“You know shit’s been tense with Frankie since I took his place.”
“I’m sure,” Romeo said with an incredulous laugh. “His illegitimate son replacing him as capo bastone. That must’ve pissed him off. I’m almost sorry I missed it.”
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“It’s not like I wanted the fucking job. I was perfectly happy being
consigliere
,” Nova said with a glare at Romeo. “You think I love the Feds up my ass and dealing with all the bullshit?”
“Then why do it?”
“’Cause Aldo told me to do it, and you do what the boss tells you. Frankie’s unstable. Everyone knows that. Having him second in command was making people nervous. He’s never been all there.”
“What does that say about us?” Tino asked, reminding everyone at the table that Frankie was their father. “What the hell sorta DNA do we have? I hope I don’t fucking lose my marbles when I turn fifty.”
“Frankie’s problem is that he’s selfish. He’s always been self-serving. He doesn’t have any sorta loyalty, and he’s always making dumb mistakes. That’s a weakness we can’t afford from someone in the administration.” Nova laughed bitterly. “
Omertá
, fuck, you know he’d sell us out the second the Feds said twenty-five to thirty. He’s not going to prison for anyone, and Aldo knows that.”
“And you are?” Romeo couldn’t help but ask. “Prison fucking sucks, Nova. The loyalty to Aldo’s not worth it, I promise you.”
“I’m not going to prison,” Nova said simply. “I’m smarter than Frankie.”
“You’re cockier than him too.” Romeo arched an eyebrow. “And that’s saying something.”
“Frankie doesn’t get that Aldo did him a favor by demoting him. He ended a problem before it started, but Frankie doesn’t see it that way. Now he’s mad at me. He’s mad at Aldo. He’s mad at the whole fucking organization, and he’s a liability.”
“Aldo could have him whacked,” Tino suggested.
Romeo turned to stare at Tino in horror, because the lack of compassion was startling. There was no love lost between Romeo and Frankie, but the fact that Tino 206
could talk about offing his own father so dispassionately was disheartening to say the least.
“What?” Tino raised his hands, giving Romeo a look. “I’m just saying that’s an option. The greater good and all that shit.”
“He’s still Aldo’s only son.” Nova shrugged, making it sound like it’d been discussed. “And our father. Technically. Can’t really clip him for being a moron. So we’re trying to pacify him instead. Toeing the line until he calms down.” Romeo and Tino exchanged anxious glances before Tino asked, “What does he want?”
Nova pushed at his food, looking like he’d lost his appetite. “He’s trying to get back at me. It’s his way of being clever. Making me vulnerable, but he doesn’t know we’re stronger than him. We’re smarter than we were last time. Every time we’ve let him come between us, nasty shit happens. That’s why you went to prison, Rome, ’cause you let him get to you, and it drove a two-year wedge between us.”
“Jesus.” Romeo’s stomach was knotting with anxiety. “What is it, Casanova?” Nova swallowed hard and lifted dark, haunted eyes to Romeo. “He wants you to throw the Lipton fight.”
Romeo temporarily lost his voice and just stared at Nova in horror.
“The odds are so strongly in your favor on this one.” Nova sighed, looking away from Romeo miserably. “He told Aldo it’s about the payday, but you know that’s not it.
He’s banking on your fucking pride. He’s hoping you’ll tell him to fuck off and win anyway.”
Tino dropped his head to the table. “Fuck.”
“No,” Romeo choked, finally finding his voice. “No fucking way. I’m not doing it.”
“If you do that, you let him win,” Nova said, sounding pleading and desperate.
“You give him the excuse he needs to get back at me by killing you.”
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“This is your bullshit, Nova!” Romeo barked at him. “You get him off my back.
You tell Aldo—”
“I tried!” Nova threw down his fork and gave Romeo a look of disbelief. “You think I didn’t fucking try? I would’ve licked his shoes to stop this, but the thing is, Frankie’s not the only liability. Aldo thinks you’d sell out the organization.”
“He’s right,” Romeo assured him. “The FBI can shove a wire up my ass, I don’t give a shit! I’m not throwing the fight!”
