Stanton Unconditional (34 page)

Hurt pierces my heart and I hold his gaze. “Do you think he wouldn’t want you to be happy? You deserve to be happy, Nicholas, you have lost enough.”

“He deserved to live and to have his husband to be loyal to him till the very end,” he whispers. “This isn’t about me … or you. This is about Pierre and his memory.”

Nausea rolls in my stomach. “Get out,” I snap as I storm to my bedroom and sit on the side of my bed. Five minutes later I hear him pick up his keys and the door quietly shut behind him.

Tears fill my eyes. “I loved you too, Nicholas, I loved you too,” I whisper.

It’s 12.30 am and I sit in the chair next to Natasha’s bed watching her in silence. She should have woken up by now. I am giving it half an hour and then I am ringing Cameron. This is bullshit, something is wrong. I read the diaries. Every sordid detail of the way I have treated her is right there on the paper in black and white from her perspective. How can she still love me after everything I have put her through? I smile, she loves me … even after all that, she still loves me. I haven’t found the most recent diary. I looked everywhere but she has obviously hidden it. My stomach is twisted with guilt, she knows more about my past with other women than I thought. I have been blaming her for our demise when I should have been listening to her reasoning. It makes sense when I see it from her point of view, as twisted as that is. I am going to make it up to her if it’s the last thing that I do. I have never loved her more.

Chapter 27

“
S
he’s not awake,
you need to get over here. Something is wrong.”

My heavy eyelids flutter as Joshua’s voice echos through the apartment from the lounge room, the bedroom is dark and lit only by the side lamp.

“She should have been awake four hours ago.” He goes silent as he listens.

“I mean it, get your ass over here now Cameron.” He goes silent as he listens again. “Or maybe I should take her straight to the hospital.” He listens. “Hang on, I will check.” He walks back into the room and I sleepily open my eyes.

“Hey baby,” I whisper.

He closes his eyes in relief and puts his hand on his chest. “She’s awake, call you later.” He hangs up.

He sits gently on the side of the bed. “Are you ok?” He brushes the hair from my forehead.

“Sorry,” I whisper in a throaty voice.

He frowns. “What for, presh?” He bends and kisses my cheek gently and I smile.

“You had to stay with me. I hate these stupid headaches,” I mumble.

He smiles broadly and pulls me into an embrace. “You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were going to die.”

I smile again. Hmm, beautiful Josh is here. “I need to go to the bathroom,” I whisper.

He helps me out of bed and I walk gingerly to the bathroom as he holds my hand.

“It’s ok. I can walk by myself,” I whisper.

He frowns. “Natasha, you have just been unconscious for eighteen hours. I am helping you.”

“I need a shower,” I sigh as I lean against the vanity. Joshua runs the shower and then turns and smiles warmly at me.

I frown. “What?” I ask.

He bends and kisses me again on the forehead.

“Josh, I need to go to the toilet. Can you go out?” I whisper.

He is still leaning over me. “No.”

I frown. “Josh, give me some privacy please.”

“Presh I have been looking after your needs for the last eighteen hours. We have no secrets anymore.”

My eyes widen in horror. “What?”

“You have your period and I have been looking after you.” He kisses my face again as he pulls me into an embrace.

“Oh, my fuck.” I put my head into my hands in embarrassment. What must he have seen? I am mortified.

“Why are you doing that? It was the most intimate thing I have ever done. I loved every minute of it.” He kisses the side of my face again.

“Oh Josh, just go out!” I snap. This is horrifying.

“Presh.” He smiles as he kisses my neck.

“Out now!”

He stands, seemingly disappointed, and leaves the now steamy bathroom. I pull my pants down and look down and smile. I have two pads on, one on top of the other. I giggle to myself. What an idiot—what is that going to do?

He knocks on the door. “Yes,” I answer.

He slowly opens the door and passes me a packet of tampons.

I smirk and snatch them from him and he smiles. I look at the packet and frown.

