Sparkle: The Queerest Book You'll Ever Love (42 page)

After ten minutes of this, Peter stopped me and had us all sit down. By then, I was exhausted and only too glad to oblige.

“Okay,” he began, “I’ve been standing here for the last ten minutes thinking about what you two bozos have done, and this is what I’ve come up with. Firstly, you’re both obviously very sick. (I nodded in full agreement.) There’s no way a sane, thinking person could do what you two were doing and even begin to imagine that it was right or fair to the people around you or to yourselves.” Chuck and Sam bowed their heads down in shame. Fuck, I wanted to go over there and smack them.

“Secondly, you both need a lot of help. (Again, I nodded my head vigorously.) Whatever drug habits you might have, you’re both headed down a road that can only lead to trouble. Obviously, you both need to be in counseling immediately. What you did is nearly unforgivable. I hope you both realize that.” They nodded that they did. (Nearly? Uh-oh. I stopped nodding my head and waited for the bomb to drop)

“Lastly, I can’t speak for Chuck or Secret here, but I can speak for myself, Sam. What you did was awful and underhanded and unimaginably unhealthy. For someone whose life was taking such good turns for the better, I can’t even begin to imagine why you chose to use drugs again.” Sam’s face was red, with tears streaming down his cheeks. Peter continued. “But I do know this, I love you very much. And I know that I have two choices right now. I can either throw your ass back on the street and let you go ruin your life again (oh, Lord, I knew what the
or
was and I didn’t like it one bit), or I can get you some help and try to keep you from fucking up your life even worse. What’s it going to be?”

Sam looked up at Peter for the first time since the harangue began, wiped the tears from his eyes, and slowly walked over to where he was standing.

“Oh, God, Peter, I’m so sorry,” he cried, and they wrapped their arms around each other and started bawling together. I, for one, was sick. I was all for voting on Plan A. We should’ve left Sam in the street where we found him. I should’ve trusted my first instincts all those months ago. Now, I was left with this mess and none too happy about it.

Chuck, seeing the way the two lovebirds were making up, looked up at me with hope in his eyes. He carefully made his way toward me as well, and lifted up his arms for a conciliatory hug. (Yeah, right. As if.)

“Get the fuck out!” I shouted.

“But…,” he jumped back, surprised.

“Now. Get the fuck out!” I shouted again and pushed his tired ass toward the door.

“Bu… but… this is my apartment,” he whined.

“Fine, Peter and Asshole Number Two, stop that wretched hugging and get your asses out of this rat’s nest immediately.” I pushed Chuck out of the way, opened the front door, and motioned for the boys to hurry on out. They obeyed and were in the hallway in seconds. “And you,” I said, with a finger in Chuck’s face, “stay away from me and my family, or else!” By
or else
, I meant Sparkle. He would know what to do with the jerk. I, for one, was finished with Chuck and all men forever. (Yeah, yeah, I know. Whatever.) I slammed the door behind me and ran down to the street. I desperately needed some fresh air and a good hundred yards distance from that place by then.

Once I made it far enough way, I sat down on the curb and buried my head in my lap. And, Lord only knows why, I actually, for a split second, thought about going back up there and forgiving him. Damn it, I loved him. I knew I did, but I also knew that what he did to me was inexcusable. If he loved me even half as much as I loved him, there was no way he could’ve done what he had done. No amount of drugs (and as you’ve seen, I’ve taken quite a few) could justify his actions. I stood up and started to walk down the street, with the boys following a few feet behind. I had to put the temptation safely out of reach, I figured.

After a bit of walking, and with my head clearing up a bit, I slowed down and let the boys catch up with me. I punched my cousin on the arm first; it made me feel better. Peter punched him as well. That made us both feel better. Too bad anything more would’ve been illegal. Plus, we were in the street where there would’ve been witnesses.

“Where are we walking to, Bruce?” Peter asked me, knowing full well the answer to that question.

“Please, we all know where we’re headed,” I answered, firmly.

“Um, Bruce.” He stopped walking and grabbed my arm for me to stop, too. “I have a favor to ask.”

“Oh no,” I cried.

