Stardancer (Tellaran Series) (13 page)

“I am grateful the rainy season finally ended,” Laric said mildly as she embroidered the bodice of a dress. “The days are so pleasant now.”

It was a clear invitation for conversation but she knew practically nothing about the weather on Az-kye.   

“So, uh,” Kinara put in, “the rainy season was bad this year?”

“I found it so.” Laric shrugged. “But with my years I find the heat before the rains oppressive, the wet unbearable, and the chill and snow to come well nigh intolerable.” 

The other women threw smiles at her.

Laric’s dark eyes shone with humor. “The curse of age, my lady.” 

“Oh, will it get even colder?” Kinara wondered, turning her face into the cool breeze ruffling her hair. “Then I’m very glad I got rid of that thin white dress. It’s chilly here already.”

The women within earshot looked horribly embarrassed. Laric wouldn’t meet her eye.

“What’s wrong?”

“My lady,” Laric began, her voice low and strained, “the clothing you speak of is a shameful thing.”

“How can a
dress
be shameful?” Kinara asked then suddenly realized she hadn’t seen anyone but slaves wearing white.

Laric’s voice dropped to a whisper. “It is symbol of the clanless.”

Clanless?
  Kinara’s frown deepened. “A clan is a family, isn’t it?  But I have a family.”

“Of course, clan Az’anti,” Laric agreed hastily.

Did they make my crew slaves because they think we don’t have families?
“No, I mean I have another family,” Kinara protested, plunging on despite Laric’s blank face. “A Tellaran family. I have a father, and aunts and uncles, and cousins.”

“Tellarans are not Az-Kye. Tellarans have families like animals do,” Laric said with a sniff. 

Despite her promise to behave Kinara felt her jaw clenching. “What are you saying? That Tellarans are no better than animals?”

Laric looked offended. “Tellarans are clanless.”

Several of the women nodded in agreement. For a moment Kinara saw Kyndan’s smiles, her father’s warm blue eyes, the mother she’d loved so much and lost as girl, and then rage blinded her with a flash of red.

“Who are you to speak of my people—my
family—
that way?” Kinara demanded, her voice low and dangerous as she rose.

“She does not speak of your family, my lady,” one of the other women assured, frowning. “It is Tellarans who are like animals.”

“Oh, that’s it!” Kinara grabbed the nearest woman’s musical instrument and flung it toward the door. “Get out, all of you!”

White-faced, the women rose to retreat and it was clear that not a few of them thought she was insane. 

“I said get
out
!” she shrieked and grabbed the nearest piece of bric-a-brac to throw.

Kinara spun, hurling the vase and saw Aidar just as she let it go. He ducked and the porcelain smashed against the wall behind him. 

He straightened to look at her, his dark eyes wide with astonishment. “What do you, my mate?”

“What am I doing?” Kinara shouted. “I’m throwing these insulting, stupid, savage
Az-kye
out, that’s what I’m doing!”

“But why?” Aidar glanced at the cowering women. “What have they done?”

“They insulted my family! They said my family is nothing more than a bunch of animals!”

Aidar’s gaze went immediately to Laric. “You speak so of the Az’anti?”

“No, my lord!”  Laric gasped. “We did not!”

“Not the Az’anti!
My
family!” Kinara’s fists clenched at his bewildered expression. “The Maeres!”

“You have no Tellaran family,” he said as if for the women’s benefit as well as Kinara’s. “You are Az’anti now.”

Kinara’s eyes narrowed. “Like hell I am!”

The women gasped and Aidar’s face drained of color. 

“Leave us,” Aidar ordered hoarsely. 

The women left, exchanging shocked whispers. 

Kinara lifted her chin. “I don’t care what you say. I will have nothing to do with those women!”

“No, you will not. You have broken your word to me,
Tellaran
.  I now break mine to you. The Tellarans will be given to the Council of Elders.”

Kinara’s lips parted. “You promised that if I became your mate they’d be freed!”

“And you do not act as my mate!”

Kinara’s eyes went to the bed.  “You mean you want to—?”

He turned his back on her and this dismissal sent a shock of fear through her. 

