Authors: J.C. Burke
'Kia, what do you think about Megan's comments?'
Carla asked.
'Dunno.' Kia shrugged.
'You have the right to reply,' Carla told her. 'Megan
shouldn't really blame you for her poor scores, because
it was up to Megan to make the most of the conditions.'
'Yeah, right!' Megan spat, a bit too loud.
Maybe two psycho moments were brewing.
'Perhaps Jaime should've . . .' Kia paused. She was
now bending her pinky so far back it was almost
touching the back of her hand. Watching her was
making me queasy. 'Should've picked her team's takeoff
zone herself. We all know she had some help.'
I crossed my legs the other way. It wasn't against the
rules for a team member to offer advice about the best
take-off point.
'I just think that's a bit like cheating – from the
person who helped, I mean.'
Yes, Kia was angry with me. I'd probably cop the
silent treatment back at the bungalow. I was fairly sure
she wouldn't do her full-on, in-your-face screaming
specialty, as she'd be too worried about what Ace might
think.
'So?' Carla addressed Kia. 'You're saying that Jaime
didn't pick the take-off zone . . . independently?'
'Big deal,' Ace whispered loudly.
Kia nodded.
'Well, everyone's going to have a turn at being tag
captain and making that decision.' Natasha's hand was
waving. 'Yes, Natasha.'
'Something good came out of it for me,' she began. 'I
was stressing badly about that second scoring surf.
Especially as there wasn't much time to rest in
between. But I realised that I'm actually fitter than I
thought, which is so cool 'cause I've really been
working on my aerobic fitness lately.' She must've
caught all the pissed-off faces staring at her. 'So . . .
yeah. That's all.'
Jake stepped forward. He was holding the new
Teahupoo Diary 07
DVD. 'We're all about encouragement
here. We have to remember that, especially when
it comes to one another. So I want any bad feelings to
be left in this room. Okay?'
We nodded and agreed. We, with the exception of
Kia. She just stared at her hands.
'One girl surfed exceptionally well today.' Jake
turned in my direction. 'Her technique, her choice of
waves, her tactical approach, her focus and attitude' –
suddenly, he took a step towards me – 'reflected what a
truly talented surfer she is and what a big future she
has.' His lips were moving but it was his eyes that were
smiling – sparkling – at me. 'So tonight this DVD is
awarded to Georgie, who got the highest score of eight-point-five,
for her second wave.'
I was beginning to feel giddy.
'Well done, Georgie,' Jake said.
'Thanks.' This was what I wanted – wasn't it?
Tiny beads of sweat gathered on my top lip. I breathed
gently, trying to calm my heart, which was starting to
hurt it'd been beating so hard and fast.
Ace and Georgie were asleep. It was easy to tell with
Georgie as she snored. Ace's leg was hanging out of the
bed in such a weird way that she had to be deep in sleep.
Micki had gone into the bathroom about fifteen
minutes ago and still hadn't come out. I'd seen a book
under her arm as she'd crept past. It would've been a
diary for sure. That's the sort of thing twelve-year-olds
did.
No doubt she was writing about what a fantastic
score her team got in the relays blah blah blah and how
hopeless my team was and how I totally stuffed up.
I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms
my fists were clenched so tight. But I liked the pain.
I needed it. I deserved it. The pain was the only way to
make the bad thoughts disappear.
The first time was the hardest. I'd been looking at
the scissors a while before the thought came into my
head. Before that I'd been trying to block out the sound
of Georgie banging on the toilet door every three
seconds, asking me if I was okay.
'Kia?' she kept calling. 'Kia, are you okay? What's
wrong? Talk to me! Kia?'
It took all my energy to make my voice work. 'I'm
okay,' I heard myself speak. 'I just want to be alone for
a while.'
The man's voice on the loudspeaker filled my toilet
cubicle with words I didn't want to hear.
'Georgie Elwood Ross, please make your way to the
check-in immediately. Georgie Elwood Ross.'
'I've got to go.' Georgie was panicking, I could hear it
in her voice. 'That's my last call for the finals. Kia?'
I didn't answer. Georgie would have to decide for
herself what was more important: surfing in the finals
or me, her best friend. She picked the finals.
That's when the nail scissors that some dumb
person had left on top of the toilet took on a new form.
It was almost like they were speaking to me, tempting
me, teasing me. 'I understand. I'm the only one who
understands you.'
My heart started to flutter, then beat, then pound.
'Pick me up. Hold me. Slip your fingers around me.'
For a while I stared at the scissors as they lay flat in the
palm of my hand. 'Are you chicken? Aren't you strong
enough? Are you a weak girl? You're a stupid girl. You
know that. You can't even make the finals in Gulgoa.
