Starfall (16 page)

“My dad is Nadine's OB/GYN, and I overheard him telling my mother that there's something unusual about her pregnancy,” Gwen explains.

What could be so unusual about a witch's pregnancy? Maybe Gwen's found out who the father is? Or maybe Gwen double-crossed her own father?

“I got curious, and so I hacked into my father's computer and swiped the ultrasound,” she confesses.

You did what?! Suddenly the cuddly teddy bear has turned into a barracuda!

“Isn't it kind of illegal to steal confidential medical files?” I rhetoric-ask. “And by ‘kind of' I mean ‘definitely'!”

“Yes! My father would kill me if he found out what I did, but the way he and my mother were talking about the ‘unwed Jaffe girl with the dead twin,' which is how my mother refers to Nadine, I just had to find out why her pregnancy's so unusual,” she admits. “And I just had to share it with you.”

Like a timid temptress, Gwen pulls out the ultrasound from the inside of her bra. It's a move that is more comical than slick. Just like her pronouncement.

“Unfortunately, Barnaby's a gentleman,” she declares. “So it was really, really,
really
safe in there.”

Good to know. Now could you please fill me in on the reason we're here in the first place?!

Bending to my silent command, Gwen shows me the ultrasound photo, and I do my best to conceal my horror.

“Isn't that strange?” she asks.

Adopting my father's tried and tested tactic, I don't answer Gwen's question, which only forces her to keep talking.

“That silver-black light isn't supposed to be there,” she adds. “My father has no idea what it is. He doesn't think it's harmful, most likely a problem with the photo itself.”

So that's what has the good doctor and his daughter concerned.

“Once I saw it I couldn't keep it to myself,” Gwen explains. “I figured since you're friendly with Nadine, you know, especially after Napoleon died, maybe you could talk to her and make sure she's okay and that she isn't under too much stress. An unwed pregnant teen mother is more likely to confide in a friend than her doctor. At least that's what my father says.”

Disregarding the fact that I am the opposite of Nadine's friend, I quell Gwen's fears and agree to have a follow-up visit with Nadine.

“Absolutely, Gwen. You did the right thing sharing this with me,” I say.

Gwen must not notice the sarcasm in my voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's too sweet or just relieved that she won't have to confront Nadine to find out about the latter's prenatal health, thereby breaking the code of patient–doctor's daughter confidentiality.

“Don't worry about Nadine,” I state. “I'll take care of her.”

Beaming, Gwen leans over and gives me a great big teddy bear hug. I squirm a little because I now know how Barnaby feels. Yes, I want a closer relationship with my brother, but not this close. Then again, having his girlfriend as my friend could have unexpected perks.

“Barnaby's right,” Gwen says with a smile. “Beneath your hard exterior, you really are a softie.”

Thanks for the, um, compliment. But I'd much rather have a parting gift.

“May I keep this picture?” I ask.

Standing up, Gwen looks down at me, and I seriously feel like Jack just before he climbed his way up to become a fairy tale legend.

“Sure,” she says. “If I want to take a closer look at it, I'll just hack into my dad's PC again.”

Yup, such a sweet girl.

When I'm finally alone in the music room closet, everything sweet turns sour. I look at the ultrasound again, and yes, the silver-black light is odd and to the untrained eye unexplainable, but I know what it is; I know that it's Nadine's life-force that exists within her; I'm not surprised that it's showed up in the photo. What's frightening to me is what the light is surrounding: Nadine's children. She's not just having a baby; she's having twins!

It's far from a natural occurrence—one twin pregnant with her own set; it's a calculated plan. Because once Nadine gives birth, she and her children will be the triumvirate, and Luba will have outlived her purpose. I've seen Nadine in action, and I know that she'll cast Luba aside with the same indifference she displayed when she killed her brother. And without Luba around there will be no stopping Nadine or the horrors she and her children, with her as their mentor, will create.

Never in my life did I think I would say this, but I have to save Luba.

“Sounds like one plus two minus one equals three.”

My boyfriend is so smart.

Caleb really is learning so much in college, how to distinguish a DNA from an RNA, how to make a gene mutate properly, how to differentiate between a bad witch and a badder witch. He totally understands that right after Nadine gives birth to her twins she'll kill her grandmother before she starts breastfeeding. It's right there in the
Pregnancy Handbook: Vindictive Witch Edition
. And as terrible and cruel and heartless as Luba is, she's predictable. She only began her psychotic crusade in response to something my father did. I'm not justifying her actions, but in her own crazy mind she had a reason, which is more than her granddaughter has. Nadine is evil because she can be. She's like wildfire, destroying whatever stands in her way, simply because it's in her path. I know without a doubt that Nadine will pass down her immoral compass to her children, and when they grow up they'll be deadlier than their great-grandmother could ever hope to be. No, Nadine needs to be stopped, which means Luba needs to be spared.

“It's time for you to make your enemy your ally.”

