as before. I add in some internet radio in the background, choosing a cafe style channel so I avoid any depressing music.
 

I think I've been coloring for forty-five minutes when my buzzer sounds, breaking me from my concentration. I set my colored pencil down and click on my intercom.
 

"Yes?"

"Kate, it's Kellan. Can I come up?"

What is he doing here? Didn't he get the memo that bowling is done and his fiancée fired me? I don't want to be rude, and I’m a little curious what he wants. I buzz him in.
 

Before he gets to my unit, I put my pencils away and stack my books up neatly. This should be interesting.
 

I open the door and Kellan walks in without an invitation. I suppose my buzzing him in was as much of one as he needs.
 

"What brings you here?" I shut the door and face him. He's standing in the doorway between my kitchen and living room with his hands on his hips.
 

"What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?"

"With Macy. She said you quit. You don't think you can find us a house, so you threw in the towel.“

"She said I quit?" My eyebrows raise and I think Kellan may be confused.
 

"Didn't you?"

I scratch my jaw, deliberating my response. Macy telling him I quit is an easier explanation for her. She didn’t need to divulge her conversation with Linda and expose her jealousy. I don’t want to play into her game, but agreeing with him sends him on his way and I can begin the process of moving on. He’ll be cut out of my life allowing me the opportunity to go on as though nothing happened.
 

"Yes, I did." This is the only response I can provide and avoid an uncomfortable discussion.
 

"Why?"

"What Macy said. I'm not having any luck. You shouldn't waste your time with me anymore." This is a half-truth anyway. I can’t seem to find something the two can agree on. They should work with someone who doesn’t have an outside connection with them or romantic feelings toward one of the clients.

His eyes narrow, the slant of his brow turning against a wrinkled forehead. ”I’m not wasting my time. And we're friends." He steps forward, forcing me to step back.

"No, we’re not, Kellan. I helped you guys out on your league and failed to deliver on a house. Our relationship has been strictly professional." I don’t believe a word coming out of my mouth. They’ve all become my friends. Friends I’ve needed so much in my life and never had until now.
 

His hands drop to his sides, the sparkle in his eyes now gone. "What? That's really how you feel?”
 

The defeat on his face makes me want to take everything back, admit the truth, and lay it all on the table. I can give him the facts and let him make a decision. But Macy forces her way into my brain. Broken or not, I don’t want to be responsible for shattering what little they have left into a thousand pieces. I can exit his life as easily as I entered.
 

I avert my eyes as I answer, unable to look at him while I lie straight to his face. “Yes.”

What’s done is done and I can’t backpedal. Kellan parts his mouth to respond, and instead shakes his head in slow motion. His face has turned to stone with that one word, and with sulked shoulders he turns and walks out my door.

I watch him as he moves down the hallway until he’s out of my sight. Clutching my stomach, I shut the door and exhale, knowing I’m fated for a life of loneliness.

"Bullseye!" I throw my hands up in the air when the dart hits the target. Gretchen invited me out for the evening, and I jumped at the chance. I’m sure our friendship will dissipate soon, so I’ll enjoy the time with her while I can. I can tell by the three drinks she has in her, she’s having a good time, too.
 

"Damn, Kate. You're shameless."

"I do what I do and I'm great at it.” I don’t gloat often, but since I haven’t bowled in weeks, I’m basking in any accomplishments. She laughs when I add a little dance.
 

The elephants are in the room, but neither of us have mentioned them. I don’t want to be in the same room as Kellan and Macy, much less talk about them. A week has gone by since I cut Kellan out of my life, and I’m surviving.
 

”You can bowl
and
play darts. Should we get you on a dart league, too?" Gretchen tosses a dart, earning herself twelve points. We’re playing 301 and I’m close to winning.
 

"No thanks." I grab my drink from the table. I'm two behind her and at my limit since I’m the driver tonight. "I think I'm leagued out."

"What?" She takes a seat next to me, her hand against her chest. "You're not going to bowl with us next year?"

"Of course I'm not." I make circles with my fingers on the table. Isn’t the reason obvious? "Macy's in and I'm out."

"Don't say that."

"It's true." Nothing is closer to the truth than that. "I filled in and did my job. I'm grateful I met you, but I think if I want to bowl next season, I should find a new league." If we ever bowl again together, we’ll be on opposing teams.

She slides her fingers down her face, pulling her eyes wide. “I love you on our team. Macy can barely bowl."

"Yeah, well.” I shrug. “She’s Kellan's fiancée and I don't have any place there."

"Screw that. You're my friend
and
Kellan's, too.
We
want you on the team. Forget about Macy.”

"One of those is true."

"What does that mean?"

I sink down in my chair. So much for getting through the night without discussing it. ”Kellan and I aren't friends. In fact, I'm not even his realtor anymore."

She stops herself from spitting out her drink. "How did that happen?"

I assumed she was already privy to the information. I don’t want to recount that day. I spent three days dwelling on our conversation and now, finally, I’m accepting everything. ”Macy fired me and then I told Kellan I can't even see him as friends anymore."