“Then you’d sell
me
out…and Tino,” Nova reminded him. “I know you’re living in a magical bubble that lets you believe he’s still the kid following you to the dojo every day, but Tino’s got dirt on his hands too. He started working for Frankie when he was twelve. You think he hasn’t done shit that put him in confession?” Romeo stood up. He kicked his chair and sent it across the kitchen. It crashed against the stove, the leg breaking off and then rolling to the side as he raged and fought tears. There were so many things he was angry about, he couldn’t even focus on what had him more appalled.
Finally he pointed at Tino and shouted the same question he’d asked a hundred times before, “Have you killed to protect that bastard Aldo?” Tino lifted his head from where he’d been hiding against the table and swallowed hard before he whispered, “No.”
“Are you lying to me?” Romeo screamed, his hands shaking from the level of his fury. “I’m so tired of this fucking game. One day you’re a good kid, then all of a sudden you’re drinking like a fucking fish and partying your ass off like you have shit to forget.
If you did it, just tell me.”
“I didn’t,” Tino said passionately. “I wouldn’t kill for Aldo or Frankie or any of them. Fuck ’em.”
“But,” Romeo pressed, hearing the confession in Tino’s voice.
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“They’re blood, but they’re not my family,” Tino explained, looking away from Romeo, a haunted look passing over his handsome face. “You’re my family. Nova’s my family. And if I had to clip someone to protect my family, yeah, I’d fucking do it, and I wouldn’t feel bad about it.”
“Have you?”
Tino shrugged, looking away from Romeo, the confession locked tight enough that it might never come out.
“You did this to him.” Romeo pointed at Nova accusingly. “If his liver is dying, it’s your fucking fault!”
“No, Rome, you did it!” Nova jumped up, his eyes narrowed in fury, making it obvious the jibe hit its mark. “You let Frankie get to you! You got arrested! You left!
What the fuck were we supposed to do? I was fourteen and stuck living with Frankie and Mary. How do you think that bitch treated us? Having his bastards under her roof because Frankie wanted to use my brain. If Tino had to be hard to survive, I made him hard and I made us valuable. That’s what you never got: if you’re valuable, they don’t hurt you! Now you’re expendable because you were too fucking proud to push your shit aside and give Aldo respect. So it’s either throw another fight or die! Those are your options.”
“Then let Frankie kill me.” Romeo turned around to leave the kitchen. “I feel dead anyway.”
He walked to the front door without looking back, hearing Nova curse in Italian over the splintering sound of a plate smashing against the wall. Romeo stormed out the door bare-chested and barefoot, uncaring about the chill in the night air.
He wanted to walk until he forgot everything, Tino who’d once been so full of love and joy, and Nova who’d planned on going to Harvard and doing something that made a difference in the world.
He wanted to walk until it didn’t feel like his fault that Tino had blood on his hands and Nova had dropped out of high school when he was sixteen.
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He wanted to walk until it didn’t matter that he was probably going to die for a stupid fight and something as pointless as pride when he couldn’t help but feel like he had more to live for.
He wanted to walk until he forgot about Jules and the fact that he’d fallen in love with her when he knew this day was going to come.
Too soon.
He wanted to walk until it didn’t feel like his heart was going to shatter in his chest because he needed more time with her.
Whatever reasons he
wanted
to walk for, he knew he
had
to walk until he stopped crying.
* * * *
The front porch light was on when Romeo got back. His skin was sticky with a cold sweat that was uncomfortable. He smelled distinctively of the outdoors, not something he enjoyed. His feet were muddy…even worse.
He opened the door, determined to take a long, hot shower and try to find a way to go sleep and forget, because the walk hadn’t done a damn thing to help. He saw Tino and Nova sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch, shell-shocked, staring into the fireplace, but he didn’t say anything to them. Just breezed past them on the way to the master bedroom.
Then he stripped off his jeans and got into the shower, his emotions still raging.
He stuck his face under the hot spray, praying for peace, searching for some sort of answer. He couldn’t see past the heartache and guilt.
Why couldn’t life cut him a break?
“I’m sorry.”
Romeo groaned, hearing the agony in Nova’s voice. He wasn’t ready to face this.
He felt raw and stripped bare, and he wanted to tell Nova to go away until he found his strength again.
