“Be out in a minute, Airiana.” She struggled to keep her voice even as she wrapped a clean cloth around her hand to soak up the drops of blood. “Take a message for me, will you?”
Very carefully she cleaned her brushes, taking her time, knowing Airiana would cover for her on the phone. Airiana would know she was fighting her way back. She came into this room only when the darkness threatened to completely consume her and she had to find a way to dissipate some of it. She feared if she didn’t, sooner or later, her emotions would escape and she would harm someone accidentally.
“Breathe in. Breathe out. Find beauty in the world around you.” She allowed the familiar mantra to take her back to the world she lived in.
She had sisters. Five of them. Each one of them had shared an equally traumatic experience. They had met in Monterey, California, a beautiful coastal town where an amazing woman had brought together a group of victims of violence—of murder—for counseling. Each of the women felt responsible and each was at the very end of their ability to cope with shame and guilt. Until Monterey. Until they met one another and formed their lasting sisterhood.
They trusted few people. Believed in even fewer. But together they were strong. Together they could live their lives in peace. Find happiness again. Maybe not in the way others would have thought was right, but it was their way and Judith embraced her life in the small village of Sea Haven where she worked.
They called each other family and that’s what they were—sisters. Many people in the world had family of the heart, kin by choice rather than by blood, and hers had come along in her darkest hour and saved her life. Five years ago they’d made the decision to buy a farm together just outside of the village of Sea Haven, on the Northern California coast. The community was small and close, the villagers interdependent on one another for success, which made them all very friendly and tolerant of one another.
“You okay, Judith?” Airiana called again, this time insistent.
It was a common question they all asked one another.
“Be right out,” she said again, dodging the question. It was never good to outright lie. Bad karma, and in any case, Airiana was fairly good at seeing through lies.
Airiana was the most difficult of all her sisters to mislead. Like Judith, she could read auras, the electromagnetic field of pure energy surrounding human beings. She saw the energy in colors surrounding people, allowing glimpses into their emotions as well as character. Judith rarely trusted her gift, while Airiana relied on hers. All of her sisters knew that if Judith was in this particular studio, it wasn’t a good day.
Judith carefully put all her brushes and paints away and draped the canvas she was working on. No one could ever see this painting. No one could ever peer into the swirling dark kaleidoscope. These pieces were far too powerful on the senses, created from a forbidding, despairing place she rarely allowed herself to go, but sometimes had no choice.
With great deliberation, she locked the French doors and drew the thick, heavy drapes, preventing light, preventing any view whatsoever of this studio.
She blew out the many candles, plunging the room into darkness, and took a deep breath of the soothing lavender as she struggled to find peace again. After hours of allowing her darker emotions free reign, it took time to bury them again, to cover them up and find tranquility. She needed to maintain complete and absolute serenity at all times when she was in the company of others.
Judith took another deep breath of the lavender, the scent now slightly faded, and stepped into the hallway of her home. The soothing color of ivory washed over her. She looked at everything as a canvas, including—or especially—her home. Because each of the sisters had their own designated five acres on the farm and were able to design their own home, she had started with an amazing blank canvas.
The lower story was all about her work, the three studios, a playroom, a bathroom and a bedroom just in case she’d worked too long into the night and just crashed without bothering to go upstairs. Her living space was all about glass and views of the gardens surrounding the house. Open space and welcoming. She loved her home and the hard-earned peace she found there.
She met Airiana in the hallway and gave her a quick hug.
“I was worried,” Airiana admitted, her deep blue eyes searching Judith’s face for hidden shadows. “You only go into that studio when you’re really upset, Judith. You haven’t been there for a few weeks.”
That wasn’t strictly true. In the last few days leading up to the anniversary of Paul’s murder Judith hadn’t been able to sleep and she’d spent several nights in the studio surrounded by her anger and sorrow.
“I know it’s distressing to you,” Judith said gently. Just the sight of Airiana restored her inner balance. She wasn’t alone, dealing with the mass of emotions she was forced to suppress. She had her sisters. They loved her in spite of her reckless past and they would stand by her.
“What happened to your hand?” Airiana demanded. “Should I call Lexi?”