“Wait!” Kinara cried, hurrying after him. “I don’t understand!  We’re mated.”

“You have said we are not!”

“I never said that!”

“You said you are not Az’anti!”

“Well, what does that have to do with being your mate?”

He stared down at her for a moment as if at a complete loss. “It has everything to do with it,” he said finally. 

Kinara frowned. “Wait. You think because I said that I wasn’t Az’anti that I meant I wasn’t your mate?”

He threw his hands wide in an uncharacteristic show of frustration. “How could you be my mate if you are not Az’anti?”

Kinara’s frown deepened. “So I have to be Az’anti to be your mate? Or do you mean, if I’m your mate, then I’m Az’anti?”

“Both!”

“Well, you didn’t explain that part to me. I didn’t know that I had to be Az’anti too.” She gave a nod. “But that’s okay with me.”

He shook his head. “‘Be Az’anti, too’? What could you be other than Az’anti?”

She spread her hands.  “Well, Maere, of course. That’s my family.”

“No one can be of two families!”

“Aidar, where I come from no one gives up their family when they marry. I have a family whose name is Maere but if you insist the Az’anti can be my family too.”

“No! You have
one
clan,
one
family,
one
name. If you are Az’anti then you have no Tellaran family.”

“I can’t do that! I’ll be a part of your clan or whatever you want but my family is here,” Kinara cried, touching her hand over her heart. “I can’t let them go. They’ll always be my family, no matter what name I have.”

Aidar’s fierce frown smoothed out. “This I understand. They may be part of you, but you must choose now if you are Az’anti or Maere.”

“Wait, if I choose Az’anti—which I have to if I’m going to be your mate and you’ll free my crew—then you want me to pretend I don’t have a Tellaran family?”

He shook his head. “Not to pretend,
Cy’atta
. The Az’anti must be here,” he said touching his hand over his heart. “With only a little part for the Maere.”

Tears suddenly stung Kinara’s eyes. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“
Cy’atta
, you
must
choose.”

Kinara’s fingers twisted in the heavy fabric of her skirt. This was far more than she had bargained for when she had agreed to be his wife.  He really expected her to care for these people. Treat them as her only family and give them her only loyalty, right down to hearing them talk about Tellaran families like they were nothing more than animals. 

Not just to care for these Az-kye but to become one herself.

I promised.

“Az’anti then.” She wiped at her tears and gave a firm nod. “I’m Az’anti.”

His eyes softened and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I know such was not easy.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Kinara pushed her hair back. “Gods, I speak your language but I feel like I don’t know anything about living with your people.”

“The women might help you.” He smiled a little. “Do you not throw things at them.”

“Well, thanks a lot! I didn’t know that they were going to insult me.”

She stomped away to look out over the Empress’ City, stiffening when he put his arms around her.

“Ah,
Cy’atta
, I am sorry I teased,” he murmured against her ear.

“You don’t sound sorry.”

He chuckled, turning her around. “I will prove it to you.” 

He lowered his head and brought his mouth to hers.

Her heart was hammering as he drew her toward the bed. 

“I just got dressed.”

“I will help you get dressed again later,
Cy’atta
.”

“You better,” she warned breathlessly as his hands ran over her. “It took them forever to get me into this thing.”

Kinara lay beside Aidar in the scant light of early morning, their legs tangled together beneath the covers. He smiled at her drowsily and she smiled back.

“You cannot sleep?”

“I don’t want to sleep,” she murmured, letting her fingers run over his furred chest.

“Well, if you expect more joining you must wait a time.”

She sighed. “Actually, I was going to ask but if you don’t think you can manage it . . .”

He blinked and she laughed. She was still laughing when he lunged at her, rolling her over to pin her down.

“You should not say such things,” he warned, taking a mock bite at her ear.

She giggled as his mock bite became real nibbling, twisting in his arms.

He drew back to look at her. “I have discovered another secret of my mate.  You are ticklish.”

“I am not!”

In response his fingers lightly ran over her ribs and despite her best effort she burst out laughing and squirmed.

Suddenly his playfulness changed, and his mouth touched hers lightly for a moment before dipping to press against her throat, the place between her breasts, her ribs.