“What are these?” I ask

He widens his eyes. “Tampons,” he says flatly.

“What size are these?” I smirk.

“Your size,” he answers, affronted.

“Did you go to the shop and buy these?” Oh my god, now I have seen it all.

He nods.

I bite my bottom lip to stifle the huge grin on my face. “You went to the shop to buy me tampons?”

“So,” he snaps, “isn’t that what guys do for their girlfriends?”

I smile and hold my hand up to him and he takes it gently. “Thank you,” I whisper.

He bends and kisses me again as he relaxes.

“For the record though, mini tampons are for thirteen-year-old girls. My size is super.”

He frowns. “There is no way in hell you have a supersized vagina.”

I giggle again. “Get out idiot.”

He shakes his head and strips off as he gets into the shower. “I told you, no more secrets.” He turns his back to me and starts to soap up.

I finish up, brush my teeth and get into the shower with him.

He turns and pulls me into an embrace and cuddles me tightly as he covers my face with kisses. “Don’t scare me like that again, presh, I thought you were going to die,” he whispers into the top of my head.

I lean into his chest and smile. The hot water running over us is soothing and I feel myself relax.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“Josh, I get the migraines all the time. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers.

I frown and pull back to look at his face. “Why do you say that?”

He shrugs. “I just don’t.” His eyes search mine.

“I love you,” he whispers as the water falls over him.

I raise my eyebrows. “You love me because I have my period?” I wipe my hand down the side of his face gently. “Every woman in the world has periods, Joshua.”

He kisses me gently on the lips and his lips linger on mine. “I’m not in love with every woman in the world. Only you,” he whispers.

Ok, he’s lost it. I went to sleep and he hated that he missed me and I wake up to this.

“I love you too,” I whisper gently as I frown.

He kisses me as he holds my face. His tongue gently swiping through my lips, then dives deeper and my mouth opens in invitation. One of his hands finds my behind and the other gently cups my breast.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispers as he kisses me again.

The intensity of my man gets to me and I find a lump in my throat forming.

“I was only asleep for a day, Josh,” I smile into his kiss.

He shakes his head in between kisses. “I mean, since we were kids. I’ve missed you every fucking day since we were kids. I love you more now than I did then. I was just too scared to tell you.”

I pull back from his lips and smile through my shock. “What?” I whisper.

“Forgive me, baby. I am so sorry.” His eyes glaze over.

What the hell? “Josh, what’s wrong?” I ask. He’s starting to worry me now.

“Has something happened while I was asleep?”

He shakes his head and smiles sadly. “Nothing could ever be wrong as long as we are together.”

He kisses me softly and the feeling behind it nearly brings me to tears. “I love you,” he whispers again. Our kissing turns desperate. I can feel his arousal pump hard against my stomach as my sex begins to throb with want. I take him in my hand and stroke him upwards, and he closes his eyes in pleasure. Before I can move he pushes me up against the wall and starts to kiss me deeply. His tongue dives into my mouth as his hips grind into mine. Instinctively I lift one leg around his waist and he groans in pleasure. When I feel this emotional about him I need to be physical. His fingers find that spot between my legs and his eyes roll back in his head in pleasure. He must remember that I have my period and he pulls back from me in a rush.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head in disgust.

“What for?” I smile as I take him in my hand again.

“You are not well and here I am half raping you. Come, get out.” He kisses me quickly and exits the shower.

I stand still as he wraps a towel around his waist and holds one out for me. I smile as I step into it and he wraps me in an embrace with the towel and kisses my forehead again.

“You need to eat, precious girl. I will cook you something.” He smiles.

I needed that intimacy but he is right, I do feel weak.

Half an hour later I am sitting at the kitchen bench watching Joshua cook me bacon, eggs, toast and tea. I have a robe on and Joshua is in his boxer shorts. His broad back and tight ass is on full display, and he looks damn edible. I sit and watch him silently, my mind in overdrive.