“Now listen just a second, Bruce. I know what you’re thinking. What Sam did was stupid and underhanded. (I nodded a yes.) And I know that you think I’m an idiot for taking him back. (Again a yes.) But you also know that if I turn my back on him now, he’ll end up alone, unloved, and in the street. Or worse. Do you want that?” (Somewhere, deep, deep down, I think I did, but I nodded a no. Why should I have been the bad guy?)

“What’s your point?” I asked him.

“Oh, you know my point. You know that if we tell Sparkle about what just happened there would be no chance in hell for Sam. There’s no way he will let us stay boyfriends. There’s no way he’ll continue to pay for Sam’s education. There’s no way he’ll let us live together, because he’ll go tell Kiki and Larry about it and they’ll kick us out. You know all of this, Bruce.”

“So what you’re saying is…”

“No telling Sparkle the truth,” he finished my sentence. “We have to keep this a secret if we’re going to get help for Sam and try and keep us all together. You took a chance on me all those years ago, and I’m asking you to take a chance again.” He looked at me with his soulful eyes, and I knew the answer. So, as hard as it was going to be, I promised them that I wouldn’t tell Sparkle. That is, so long as Sam stayed off the drugs and never lied to us again. If he dared try anything even almost resembling a repeat performance of that evening, not only would I tell Sparkle the whole story, but also, I’d turn Sam into the police myself. They gleefully agreed and hugged me. I wasn’t the least bit happy about the arrangement, but I knew that the alternative would surely hurt Peter a great deal. That I could not do.

***

And that was that. The next day, Peter and Sam signed up for drug counseling through their school. And, though my heart wasn’t into it, I went along with the plan. What did I tell Sparkle in terms of me no longer seeing Chuck? Well, I told him that I left work early to go home the night before and decided instead to go over to Chuck’s, and that’s when I found him with another man. It was short and simple. I screamed and shouted at him and then dumped his cheating ass. Sparkle, though furious at Chuck, was obviously thrilled at having me back as a fulltime best friend. It seemed, alas, that I was the biggest loser in all this mess. Typical.

Life went on pretty much as normal, thereafter. The only difference was that we almost never went over to Peter and Sam’s anymore; I just couldn’t sit there and enjoy myself. It was hard enough to lie to Sparkle, but doubly difficult to do it in front of the people who asked me to lie in the first place. Sparkle was just as happy with that arrangement, as he never much cared for my cousin’s company anyway. I just let Peter worry about him and Sam; I didn’t want to invest any more energy into it. Whatever was going to happen, I’d let the two of them work it out.

Pretty much it quickly became Sharon, Sparkle, and myself once again. The Three Queerskateers. And, for better or worse, that’s the way it stayed up until the coma. Am I bitter? Oh, please, if you have to ask that question, you haven’t been paying attention. Do I have any regrets? Thousands. Doesn’t everybody? But I have my friends and my family. And they love me, pretty much unconditionally. Peter is still in our lives, but he’s growing up and has his own responsibilities and his own life to live.

And, for the most part, I’m fairly happy. I have more than most. Maybe some day I’ll have a lover and a home with a white picket fence. Maybe I won’t. But I’ll keep trying for it, nonetheless. Nobody likes a quitter, after all. In the meantime, I have what I have, and that makes me happy. Lord only knows what adventures will befall Sparkle and me, and I’m looking forward to all of them. I can’t say that it’s ever been dull around here, that’s for sure. So, I guess I’ll let you get back to doing whatever it is you were doing before all of this started. You’ve been a great listener. It’s been a real pleasure and….

What?

What was that?

Oh, yeah, I nearly forgot to tell you who shot Sparkle. Couldn’t let you leave without that little piece of information, could I?

***

A few days after Sparkle woke up, I came by for my daily visit, and he seemed more lucid than he’d been the first couple of days. Now was as good a time as any to find out the truth. Though I had a feeling that I would’ve been better off not knowing. I was right, of course. Too bad for me.

I pulled a chair up close to his bed, held his weakened hand in my own, looked him in his eyes, and asked, “Baby, who shot you?”

He closed his lids for a second before answering. I gathered he was gaining the strength to talk about it. Still, I wasn’t expecting what came next.

“I know the real reason you and Chuck broke up,” he spoke, still in a whisper, which was all he could muster at the time.

“But how?” I gulped.

“He came by to see me just after that night. Wanted to explain himself and asked if I would talk to you. Try to get you to see him. Fix things up for him. That kind of stuff. He was pretty pathetic.” My friend paused and gulped. “I almost agreed.”

