Spirit Ascendancy (15 page)

“NO.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I said no.”

Finn’s arms were crossed over his chest like a knot not even the briniest of sailors could untie. His expression was mulish. It had been that way from the moment he’d woken up and seen me sitting there, waiting for them all to stir so I could tell them my decision. I could tell from the way he was looking at me that he’d known before I’d opened my mouth, but somehow this knowledge didn’t better prepare him for accepting what I had to say.

“I’m not sure you quite understand the nature of this conversation,” I said, crossing my own arms. “You seem to be laboring under the delusion that I’m asking your permission, which is something I have never done before and will never do under any circumstances that I can think of. So wipe that disapproving look off your face and do your job.”

He blinked at me, incredulous. “Do my job? What the hell do you think I’m trying to do? It’s been quite enough of a challenge protecting you from the hordes of other people who want to kill you. I wasn’t anticipating having to protect you from yourself!”

“Well, good, because I’m not asking you to. Anca and the Traveler Council will help me figure out how to do it. You just need to stay out of my way.”

“I’m not in your way,” he shouted.

“Really? You’re trying to forbid me from doing something. I’d call that in my Goddamn way!” I shouted right back.

“When are you going to realize that I’m not trying to undermine you? I’m trying to help you!”

“And when are you going to realize that I make my own decisions? You know, Mackie warned me when I got to Fairhaven that the Caomhnóir had a pretty Draconian view of women, but you are unbelievable. Seriously, if you don’t want me to do this, why don’t you just hit me with your club and drag me back to your cave?”

“You didn’t have a problem with me or my club when I was standing beside you in that Council room back at Fairhaven, or when I was driving like a maniac all over the city of London to get away from the Necromancers! Either you want my protection or you don’t, Jess, but you can’t have it both ways!”

“Yes, let’s talk about wanting it both ways, shall we? You keep claiming that your only job is to protect and preserve the Gateway. You’ve made it quite clear that all the times you’ve helped me have nothing to do with my own personal well-being. Well, here I am, getting ready to risk that well-being to defend the entire Gateway system, and suddenly you won’t allow it? So which is it, Finn? Are you safeguarding me, or the Gateway? Because it looks like you’ll have to choose between the two, and we both know how you’ve chosen in the past, so I don’t know why you’re fighting me on this. We all know you care a hell of a lot more about the Gateway than you do about me!”

His face twisted with something painful, and he leapt up out of his chair and toward me in one sudden movement. For one wild, incoherent moment, I thought he was going to attack me, but instead he charged past me and out of the wagon, slamming the door so hard that the candles tumbled from their wooden holders and the draperies separating the beds fell in a dusty heap to the floor. Savvy had to stomp quickly on a candle that landed in the folds and started to smoke.

I didn’t even consider following him. I just watched the dust cloud settle, attempting to let my own anger settle amongst the motes. Annabelle and Savvy sat in the stillness with me, waiting for me to break the silence.

“What about you guys? Do you forbid me to go through with this?” I asked.

Annabelle smiled weakly. “I’m impressed with you, frankly. And don’t worry about Finn; he’ll come around.”

“I don’t know about that, but thanks anyway,” I said.

“You’re welcome,” she said, standing up and pulling her sweater over her head. “I’m going to find Anca and see if she can rustle us up some breakfast. I’ll be back soon.” She slipped out the door and into the dim morning, the light filtering through the trees still as much shadow as brightness. As I watched her go, I heard Savvy behind me, blowing a long breath out through her teeth. “Blimey, Jess, do you always have to be so hard on him?”

I whipped around to face her, anger instantly redirected. “Excuse me? What do you mean, I’m hard on him?”

“You never let him do his job without arguing with him! I know it’s ridiculous having the men as protectors, but it’s not his fault that this is how the system works. He was born into it just like you were, and he’s got to make the best of it. He’s been told his whole life that his destiny is to protect you, and you go around getting into all these situations that almost get you killed—”

“I’m not getting into these situations on purpose!” I shouted. “Do you honestly think I want any of this?”

“Oi! Don’t you go yelling at me! The point is, if this all goes tits up, he’s going to blame himself, and I know you don’t want that. So just… try to understand where he’s coming from. That’s all I’m saying.”

