Stacking the Deck (A Betting on Romance Novel Book 2) (44 page)

“... and the man who you refuse to discuss but we all know you’re thinking about…
Carter
.” Trish wrote his name in all caps and blew a whistle through her teeth. “
Hmm
. That middle column’s a doozey.”

“No kidding.”

Liz stared at the list… a spreadsheet of all that was wrong with her life. The problem was, the center column was her dream column—the column she’d neatly and effectively ignored for ten years of her life. She’d tucked it in that box, thrown away the key and forgotten all about it, thank you very much, until a cursed man with a wicked smile and way too much charm came waltzing back into her life and got her
thinking
again. Thinking about possibilities and kisses and youthful fantasies she had no business dreaming about again.

Damn him. Damn him and his devilish smile and his gorgeous butt and making her fall in love with him!

Liz jabbed a finger at Carter’s name. “It’s all
his
fault. I was perfectly content until he came along. Perfectly happy!”

“Perfectly?”

“Fine.
Almost
perfectly.”

“Is that anything like being almost engaged?”

“Stop talking to Bailey.” Liz shoved the pad away in disgust. “
Aargh!
What’s wrong with me anyway? I had it all worked out, Trish. Everything was going along so smoothly.”

“Just like you planned?”

“Yes!
No!
That’s the problem, isn’t it?” She flumped forward, her hands buried in her hair. “It’s just like Carter said. I’ve got my lists and my plans, but you can’t live a life that way.” Liz looked up at Trish in shock. “Oh my God, I didn’t! I didn’t
plan
any of it. My whole life!”

“Of course you did. You’re the Queen of Lists.”

“That’s just it. I was reacting, not acting.” Liz leapt up and began to pace. “I did well in school because I spent so much time
there
instead of
here.
Professor Greeny gave me a lead for a job, because I was constantly in his office asking for extra study notes so I wouldn’t end up back in Sugar Falls struggling to get by like Mom and Dad.”

She whirled toward Trish. “Everything has just...
happened.
Now I don’t know what’s next, because, truly, I don’t know how I got
here!
I don’t know what I want. I just know I can’t go back.” Liz sucked in a breath and stared at her sister. “
I can’t go back.”

“Because of this Grant guy? He’s gone, Liz.
Vamoose. Adios
.”

“No. Because
...
I don’t want to
.”
She didn’t want to. She hadn’t jumped at the promotion, because she didn’t
want
it! “All my life, I’ve tried to be what I thought other people wanted me to be.  I took what seemed the safe bet. But, I don’t want to bury myself researching Forrester and Gartner anymore. I don’t even want to explain to you what that is. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life pouring over spreadsheets and timelines and watching people’s eyes glaze over when I tell them what I do. It feels like… like I’ve been trying all this time to make everything turn out
right
instead of trying to be
happy
. Instead of being real
.
”

“But, you’re good at it.”

“I’m good at a lot of things.” Liz looked around. “But, I don’t want to be this person anymore, Trish. I’ve buried the part of me that wants to explore and take chances so I could become some person I don’t even recognize. Some person that’s not only run away from her family and the people who cared about her but run away from herself and everything she always dreamed about.

“Do you know I’ve never been to Niagara Falls? How crazy is that? We’re
this close
compared to most of the world, one of the greatest natural wonders on Earth, and I’ve never been! Or the Grand Canyon. I haven’t seen
that
either! What have I been
doing
with my life?”

“Relax. There’s time.”

“No. That’s where you’re wrong. And, I’ve wasted too much of it.”

Liz looked out at the late spring morning. The dew had burned off, and the sun was out, the small, bright green leaves on the trees shimmering in the breeze. It was so different from the dull sliver of street she’d limited herself to for the past six years.

“I need to step off this crazy treadmill I’m on and start over before it’s too late. I want to see Niagara Falls, Trish. I want to try ice skating again.”

“Your butt was black and blue for weeks.”

“I don’t care! I don’t want to miss another ten years of my life! I want to live life without apology. I want to go back—back to when everything was spread out in front of me like a clean page and…  and
try again.”

A clean page.

Like a page in her scrapbook.

“I want to come home,” she said.

“You are home.”

“Not yet.” A smile pulled at Liz’s lips as she looked at her sister, as the lid to her treasure box burst open with possibilities in her mind. Pandora be damned. “What would you say if I told you
I’m
thinking of buying the house from Mom and Dad?”

“I’d say your June Cleaver obsession has finally gotten the better of you. Be serious.”

“I am. I want to see it stay in the family.”

Trish sat back in her chair and gaped. “Liz, moving back here isn’t going to fix everything. You’re disappointed, sad, a little confused. Maybe a lot. But, you’ve got a good job in Chicago. You’re crazy if you’re thinking of throwing it all away just because you’re in a funk. Take a vacation. See Niagara Falls. But, don’t jump off the deep end, for cryin’ out loud.”

“Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? I thought you’d be supportive.”

“I would be if you were talking sense. You’re in a tough spot right now, I get that, but moving back here? That’s crazy. What would you
do
?”

“I’d get a job. I’m sure there are lots of businesses that could use my skills. Who knows, maybe I can get into staging houses for Valerie’s clients. She seemed impressed with what I did here. I could even take some classes—see if I could get into interior design. I’m not even thirty. It’s not too late.”

“Liz…”

“Maybe then, maybe if I’m
here
…”

Trish smiled sympathetically. “Liz, moving back isn’t going to fix what happened with Carter. Move on.” She sighed. “As much as you might want to go back, you can’t rewrite the past.”