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But knowing Nova wouldn’t leave, Romeo placed his hands on the wall and whispered, “I’m sorry too.” His voice cracked. The shower hid his tears as he said, “I’m so sorry, Nova. I’m sorry for leaving you with them. I know this is my fault. Blaming you is just easier.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Nova said, the tears sounding in his voice too. “It would’ve happened anyway. If you hadn’t ended up in prison, he would’ve killed you to get custody. Then we’d really have nothing. We’d be completely lost to all of it with no one to remind us that we can be more. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know that,” Romeo had to reluctantly agree, even if he was on a rabid self-hatred spree.
“It’s God’s fault,” Nova finally said with sharp bitterness. “For making me a freak.
If I was normal, Frankie wouldn’t have given a shit. He wouldn’t have wanted to look at us, let alone bring us into the fold.”
Romeo winced over that. Even if Nova’s keen intelligence made them a target for the greed of the mafia, he couldn’t bear to hear him curse something their mother had been so proud of.
“A gift or a curse, it’s what you make of it.” Romeo shook his head as he tried to think of a solution. “So use that big brain of yours to figure a way outta this mess.”
“I already did,” Nova said sadly. “You gotta lose the fight, Rome.” Romeo groaned. “Merda.”
“Give them what they want. Frankie can’t kill you for nothing. You’re my brother.
My fucking heart and Aldo knows that. So lose the fight and retire to Hicksville, have little deputy babies with Conner’s sister and be happy. Tino says you love her.” Romeo couldn’t answer that. He couldn’t voice out loud that he wasn’t so certain Jules would still love him if she knew everything about him.
“It’s not that simple,” Romeo settled on as he turned off the shower. “I don’t think she’d respect me if she knew I threw a fight.”
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“If she loved you back, she would,” Nova argued. “She doesn’t want you to die, does she? Especially for something stupid like pride and integrity.”
“You know, Nova, a lotta people don’t think having integrity is stupid,” Romeo said as he pushed open the shower and reached for the towel on the rack. “Around here, it’s sorta like a way of life.”
“Well, lucky them,” Nova said darkly, his arms folded over his chest while Romeo worked on drying off. “Must be nice to have that luxury.” Romeo walked past him and went into the bedroom. He put on a clean pair of jeans while trying to pretend this wasn’t really happening to him.
Nova followed him into the bedroom and watched him silently for a few minutes before he said, “I really
am
sorry. If I could change it, I—” Romeo sighed and cut him off, “I know.”
“And I love you,” Nova whispered miserably.
“I know that too.” Romeo walked up to him and wrapped his hand around the back of his neck. He tugged Nova forward to place a kiss on his forehead. “I missed you, Casanova. I’m happy you’re here, even if the circumstances suck.” He patted Nova’s cheek and then walked out of the bedroom. Still sitting on the couch, Tino had moved on from beer and was drinking some sort of amber-colored liquid that reflected the flames from the fireplace, making them dance in bursts of red and gold among the ice cubes.
Romeo fell down on the couch next to him and asked, “Whatcha drinking?”
“Johnnie Walker Black.”
Romeo took the glass out of his hand and sniffed it, pulling a face before he tried a sip. His eyes stung, and he coughed into the glass. “Madonn’,” he wheezed. “It tastes like friggin’ gasoline. This shit’ll kill you, Valentino.”
“Nah,” Tino said with a ghost of a smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “Johnnie’s an old friend; he won’t hurt you.”
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Romeo leaned back against the couch, trying another drink. It burned just as badly the second time, but the fire of it running down to his stomach was a welcome distraction.
He was still working on the whiskey when Nova sat on his other side, reaching behind Romeo to hand Tino a glass of ice. Then Nova leaned forward, grabbed the bottle on the table, and filled his own glass before passing the bottle to Tino.
There wasn’t anything else left to say. All three of them had their demons, and for that one strange moment they weren’t fighting about them. They sat there in the darkness drinking and watching the fire. Nova started smoking, and the smell of it was comforting, maybe because their mother had smoked before she got sick. It reminded Romeo of home, of a time when life wasn’t any more complicated than making sure Nova and Tino were fed and doing their homework after school.
One thing Romeo discovered for sure, Johnnie Walker Black worked much better than walking at making him forget.
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