I was so terrible at this family and relationship stuff. I wish Lizzy were here. She’d know what to do. She was so much better with people than me.
“It’ll be okay,” said Ev, taking my hand in hers.
A nice sentiment, but I highly doubted it.
“PARTY!” An hour later, Mal was in loud, manic mode.
He only had a bottle of water in his hand. Our words had gotten through to him at least. Just like the first night I met him, he stood on top of a coffee table, doing his groove thing. There were a lot of women willing to heed his party call. Plenty of slick, shiny women watching my man with avarice in their eyes. It was something I’d have to get used to. I couldn’t kill all of them. I mean, where on earth would I hide so many bodies?
This dating rock stars business was harder than it looked.
One such young lady tried to climb up onto the table with him and no. Not even a little.
I grabbed her arm. “Not happening.”
“Get your hand off me,” she spat.
“PUMPKIN!” shouted my drumming delight from above.
Holy hell, my ears. They were ringing.
The woman gazed up and gave Mal a foxy grin. Her facial expression when she turned back to me was not as warm.
“Sorry,” I said (blatant lie there). “He’s taken.”
“Who the hell are you?”
“I’m pumpkin.” The “ha, bitch” was silent, but make no mistake, it was most definitely there.
She did some strange squinty-eyed thing and then about-faced, disappearing into the crowd. There was a flash of shiny silver stilettos and she was gone. Awesome shoes. I’d worn my usual boots and a skirt, denim this time, a black long-sleeve shirt and some chunky resin jewelry finished me off. Deep down inside, I had no idea how a rock star’s girlfriend was supposed to dress, but for comfort would do. Those shoes though, I’d really like to know where she got them. Chances of her telling me now had to be somewhere between nil and none.
Lori and Neil were still stationed on the couch in the corner. David and Ev kept them company while I guarded my man from other women. Or something like that. Honestly, I wasn’t having a very good time. The argument earlier had left me on edge and I didn’t fit with this crowd. There were music reporters and industry types, a mixed assortment of the rich and famous all gathered together to kick off the tour.
“Pumpkin?” Mal called again.
I turned to face him.
“Oh, there you are. Hey. I have an announcement to make,” hollered Mal. “Everyone. Yo!”
The crowd quieted, all heads turning his way. I didn’t have a good feeling about this.
“Lot of shit’s been happening lately. Got me thinking about things.” He gazed over at his parents. “Life’s short and you gotta make it count, take the time to be with the people you love. Keep ’em close to you. So I, ah … I’ve come to a decision. Right here, right now.”
He stared down at me, his brows nearly meeting above the straight line of his nose. And then, he sank down on one knee, on top of the coffee table. His hand reached out for mine and I took it, fingers numb with surprise.
“Marry me, Anne.”
My heart stopped. Holy fucking hell. He couldn’t be serious.
“What?”
“Yeah, marry me tonight,” he said, his voice clear to one and all. “We’ll fly down to Vegas on the red-eye. Be back in time for breakfast.”
Flashes went off around us, blinding me. But nothing else existed. There was only his beautiful, hopeful face, fading in and out of view.
“…So romantic,” whispered someone nearby.
“We can take the guys with us,” he said. “Go pick up Lizzy on the way. Even bring Reece if you want.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“I’ll buy you the biggest fucking ring you’ve ever seen.”
No, really, was there no oxygen in this room?
“I know this is soon. And I know you’ve got some issues with marriage, but this is you and me. We’re solid.”
No, we weren’t. We’d just had a fight. We were always having fights and it’d only been … fuck, how many days? Yes, we could be good together. But we were only beginning; no way were we ready for this.
“C’mon, Anne.”
“It’s only been a week …”
“I need you to do this for me.”
“I’ll marry you, Mal!” Some bitch at the back of the room shouted. Others muttered their agreement.
“Why?” I searched his face, my heart beating overtime.
“Lots of reasons.”
I shook my head, stupefied.
“Please,” he said, staring into my eyes.
Neil was supporting Lori, they were standing right there, not four feet away, watching the whole thing. My stomach turned upside down. There was such hope on Lori’s face. She had her hands clutched to her chest, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Ev stood just past her with David and her lips were drawn, but her eyes … Fuck, they all actually thought this insane idea might work. Well, I guess Ev would, she’d done some crazy stuff in Vegas herself.