You're hopeless, useless. That's what your dad thinks. But
I can help you feel better. I can make the pain go away.'
It stung and burnt my skin as I scraped the blade
across my inner thigh. There was no blood. Just a fine
red mark.
Harder, I pushed the scissors into my flesh. This
time, tiny beads of blood popped out through my skin
and trickled down my thigh, taking all the bad feelings
with it.
For a while I just watched it and breathed. Then
with damp toilet paper I washed the cut until it
stopped bleeding. Then I slipped my jeans on and
walked out of the bathroom.
I wasn't weak. I was in control.
The 6.15 am wake-up call was the next thing I remembered.
I must've fallen asleep waiting for Micki to come
out of the bathroom. I touched the old marks on my
thighs just to check no additions had been made.
'You did it,' I whispered to myself. 'You made it
through the night.' It was a good start to the day.
I sat on the edge of the bed. Micki was dressed, her
bed was made and she was folding her clothes. Our
side of the room looked like a tornado had blown every
T-shirt, bra and bikini out of our drawers and onto the
floor.
'You're so tidy,' I said to Micki. 'I bet your bedroom's
perfect.'
'It's far from perfect,' Micki replied.
'I miss my bed,' Georgie moaned. 'I miss my
computer. I want to check myspace. I bet I've got lots of
comments.'
'Can you believe we've been here almost a week?'
Micki said. 'That has gone so fast.'
'Ace?' Georgie called. 'Ace, it's time to wake up.'
Georgie and I still hadn't said a word to each other.
In fact, we hadn't even looked at each other and our
beds were sandwiched together.
At the end of last night's pathetic 'award' ceremony,
everyone hung around saying congratulations to
Georgie. I slipped out the door. My fingertips were
prickling. I had to get some distance from her.
'Ace?' Georgie gave her a nudge.
A tangled mess of long blonde hair popped up from
under the sheets. 'What's on this morning? What
punishment have they got in store for us?'
'Test and measurements, strength and training,'
Micki recited from the timetable. 'But it's breakfast first.'
'Good, I'm starving,' Georgie said.
'Sucked in who's on breakfast duty.' I had to say
something. I didn't want them, at least not Ace,
thinking I was still pissed off or mad about Georgie
getting the prize.
'I hope Brian's calmed down,' Ace said, making a
quick check of her phone.
'No messages?' I said to her in my best 'sad' voice.
'Huh? Oh, it's a bit –'
'Would he be in Indo by now?' It was important to
ask the right things and seem concerned. That's what a
good friend should be like.
'Oh yeah, um?' Ace started. 'Sorry Kia, I'm still half
asleep. He'd be in Denpassar now. They'll take a boat
out today.'
'Does anyone want the bathroom?' Georgie
mumbled, swinging her enormous legs over the bed
and standing up. She was definitely avoiding meeting
eyes with me. But that was okay, I had Ace. I didn't
need Georgie and her hang-ups.
*
I was on my way for a free surf after the strength and
training session when Carla came up and said she'd
like to speak to me.
'What have I done?'
'Absolutely nothing,' Carla laughed. 'You're sounding
like you have a heavy conscience, Kia.'
I shrugged. I wasn't sure what that comment was
meant to mean.
'I want to talk to you about last night. Just come into
my office for a few minutes.'
I felt the colour crawling up my cheeks.
'We were a bit concerned that you may have taken
last night's feedback badly.' Carla was frowning at me.
'Um, your dad did say to us, "My Kia can be a bit hard
on herself." '
'Oh?' Gee, I wondered if Dad mentioned he could
be a bit hard too. My back felt stiff against the chair
and I couldn't stop my knee from bouncing up and
down underneath the desk. 'Have you spoken to my
dad?'
'No, no. He just mentioned that the other day.'
'Oh.'
'So.' Carla sat forward and eyeballed me. 'How did
you feel about last night? Megan was pretty tough on
you.'
How to answer this?
I wondered. It was a trick
question. Whichever way you went there was no right
answer.
'Um, well, I felt pretty bad when I went to bed,' I
said, 'but Megan has been fine with me today.' I hesitated,
wondering if I should go there. My voice made
the decision for me. 'Georgie is mad with me for saying
that Jaime didn't select the take-off zone on her own.
You know, she reckons I put her in it.'
'Like tittle-tattled, you mean?' Carla asked.
'I suppose,' I answered.
'Like we said yesterday, Kia, every girl will have a go
at being captain.'
'Oh, I'm not mad with Georgie.' I forced out a smile.