My boyfriend is so stupid.

“You can't be serious?!” I shout-ask.

“I'm completely serious,” Caleb replies in a much calmer tone. “It's the only thing you can do.”

The only thing I can do is work alongside the woman whose life's work has been to destroy my family and me? That's what he proposes I should do?

His dorm room suddenly feels smaller than the music room closet, and I glance at myself in the mirror hanging over the closet door to make sure I'm not transforming in the middle of the day. I feel my fingers itch as if claws want to rip through my flesh and my teeth throb as if fangs want to pierce my gums; the wolf wants to break free and take control to teach Caleb a lesson.

“There is no way that I could ever work on the same team as Luba!”

Looks like I'm the one who's about to learn something.

“Then you don't know Dominy Robineau like I know her.”

Caleb's voice is its usual blend of quiet strength, not overly forceful, but powerful enough to command attention. He has mine.

I sit next to him on his bed, not because he's pulled me toward him, but because I want to sit next to him. Yes, I want to hear what he has to say, but more than that I just want to be close to him. I didn't come here for any other reason than to talk this latest discovery through with him, but now that I'm in his presence, I'm feeling the animal urges; those primal instincts that belong to both the wolf and the girl slowly rise from the depths of my stomach and spread throughout my body like a resolute virus that will not settle for less than total possession. I'm ready to give in, but Caleb just won't shut up.

“The Dominy I know is stronger than anyone I've ever met in my entire life, anyone I've ever read about,” Caleb states. “She is more courageous and resourceful and smarter than anyone could ever hope to be. Not to mention more beautiful.”

His compliments are extraordinary not because I deserve them—on the contrary, I don't believe I do—but because he believes every word he's just said. They started in his heart, flew out of his mouth, then poured all over me. A direct and almost unbearable connection.

I can feel the tears start to well up in my eyes, but I don't dare look away. I may not agree with what Caleb's just told me, but I have to respect him enough to accept that this is how he feels. It's just that after all I've done, after all of the bad things that I've done and that have occurred because of me, I can't believe that someone would say something so exquisitely simple to me.

My body responds to Caleb's kindness before I can contemplate how to verbally reply. It's not the reaction he wants.

“Don't shake your head,” he orders tenderly. “Don't disagree with me, and don't dwell on the bad stuff.”

“But there's so much of it, Caleb,” I say, panting more than speaking.

“There's bad stuff everywhere, Domgirl. We're all surrounded by it.”

And that's the difference. He's surrounded by badness and corruption and ugliness. So are Arla and Archie; so was Jess. But I'm not like all of them; all of that darkness exists because of me.

“Most of it is inside of me, Caleb,” I reply. “I was literally born into darkness, thanks to Luba, and because I'm a slave to the moon, there's no true light inside of me. The only light I have is borrowed . . . from you and Archie, Arla, and especially Jess! She's given me her light even though I'm the last person on earth who deserves her forgiveness. I'm the reason she's dead! I'm the reason that Arla almost went blind and Archie's battling his demons and you . . .”

“What about me, Dominy?”

Caleb's words hit me hard, and I feel like I've been slapped in the face. What about my boyfriend? So far he's untouched, physically anyway, but emotionally, there must be scars, even if he's unwilling to look at them. Leave it to the girlfriend to expose them for him.

“You've changed because of me!” I cry. “You're not the same person!”

“No, I'm not.”

Finally we can agree on something!

“I'm a better person for loving you!”

Not so fast! I jump off the bed, because being near Caleb has suddenly turned suffocating where a few moments ago it was invigorating. His words are still piercing my flesh, but instead of joining in with the rhythm of my heart, becoming part of the flow of my blood, they feel toxic. I know he's said those words to me before, we both have, but that was in the heat of passion, not in the boring light of day. Now that he's had time to think things over, think about our relationship rationally, he must be lying. How could he mean what he's saying?

“How can you possibly love me?”

My whisper is so soft, the only way Caleb can hear it is because it latches onto our invisible string and glides from my mouth to his ears, from my heart to his, and when my words reach their target I can feel my boyfriend's pain because it's my pain. We share the same agony, the same heartache, the same love.

Then it hits me. I don't know how it's possible, but Caleb truly loves me. And despite my conflicted feelings when we first started dating, despite the reservations I had when I realized my life would be forever cursed, despite my reluctance to bring Caleb along as a partner into my uncertain future, I love him too.

“Don't let your fear do the talking for you, Domgirl; speak with your heart,” Caleb urges. “It doesn't matter why I love you. It only matters that I do, and I know you believe me when I say that.”

I do, because I know my boyfriend wouldn't lie to me.

“So the only other important thing that we need to know is do you love me?”

And my boyfriend knows that I can't lie to him.

“Yes, Caleb, I do love you.”

He smiles like he's looking at me for the first time, and in a way he is, because we both know that we're about to change our relationship forever. All the other times we stood on the edge were just practice. No more false starts; we're ready to jump.