“Hmmm, that’s nice.”

“You are my joy,
Cy’atta
,” he said huskily, then pressed his mouth to the hollow beside her hipbone and moved lower.

His palm was on the inside of her thigh now, gently spreading her wider. 

“Gods,” she whispered. “I wish you weren’t Az-kye.”

His head came up, his dark eyes still sleepy with desire even as his brows drew together sharply. “Why do you say this?”

“I didn’t—I just meant that—my whole family . . .”

He drew away to look at her and there was an edge to his voice. “Your Tellaran family.”

“Listen, it’s just they wouldn’t—” She looked away, embarrassed. “I mean, my father would be . . .”

“Shamed,” he spat. “That such as I, an Az-Kye, lay with his daughter.” He sat up, a half-smile on his face that belied the hardness of his eyes. “Ah, Tellaran males, how they value themselves.”

“You don’t understand.  My father is—”

“It is amusing to watch them,” he continued as if she had not spoken. “Do you know this winter past I saw a Tellaran male knock aside one of his own women to try to escape? They weep like boys for fear of their precious lives. Even warriors cannot but smile at their whimpering and begging.”

Kinara felt herself go pale. “It’s just if you were Tellaran—”

“I will die before I wish myself Tellaran!” he snarled. “I am Az-kye.  I can be nothing than what I am!”

“You have no problem with asking
me
to change! No problem asking me to give up everything I am for you!”

“Such was your promise!” His nostrils flared. “Did I think you not capable of becoming a proper mate I would not have bound with you!”

Her jaw clenched. “So you wanted me as long as, you know, you could turn me into someone
else
?”

With a growl he pushed himself up to stand over her. “We cannot live together this way, as Tellaran and Az-kye. One of us
must
change.” His face was set. “Or we will know nothing but misery.”

He dressed and left without a backward glance. 

The door banged shut behind him and Kinara slammed her fist into the pillows.

The women avoided her gaze.

Conversation was halting and awkward and once they had dressed her in the required gown and jewels, non-existent. She asked questions now and then but Laric was obviously too deeply offended to be friendly to her again. The woman’s answers were short and coldly polite. The older women kept quiet and the younger ones spoke quietly to each other. All of them avoided her, probably believing the red-haired Tellaran too stupid to know she was being slighted.

It was impossible! Everything she did made her feel like she’d done something wrong and she was angry and embarrassed. Kinara would have sent them away if she’d known how to without throwing things.

Somewhere lurking in her mind was the knowledge that she was supposed to
know
why the younger girls snickered when she asked for a plate at lunch, why the older women muttered when she added another log to the fire.

There was a stir among the women. Kinara was on her feet immediately when she saw him. Aidar stopped inside the doorway, his dark eyes unfathomable as he returned her gaze.

No one moved and Kinara, her heart pounding, was at a loss for what to do. 

Am I supposed to ignore him or invite him to sit down or what? 

She glanced around, praying to be rescued but the women avoided her gaze.

“I was wondering when you’d come back,” she said finally, her voice strained.

“I am here now.”

“Yes, I see that,” she said, annoyed. Was he trying to make her look ridiculous to these women?             

“Do you wish something of me, my mate?”

She gritted her teeth at his cold tone. “Nothing springs to mind.”

“Then you wish me to depart,” he said, turning away.

She took a half step toward him. 

“No!  I mean—I want to talk to you.” She glanced at the women.  “Alone.”

“Then do so.”

“To speak to you alone these women would have to leave.”

He gave a nod. “This is so.”

She could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand with temper. “So tell them to leave!”

He glanced at the women. “Leave us.”

The women left silently, their stiff backs and downcast eyes speaking volumes of what they thought about that particular scene.

Kinara managed to hold her tongue until the door shut behind them and then she nearly spat the words at him, “You made me look like a fool!”

“I do not make you look so,” he replied sharply. “Act properly if you care for what others think!”

Kinara’s fists clenched. “What do you think I did all day? I sat here, bored out of my mind, with women I’d rather not even have to look at and
acted
like I gave a damn!”