“I’m not trying to rewrite the past. I’m trying to rewrite my future.”

Trish took another swig of coffee and shook her head. “Whatever you say, June.”

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
____________________

“D
O
NOT
TELL ME to be understanding, Grams. I’m in no mood to understand a thing.” Carter scowled into his pancakes and stabbed a blueberry with the tine of his fork. He wasn’t particularly thrilled to be rehashing the whole sordid affair again, but he also hadn’t been big on cooking for himself lately. “She was embarrassed by me. Embarrassed by the fact that I wasn’t good enough for her.
That’s
why she submitted the bid. She was trying to make me into some other guy, some guy who’s up to her level. Well, she can forget it. I’m not proving myself to anyone.”

He was done proving himself. Since the fire, Ted Seamans had apologized and invited Carter back to the department, but it still rankled he’d been so quick to judge in the first place.

Carter shoved his plate away and stalked to the window. He glowered at the drizzle that fell outside. Thank God he was done with the fountain project, because this weather would have put him behind for sure. And, he had
Liz
to thank for
that
headache. He’d had to work night and day to get it done in time for the dedication. Thankfully, Rick Mercer had decided he owed Carter and lent him a hand. The kid had fallen in with the wrong crowd and made some stupid choices, but if you could ignore the wise-ass attitude, he was a hard worker. Sure, the kid was a little rough around the edges, but so was Carter in his day.

He turned, the same anger that had fueled him since learning he’d won the damn bid filling him once more. “Do you know she even had the nerve to suggest I have ADHD and might want to consider medication?
And
counseling
?”

Grams stuck her hands on her hips. “Would you stop being pigheaded? First of all, you do have ADHD, we can all see
that
. If you think it might help, go to a doctor and see what they can do.

“Secondly, look at things from her perspective. Liz has worked hard to make something of herself. She thought she had to be a certain person to be a success. I’m sure it’s hard to let that go. It makes her vulnerable.”

“How about
me
, huh? How about the guy she’s supposed to—”

“
Love?”
Grams’ eyes twinkled in that annoyingly knowing way that made Carter wish he were an orphan. Again. “Oh, honey, you have to know if she loves you, she’s going to fight against it harder than anything.”

“You must have early dementia, Grams. That makes no sense.”

She poked her spatula at him. “Don’t you backtalk me. Think about it. If she gets involved with you, it’s like asking her to put aside everything she’s worked to build over the years and jump in feet first. If she’s the woman you say she is, I’d say she doesn’t do impulsive. I do
not
know why you don’t get this. It was a string of lights, Carter, she didn’t throw an engagement ring back in your face!”

“It’s what they
represented
.”

“To you they represented
you
. To her, they represented the part of her she was afraid of. She was scared. Scared of putting herself out there. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of being too in love.”

Love.
Ha!
He’d happily leave it to the buffoons on Grams’ stupid reality TV show.

Grams wiped her hands on her apron and wrapped her arms around him. He was nearly a foot taller than she, which made him feel a little silly. Still, looking into those eyes, that had held so much compassion over the years, had seen so much, made his chest ache. He’d do anything to get rid of that ache. “I’d never hurt her,” he whispered hoarsely.

Grams pursed her lips, and nodded as she patted his shoulder. “You wouldn’t mean to.”

She put her fingers to his lips to silence him. “I know you’d never physically harm her.
She
knows that. But that doesn’t mean she’s not scared of what you make her
feel
.” Grams gave him another quick squeeze then returned to the stove and picked up her spatula. “The question you need to ask yourself is: is love scarier than being alone? Or, is it scarier to lose the one you love because you didn’t do everything in your power to be with them?”

Carter’s throat felt thick, and he let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know,” he said.

She glanced at him over her bifocals. “I think you do.”

He bit his lip and looked outside at the rain again and let his mind roll over the memories. Liz and the grease fire. Playing chess. That kiss in Jenny Whitmeyer’s pantry. Liz fighting with the cart on the way out of the hardware store. The look on her face on that first day of tutoring when she took the Twizzler from him and their fingers brushed. The feel of her hair in his hands as he cradled her beneath him on her front lawn, praying to Sweet Jesus and Mary his body would protect her…

His eyes were blurry when he looked at Grams again, his heart thudding deep and heavy in his chest. “I’m just like my mom, aren’t I?”

“Oh, honey, “Grams said, reaching up and wrapping him in a tight hug. The smell of maple syrup enveloped him. “You always were. You always were…”

“I
’VE CALLED THIS MEETING, ladies, because my grandson has asked for our help.” Carter fought not to wince as Grams squeezed his hand with wrinkled, arthritic fingers on top of the big farmhouse table.

Maybe this was a bad idea after all, he thought with some trepidation.

Four sets of bifocals peered at him earnestly.

“He does look in bad shape,”
tsked
Lydia sympathetically. “Haven’t been sleeping well, have you?” For some reason he had the sense this almost delighted her.

“Serves him right for being so hard on my Liz,” Claire sniffed indignantly.

“Now, now. We’re not here to judge. Carter sees now he wasn’t fair to Liz and he wants to make amends. He’s come to us to seek our advice on how to apologize.”

“Apologize?” croaked Carter.

“And win her over,” Grams continued.

“Oh! What fun!” Lydia clapped her hands, silver bangles tinkling excitedly. “Do you love her terribly?”