Authors: Jolene Perry
“How’s it going?” Kent asks
me
.
“Good.” I nod.
We’re both trying way too hard to look relaxed, which means he’s as strung up as I am. And r
ight now both of us probably want to stare at Amber, but maybe not while the other one is staring at Amber. Awkward is sort of a lame description for this moment, but there it is.
“Okay.” She
stands up. “Help me get the table lowered, so it’s like a coffee table
,
and
then
we
’ll
have somewhere for our feet.”
“I c
an help.” Kent stands up. “I’ve done it b
efore.” His gaze points on me for a sec befo
re he
crouches down next to
Amber
.
There’s no way I’m staying in this boat with
Mr. Goody-boy.
“You two enjoy the movie.
I’m going to take off for a bit.” I stand.
Amber’s breath catches, and her eyes look wide. “You’re…
leaving
?”
“Yep.” I start to the door.
Either that or I’m going to make an ass out of myself in some ridiculous show to outdo a guy that I should be able to run circles around.
And I know it makes me sound arrogant, but come
on
.
“I wouldn’t go back to your boat, you know…”
“I’m fine. Thanks.” I give her one last subtle wave before walking up and out of her boat. I don’t bother to say anything to stupid Kent.
Amber’s eyes are wide, and her mouth is open.
She was playing something by inviting him down, and I’m not into it. The thing I like about Amber is that she’s
not
the playing games kind of girl.
It kills me to leave them alone in there, but sit
ting with both of them? N
ot going to happen.
Nothing’s open this time of night
,
so I climb in Dad’s car and start it to get some heat going. I reach into the back pocket of the passenger’s seat and pull out my iPad. Right now I’m in desperate need of distraction.
I read over the pages I’ve written from my South African boy. By the time I reach the end of what I’ve
got down the other day
, I’m in the groove and start typing as fast as I can on the odd keyboard. Minutes, hours… time doesn’t exist when I’m writing. Just my thoughts, my fingers working as fast and as hard as they can to get the words down.
The frustration of Amb
er
mixes with the hurt of M
om, and it’s all pouring out from the th
oughts of a little boy on the outskirts of Johannesburg
.
Eleven
“Wait. W
e’re going where?” I ask.
“To the San Juan’s.
Canada?” Dad’s eyes are wide. “It’s the trip we’ve been planning since you got here.
We’ve just been waiting for good weather.
”
“Oh. Guess I’ve been a little distracted.” How will things be different? Guess they really won’t be. We’ll still be on the boat, just not on the dock.
“So, they’ll ride with us?” I ask.
“Yeah, Lynn and Amber always ride along on my boat cause it’s bigger.”
“Right.”
I smile.
That’s a lot of time with Amber. “Two weeks?”
“More or less.” He shrugs.
“Really, we live here, so for however long we want.”
“Uh…
okay.”
Right. The house moves. Kind of white trash
in my mind
, but also convenient.
- - -
Amber comes down
the steps with a large backpack, h
er leg
s
depressingly covered
.
“Morning,
”
I say, a little curious as to
where we stand after last night and the whole movie thing with Captain America.
She quickly takes the last two steps, her pack slung over a shoulder. “Morning.”
Her eyes don’t directly meet mine, and her mouth twitches a few times. I have no idea what she’s thinking
,
and it’s making me crazy.
She doesn’
t look happy, or sad. Just…
“How was your night?” I ask.
What did you do after I left? Did he touch you? Did you want him to?
Why am I such a mess over this?
“You disappeared.” Her eyes narrow. Anger? I’m still not sure.
“Yeah, it was a little too cozy in there for me.”
I lean back and fold my arms.
And I don’t like games.
“Crap.” She sits in a slump. “Okay. I’m about to take my mom’s advice
,
and this really sucks, okay?”
I chuckle
at her poutiness
. “Okay.”
“It’ll be easier if I don’t look at you.”
She rests fingers on either temple, blocking her peripheral.
“I don’t like Kent that way. I just don’t.
It was stupid and not nice for me to invite him last night.
And I think I like you that way, but
y
ou scare me because I’ve never…”
The pause is excruciating, and her face doesn’t move or twitch or give any indication of what she might be feeling.
“W
ell, I can’t talk about that. A
nd you don’t strike me as the kind of guy who’s happy waiting around for a girl to make up her mind
,
and I don’t know that you’d even want me, which would make all of
this moot
, and I’m a little confused, and I know you’re probably going somewhere fancy for school
,
and there’s no point in starting anything
,
and
I’m afraid to start anything
,
and
I don’t know what I’m saying
,
and really,
really
wish I hadn’t taken my mom’s advice.”
She stops
talking
, breathing hard
after her rant, and h
er eyes
close
.
She likes me.