I was caught completely off guard. When Savvy sounded more rational than I did, I knew I needed to reevaluate. I took a deep breath.

“There’s a possibility you might be right about that, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t change my mind on this.”

“I know you can’t. So does he. That’s probably why he’s so cross about it,” Savvy said. She walked over and sank onto the bunk next to me, flinging a chummy arm around my shoulder. “I’m not that happy about it myself, to be honest.”

“Neither am I.”

“I’d be scared shitless if it were me, mate.”

“I am,” I said. “Believe me, I’ve tried to talk myself out of this at least a dozen times since last night. But no matter how I look at it, I keep coming back to the same decision.”

“Yeah, I know. We really didn’t know what we were getting into, did we?”

“Not a clue.”

“To think I used to complain about a bit of book work back at Fairhaven. Now look at us: on the run with a bleeding traveler caravan,” Savvy said, chuckling. “I should have just slammed the door in Celeste’s face when she recruited me.”

“If only you’d walked in on someone else’s shower. You could have avoided this whole mess,” I said, putting my head down on her shoulder.

“Yeah, fate works in mysterious ways. But I’d have missed out on your magnificent tits,” Savvy said. “So really, a fair trade all in all.”

I punched her in the arm as she cackled at me. A sharp rap on the wagon door silenced us both. The door opened before either of us could cross the room to answer it. It was Anca.

“Ileana sent me to fetch you. She wants to know if you’ve come to a decision,” Anca said.

I reached into my bunk for my bag and shouldered it. “Wow, before breakfast, huh? And I’m assuming we’ll be escorted right out of the caravan if she doesn’t like my answer?”

Anca frowned down at her feet. “Caomhnóir will be standing by, yes. I’ve already sent Annabelle to the tent.”

“Very hospitable,” Savvy said.

“Well, let’s get this over with, then,” I said.

“Where was your Caomhnóir going?” Anca asked as we stepped down onto the grass.

“Probably somewhere to go cool off,” I said. “I’m sure we’ll find him sulking behind one of these wagons.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Anca said over her shoulder as she led the way. “He asked Dragos the way to the nearest road. You really don’t know where he was heading? I assumed you’d sent him somewhere.”

“I’m not in the habit of sending him places,” I said. “He’s not a messenger boy. You saw him leave the camp? Did your people actually allow him to do that?”

“Yes. They determined he was free to go, since he isn’t the one the Necromancers are after. He had his things with him.”

I stopped walking and looked back at the wagon we’d just spent the night in; Finn’s rucksack was indeed missing from beside the door. I traded a nervous glance with Savvy. Anca, realizing we were no longer behind her, turned to look at us.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said, “Well, I think so. Finn and I had an argument about Walking. He stormed out.”

“I see,” Anca said. She looked unconcerned. “Should we send someone after him?”

“No,” I said quickly. “I’m sure he’ll be back. He was just upset.”

“Very well, then. Follow me, please. We shouldn’t keep Ileana waiting.”

And as we walked, the absence of Finn beside me began to feel like the presence of something painful and gnawing.

“Well, then, Muse. You’ve reached your decision?”

Ileana was perched again on her carved wooden chair, drumming her fingers on the arms.

“Yes, I have.”

“And?”

“I’m going to try to learn how to become a Walker.”

Ileana let out a breath in a low whoosh that I didn’t even realize she was holding. Anca bowed her head, her eyes closed. Even the stone-faced Caomhnóir betrayed expressions of surprise and relief.

“You have made a wise and brave choice,” Ileana said.

“It might be brave, but I’m not so sure about wise,” I said. “But I am making it anyway, on two conditions.”

The raven cawed as though raising its own objections to the idea of conditions.

Ileana frowned. “Conditions?”

“Yes,” I said, being careful to keep my voice as respectful as I could. “I realize that you are not planning to engage in battle with the Necromancers, but if I’m going to risk myself becoming a Walker, you’ll need to take a few risks yourselves. We need to know where my sister is, and we need you to help find her.”