He made a sound of outrage. “This is how you show yourself a proper Az-kye mate? This how keep your vows to me?”

Kinara threw her hair back. “What about your promise to me? Let me see my crew!”

His nostrils flared and he looked away. “No.”

“
No?
” Her voice rose. “Why? Because you’re punishing me again? Fucking hell, you never intended to let me see them, did you?”

His head snapped around, his eyes furious. “This is not so! But you may not see them now!”

“That’s always your answer! ‘You will see them,
Cy’atta
,’” she mocked. “‘But not now!’”

“You will
not
see them
now
!”

“Why?” she demanded.

“Because I would not have it so!”

An ugly suspicion curled in her belly. “Are they even here, Aidar? Are they gone? Is that why I can’t see them? Did you kill them?”

“How can you ask such of me?” he snarled. “Think you so little of my word and honor?”

“Then take me right now!”

“No!”

She bared her teeth. “Godsdamned, Az-kye
bastard
!”

He drew in his breath sharply and stepped back, his eyes widening.

Her mouth parted in horror. In Tellaran that taunt referred to parentage but the Az-kye word meant “one without family.”

His fists clenched at his sides. “Were you a warrior you would be dead now!”

“Aidar, no, wait.” She hurried after him. “Wait! Yeah, I’m mad but I shouldn’t have called you that. I’m sorry.”

“And this is all you offer?” he snarled. “‘I am sorry’?”

“But I
am
sorry!” She threw her arms out, blocking his way before he could leave. “I made a mistake, okay?  And I’m admitting it.”

“Your words are nothing! You break your vows as it pleases you!”

“And what about your promise to let me see my people? Somehow we never get around to seeing
that
happen!”

His lip curled. “
Your
people. If you would have it so, come then.  You will see them now!” 

He clasped her upper arm, his grip firm but not painful, and led her through the corridors, oblivious to the shocked glances that followed them. Kinara looked around at the Az-kye she saw in the halls, aware there were many more warriors than she had thought could be in this house.

“What’s going on? Are you having some kind of drill or something?”

He made no reply and only increased his pace. 

“Where are we going?” she asked as they emerged out on the bright street of the Empress’ City.

He led her under a large archway through which many Az-kye of both sexes were passing in and out. 

“You will not shame me,” Aidar hissed. “And you will
not
speak.”

He nodded ahead of them and she looked.

What she saw brought such a wave of outrage that she would indeed have cried out if his grip on her arm had not tightened in warning. 

Locked in cages of metal and wire, her crew cringed as Az-kye circled them, looking at them as if they were animals on display. 

A woman poked at Kinara’s navigational officer with a stick and gave a shriek at his indignant yell. A warrior instantly moved in front of the woman in mock protectiveness, drawing a laugh from onlookers.

Appalled, Kinara eyes drifted over the scene. The Az-kye strolled from cage to cage, some curious, some scoffing, some cruelly teasing.  What they were doing was worse than barbaric. It was criminal. 

“Shall we go closer?” Aidar asked. “You wanted so much to see them.”

The jewels embroidered on her skirt caught the sunlight and Kinara resisted his pull. To let them see her like this, swathed in shimmersilk and jewels, not only free but also standing alongside their tormentors, was more than she could bear.

“No, oh, gods, please,” she whispered. “I can’t see them like this!  They’re going to think—”

“But you would have it so,” he growled and urged her forward. 

Her weapons officer was the first to spot her and he rushed to the front of the cage.

“Kinara!” 

She looked at him, forcing her feet to move, conscious of Aidar’s grip on her arm warning her to stay silent.

“Kinara, over here!” Kern shouted.

He’d spoken in Tellaran—no one save she spoke Az-kye—but his voice brought curious glances from the crowd. She didn’t know what would happen if she spoke to her crew right now but Aidar’s grip on her arm told her it would be very,
very
bad.

“Kinara, wait!”

Her heart ached at every familiar face. The crew’s joy and excitement at seeing her soon changed to confusion and disappointment when she didn’t speak to them, didn’t come to their aid. Their glances were hurt now.  Angry.  

Suspicious
.