Spicing Up Trouble: a romantic comedy (34 page)

They hugged and his father patted his cheek.

"I'll keep you posted on the museum," Ben said.

"Do. Goodbye, son."

"Bye, Dad. This is going to be weird."

"It's all her fault."

I smiled at both of them. He boarded the plane, and off he went.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he moved back to Chicago," I said.

"Why?" Ben asked as he put his arm around me.

"The babies and the museum will bring him here more often."

"So will you. He likes having a daughter."

"I like having another dad, too."

I napped for a few hours and dreamed of next Christmas with the living room filled with pink and blue toys. Ben woke me for dinner.

I had marinara sauce and meatballs made. All I had to do was boil noodles and uncork some red grape juice. Usually after the first of the year, I would curtail my eating. Not this year. My babies had to be fed.

"You've got another present downstairs," he said.

Anymore and we would have to kick the tenants out to make room for my stash.

"My clock is looking like a shabby gift," I said.

"You blew all your money on me. I've barely made a dent. Humor me and come on."

I got dressed, put on my shoes, and got in the elevator.

"Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

We landed in the lobby and headed for the garage.

"Merry Christmas," I said as I waved to Travis.

"Same to you and thank you for your gift."

"Did we give him money?" I asked when we were out of his ear shot.

"Yes, a month's salary for every year with the firm," he said.

"Nice. Do I get a bonus next year?"

"I hoped to make yours a bit more personal," he said, opening the door.

A silver minivan with a massive gold bow sat in a parking spot. He held out the keys to me.

"A mom-mobile," I said as I took the keys and rushed to the car.

I pushed one button on the fob to unlock it, another to pop the hatch, and the other to set off the screeching alarm. He leaned over, pushed the same button twice, and made the wailing stop. He opened the driver's side door, and I got in.

"Want to do a test run around the block?" he asked.

"No, it will get dirty. Besides, my license is upstairs and my sisters will be here soon," I said as I glided my hands around the leather steering wheel. "Thank you."

"This shouldn't count as a giftit's a necessity," he said as I got out of the car.

"Are you saying my clothes don't count either?"

"You needed maternity clothes, so I guess not." He held my hand and guided me to the elevator.

"I'm counting everything so you're off the hook."

"Next, we should buy a house with plenty of room for a garden," he said.

"My mother had a flower garden. I planted carrots and cucumbers, but the critters ate everything."

"Was that your nickname for your sisters?" His laughter echoed off the walls.

"No, I mean bunnies and raccoons. I called Eleanor Smelanor and Irene Stupid when we were little."

"And they called you?" he asked as we stepped off and into the lobby.

"Sweetie, it's condescending and nice so they never got in trouble. They still use it when they pat me on the head."

"You're the youngest and very sweet," he said as he kissed my forehead.

"It could be worse. Our next door neighbor, Eric Kline, called me dog face."

"The cad."

"Irene heard him, ran across the yard, and tackled him. She held him down until he promised to answer to 'butt wipe' for a month."

"Irene's my hero and spirit animal."

I slowed my step as I felt a kick or a head butt or an elbow. Ben put his hand on my belly and smiled.

"Here's a plan to consider, keep them separated at birth so they can't join forces and fight against us. Never let the other know of the dual existence. They will be lulled into brokering a peace accord," he said.

"And as training for bawling fussy babies, my sisters have arrived," I said as Irene swept through the revolving door with Eleanor right behind.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

"Trying to escape?" Irene asked, shifting the wrapped gifts in her arms.

"Of course not," Ben said. "I showed Alexia her new set of wheels." He took the stack of presents from her.

Eleanor laughed out loud as she piled more boxes on him.

"We haven't told you about the time Alexia brought a guardrail home for dinner," Eleanor said.

"Or the tufts of sod or the yellow paint scrapes from the bank drive up post," Irene said.

"If I admit I'm a klutz, will the stories die?" I asked.

"No," both said.

Eleanor took his arm and led him to the elevator, dishing the whole time. I sat down next to Travis behind the desk.

"Oh no you don't. You're uncoordinated and a little slow on the swing, but you're not a coward. C'mon, remember story for story. Tell him about the time Eleanor's zipper broke," Irene said.