Ileana’s dark heavy brows had risen so high that they nearly disappeared into her hair. “We are taking plenty of risks as it is. We have agreed to shelter you and teach you all we know about Walking. You will have our full protection while you are here. This is not enough for you?”

“No,” I said flatly. “Walking will be pointless if my sister is missing. I can’t cross through our Gateway if I don’t know where she is. I also refuse to accept the prophecy as a foregone conclusion. She may not reverse the Gateway if we can find and rescue her first.”

“I already told you, I will not—”

“I’m not asking any of you to help us rescue her,” I said. “Even though we could obviously use all the help we can get. But we have no resources to look for her, and no idea where to start. I think you have both of those things.”

Ileana ran a finger over her mouth, her expression shrewd. “What is your other condition?”

“Irina has to be the one to teach me how to Walk.”

Ileana could no longer feign composure. Her mouth fell open and her complexion went pale beneath its ruddiness.

“How do you know about Irina?” she asked. She then answered her own question by shooting a baleful look at Anca, who dropped her eyes to the canvas floor of the tent.

“Does it really matter? It’s enough that I know,” I said. “I get why you wanted to hide her from me; I’ve seen the state she’s in. But honestly, she is the best resource I have. I want her there as a guide when I try to do this.”

Ileana shrugged. “Very well. I can’t imagine that there is much help to be had from the likes of Irina; you’ve seen what she is. But I leave that up to you. If you want her there, we will find a way to bring her to you. But we cannot guarantee that she will be as useful as you hope, and if she grows impossible to control, she will need to go back, for her safety as much as everyone else’s.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “What about the first condition?”

Ileana hesitated, then spit into her hand and held it out to me. “We shake on it, and then I release my own Trackers to begin the search. Again, I can promise nothing but an honest attempt.”

“Neither can I,” I said grimly, taking her hand and shaking it.

“We begin then!” Ileana cried, jumping up from her chair with great energy and causing her bird to squawk with surprise. “Anca, convene the Council in the meeting circle. We must devise the best plan for removing Irina safely from her bonds. Then alert the Scribes. They will need to prepare all our scrolls and books related to Walking, so that we may decide how best to proceed with Jessica’s training.”

Anca shuffled out of the tent at once. Ileana approached me and clapped a bony old hand on my shoulder. Every movement she made created a tinkling, jingling sound, like she was a human wind chime.

“By the bonfire at the center of camp, you will find food. Help yourselves and eat up. You will need your strength, I don’t doubt, for what lies ahead of you.”

“Thank you. And those Trackers?”

“I will send them at once.”

“Thank you, High Priestess,” Annabelle said

Savvy and Milo echoed her in a mumble, and we all turned and exited the tent. The morning air still had a cold snap in it as we approached the bonfire, where a long trestle table stood loaded with bowls of fruit, roasted vegetables, loaves of rustic bread, tureens of soup, and a number of ambiguous hunks of cured meats that could have belonged to any of a number of animals. It was like stumbling onto some sort of ancient bacchanalian feast in the middle of the 21st century, one of the strangest and most anachronistic moments of my life; just yesterday my breakfast had consisted of Pop-Tarts and breakfast cereal out of a mug with Prince William’s face on it, and now I was sitting on a fallen log like a forest nymph, eating from a rough wooden bowl.

Savvy looked down at her food and sighed. “Who do you think I’d have to screw to get a cigarette around here?”

“Aren’t you starving?” I asked her, dunking my bread into a bowl of hearty brown stew and wolfing it down almost without chewing. It might have just been how hungry I was, but at that moment it was the best thing I’d ever tasted.

“Mate, I haven’t had a fag since yesterday round about midday. I nearly tackled that old gypsy bird for the tobacco in her pipe,” Savvy said with a note of desperation. Her knee, beneath her plate, was jiggling up and down rapidly.

“Plenty of the Travelers smoke,” Annabelle said. “It’s part of the culture. They’ll roll their own, of course, but I’m sure if you just ask around…”

“Brilliant. It was either that or a shag, and I don’t much fancy a romp in the wagon with any of these gypsy blokes. Back in a mo’,” Savvy said. She jumped up and disappeared around the corner of the nearest wagon, where a group of Caomhnóir were gathered, talking and laughing raucously.