Their youngest sister worked with healing herbs, among other things. Judith forced a smile, holding up her hand. “A scratch. Nothing more. I’m dying for a cup of tea. Did you put the kettle on?”
“Before I came downstairs,” Airiana said, her gaze flicking once more to Judith’s hand before she sighed and let it go.
“Good. Should be near boiling by now.”
Together they went up the stairs leading to the main living quarters. Judith loved looking at Airiana, always calm in the face of any crisis. She was quite a bit shorter than Judith, slim, with an almost boyish figure, small breasts, a narrow waist and slim legs. Her hair was natural platinum, streaked with silver and gold, amazing in the sun. Her eyes were enormous, a deep blue, fringed with golden lashes. Small specks of gold dusted her nose.
Airiana was one of the smartest people Judith knew, and that included Damon Wilder, Sarah Drake’s husband, who worked on defense systems for the United States. No one would ever guess looking at the little pixie who was Airiana. She looked more like a dancer than a think tank. Airiana simply made people feel good with her presence and on days like this one, Judith welcomed her company.
“You always pick the perfect day to come and see me,” Judith said, meaning it. “I suppose you already chose the tea and put it in the teapot as well.” Airiana always seemed to know when Judith—or anyone—needed cheering up.
Airiana laughed. “Of course. You know I’m not shy about making myself at home. When you have a husband and a dozen kids running around, I’ll still just let myself in and be the favorite, wonderful auntie. And we’re having black tea. I needed a boost.”
Judith shook her head, smiling wider and keeping her eyes bright and sunny when deep inside, she wept continuously. She was trapped by her own gifts, terrified to ever take such a chance again, to feel for a man, to trust. She wouldn’t be the one having children, when she’d always so desperately wanted a family.
The hardest aspect to control wasn’t her facial expression; it was holding a happy aura in place. Thankfully, she was truly overjoyed to see Airiana, so the blossoming color was there, spreading across the deep sorrow, shame and guilt she hid from the world. She tended to guard her energy around Airiana, which resulted in a muddy gray surrounding her and always raised Airiana’s eyebrow, but other than asking her if she was okay or needed anything, Airiana held to their code of not prying.
The upper story was spacious, the living room large, opening into the dining room and kitchen area, so anyone visiting would feel welcome in any room. Banks of windows provided amazing sunlight and gorgeous views of the surrounding gardens below.
“There is nothing in the world like a good cup of tea at the right moment,” Judith pointed out. “Thanks for putting on the kettle.” She stretched. “I spend far too much time sitting on my butt. I think it’s growing significantly.”
Airiana turned her finger in a little circle. Judith obligingly spun around. Airiana widened her eyes. “You are so right. Middle-aged spread is setting in.” She burst out laughing again and ran for her life with Judith hot on her heels.
“The thing about long legs, you short little shrimp, is that I can outrun you.”
“Not with a large ass, you can’t,” Airiana called over her shoulder as she sprinted through the spacious rooms. The accusation that anything on willowy Judith could be large was so absurd, she laughed so hard she couldn’t see where she was going and crashed into an armchair. Tumbling over the side of it, she landed on the floor and blinked up at Judith. “Yikes. I guess your butt isn’t quite as big as either of us thought.”
“I am
not
even close to being middle-aged, smart-ass.”
“True, but you’re still always going to be older than me,” Airiana pointed out smugly.
The front screen pulled open and a woman stuck her head in the door. Tall and blond, she was the picture of athleticism, her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her body in a tight, stretchy shirt and running shorts. As she stood on the porch above the stairs, she tapped her foot and wiped at the sheen of sweat on her face.
“Blythe.” Judith waved as she greeted the oldest of her sisters and the acknowledged leader of their sisterhood. “You went running again this afternoon? You ran this morning.”
“What in the world are you two doing?” Blythe Daniels ignored the inquiry and stepped inside to sink down onto an ottoman and remove her running shoes.
“Well,” Airiana said from the floor, “basically we’re discussing Judith’s butt and how big it’s grown while she sat and painted today.”