"You're vicious," I said as I stood up and hugged her.

"The zipper broke and…?" Travis prompted.

"I'm sorry, confidential family secrets," I said.

We giggled all the way to the elevator. On the way up, we voted on three Eleanor classic screw-ups. The condo door was open and jazzy Christmas music filtered out. Eleanor situated herself on the couch, and Ben mixed her a drink.

"Nothing says holidays like margaritas. You two look guilty of everything," she said as she cast her wicked eye on us.

"Just reminiscing about zippers and strapless gowns." I sat across from her on the loveseat and put my ever-expanding ankles up on the ottoman.

"I collected five hundred bucks in tips and many phone numbers before the malfunction. Life before camera phones was so uncomplicated," Eleanor said.

"From the beginning," Ben said, handing another margarita to Irene.

"Well," Irene said as she sat in the recliner.

He joined me on the other couch.

"My boobs, my story," Eleanor said as she straightened up, giving her cleavage a pump up. "Unlike some men in this room, we have always had jobs. Sometimes two or three at a time. At eighteen, I worked as a cocktail waitress. Don't say I was underage. I've never been carded in my life."

"You were born twenty-one," Ben said to Eleanor.

"With a biker bitch attitude," Irene raised her glass to both of them.

It was hard to be the boring one, but I could never compete with these two, now three, soon to be five.

"Any who, there was a private party for some corporate health types. We had to wear slutty nurse costumes, not the usual uniforms. I had to be pushed and prodded into a flimsy piece of material, barely covering my breasts and booty. After an hour of bending and dodging lecherous hands, the straps popped. Before I could adjust my pieces and parts, the zipper split, the dress circled my ankles, and I was basically nude, except for a few triangles of material."

"I'm locking in the visual," he said as he closed his eyes and smiled.

I poked him in the ribs. He put his arms around me and kissed the back of my neck.

"Is there a moral to this story?" he asked as I pushed him off me.

"Check your underwear for holes and never leave home without a sweater," Irene said.

"Did you go home bared to all?" he asked.

"No, but I was furious. I picked up the remnants of my so-called clothes and threw them at my boss. A guy made a grab for me, and I punched him. A few more got drinks poured on their laps. The rest of the waitresses and the bartenders left with me. I put on my pants, boots, coat, and headed for the Red Line. Now, I've provided the entertainmentI want my dinner," Eleanor said.

I got up, kissed Eleanor, and high-fived Irene. I arranged my pans and started dinner. I heard their voices but couldn't understand a word. After I'd cooked everything, I lumbered to the living room.

"You should pose for me," Ben said to Eleanor and Irene.

"Are you propositioning my sisters?" I asked.

"They are powerful vibrant women. It would be a challenge to capture them on canvas," he said.

He was on the lookout for the next model, scoping all beautiful women.

"Just our faces," Irene said.

"I'd go full frontal for family," Eleanor said, "but he'll only allow Alexia to pose that way now."

Damn straight.

Back to the kitchen and the three of them followed me.

"Can we help?" he asked.
"Sure," I said.

Eleanor rifled through the drawers and found the silverware. Irene brought the mozzarella cheese and grater to the table. Ben opened the refrigerator, handed me the spinach salad, and rummaged around for the homemade Russian dressing.

The meatballs were done, the sauce boiled, and the pasta was perfectly al dente.

"If you don't mind, I'm leaving everything on the stove to keep it warm," I said.

Irene picked up a plate and handed it to me.

"You did the work, you eat first," she said.

"Hurry up, already," Eleanor said as she pushed in behind me.

I filled my plate and trudged to the table. Ben uncorked a bottle of sparkling grape juice. I smiled as he poured it in my glass. Then he opened the red wine and filled the other glasses. We all sat, and he picked up his fork.

Irene cleared her throat.

"Alexia makes us pray once a year," Eleanor said as she offered her hand to him.

I took his other hand and Irene's hand and bowed my head.

"Thank you for our health and good fortune," I said.

"Well said," he said.

We started to eat.

"Sweetie, what are you doing for your birthday?" Eleanor asked.

"When is your birthday?" he asked.

"You married her, impregnated her, and you don't know," Irene said as she poured herself more wine.

"He's given me so much, I don't want any more. Besides, I don't know when his birthday is either."