“But you obviously didn’t, seeing as this is the first I’m hearing about it. Why?” I knew why because I knew Sparkle.

“Well, I knew he was no good for you. Oh, yes, I knew he loved you and that you loved him. That, of course, was the worst part. But no one that did what he did could possibly be worth it. So I told him to save his breath; I wouldn’t help him.” A tear slipped from Sparkle’s eye. I brushed it away for him. “Did I do the right thing?”

I squeezed his hand. “Yeah, Buddy, you did the right thing. How could I have ever trusted him again? As it was, I could barely trust Sam again. And that I did only for Peter’s sake. But why didn’t you say anything all this time. Why would it matter?”

“I don’t know. It seemed easier not to say anything. It wouldn’t have made losing Chuck any easier on you, and the boys seemed to be getting along okay. I never cared much for Sam, but at least I knew to keep an eye out for any more problems. And time went by and I just let it go. I shouldn’t have, though. I should’ve said something. I should have… I should have…” More tears interrupted his admission. I wiped them off and held a glass of water up to his lips so he could take a drink. My heart was breaking seeing him so weak like that. I was, as you now well know, used to him being the strong one.

“Do I really want to hear the rest of this?” I asked.

“No,” he whispered and looked away. We sat there like that for some time. I didn’t want to press him. What energy he had was dripping into him from a bag to his left. He would, I figured, tell me when he was ready.

The nurse came in after a time to check on his vitals. They were coming in a lot more now that he was out of the coma. This one was a male nurse and quite the looker. Needless to say, the fact didn’t go unnoticed by my friend.

“Sponge bath?  Sparkle asked, a barely noticeable grin spreading across his chapped lips. And that’s when I knew he’d be okay.

“In a bit, Mister Astan. Just coming in to check on your vital signs here,” the nurse said, monitoring the instruments and then writing notes down on Sparkle’s chart. “I’ll be back soon for your bath. You’ll be okay until then?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Sparkle joked.  I laughed, for the first time in a while. “And call me Sparkle. Not Mister Astan.”

“Fine, Sparkle, I’ll be back in an hour. You enjoy your visitor’s company until then.” He winked at me and left.

“He wants me,” Sparkle moaned as he tried to shift his tired body. I fluffed up his pillows and maneuvered him around until he was comfortable enough.

“I’m sure,” I laughed again. “Think you can get it up?”

He gave me a sly look and coughed out a “Bitch.” Oh, that word had never sounded so beautiful before. “I suppose I’ll have to tell you how I got here eventually. May as well do it now, so we can figure what to tell the police,” he said, with a noticeable frown. I didn’t like the way he said it, of course. It sounded like more lying was needed, and I, for a change, had had my full. And then some.

“It can wait. You need your rest.” I tried to stop him, but more because I didn’t think I was ready for the answer than for his wellbeing.

“No. It won’t take long to tell you. I’ll feel better once I get it out. Just give me a second.” He closed his eyes and lay there very still. My heart and my mind were racing. It felt like an eternity before he finally opened them again and started to tell me the rest of the story. “Once I knew the truth, I took to visiting Peter and Sam while you were at work. Peter was always happy to see me. Sam, however, showed an obviously forced courtesy toward me. Fuck it, though, I didn’t care. Peter was seeing through a boy’s lovesick eyes, and I needed to see for myself that Sam was sticking to his promise to stay clear of the drugs. It was a charade I felt I had to put on. Since neither boy knew that I knew their secret, it was the prefect plan.” Another rest before he continued. The strain was showing.

“There was one obvious drawback, however. If I did see anything out of the ordinary, I couldn’t say anything. Also, I just couldn’t hurt Peter. And saying anything bad about Sam would most certainly hurt. Luckily, I never noticed anything amiss. I owe this less to Sam’s willpower and more to the fact that Peter seemed never to let Sam out of his sight. This, thank God, worked to our advantage.”

“How’s that?” I asked, now just a tad curious. See, I just loved it when Sparkle was being sneaky.

“Well, it was immediately obvious that Sam was resentful of my uninvited company. And he couldn’t say anything while I was there, because he knew that if I knew their little secret, he would most certainly be back on the street. In other words, I made sure that I was around a lot. And then I enlisted Kiki’s help.”