Maybe that’s why Chase was so adamant about Kate’s safety. He feared subconsciously what monster lurked under his skin. But Kate had said once that Chase had told her he didn’t need to go to the very dark side anymore. Maybe this is what she had meant.
Suddenly, Jake wished he could talk to Kate. She was his friend first. He wanted to make sure she was okay, though he’d never be brave enough to ask her if Chase had ever hurt her like he had hurt Tia. Kate was a handful when pissed, and seeing his buddy had more than pissed her off, he was staying away from questionable conversation.
He stared at his phone, itching to dial. Kate had all the answers. And though neither of them was very experienced with relationships, at least she had one that was sort of working. He was at a loss of how to save the weekend, and it wasn’t even the weekend. It was only Friday.
I’m working on the mission
, he texted Kate, waving a white flag.
Yeah. LOTS told me your plan. Bad, bad idea,
Kate responded
.
LOTS was Chase—short for Lord of the Spies.
Worse idea than loving you?
As soon as he hit send, he knew that was a big, big mistake. And sure enough, a heartbeat later, his phone rang, coming up as TNT on the display—their name for Kate.
“What the fuck, Anderson. You know he goes through my phone, don’t you?” She didn’t beat around the bush, and though she often berated him about his language, when she was pissed, she could give as good as he could. “Even this call is a bad idea, because he could easily pull it up. He doesn’t have me bugged. I’ve checked. But you’re waving the red cape in front of the bull, and I don’t mean me.”
“Sorry, bad move on my part.”
“You think? You think as bad a move as taking your partner home with you when you don’t take women home? Chase told me she was the one who had bound you in Paris. Really, fucking bad idea.”
Again, hindsight was twenty/twenty. “We’d already slept together. And I’m working on forgetting you. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“No! I told you to find a woman of your own, not one to play mind games with. Jesus, Jake. If I had known it would come to this, I would have given you relationship lessons ages ago when my relationship was working.”
“Things still not good?”
“No, things are not good. He lied to me. He told me I was implanted with some birth control device, and then he proceeded to tell me, as he fucked me daily, that he couldn’t keep his hands off of me, because committed sex was awesome. He was relentless on that mission. He didn’t care that I was exhausted or that you’d bruised four of my ribs the day before or that I twisted my ankle on a jump landing. He wanted a fucking zygote, and that’s what he got. So no, things are not good.”
Jake sighed. Chase was an ass.
“I’m sorry you hurt.” Saying sorry usually made women happy, but it only seemed to toss fuel on Kate’s fire.
“You haven’t made the situation any better. Do you realize the hell I got last night when he came home? He wanted to know about Paris, every stinking detail, and you know how well I lie to him. So despite how pissed I am, I had to give him
the look
and distract him from his interrogation.”
Jake knew
the look
. It had made him hot before, and it obviously tossed Chase off the edge. Kate drew in a breath, winding up to give Jake more, and he winced. Maybe he should have bitten the bullet and called Chase instead.
“So…” she continued. “Now he thinks he has a chance in hell, and he’s being an egotistical bastard. It’s taking everything I have in me to keep from walking out on him. So, God help me, you better find your way out of this mess, both with Chase and Tia. You had better come up with what you’re going to say to him when he asks, and you had better be able to say it faster than he can load a bullet.”
Jake wasn’t worried any longer. He had it under control. He was here, with Tia, and Chase knew that. “He’s not going to connect the dots. We’re fine.”
“Really? I can’t believe you just said that.” She gave a disgusted snort. “That’s your problem, you know. You underestimate everyone who’s close to you. In the field, you take nothing, no one for granted. You never underestimate the stakes when they’re high. They could kill you, and you’re one step ahead.”
“Not true!”
“The truth hurts, doesn’t it? Those of us in the inner circle, we’re all either taken for granted or underestimated. You underestimate my strength every day, believing I’m not strong enough to leave Chase without you to hold my hand. That I’m not strong enough to be an agent, with or without you. And even Chase, he’s not smart enough to look at you as a threat. I’m not saying you need to be afraid of us, but for God’s sake, get your head out of your ass and start seeing people for what they are instead of what you create them to be.”