But this wasn’t romance. This was insanity.
“I need you to do this for me,” he repeated. “Take a chance, Anne.”
Take a chance on heartbreak and abandonment. All the pain and suffering I knew so well. I barely had a grip on being in a relationship and he wanted to make it legal and binding forever and ever until someone up and decided they’d had enough.
My shoulders curved in. “Mal … don’t.”
His gaze darted over my face. “You and me in Vegas. C’mon, it’ll be fun.”
I stepped closer to him, trying for privacy. “I can’t marry you just to make your mom happy.”
“It’s more than that.”
“It’s not. If it weren’t for her being sick, there’s no way you’d be asking me this right now.”
“But–”
“I’m sorry. No.”
“Anne …”
I could see the exact moment he realized he wasn’t going to talk me into it. That he wasn’t going to get his way. His jaw hardened and he dropped my hand. In one smooth move he jumped off the coffee table and headed for the door. Any possible words stuck in my throat, choking me.
There he went. Going, going, gone.
He was gone.
Every eye in the room was on me. David followed Mal, and Ev appeared at my elbow. They really did have this shit down by now, managing drama the Stage Dive way. Jimmy and Ben stopped Adrian from following David and Mal. The manager gave me a look strongly encouraging me to curl up and die. I was so sick of this.
Something broke inside. The pain was excruciating.
It was really best just to get this dealt with.
Lori’s look was hesitant, sad. “Oh, Anne …”
“I’m sorry,” I said, and then I got the fuck out of there.
***
Mal didn’t return to our hotel room that night. There was no message from him the next day either. I went home.
I spent the remaining days of my vacation spring cleaning the apartment. Lizzy and Lauren took turns sitting on the love seat, watching me go berserk. Berserk being their word, not mine. I was fully functioning and fine given my heartbroken status. No way had I crawled into bed like Mom and refused to come out. I was stronger than that and my apartment was very, very clean.
“Look at that bowl,” I said, gesturing toward the bathroom with my pink, rubber-gloved hand and toilet brush. “You could eat out of it.”
“Babe, all power to you, but I am not inspecting your toilet.” Lauren crossed her legs, swung her foot back and forth.
“No shit, it’s sparkling.”
“I believe you.”
The front door opened and Lizzy walked in. “She still at it?”
Yes, during particularly unlucky times, they’d both be there, commenting and getting in my face. So helpful. Friends and family were the worst. They were also the best, seeing me through this temporary insanity.
“Yes, she is. Please knock before you come in uninvited,” I said.
Mal would be pissed. He hated people just waltzing in. Not that he would ever be here again or cared, so whatever. Maybe I should scrub the kitchen one more time. Going back to work tomorrow would be good. It’d help keep me busy. Reece had dropped off a couple of new bottles of environmental all-surfaces cleanser and a scrubbing brush for me yesterday (I’d worn my old one out.). He got my drive to keep busy right now. Or, if he didn’t get it, he at least had the sense to stay out of my way and not mention any famous drummers.
“And you didn’t close the door properly, Lizzy.”
My sister looked at me over the top of her sunglasses. “That’s because you have another guest about to arrive. Hopefully you’ll be nicer to this one.”
“I’m nice to everyone.”
Lauren winced. “No. Not really. You’re kind of pretty fucking painful lately. But we love you and we get that you’re hurting, so here we are.”
My frown did feel permanently pressed into my face. Perhaps they had a point. It might be time to move on. If I’d only been with him a week, then mourning him for half a week was probably about right. Too bad my heart disagreed.
“Helllooooo!” cried Ev, appearing around the door frame. “Yeah, okay. Wow, Liz. She needs help.”
“Told you,” said Lauren, standing up to give Ev a hug.
“Um, Anne?” Ev approached me with extreme caution, slowly slipping out of her woolen jacket. “Take the gloves off and go put on clothes that don’t have holes in them. You might want to shower first, wash your hair, maybe? Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“I’ve been cleaning,” I explained, holding the brush up as evidence. “You don’t wear good clothes to clean in.”
Lizzy turned me in the direction of the bathroom. “About the time you’re waving a toilet brush around exclaiming about the beauty of your bowl, it’s probably time to stop and rethink your life.”
