Spread Your Wings: Men in Blue, Book 4 (6 page)

The man above her cursed, shouted, groaned and shook. He emptied himself into the condom he wore with endless jerks of his body that demonstrated to her just how completely vulnerable he’d allowed himself to become.

For a long time after, they lay boneless and tangled in the quiet. Content to stay still, they surfed the endorphins pumping through their veins. Until she feared she might doze off and wake to an empty bed and hollow arms, only to find this had all been the best dream of her life.

“Are you okay?” His sexy voice had dropped an octave. It sounded scratchier than she remembered.

“Perfect.”

“Yes, you were.” He squeezed her with one arm.

She kissed his chest, sighing when he rose, going into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. Running water followed shortly after the flush of the toilet. When he returned, and stood hovering over her, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering.

“So…what’s your name, anyway?” She worried the corner of the sheet draped haphazardly over her as he sat on the edge of the bed and toyed with her cropped hair.

“Does it matter?” A laugh puffed from between his swollen lips. He’d applied himself thoroughly to imparting pleasure, guaranteeing her first time had been worth the wait.

“I guess not, but I’d sort of like to know who took my virginity.” A blush stole over her cheeks.

“Right.” A pause stretched out until he cleared his throat. “It’s John.”

“Like John Doe?” She rolled her eyes. “Just say you won’t tell me. Can’t. Super spy etiquette or whatever.”

A rich laugh filled her shabby bedroom as he flopped to his back, staring at the tan, amoeba-shaped water stains decorating the ceiling. “Tell a woman the truth and see where it gets you.”

“Seriously?” Propping up on one elbow allowed her to peer into his gorgeous blue eyes, ones she’d never forget.

“Yep.” The edges of his lips curled into something resembling a smile. At least from a man as hard and world weary as him.

“Nice to meet you.” She dropped a kiss on his mouth. It quickly became more and would have turned into a whole lot of yumminess if she hadn’t paused him by lifting up then climbing from bed. He steadied her as her weak legs grew somewhat coordinated once more. “Sorry, have to use the restroom. And maybe I should grab a quick shower.”

He grimaced when he took in the smears of blood on her thigh.

“I’m fine, promise. Be right back.”

“Okay. Mind if I take a look around?” He sat up, his long legs folding over the edge of her mattress.

“Not much to see, but sure, knock yourself out.” Waving toward the main space of the modest apartment, she wished for once she had something a little more presentable.

She rushed through her shower, not giving a shit about the lukewarm water this time. With every splash she prayed that he’d still be there when she emerged. If not, she’d given him the perfect chance to poof. Up to him.

The prospect of an empty house hurt her insides.

Just a little longer. A little more. Please.

Relief brought tears to her eyes when she exited the bathroom to find him lounging on her bed once more, though this time clothed. He curled his fingers toward his palm. “Come here, wild thing.”

She didn’t have to be told twice. And neither did she care that all she wore was a towel. He’d seen every bit of her tonight anyway. Not just her body, either.

Burrowing into the bed and soaking up his perpetual heat, she clung to him. They didn’t talk much, but they enjoyed each other’s company and the delight of not spending the loneliest part of the day in solitude.

When the rising sun began to turn her bedroom wall the slightest shade of rose, he sighed and kissed her on the forehead. He didn’t have to tell her their time was up.

“If you can come back, you’re welcome.” Saying ‘my door is always open’ wouldn’t matter to a man like him. He’d pick any locks that stood in his way and she’d be none the wiser. But it meant something to her to offer.

“Ah, Jambi, don’t do that to us. I can’t.” He left no wiggle room, though she couldn’t squash the hope in her heart. “It was crazy to stay the night, never mind retrace my steps. I won’t put you in danger like that. You have no idea the way I live. In twilight. I thought you understood.”

“I do.” She traced the muscle twitching in his cheek. “But there should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen.”