“Really?” Blythe frowned at them both, looking very concerned. “I don’t have my glasses to examine you up close and personal, Judith, but there isn’t much there. In fact, your butt might be considered flat.”
“I have a very cute ass,” Judith protested.
“You were the one just saying it was ballooning,” Airiana reminded her. “I was trying to be supportive and helpful.”
Judith flung a decorative pillow at her head. Airiana sent a push of air to counter it, stopping the pillow abruptly so that it fell to the floor.
“Show-off,” Judith accused. “I’ll make the tea. Blythe, do you need a glass of water?”
“Thanks, love one.”
“You shouldn’t run twice in one day, Blythe, especially not today. Doesn’t Levi teach our self-defense class tonight, or do I have my days mixed up?” Airiana asked. Once again her blue eyes inspected her oldest sister with some concern.
Judith paused in the open sweeping wide arch leading to the kitchen to hear Blythe’s answer. All of them had personal demons they fought, and Blythe was no exception. She was just so
good
—the only word Judith could think of—it was distressing to all of them when she went through these periods of insomnia. She got up early and ran and often ran late in the evenings. It was rare for her to include an afternoon.
“No, Levi’s definitely going to throw us all over the gym tonight,” Blythe said, wiping at her face with the hem of her shirt. “I think last week every bone in my body ached. He’s worse than Lissa and her martial arts training.”
“Don’t forget her Pilates. And her weight training. And her Zumba classes,” Airiana added and threw herself onto her back on the floor, groaning. “I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Lissa can think of a million ways to do us all in.”
Judith forced a laugh. It was becoming easier to feel the emotion she was trying to portray to her sisters. “Not like Levi.”
Levi Hammond was married to Rikki, another sister, and Levi believed in preparing them all for any situation. They practiced self-defense moves over and over, and he was a very exacting teacher. Lately he’d been adding weapons training. Lissa, of course, already a third-degree black belt, was particularly fast at catching on, while Judith felt very out of her element. She could do martial arts katas, all those beautiful graceful forms, flowing across the room, every movement exact and elegant, but she just couldn’t seem to get some of the more practical self-defense moves down.
Lissa was always unfailingly patient with her. Levi, less so. He was determined to ensure Judith could handle herself in any situation. She knew he was right, but that didn’t make her any better at self-defense. She busied herself pouring the boiling water into the teapot and slipped a cozy over it to allow it to steep.
Blythe drank a full glass of water by the time the tea was ready, ignoring the other two laughing at her. The three women curled up close on thick, comfortable chairs, tucking legs up.
“I have to say,” Judith confessed, “I was totally wrong about Levi. He’s crazy about Rikki and has been good for her. I’ve actually grown very fond of him.”
“I didn’t expect to like him so much either,” Airiana admitted.
Blythe shrugged her shoulders and looked at them over her teacup.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Judith shook her head. “You don’t get to be silent on the subject of Levi. He’s with our beloved Rikki and I thought you said they were good for each other.
“I think they are,” Blythe said. “He pushes her just a little to stretch her comfort zone, but he accepts her and seems to love her for who she is. They seem a perfect match.”
“There’s a
but
in there,” Airiana pointed out.
“No one really knows anyone,” Blythe said. “You have to take people at face value. What they say, how they act, but if they lie, if they don’t show all sides of themselves, you never know who you’re truly dealing with.”
Judith ducked her head, pretending to take a sip of tea. Blythe always told the truth and this time she hit so close to the mark, Judith felt it like an arrow through her heart. There was a sudden silence and when she looked up, she realized both of her sisters were looking at her in alarm.
“What is it, honey?” Blythe said. “I didn’t mean to stir up old ghosts. Perhaps mine were just a little too close today. I haven’t been able to sleep and I guess I’m feeling a little melancholy.”
Judith took a deep breath and pulled back from that yawning precipice of despair and sorrow, knowing if she went over the edge, she’d take Blythe and Airiana with her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I was thinking of Paul today and it’s just so close. The idea that Levi could hurt Rikki when we stood for him, when we’ve accepted him into our family—that’s just so horrible.” She hadn’t been sleeping lately. Was it possible she was affecting Blythe? It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.