He smiles softly and walks over and kisses my forehead gently and then cups my cheek and studies my face.

“What is it?” I ask.

He frowns. “What’s what?”

“Why are you acting like this?” I ask quietly.

“I can be nice to my girlfriend, can’t I?” He goes back to his place in the kitchen.

I frown. “See there lies a problem just there. You don’t call me your girlfriend. I call you my boyfriend but you don’t use that term.”

He flips the eggs as he puts his hand on his hip. “That’s bullshit. I call you my girlfriend and I call you my wife sometimes actually.” He passes me my cup of tea and I smirk as I take a sip.

“And I can tell you I love you … can’t I?” He raises an eyebrow in question.

I smile. “Yes, but why now when last time we saw each other you were telling me that you hate the hold I have over you and that you don’t want to miss me.”

He turns back to the hot plates. “I was just worried that’s all and I thought you were going to die, and it scared me.”

I nod as I take another sip. “And?” I ask.

He turns and looks at the egg flip he is holding as he contemplates saying something. “And I read your diaries.” His eyes meet mine.

My eyes widen. “You read my diaries?” I whisper, mortifie. He nods. “Joshua. They are private, how dare you!” I stand in a rush and he comes over and grabs me in an embrace.

“Tash, I couldn’t help it. I found them when I was looking for pads and shit and then I was just going to read the one where we had sex the first time and then I couldn’t stop.”

I pull out of his grip. “And that’s why you told me you love me, because you read my diaries?”

He shakes his head in a panic. “No, I told you I love you because I do and before I read the diaries I didn’t believe that you actually loved me. I thought you just thought you did.”

“I told you I fucking did!” I scream. “For once it would be nice if you believed what I said!” He is unbelievable, what the hell have I written in those bloody diaries?

He grabs me again. “Baby, stop fighting me. I love you. It doesn’t matter anymore. All of this bullshit that goes on between us doesn’t matter one bit.”

I don’t have the energy to struggle as he wraps his arms around me, and we stand still in an embrace.

“What matters is the two of us being together and me making you happy. I am not going back to America.”

I pull back and frown at him. “Why not?”

“Because I am not leaving you again.”

I smile stupidly. “You’re not?”

He smirks as he shakes his head. “No, I am not.” He bends and kisses me gently.

“And you are going to stop being a drama queen and leaving me every minute.”

I smile. “I am?”

He nods and kisses me. “You are.”

“And you’re not going to America?” I repeat as I rub my hands over his broad shoulders. Hope blooms in my stomach.

“No, presh, I’m not.” He bends and tenderly swipes his tongue through my lips. “Now eat your breakfast because you are going to need your strength.”

“Why will I need my strength?” I ask.

He smirks as his eyes drop down my body and he gently cracks his neck. “Because I have the worst case of blue balls known to man and as soon as you are well enough you are going to cop it … both barrels.”

I giggle as he sits me back onto the stool and he serves up my breakfast.

He bites his toast as he leans over the bench onto his elbows. “You do know I am going to kill Christopher next time I see him, right?” he remarks casually.

My eyes widen and my fork stops midair.

He takes a bite of his toast then smirks and raises an eyebrow in a silent dare to say something.

I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Why?” I whisper.

He raises an eyebrow again. “You know why.”

Oh shit, what the hell have I written in those bloody diaries? So much for privacy.

It’s been a big day. I told the boys today that I am moving to Australia, and they took it better than expected. I know Murph’s upset … I’m upset. I love LA … but I need Tash in my life and I want to protect her from the paparazzi at all costs. They don’t follow me here in Australia as much as in LA. Cam was fine—he was always coming home to Australia but what does that mean for Adrian? I wish the thing with Nicholas had worked out and then we could have all moved here together.