I hadn’t realized how much uncertainty I felt until she said it out loud
, and now I’m feeling something like relief
.
“I’m going to school at NYU.
” That’s what I co
me up with?
Our eyes meet.
“Probably me too.”
“What?”
I ask.
Amber in New York?
“It’s one of my final
three,
”
she says.
“Oh.” What else did she talk about? “I think I only understood about half of what you said.
”
She stands, her cheeks redder by the second. “Let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything. Okay? I think that would be better.”
She shifts her weight a few times and scans the carpet with her eyes.
“
Alright
, but I’m sort of confused by the whole thing.”
At least I’m being honest.
She likes me, but isn’t sure, and
also
isn’t sure
if she wants to start something?
“I’ll tell you what.
I’ll go outside for a bit,
and then I’ll come back down
so
we can start over.”
Her shoulders are t
au
t, her face is tight
,
and her hands are clenched together on the table.
I reach forward and touch my fingers to hers. Mostly because I’m an idiot, but partly because I’m really starting to
like her
.
A lot.
Our eyes meet. “I’m nervous
, and we’re going to pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“Fine.” I pull my arms away
, chest back to tension
. Why am I even bothering?
She jogs up the stairs and
out to
the back deck.
I’m left alone, in the silence of Dad’s boat.
Three set
s of feet are padding around up there, preparing to take off
. P
robably I should, too.
Only no
w I’m more confused than ever about
what’s going on with Amber.
After a few more minutes,
I step outside, and the sun’s out. Wow. Even in the winter it’s beautiful here. The reflection off the small ripples in the water is unreal.
“T
he weather’s supposed to be
crazy
warm for March. Aren’t you excited?”
Amber’s smile is wide.
Two seconds ago we were in awkward-ville. I guess we’re okay now.
“Uh…yeah
.”
She laughs. “You’ll love getting out of
Kingston for a while and up into Canada
. It’s the perk of living on a boat.”
“Okay.”
I nod.
“Besides, your dad’s boat is really nice.”
Amber finishes typing up her line and
stops next to me. Dad and Lynn are looking at charts on his small screen by the steering station.
“It is?”
Her eyes widen. “Are you kidding? This is an Oyster, and a big one.”
“This is big?” I
guess it’s one of the biggest on the docks, but still.
“For a sailboat, yeah. These things run over a millio
n,” she whispers.
“
What
?” Where did my dad get that kind of money?
She
leans in
. “He
does
make money writing, Antony.”
Why does her warmth have to touch me
when I can’
t touch her?
“Yeah, I just…”
“Some people make it in quantity, others, like you, will make it in quality.”
Her smile makes me think that yes, she does like me. It’s different from the smile she gave me when I first arrived.
I narrow my eyes. “You’re just trying to suck up
, so I’ll pass along a book.
”
“Please?” Her hands grasp my bicep and her wide eyes look straight into mine. If girls had any idea how much power they have, guys would be sunk. “I loved the beginning of the o
ne I read.
I want more.”
A few more inches and our lips would touch. As much as I want it to happen, now’s not the right time.
Before l
ast night I would’ve thought any time would be the right time.
“I’ll send it to your K
indle.”
Crap
.
Why did I agree to this?
“Thanks.” She gives me a tight sideways hug before
running up the walkway to the bow
.
Now at least I know I’m
not seeing things that aren’t there, but I still don’t know how to deal with a girl like Amber.
- - -
I step
on
to
the back deck of Dad’s boat. Lynn is half on his lap in the captain’s chair
,
and they’re sharing a Coke. I’ve seen them around one another before, but never
flirting
like this.
We’re moving north, which seems asinine in the winter, but Dad keep assuring me that it’s generally a few degrees warmer where we’re headed.
“Wanna drive? I could show you the navigation?” Dad offers.
“No thanks.” My eyes take in the blue ocean, which is all I can see in every direction. Until blond hair. Amber, resting with her legs dangling over the side.
“How you feeling?” Dad asks.
“Fine, why?”
He shrugs. “Some people get motion sick.”
“Not me.” I’ve spent my life on too many planes, boats and other odd forms of travel for his boat to bother me. All with Mom, but I cram that away. This isn’t the time to allow her to come to the surface. Besides,
I’m still hopeful that
maybe at some time my body will absorb the hurt that seems to be this never-ending, aching companion of mine.
“How do I get out there?”
I point toward Amber
.
“Walk
up the side,
and don
’t fall over the edge.” Dad chuckles as he hits another button on the side of his navigation screen
.
Right. Perfect. The walkway is wide, and I know if water weren’t rushing past me on one side, this wouldn’t be a problem.
Instead I look at Amber, sitting way near the front of the bow,
and think about how much I’d like to join her
.