"April fifth," he said.

"Alexia's is New Year's Eve. We usually celebrate at the Reign Bar. You're welcome to join us," Irene said.

"Thanks, I believe I will," he said.

"You bought me clothes, jewelry, and a car. No more," I said.

"You could use a house for the babies," Eleanor said as she stood to get more food.

"I have been thinking about it. I've had my staff checking locations along the North Shore," he said.

"I like it here."

"But the children need a firm base. Preschool waiting lists are already posted. You need to jump now. Keep the condo for weekend trips in the city. It's a buyer's market. You could get a steal," Irene said.

I sighed and took my half-full plate out into the kitchen. I didn't want to move or think about houses. The three of them huddled, talking about suburbs, taxes, and bike paths. I yawned and shuffled to the bedroom. I would lie down for a few minutes. A half hour later, the light came on and woke me up.

"Did we bore you?" Eleanor asked.

"No, you will figure my life out and tell me what to do. I'm too tired to care," I said.

"Too true, especially because your life just got more thrilling," she said.

Weight gain and property purchases impressed Eleanor?

Ben and Irene brought the presents in. I sat up and got two gifts. The first from Irene was a German crafted twenty-piece knife block set. Better than diamonds and cut cleaner too.

"Ivan says when you are in the restaurant's kitchen; you always ask to borrow his knives. There's a sexual connotation there somewhere," Irene said.

"He's got nice tools," I said as I stroked the handles.

"No more secret meetings with Ivan," Ben said.

The next gift, from Eleanor, was a gift card for her salon.

"The masseuse specializes in pregnant women. She puts your belly in a sling and works on your back," she said.

"Sounds kinky," Ben said.

"Men," Irene said as she punched Ben's shoulder.

"Thanks," I said as I hugged both sisters.

He handed them their gifts at the same time.

"Alexia hasn't felt well, so I did the shopping. Everything is returnable," he said.

"I'm sure it will be fine," Eleanor said as she shook the box.

"On the count of three: one, two," Irene said as she ripped the paper.

They both examined the hand-sewn tapestry Mess purses. They had rich dazzling colors to match any outfit. Irene opened hers first and waved an envelope in the air.

"Money?" she asked.

"One size fits all and green goes with everything," he said.

Eleanor admired the silk inlay and held up her envelope. My sisters smiled at each other and pounced on my husband. He laughed and hugged them.

"Having a rich relative is going to come in damn handy because I have very expensive tastes," Eleanor said.

"And limited credit options," Irene said. "Thank you, Mr. Cobb. Other than our baby sister, we have a gift for you."

One more unopened box sat by my hip. Ben untied the ribbon, opened it, and smiled. Themed paint by number books with trees and flowers, animals, and super heroes spilled out on the bed.

"We are trying to broaden your horizons and open you to new art topics. We figured you have plenty of paint," Irene said.

"Thank you for helping my career," he said.

I smelled coffee.

"We know you're tired, but I want a piece of your tiramisu cheesecake. We promise to clean up and leave when we're done," Eleanor said as she gathered up the gifts and put ours on the dresser.

She and Irene strolled out admiring the purses. I knew they would count the money before they left too. I could tell them it was five thousand dollars, but I didn't want to spoil the fun. He crawled to me and kissed me.

"Having fun?" I asked.

"They're a lot of work but worth it. Shall I bring you some cake?" he asked.

"No, I'm coming."

We hiked to the kitchen, where stacks of fifty and one hundred dollars bills were laid out on the table.

Ben went to the loft for the rest of the week. Instead of painting, he drew rooms. He brought home his layouts. Dimensions grew and he designed the ultimate house. A master suite with a luxurious bathroom. A tub big enough for four. A grand foyer, huge staircase, library, gourmet kitchen, stately living room, indoor pool, exercise room. The back of the house would be big enough to host parties and opened out to the back yard for entertaining. Also staked out was a vegetable garden. A formal dining room table for seating twelve comfortably. A view of the lake though the house couldn't be seen from the lake. Upstairs plenty of bedrooms, bathrooms, and an office for me to be able to work on committees and any project that interested me. Maybe a room for Grandpa and wandering aunts. A separate three-car garage and servants' quarters over it.