Spellbreakers (47 page)

“Oh no!
Oh no,
you don’t!” she said, way too loud.

She was too shocked to think.

Daria took a deep breath. “I will pretend I didn’t
hear that,” she said.

“What do you mean?” asked Leal astonished.

“I mean that I am leaving tomorrow with the elvers,
princess, and you cannot make me change my mind. You have no right to stop me,
either. I am sorry. I truly am. I wish I could stay with you forever. I wish I
could love you forever. I wanted to. But now I see how it is going to be. You
will be queen one day, adored and revered and far away up on that throne, and I
... I will always be Lady Ysabel’s embarrassing bastard daughter. No, I know
you will always love me.” Daria shook her head furiously, forestalling any
comment. “I know. But it will always be in secret.
Always as
if it was a crime.
And you will have to marry someone, one day. That’s
what queens do. And I’d rather not be here to watch. I’d rather be free, Leal.
Free to love those I
love,
and to go where I please.
And you know what? I
am
free. It’s the only thing I have. I have no
rank, no position,
no
great
destiny
to fulfill.
But I have my freedom, and now that I tasted it I will not be caged forever in
Castel Argell.”

Daria spoke it all out in a rush, as if all this
rebellion had been slowly building up inside her for an age and now it had
exploded.

Leal stared at her in dismay.

“But, but ... Daria, the northern kingdoms are in
danger. You heard what Ljung said. You’d be safer here.”

Daria snorted. “Safer? As safe as in a prison of
stone, you mean! And unless these dark people, these
draugar
, can be
stopped, nothing in the west will be safe. And didn’t Hawkeneye and Ljung come
all the way down here to help Escarra? There is not much I can do perhaps to
return the favor, but I’ll do it. I came all the way to Dalarna with you,
because I loved
you
! I didn’t care if it was
safe
,
did I? And now you want me to stay here,
safe
,
while Ljung rides into that ghastly war! It ain’t gonna happen. If Kaleva goes
to war, they’ll need a cavalry, and if they need a cavalry, they’ll need
horses, trainers, grooms, and whatnot! Seems to me I have plenty to do up
there! More than
here,
seems to me.”

She tossed her clothes in the bag as if they had
insulted her somehow.

Leal was quiet for a long time. Daria must have been
angry for a long while, and rightly so. She had always done all she could to
help Leal in all her endeavors, and now she deserved to go and pursue her own.

It was not much of a comfort.

“I will be lost without you. You are the only thing I
love in this castle.”

Daria smiled, softening, and cupped her cheek in her
palm.

“That is not true. You have your family, and Dee, and
your people and your court. And if I stay here, I won’t be very lovable any
more. I have seen too much and
lived
too much to be happy here now.
Hell, Leal, I roped a freaking
unicorn
with these hands! I cut my way
into a dragon’s heart to save your life! How can I be just a lady-in-waiting in
your little castle now? Please, princess. Let me go.”

Leal was utterly forlorn then. “Let you go? But, my
dear, you said it, you
are
free to go. I will not hold you here by force
if you will not stay for love. I just hoped that ... I just thought that...”

Daria looked destroyed. All the anger had gone out of
her.

“I do love you. I always will, and don’t you see that
my heart is breaking? But I see now that this love will kill us both in the
long run. I need to be myself.
Just myself without caste or
rank getting in the way.
With Ljung, it’s just me and him, and I’m free.
With you, there’s a whole kingdom in between all the time. You don’t see it,
but I do. I am not
me
here anymore. There is no place for me here except
your bed. And much as I love it there, I want to
have
and to
be
something more than that in my life.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

And so the next morning, as soon as the court was out
and about, they left.
All three.
The king and queen
said farewell to them in the great hall. They offered gifts and compensations
that Ljung and Hawkeneye courteously refused. Leal kissed them farewell, but
she didn’t speak a word. She felt like she was watching herself from far, far
away, from someone else’s life.

****

Ljung watched Leal sadly as she stood there, pale and
red-eyed among the ladies of the court. She had been crying during the night,
obviously, and she was now calm, but just because she was exhausted. She clung
to him for a moment when she kissed him goodbye, on a cheek, like a sister.
There was a different message in her embrace, but it was too late to discuss
that
now. Had Leal ever been in love with him? Was she still?

When he had first met Leal he had been impressed by
the strength of her resolve. She knew what she had to do, and she had done it.
He admired that in her, immensely. But he had hoped she’d also follow her heart
one day, and choose to live her life freely. But now he had learnt that for
Leal duty came first. She had been a tomboy all her life, sure, but never a
rebel. She’d never leave Escarra, unless it was needed of her. Her loyalty to
her house was laudable, sure, but it was also as dire as an imprisoning
enchantment. She’d be a captive to it forever, unless someone helped to break
free. And it was not
he
who could
break her free, nor Daria, not anymore.
 
It
seemed to Ljung that fairytales and destiny had finally claimed Leal’s heart, whether
she wanted or not. He wondered if Hawkeneye had asked her to come and she had
refused, or if he had never asked at all, out of deference to her father,
perhaps, or worrying for her safety.

“There
is
a difference
between what
needs
to be done and what people
expect
you to do,
girl,” he whispered in her ear as he held her. He spoke in the lingua franca as
it was pronounced in the north. He hoped she would understand his words. He
hoped her family, standing close all around, would not. This was his message to
her, and nobody else. It was all he could do for her.

She stared at him with a puzzled frown, and Ljung’s
heart sank.