“Then there's nothing left for us to say, is there?”

Caleb's words are filled with such joy and love and anticipation that he can hardly get them out before he kisses me, softer and harder than he's ever kissed me before. I push all thoughts of Luba and Nadine and her twins out of my mind. Thoughts of darkness are replaced with a blinding, passionate light that consumes the both of us, and willingly we surrender.

Only when Caleb starts to unbutton my shirt with fingers that are more nervous than eager do I fully realize what's going to happen.

“But it isn't Christmas yet,” I remind him.

Smiling at me, half boy, half man, he can't stop himself from kissing me while he replies. “When I'm with you, Domgirl, every day is like Christmas.”

Caleb is right. There are no more words to say, and so I don't waste time searching for them. I just give myself to my boyfriend, the person I trust more than any other living person I've ever met, the person I want to give myself to, body and heart and soul, the person I want to make love to.

Afterward, lying in his arms, naked underneath the covers, I start to gigglaugh, because there's really only one word to describe how it felt—
subarashi.

And only one word to describe how it feels the next morning when Jeremy bursts into the room—
kimazui
a.k.a. Japanese for awkward.

“Hi, Dom, didn't think you'd still be here,” Jeremy says cheerfully. “Thought you were going to head back home yesterday.”

Ever the gentleman, Caleb takes the verbal lead. “We had a change of plans.”

Although I'm fully dressed and Caleb's bed is made, I know that Jeremy knows what those plans entailed. Oddly, I'm not embarrassed; I really have no reason to be, because I haven't done anything wrong. All I feel is happy, and it seems like Jeremy feels the same way.

“I'm really glad to hear it,” he says. “Life is too short, and you guys make the perfect couple.”

So much for being an obnoxious college dude. Obviously, I'm not the only one who's changed; Jeremy's acting much different than the last time I saw him. Could it possibly have anything to do with Nadine's visits?

“How've you been, Jeremy?” I ask. “After . . . well, after everything.”

The unspoken everything includes his sister's death, Rayna's unexplained disappearance, and the weird connection he has with Nadine.

“Honestly, I've never felt better,” he declares. “You know better than anyone that Jess's death hit us all really hard. I wasn't sure how I'd get over that.”

I squirm a bit in Caleb's desk chair. This is the first time I'm hearing Jeremy talk about how his sister's death affected him. As usual I have to tuck away the guilt and remorse and sorrow that I feel as the cause of that event. The feelings just never get any easier to control.

“Then when Rayna ran away . . . I still don't understand that.... I mean I know she wasn't perfect, but I never once got the impression that she wanted to run away.”

While Jeremy gazes at the rug, I glance over at Caleb and meet his gaze. We're both thinking the same thing: We'd love to tell Jeremy the truth, let him know that he's right, Rayna would never have run away from him or Weeping Water, but what's the alternative? Tell him the truth? Impossible. Luckily, Jeremy provides us with an out, so we don't have to offer any explanation.

“Guess you never know what's going on inside someone's mind, no matter how close you think you are to them.”

Very true.

“Sometimes you don't even know what's going on in your own mind.”

Very strange.

“What are you talking about, Jer?” Caleb asks for both of us.

Shrugging his shoulders, Jeremy seems more interested in putting away his freshly laundered clothes, courtesy of the washing machine back home at his family's house. “I don't know really,” he starts. “Except that I feel like I'm coming out of a fog. Ever feel that way?”

No, but Barnaby said exactly the same thing to me once.

It's funny how one casual comment can fill in the blanks and shed light on a mystery that's been plaguing us all for months. And it's sad that the same act, making love, could end up with two totally different scenarios. For Caleb and me, it's brought us closer; even with Jeremy in the room I can feel the tug on our invisible string. I know that Caleb is right next to me, thinking about me, thinking about the wonderful experience we just shared and the beautiful memory that we'll carry with us for the rest of our lives. No matter if we stay together or if we drift apart, we will always remember that we were each other's first.

But Jeremy will never know that Nadine is carrying his twins. At least I hope he never finds out. I hope he never connects the dots like I just did: the lifting fog; Nadine's visits; her previous pronouncements to me that neither Barnaby nor Caleb could be the father; Jess's anger at Nadine for doing something she won't get away with. If Nadine didn't use my brother or my boyfriend as a sperm donor, why not choose the brother of my best friend? In her warped mind, it's perfectly logical. My instincts are telling me that Nadine used Jeremy to get pregnant, and my instincts haven't failed me yet.

After Jeremy leaves to give us some going-away privacy, I concentrate on how gorgeous Caleb looks and how perfect he makes me feel, so he won't suspect that anything is happening to his roommate other than emerging from a period of depression. I must be doing a good job because Caleb's having a hard time letting me go.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are?”

“You have.”

“And how wonderful you were?”

“You did.”

“I knew it would be amazing, but . . . wow!”