'I'm really happy that she got an amazing score. She
surfed awesome. And that's, that's been really good for
her confidence.'
Carla frowned at me. I was going to have to spell it
out for her, which was surprising as I thought she'd
instantly get where I was going.
'Georgie's been beating herself up pretty bad lately
'cause she hasn't been surfing that well,' I said.
'Everyone's noticed it.'
'We certainly haven't,' Carla told me. 'In fact, all of
us were saying this morning what a big future that girl
has ahead of her.' Carla coughed like she just realised
she shouldn't have told me that bit of inside information.
'I mean, you all have a big future,' she said,
smiling. 'That's why you were selected for this camp.
As your dad said, any one of you could be picked for
the training team. It's that close.' Sounds like Dad had
quite a chat with them.
'Anyway, I'm glad to hear you took yesterday so
well. It's a sign of maturity.'
'Can I go now?' I asked. 'I don't want to miss my free
surf.'
'Have you acclimatised yet or are you still in a
wetsuit?' I'm sure Carla was smirking. 'Kia?' She
stopped me at the door. 'You can whisper in Georgie's
ear what a big future we think she has, if you think
that'll help.'
'Absolutely,' I said. Absolutely not!
I went straight to the board hut, waxed my board, put
on my wettie and got out there. I didn't come in when
Micki called out, 'I think it's lunchtime,' and paddled
in.
When Jake came down to the shore and waved at
me and made 'come and eat' sign language I pretended
I didn't see him. I stayed out in the surf till my fingers
and toes were wizened and my body could no longer
obey my commands.
It was becoming embarrassing. Every time I walked
into the bungalow there'd be swimming costumes
strewn all over Georgie's and Kia's beds, and bits of
paper with headings like 'Bikini changes for Natasha'.
I'd even accidentally seen the price list: sixty-five
dollars for one – that wasn't cheap!
But when the girls saw me coming they'd stop
talking and shove everything under the sheets. Or
they'd start speaking in really loud voices, faking some
pretend conversation about getting barrelled or
dumped or a time they saw a shark.
Of course, I had to pretend I had no idea what they
were up to. And I was good at it.
I stood at the doorway of the bungalow and called.
It was less obvious than coughing. 'Georgie? We're on
dinner duty soon.'
'Oh, Micki? Hi!' Georgie started stuffing bits of
paper under her pillow. 'I haven't forgotten, promise.
I was just, just –'
'Writing a letter for me.' Ace went to her aid. 'You
know, to Tim, from me. Georgie's writing is heaps
neater than mine.'
'Did you see Kia in the rec room?' Georgie asked.
'She's in the dining room with Shyan.' I didn't tell
them it looked like she'd been crying. 'She was having
a big feed after that marathon surf.'
'I'm not surprised,' Ace scoffed. 'Talk about an attention
seeker.'
'What is up with that girl?' Georgie said. 'It's like I
don't know her at the moment.'
'Micki, do you know why Carla had her in the office
this morning?' Ace asked me.
'I don't know anything about her going to the
office.'
Ace was starting to braid her hair. 'We're just dying
to know what it was about.'
'And Kia ain't going to tell us,' Georgie said. 'Well,
not me, that's for sure.'
As if Kia was going to tell me.
I watched Ace's fingers weave across her hair. 'How
do you do that?'
'Do what?'
'Braid your hair like that.'
'It's easy,' Ace said. 'Come over here, I'll do it on you.
You've got the perfect hair for it.'
'Do I?'
Ace's fingers gently worked at my scalp. It was
soothing. I closed my eyes and pretended I was sitting
on my bed at home while my mother plaited my hair
for school. It wasn't my real mother I imagined. It was a
lady, a pretty lady in a flowery dressing gown with
long pink fingernails and soft tanned skin. That's what
I'd want her to look like.
'Oh my God,' Georgie squealed. 'That looks so
pretty, Micki.'
Ace turned my head and inspected her work. 'Hey,
Georgie, go and get some frangipanis, will you?'
'Hey yeah,' Georgie agreed. 'Are you going to loop
them through?'
I couldn't believe Ace was going to all this trouble.
'I'm hopeless at doing hair,' I said. 'That's why I
always have it in a ponytail.'
'I'll teach you how to do braids. I wear one to school
all the time.' Ace popped her face around to face mine.
'Have you ever had a French plait?'
I shook my head. To Ace that may have seemed
incredible but I'd be too unco to braid my own hair and
I couldn't exactly imagine Dad doing it. Besides, once I
got back from my morning surf it was always a big rush
to get out the door.