Of course he got it. He got her. His laugh would be something she treasured. “That’s the wrong kind of wild thing. Though I like Maurice Sendak too. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve worked hard to never regret the decisions I’ve had to make in my life. Finding that impossible today.”

He rested his forehead on hers for the space of several breaths, skimmed his fingers over her obscured tattoo, then crawled from bed.

Jambrea thought it might have been the most difficult thing she’d ever witnessed. The strength and courage it took him to keep going awed her. Now there was a true hero. If she thought he’d accept it, she’d give him her medal. “You can do it, John. Whatever the hell
it
is. I believe in you.”

“I’ll keep fighting. Until my last breath. I promise that to you and all the other civilized people in this country, even if they never know I exist.” He tucked his feet into running shoes. “This meant something to me. Don’t ever doubt it, though you’ll never hear from me again. On the darkest of nights, I’ll have memories of you. There are still innocent people in the world, even if I don’t get to meet many of them.”

Tears stung her eyes. She wished she could comfort him more, tend to the wounds she could sense lingering inside the valiant warrior.

“That’s not how I want to remember you.” He swiped at one fat drop that leaked from the corner of her eyes and tracked down her cheek. “Smile, Jambi. And wait for the right man to come along. Make sure he deserves a woman like you, huh?”

“Sure,” she mumbled with a sniff. Who else would be able to claim something like that after him?

“Stay safe, kid.” He grinned at her half-snarl.

“You too, John.” She mourned as he covered the hint of his rock solid abs beneath his T-shirt with a non-descript black hoodie then slipped his gun into the concealed pocket at the rear of his pants. When he’d finished, she’d never guess he carried.

How many other secrets did he hide as effectively?

“So long.” He blew her a kiss then melded into the dusk of her living room. The door didn’t make a sound when it closed, but the emptiness in her apartment—and her heart—guaranteed he’d left the building.

And her life.

Forever.

Chapter Three

Two Weeks After Lily’s Wedding

“Stop laughing. I need your help.” Jambrea’s usually smiling face, unaccustomed to frowning or self-pity, couldn’t quite pull off the scowl she attempted. The impressions of her dimples lingered.

“To get laid?” Lily suffocated her evil
bwah ha ha ha
and refrained from steepling her fingers in front of her. Her less experienced—
way
less experienced—friend wouldn’t understand. The inevitable downfall of two cocky cops had more to do with her delight than the obvious discomfort of the woman in front of her.

The fact that Jambi had come to Gunther’s Playground the exact same day Lily returned to work after her honeymoon spoke volumes. Jambea had thought about her approach, calculated the best course of action. And she was taking steps to get what she needed. Not so different than most of Lily’s clients. Yet worlds away too.

Red cheeks and bright eyes gave Jambi’s nervousness away even if her short hair standing on end after dozens of finger-combings hadn’t. Lily didn’t need such obvious signs to read the cute nurse she’d become such close friends with. Who’d have thought the Mistress and the innocent could nurture so many commonalities? A wolf and a sheep. Both enjoyed their place in nature’s hierarchy.

“Well…yes.” Jambrea chewed her lower lip long enough that Lily had to restrain herself from ordering the other woman to stop before she hurt herself. Simply because she was dressed in her full Mistress Lily regalia and sitting behind her desk at her private club didn’t mean she had any authority over Jambrea.

At least for now.
 

“Why? What happened with Matt and Clint? I saw them drag you out of our reception.” Lily tipped her head, truly curious. “I didn’t figure you’d make it all the way home before someone was getting a BJ, at least.”

“Maybe
that’s
what I did wrong. I probably could have gone down on Clint on the ride to my place.” Jambrea shook her head. “No. They won’t let me touch them. Honestly, I’m so confused. I don’t get it at all.”

“Have you asked them what’s going on?” Lily often counseled submissives. This would be a hell of a lot easier if she could lock her three bullheaded pals in a room for a few days. If they’d just let her orchestrate a session, all this extraneous drama could be dealt with so they could move on.