Maybe it’s for the better
, he told himself later, as he rode across the bailey
towards the drawbridge.
A
fter all, I have no right to tell her what
to do with herself. If she doesn’t see it, if she cannot make that choice
herself, nobody can
.
And how can
we ask
her to come north with
us, with the
draugar
coming? I should leave Daria here as well.

But that he could not bring himself to do, neither to
her, nor to himself.

And besides, I could not leave Daria behind if I tied
her in a sack. She’d chew her way out and follow me on foot, and wallop me on
the head when she finds me.

He smiled, looking at her
upright figure, riding down the hill before him.

No, I’d better keep her close. She is a fighter,
although she does not know yet how strong she is. We will face it all together,
and look out for each other. We’ll always be welcome in Elverhjem, I’m sure,
but if we are spared, I’ll take her to see the Itaanvaelta’a, one day, and even
the Far Vaelta’a, where the horse-lords’ grasslands stretch from horizon to
horizon and there is never, never a ship in sight anywhere.

He smiled again. After all
these years, love had finally caught up with him, it seemed. For a moment
Naya’s ghost was there, among the houses of Argell. Then it was gone. Perhaps
she, too, had found her peace.

****

Leal watched them go from the highest step before the
keep’s doors. They soon disappeared out of the gates and down the winding road
of Argell, and she turned heavily back and walked blindly towards the corridor
to her room.
Her lonely room.

My destiny
, she
thought bitterly as she climbed the stairs of the tower slowly, like an old
woman. She thought of what Jalal, the
Faded
man had
told her, a long time ago.
The world is littered three times deep with folks
who did not make it to their destiny because they settled down with the girl
next door.
And yet, here she was, at the end of her adventure, and her
destiny had left her behind.

How could it be her doom to rule Escarra in solitary
splendor, away from all she loved? To marry a suitable candidate, assure the
royal succession and satisfy her councilors? She had never wished to marry a
hero or a prince, but she did love Hawkeneye. Not because he was a hero.
Because he was ... him.
Strong and
valiant, and yet kind under his aloofness.
And she loved Daria and
Ljung.
All of them in different ways.
And now she had
lost them all.

To her distress tears started running down her face
again.

“Oh forsooth, Leal, we won’t have any of this
nonsense. I didn’t raise you to snivel. Come on, there’s a lot to do, and not a
moment to be lost.”

Leal looked up and saw Dee standing with his arms
akimbo at the top of the stairs, in front of her room.

“Oh, Dee.
Not
now, please. Just leave me be.”

“If not now, when? Come on, there isn’t much time. I
have been thinking.
And thinking.
Have you given any
considerations to what the kingdom
needs
you to do now?”

****

They say that coming home is good, but leaving is
better.

Daria rode quietly between the two tall elvers, but
she was too disconsolate to enjoy the liberation of this departure. She was
happy of how the King had
let her go
. Not that he could have stopped
her, mind, but that’s kings for you. He had had to make a
gesture
. Kings
need to believe they are in charge of everything, and it’s no good telling them
otherwise. It just makes them upset. So she had stood there looking grateful
and dutiful, and accepted his parting gifts. Her own old horse, the white
socked stud, which had technically belonged to the king’s stable; an Escarran
long bow, which frankly she would have to change for an elvren recurve bow
first thing in Elverhjem; a little heavy gold purse, which always comes handy,
and much to her surprise, a ring with the Escarran royal seal. Guillem had
called her “daughter’ in front of the assembled court and blessed her.

It was kind, of course, but it meant that she had an
even bigger knot in her throat, and it was all she could do not to grizzle like
a puppy.

Ljung didn’t utter any of the platitudes that someone
else might have resorted to. He didn’t say
A
re you all right?
Or
What
can I do for you?
He knew that for the
time being the answers were
no
and
nothing,
and he let her be.

Hawkeneye was equally quiet, downright morose
actually, so they rode in silence down the steep road to the valley, past the
same low dry stone walls and arbors, vineyards and fig trees she had passed at
night during her first departure, almost exactly a year ago. At that time she
had thought she’d help Leal to save her kingdom, and they’d come back with some
adventures to tell of an evening, but more or less unchanged, and ready to go
on living the same lives as before, except that they would be the saviors of
the kingdom and people would respect them a bit more.

Things had turned out a bit different, in the end.
This time, she was leaving for good.

She was leaving Leal.

The road sank in the morning shadows down in the
valley, and gloom enveloped the three riders and their four horses. Down and
down in deeper grey-blue shadows, until the sun slowly peaked over the edge of
the hills, and lit the mists of the river below in a haze of silver and gold.
Daria took a deep breath and cleared her throat.

How could she possibly leave Leal behind?
Her princess.
Her best friend.
Her first love.
She’d love her forever, one way or another.
She’d miss her forever. Leal had been right of course. Without Daria, she had nothing
at all in the castle. Even as a queen, her life in Escarra alone would be
nothing but misery. And yet, how could Daria go back? There was nothing for her
in Castel Argell. Nothing but Leal, that is. All the freedom, all the life, all
the world were ahead, in front of her.
And Ljung of course.
And Ljung.

Oh, why must it finally come down to this choice?

The choice between Leal and Ljung... She loved them
both, and they had been happy all three together, and even later, with
Hawkeneye. He had always been a bit apart, a bit aloof, but had never
questioned their freedom to love each other.

Was it too much to ask that things might stay as they
had been on their trip south?