We have been home for a few hours. Natasha insisted we go to the police station and press charges against this lunatic. She demanded more money today, claiming she had another disk. I have to admit I do feel relieved having done it. It was appalling making the statement but the policemen were understanding, I can’t imagine the horror of my love watching me have sex with a prostitute. She will never look at me the same again if she sees that tape. My heart drops. I’m just so sick of all this drama—what does it feel like to have a normal private life without worry?

I continue reading emails on my laptop and rub my chin as I think. I am sitting up in bed and Natasha has just finished in the shower. My mind wanders to my horse stud—what am I going to do with the move? Natasha walks into the bedroom in a pale pink pair of underpants and a shoestring strap singlet to match. Her thick dark hair is in a loose plait that hangs down her back and her dark skin is in contrast to the pale pink. She looks edible. My cock twitches and I run my tongue over my bottom lip as want starts to fill me.

I watch her walk around to my side of the bed and retrieve her diary from the second drawer. I inhale as she bends next to me … mmm she smells like soap. I start to feel my pulse between my legs. I put my hand on her thigh as she bends and run it up to her behind.

“You smell good,” I smile as I inhale. I kiss her upper thigh.

“Of course,” she smiles. “I always smell good.”

I watch her walk back around to her side of the bed and sit with her back up against the headboard. She sits and thinks for a minute and then starts to write in her diary. I smile to myself. She writes in front of me now. I mean what’s to hide, I have read them all. The fact that she writes in a diary is so nerdy but so damn cute at the same time. I try to concentrate on my email. Fuck she smells good. I shake my head as I try to concentrate. I lean over, kiss her shoulder and lick her upper arm. She smiles and kisses the top of my head in return. I try to re-engage with my email. I can see her in my peripheral vision writing and feel her body calling to mine. A wave of arousal runs through me, she needs to be filled. I bend and take her nipple into my mouth through her singlet, her shoulders fall back to give me access and she sighs softly. I nuzzle my head deeper into her chest and inhale her scent. This is home … where I belong … with the woman I belong to. I smile into her chest as the realisation hits me and she runs her hand gently over the top of my head. I kiss my way down her body and slowly lift her singlet to get access to her skin. God, she smells good. I move lower and bite her through the fabric of her underpants and once again nuzzle into her as I inhale and close my eyes in pleasure. Hmm, my arousal starts to pump heavily between my legs and I crack my neck to relieve the tight pressure. I slide her panties down her legs and off, and our eyes meet. This is my favourite thing in the world … her taste … her smell … her love is right here between us when I do this. Nothing feels better than to give her this pleasure, to give myself this pleasure. This is the one place I lose myself and there is nothing on this earth but me … and her … my precious girl. I part her with my fingers and look at her pink opening between fingers, our eyes meet again and her breath catches and she runs her hand tenderly down my cheek and swipes her fingers gently across my lips. I kiss her fingertips and then slowly lower and lick her deeply. She groans and writhes under me, deeper I lick as my eyes close in pleasure and I rub my hips into the bed beneath me to relieve the pressure in my thumping cock. Fuck, she tastes so good. My head starts to take on its own side-to-side action as I lose myself and start to get to a place where I cannot pull back. I couldn’t stop if I tried. My hands are under her legs and around on her hipbones. I could orgasm by just running my hands over her hipbones. When I have my hands on her hipbones I am usually inside her and pulling her onto me—they are a massive trigger. I run my tongue deep into her again and again and she writhes under me in pleasure. I gently take her clitoris between my teeth and pull back in a stretching motion and she groans loudly. My cock is really thumping now and I grind it hard into the mattress for relief. I need to be inside her and I need to watch. I slowly part her again and push a finger into her. We both groan and I start to feel my pulse in my ears as my cock starts to seep pre-ejaculate. She’s so tight, so fucking hot and unimaginably perfect. My eyes close. I add another finger and circle my tongue over her clitoris as I start to pump my fingers in and out of her. Her soft sighs call to my body on a level that I will never understand, the need in me to be inside of her … to hold her is uncomprehendable, yet the only thing that makes sense in this messed-up world.