I had to make my lunch. Then some days there'd be a
load of washing to put on or hang out and the garbage
seemed to always need emptying. But my biggest challenge
of the morning plus the one that took the longest
was making sure Dad was organised for getting to the
clinic on time.
I wasn't going to swap my early morning surf for a
hairdo.
Georgie brought in a handful of frangipanis. 'You are
not going to want to take it out,' Georgie said. 'You wait,
it looks so pretty.'
The girls sat there, one on either side of me, threading
the flowers into my braids. There was no talking –
just silence and the soft touch of their fingertips.
Suddenly, Ace leapt off the bed and threw open the
bathroom door. 'Come and check your do out, Miss
Micki.'
Jake had been calling me Miss Micki and now the
others were starting to. I liked it. It made me feel like I
had a place.
'Come on, don't be shy,' laughed Ace. 'You won't
want to take it out.'
I peered out from under my eyelashes. That was me,
in the bathroom mirror staring back? Me? I couldn't
believe it. I actually looked . . . pretty.
'Say something!' Georgie clapped.
'Do you like it?' Ace asked my reflection.
'It's . . . good.' The face in the glass grinned back at
them. 'Really good. I love it!'
'Can you do mine now, Ace?' Georgie asked. 'Or is it
too short?'
Ace picked up bits of Georgie's hair, inspecting it
between her fingers.
'I reckon it'll work. But if you want to put frangipanis
in it as well then we should probably just do the
front bit.'
'Cool.'
'I'll finish mine and put flowers in too,' Ace said.
'Then we can all go to dinner looking the same.'
'We'll look like a bunch of bridesmaids,' Georgie
scoffed.
'Oh please, can we?' I blurted.
The three of us looked at each other and perhaps for
three completely different reasons we all burst out
laughing.
Thursday 11 January, 10.20 pm. Day seven!!!!!!!!
It was the best, hanging out with those two. Except
the bit when Ace was braiding George's hair and she
said to me, 'You've got to teach your mum how to . . .'
Then she stopped and there was a looooong awwwwwkward
silence. I could see Georgie's eyes had gone big
and wide.
For a second I thought, who am I kidding, I'm NOT
'Miss Micki', I'm 'Micki the charity case'.
But Ace was cool. Straightaway she said, 'Sorry,
Micki. I forgot that you don't have a mum. That was
really stupid of me.'
At least now it's out there. I actually didn't feel
that bad and the pretending just clicked in like normal!
I told them she died when I was 3 from breast
cancer.
Yeeeez, they were silent again but I expected that
coz of the big story Kia spun them. But the reeeeal
truth would spin them even more. Just like the way my
dad spins people out all the time.
If I'd grown up with Ace and Georgie, I know their
parents woulda been like all the other parents who didn't
want their kidz to play over at my house. So I'm hardly
gonna start telling them my real stories, even though I
really, really like them and reckon they're the nicest. You
just learn these things.
Yeah, yeah, I promised I wasn't going to write bad
stuff in here but this isn't really bad stuff. This is like
a record of the conversations I had and thatz all part
of being at surf camp. So I'm gonna tell the next thing
too.
As Georgie and I were walking down to dinner duty,
looking all glamorous in our braids and frangipanis, she
asked me what my dad does.
I told the truth. I said, 'He's on sickness benefits.'
Then, of course, Georgie asked if my dad was sick
and what was wrong with him.
I could feel her looking at me, feeling sorry for me
all over again.
I've still gotta come up with a good answer to this
question but I said something like, he needs drugs to
keep him well but it makes it hard for him to work.
She then told some random story about how one of
the girls in her soccer team's brother is addicted to
drugs and how disgusting he is and how she gets the
shivers whenever she sees him. Then she kept saying,
'Oh, I'm not saying your dad's a drug addict.' And I kept
shaking my head and saying, 'No, no.' And I sure was glad
I hadn't told her the truth.
Kitchen duty was a good laugh and I needed one.
Brian freaked out at our hairdos and made us wear paper
caps. Every time Georgie looked at me in my hat she
burst out laughing. She let out a humungous snort and
Brian went ballistic and threatened to throw her out of
the kitchen.
It was cool too when we came out to have our
dinner coz all the girls told me I looked really pretty.
Kia looked me up and down and said my hair looked okay
but that Georgie's was ridiculous. Then she said something
like 'Maybe you should tell Georgie how stupid she
looks coz I'm not speaking to her.'
'Get a life', I wanted to say. Kia didn't know how
lucky she was.
And now I'm going to bed coz we have yoga at
6 am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aggghhhh, I'm sooooooooo
bad at it.
Goodnight Miss Mickixx