She always accused them of being overprotective, but now she thought he underestimated her? Chase? Wrong. Jake went back to the original plan—say you’re sorry and pray like hell. “Sweetheart, I don’t underestimate you. I’m sorry he’s made you this…angry. I’d do anything to take the pain away.”
She growled with frustration at her end of the phone. “And that right there is your second problem. It’s my life, and he’s hurt me, but he’s
your
best friend. When he told you I was pregnant, what was the first thing that came into your mind?”
Jake struggled to remember the conversation. He’d been too shocked. “How much this was going to hurt you?” Maybe that smacked too close to what she was screaming at him about. He should have thought first and lied.
She snorted. “
He’s
your fucking best friend. You should be thinking about Chase, and what Chase needs. Did you even ask if he needed anything from you? Even if he wanted to go for a beer or shoot something or just talk? I wouldn’t even have cared if you had taken him to see a stripper. Just…something.”
“I was in his office. It wasn’t appropriate.”
“Bullshit. You were putting me first again, and that’s not helping any of us. It’s not going to help your future relationships, either. I can’t be first. So when I say, I’m thinking about leaving him, you best be thinking how you’re going to pick up the pieces of his life, because he’s the one who needs you, not me.”
“Kate. I’m sorry.” And he was. He had fucked things up but hadn’t realized the depth of it. But he didn’t agree on the underestimating. She was wrong.
Kate sighed. “So you obviously fucked something up with this Tia, because you’re texting/talking to me instead of making love to her. So what did you do?”
Jake didn’t want to tell Kate, not after she had just reamed him out, but if he wanted to get over her, he had to press on. So he told her everything except the part about Chase fucking Tia—the woman didn’t need any more ammo against Chase—and when he got to the wedding sex role-playing, she made that strangled noise in her throat. He never knew if it meant she wanted to strangle him or if he was strangling her, but it always made him cringe.
“What?”
“Really? You’d play mind games with her like that? Wedding sex?”
“It’s role-playing. Don’t you role-play with Chase?”
“No. I wake up and play a role every day of my life. It’s all I can handle. If he had played wedding sex with me in the beginning, I would have gone completely crazy or would have just rigged his car with a bomb.”
He blinked in disbelief. “You don’t like role-playing.”
“Not no. Hell no.”
It never dawned on Jake that they might not be sexually compatible. She was attracted to him, he to her. But the idea that she wouldn’t want role-play during sex boggled his mind. He and Tia spent most of their sex play in some role or another, and then added in toys or other fun things to keep it just shy of wild. Obviously, Chase didn’t play that way. And if Kate was his, he wouldn’t play that way, either.
He frowned. “I’m sorry you don’t like role-play sex. I think, though, you should try it if you ever speak to Chase again.” She made the strangling noise, and Jake hastily said, “I said that putting Chase first! Not you. He likes a good role-play. His favorite is captured spy, though I bet you’re the first real spy he ever captured.”
He must have hit too close to home, because she made a disgusted sound. “You know him too well, and I hate you. But we weren’t talking about me.”
Ha, so she had role-played before. He’d bet his horses on it. Jake grinned at the phone. “Fine. So what do I do?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Jake, other than figure it out.” She paused and sucked in a breath of surprise. “That’s for me?” she asked someone on her end of the phone, sounding stunned. “Really? Put it there. Thank you.”
“What?”
“Damn him,” she whispered. “He sent a gift. God damn that man, he knows exactly what buttons to push.”
“What did Chase send? Where are you?” He pictured diamonds, pearls, and a car. Chase had butt loads of money. He could send her anything her heart desired.
“I’m at the lab. He sent me C-4. Lots and lots of C-4.” She sighed again, sounding as wistful as a woman who had just received diamonds, pearls and a car. “Damn him.”
He should be sad or jealous, but instead, Jake laughed, unable to help himself. Chase knew her better than anyone, and he was a little proud of his buddy. “I told you he didn’t play fair.”
“No. He doesn’t.” Kate paused. “Go forth, Anderson. See how you can make this Tia of yours as happy as Chase just made me.”