“Go back in there and clean you this time,” directed Lauren. “I’ll find you some clothes.”
“Wait.” I turned back to Ev. “Why are you here? Why aren’t you on tour?”
She grimaced. “The tour’s been cancelled. Put off until next year. It’s for the best. They’re saying Lori only has a couple of days left so the guys have all gone to Coeur d’Alene.”
Oh, god. Poor Mal. My ribs squeezed breathtakingly tight.
“Why aren’t you with them?” I asked.
“I’m flying there this afternoon.” She spoke slowly, carefully. “But I wanted to be here for your intervention. And to ask if maybe you wanted to come with me.”
I just stared at her blankly.
“I think he would really appreciate you being there, Anne. I know things got left in a bad place between you two. But I think he could really do with your support right now. Lori would probably like to say good-bye.”
“I turned down her son’s proposal of marriage, so I highly doubt that.”
Ev gave a one-shoulder shrug. “She was sad, but … I don’t think she was mad at you exactly.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway. I can’t go.” I wandered into the bathroom, put away the toilet brush, and peeled off the rubber gloves. Ev, Lauren, and Lizzy huddled in the doorway, watching me. I washed my hands, soaping them up super well. “Look, guys, I appreciate the intervention, not that I believe I needed it. I was just keeping busy before I had to go back to work.”
“Sure you were,” said Lizzy. “That’s why you scoured the ceiling.”
“It was dusty.”
“Focus, ladies.” Lauren clicked her tongue. “Anne, you need to go with Ev. Talk to him.”
I dried my hands with a towel. The girl in the mirror was a bit of a mess, hair lank and skin greasy. They were right there, I had looked better.
“You two were good together,” said Ev. “He got carried away with the wedding idea, but I think he gets that now.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think there’s so many good ways to take someone refusing to marry you.” I huffed out a laugh. “Not sure there’s any coming back from that one. Thanks for the thought, Ev. But he doesn’t want me there.”
She shook her head. “You don’t know that–”
“Yes, I do.” I put my hands on my hips. It didn’t feel quite right so I swapped over to crossing them over my chest instead. “I texted him the other day, asked if there was anything I could do. If he wanted me there even just as a friend. He said no.”
And yes, Mal’s one-word, two-letter answer had pissed me off and hurt. The fact that I bought myself a new phone for my birthday was somewhat related. As was the mark I needed to paint over on my bedroom wall. Turns out I had a better throwing arm than I was aware of.
Ev, Lauren, and Lizzy just stared at me. Awesome. I could do without yet again having my heartbreak on display for one and all. And that was a shitty, stupid thought. “Seriously, thanks anyway, guys. For everything. I’m going to take your advice and have a shower.”
“That took balls, reaching out to him,” said Lizzy.
“I had to try.”
Lauren frowned at the floor. “We need booze. Food.”
“Yeah,” sighed Lizzy.
My smile started twitching at the edges. I couldn’t quite make it. “Sounds good.”
Ev nodded somberly. Then she paused. “Anne, be smarter than him. If he means something to you, if you get another chance … don’t give up so easily.”
I had nothing. I just stared at her, lost, not a clue how to react or what to do with myself. It was the same damn way I’d been feeling since the night Mal walked out on me.
“Go get cleaned up.” Lizzy hugged me from behind, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing tight. “I’ll organize some food and drinks.”
“Oh, I can do that after I-”
“Anne, please. Let me look after you for a change.”
I nodded slowly, on the verge of tears yet again. “Okay. Thanks.”
Lizzy set her chin on my shoulder, not letting go. “You’re my amazingly strong big sister and I love you. But you are allowed to need help now and then. You don’t have to fix everything on your own anymore, you know?”
“I know.” I didn’t know it exactly, but I was beginning to feel it. And it was warm, wonderful, and everything it should have been. Not being alone in this, having them all here was a beautiful thing. “Thank you.”
***
My birthday didn’t feel like my birthday. The last two had been nice, shopping with Lizzy and going out to dinner with Reece. But this year’s? Not so much. It was a lot like being back with Mom and pasting a smile on my face for Lizzy’s sake. Making a cake and then getting sick after eating half of it because it was what you did.