Then again, the last lesson she’d tried to teach Matt and Clint didn’t seem to have stuck.

“I did.” Jambi paused, slumping in her chair. “Well, kind of. I went insane on them. Screaming, throwing things, the works.”

“You?” Lily leaned forward. No signs of sarcasm were visible from several inches closer.

“Yep. Not my finest moment. I was kind of sloshed, not that that’s any excuse.” She smacked her forehead repeatedly with the heel of her palm. “I asked them what I was doing wrong. Why they kept turning me on, then shoving me away.”

“What did they say?” A sinking feeling crept into the euphoria Lily had lived with since her wedding day. Maybe… She might know what the problem was after all.

Could her experiment have gone horribly awry?

“Some bullshit line.” Jambi’s fight started to fade and instead of amped she just looked weary. Bloodshot, puffy eyes guaranteed she’d spent some quality time mourning lately, too. This was bad.
Really
bad. “The standard, ‘it’s not you, it’s me—
us
—’crap. That’s when I went berserk. I mean, how could they have made out with me one minute, the night of your Sex Offender incident, then by the next time I saw them, only a few days later, go into this screwed up downward spiral? Just when I was finally growing a damn spine, ready to believe all the things people have been saying about how they look at me and stuff, they go crazy! It pushed me over the edge. And even after all that—God, I acted like a total frothing-at-the-mouth psycho—I woke up the next morning to find Clint smashed onto the couch and Matt camped on the floor with just my rainbow peace sign Snuggie as a blanket. They faked leaving, then came back to make sure I didn’t die in the middle of the night. Of course, as soon as I woke up they ran out of there before we could discuss anything serious. Why do they care, but not enough?”

Oh yeah, time to come clean. Because Lily had a feeling Jambrea had suffered weeks of insomnia scouring internally for an external problem. “Are you feeling less postal now? Because I have a confession.”

“What?
You
? Did they talk to you? Ask advice or something? I don’t want you to violate their confidence.” Jambi didn’t seem pissed, more inquisitive. She never got that worked up really. It said something that she’d lost her cool with the guys. And no matter how much her heart hurt, she thought of those around her first. So freaking selfless it bordered on unwise.

Lily could stand to learn from her friend, she thought.

“No. They didn’t say anything to me. Still, I might have an inkling. Worse, this might kind of be my fault. Oh boy. How can I say this?” Lily considered her options, then decided Jambrea would respect a straightforward approach the most. Even if she didn’t like what she heard.

Her guest tapped her fingers on the polished ebony arm of the occasional chair she graced.

“You said they made out with you the night I took Sex Offender, right?” Lily recalled that insane evening. The substance flooding her veins had driven her and Jeremy to extremes. It had been the first time she bent for him. And he’d granted her everything she needed, including access to as many men as it had taken to slake her augmented passion.

Matt and Clint both included.
Shit
.

“Yeah.” Jambrea turned fierce. “And I still can’t believe you did that. The things I’ve seen at the hospital, working on addicts and the lab testing for the antidote… You’re nuts.”

“There wasn’t another way to infiltrate Morselli’s operation.”

“I know, Lily.” Jambrea backpedaled. She smiled. “It was the bravest and most idiotic thing you’ve ever done. You saved countless lives.”

“But…did they tell you what happened after?” As an infamous Mistress, Lily didn’t often feel the need to squirm, but she did now. Talk about honor, Jambrea topped the list. What would she say about the lengths they’d had to go to in order to end Morselli and The Scientist’s madness?

“That they both had sex with you? Yes. Bitch.” She looked wistful, not betrayed, when her gaze met Lily’s. “Was it good, at least? Let me live vicariously for like two seconds.”

“I don’t remember a lot of specifics.” Lily shivered.

“Sorry, that was inconsiderate of me.” Jambrea retracted her wish. “I understand that it was a necessity. That the drug is agonizing if not combated by endorphins released through sex. Truly. I get it. They would never leave you to suffer.”