Jake hung up and leaned against his tree, happy for Kate. She deserved to be happy, after what Chase had done. But he was unhappy for himself after the bitching out he had just received. He didn’t underestimate his friends, did he? He thought of all Kate said, and then reflected that to the problem at hand—Tia.
He quickly came to the conclusion that he was as much an asshole as Kate inferred. He had underestimated what their role-playing would do to Tia. He’d taken it for granted that she would enjoy it as much as he did. He’d assumed Chase hurting her had been the reason she cried. A weaker woman might have dissolved to tears about that, but Tia was anything but weak. Kate was right. Thinking like that in the field would have gotten him killed.
So what made Tia tick? Wedding sex had terrified her at first, enough to make her safeword out. Then it had made her cry. He drew in a deep breath on the tails of understanding. She didn’t want to be a girly girl, and when she had bitched him out, she had given him the impression that her true self-image wasn’t as strong as he would expect. Perhaps that’s why she had driven Chase to the lengths she had. Maybe she didn’t feel she deserved better.
Maybe wedding sex was her darkest fantasy.
He shifted on his blanket, leaning his back against the tree. Maybe that’s why she came so easily for him, because the whole act had felt more like making love than just…sex. Maybe it filled a secret need she had. One she hadn’t expected, and that’s why she had cried.
He swallowed the lump in his throat. Wedding sex had been incredible for him, too. Mind-blowing. Pretending had been magical and made him stand at the fringes of his childhood, when he was sixteen again and love was so…simple. He brushed that thought aside. Real men didn’t go back. That was for women.
Maybe Tia needed to revisit something a little more kinky to get her confidence back, before he resumed wedding sex full throttle. Tia deserved to feel special, and what better place than in his arms? No way in hell was he giving up wedding sex, not when deep down, they both craved it. But first, he’d let her get some of that fire back.
He rose and ambled back to the house to gather a few things he knew she wouldn’t be able to resist. They broke the vanilla rules, but if Chase didn’t have to play fair with Kate, then neither did he with Tia.
Chapter Nine
When Tia returned from her run, she felt drained. Sorry for unleashing her inner bitch on Jake. Horribly ashamed for sharing what she had made Chase do to her. Still as horny as the moment she had awaken in his arms, wanting nothing more than to find him, ride him, and come again and again. If she had guessed coming for him would make her this needy, she wouldn’t have gone there. Why unleash the tiger when it was safely caged? But her inner tiger was out, and damn Jake, she wanted him with a need deeper than hunger.
Would sex outside wedding sex make her heart bleed again? She hoped not, because she planned on having a lot of non-wedding sex for the rest of the weekend.
He’d left her a note in the kitchen telling her where he was—under the tree. Her knitting bag was on the counter as well, a hint for her to come and join him. She’d join him, but she didn’t anticipate much knitting getting done. Again, damn him.
So after a very quick breakfast and a rinse off in the shower, she grabbed her bag and walked out back. He was on the phone, so handsome as he laughed, and she wondered if he had called Kate after all. So much for banishing her. It hurt a little, but she went back to her fantasy cover story—she fucked him, she stayed alive—and the pain vanished.
He hung up and smiled up at her from his blanket. He was on his stomach, blue stocking feet in the air, and he looked more like a little kid than an international spy and man whore. “Have a good run?”
She shrugged and sat on the edge of the blanket, as far from him as possible. “Have a good chat?”
He rolled to his back and scooted to lean against his tree. “Chase says hi.”
Chase.
Not Blondie. Tia frowned, not knowing what to think. “You didn’t—”
“No. I’d never go there, Tia. It was purely social. You’ll need to go there on your own at some point, though. You can’t work with him and not discuss what you did.”
“I know.”
“Good.” Jake shifted and crossed his legs. “So, Chase has been working on winning back Kate’s affection. He sent her a few cases of C-4. He’s hoping that will get him out of the dog house.”
“I didn’t realize he was in the dog house.”
“Oh. He sorta planned Kate’s pregnancy.” Jake went on to explain the basics, and Tia couldn’t help but feel sorry for Blondie, as much as she hated her deep down. She could also see now why Jake was so protective—Kate was pregnant, his best friend an ass. Even if he wasn’t in love with her, it was understandable for the partner part of him to rear up and breathe fire.