Stars Over Sunset Boulevard (20 page)

Audrey followed Violet down the narrow hall to the smallest of the three bedrooms, the one that years ago had been Bert's. Remnants of his childhood still graced the walls
and bookshelves—bird-watching guides, a butterfly net, photo albums, and swim-team trophies. Violet had forgotten how many little reminders of Bert's younger years were still scattered about the room. Audrey's gaze lingered on the mementos as she took in the room. She walked slowly to the bed, unpinned her hat, and set it on the mattress.

“I'll just open the window to get some fresh air in here,” Violet said, unnerved now by Audrey's demeanor.

“Thank you, Violet.”

“No need to thank me. We're glad you're here.” Violet tugged on the window, and it shimmied upward.

“I should have called.”

“Nonsense. Surprises are fun.” She turned back around. Audrey was still standing at the side of the bed.

“I didn't know what else to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I . . . I need to get out of Hollywood for a little while.” Audrey's gaze dropped to the hat on the bed.

A dozen questions materialized in Violet's head and she didn't know which one to ask first.

“I can be on my way in the morning if . . . if you need me to leave,” Audrey said when Violet had no response.

Violet finally found her voice. “Audrey, what is it? What has happened?”

For a second Audrey said nothing. Then she started to take off the linen jacket and Violet saw the rounded lump at Audrey's waistline.

Audrey tossed the jacket on the bed and turned to face Violet.

“I'm pregnant.”

A
grandfather clock was chiming nine o'clock as Audrey watched Violet escort her mother-in-law to her bedroom. Audrey viewed them from the sofa as they made their way with measured steps down the hallway. The tiny life inside her wriggled and she placed a hand over her swelling abdomen. She'd been with Violet and Delores for a little over a week and she couldn't remember when she'd experienced such a tranquil time. The three of them had gone to the movies, played cards, listened to the radio, read magazines, sipped iced tea, and eaten three square meals a day.

Violet hadn't pressured Audrey to divulge more than she wanted to, which Audrey was grateful for. She hadn't wanted to talk about how she'd managed to get herself into the same situation she had been in twice before, even though it had been different this time. Desmond wasn't like Rafael, and she hadn't been in an emotional abyss like she
had been when she got pregnant the second time. She had naïvely hoped that Desmond would marry her even though he joked that he, like Rhett Butler, wasn't the marrying kind. But when Broadway called, Desmond left for New York alone, telling her he would send for her later. The day he left was the day she realized his child was growing inside her. When she arrived in New York she'd planned to surprise him with the news that they were going to be parents, and nervously hoped that he would be happy and would want them to be a family. Violet's life dream of marriage and motherhood had suddenly seemed very attractive and attainable. But two months after Desmond had arrived in Manhattan, he'd sent a telegram telling Audrey he was not going to send for her. He didn't want her to come. He was moving on with his life, and so should she.

Violet had been satisfied for the moment, knowing that the father of Audrey's child didn't want to be married or carry the responsibilities of parenthood, and didn't even know she was carrying his baby. And Audrey had told Violet that her friends and connections back in Hollywood thought she had gone home to the farm for an extended visit because there was an illness in the family. She wasn't in a play at the moment and didn't have to rush back. Violet had told Audrey she could stay as long as she liked.

“Are all Audrey's stories about Hollywood true?” Delores now said, under the impression she was asking quietly and Audrey couldn't hear her. But Delores's voice carried in the small house.

“Probably.” Violet laughed, casting a glance back at Audrey as they turned into the bedroom. “Audrey has led a very interesting life.”

“She's different than I imagined she'd be,” Delores said
thoughtfully. “Bert always made her seem so mysterious. How long do you think she'll stay?”

“Well, I don't really know, Delores,” Violet said softly.

And then Audrey heard no more. Violet had shut the door to help Delores put on her nightgown and get into bed. Audrey couldn't imagine what Bert might have told his mother about her, and she worried that Delores's comment might have upset Violet. She would have to find a way to tell Violet that she had no idea Bert had ever mentioned her name to his mother. She needed Violet to be in a good mood. She had something to ask her and it wasn't just any small thing. Audrey drew her knees up onto the sofa and curled her legs underneath her, rehearsing in her mind what she would say. Several minutes later, Violet returned to the living room.

“I think Delores is more impressed that you shared an elevator with Charlie Chaplin than that I once got Clark Gable a cup of coffee,” Violet said to Audrey as she sat down in the armchair next to her.

“You're so good with Bert's mother. It must be a tremendous relief for him to have you here.”

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

“I bet you can't wait to see him again.”

“I'm counting the days. We've been apart for almost four months.”

Audrey smiled. “No doubt you're wondering how much longer you will have to put up with me.”

“Oh! No. Not at all.”

Audrey reached across the corner of the coffee table and patted Violet's knee. “You and your sweet Southern hospitality, Vi. You can't even tell me it would be nice to know if I ever plan on leaving.” She laughed.

Violet attempted a grin. “Well, maybe.”

Audrey withdrew her hand and laid it across her tummy in a gentle caress. “I promise I won't stay in your house a moment longer than you want me to. Honestly. The second you want me to go, I'll go. But there is something I need to ask of you. I've been wanting to since I got here, but it's been so nice just pretending the most troubling thing either of us has to worry about is which movie to go see.”

Violet waited for Audrey to continue.

“I want you to know that this time is different. I wasn't being careless or reckless. I had begun to think maybe your dream of marriage and family was one I could have instead of mine. I thought the father of this child would want to marry me, would want us to be a family. But I know now that he doesn't. He never wanted that. Vince thinks I should have . . . should've had this taken care of when I first found out I was pregnant. He knows people who would have done it. But that's not what I wanted, Violet. I didn't want to have this child ripped from me. This one I wanted to keep. I really did.”

Violet's gaze dropped to the little mound at Audrey's middle. Her expression was difficult to read.

“But, Violet, I know I can't keep it,” Audrey continued. “I've become friends with a man who now has big plans for me. Glen Wainwright has influence. And he has money. He believes in my talent and is convinced he can make a star out of me. But not if I am an unmarried mother. And what kind of life could I ever offer this child? A child needs a mother and a father.”

A tear started to slip down Violet's cheek and her chest was heaving slightly as she stared at Audrey's abdomen.

“Violet, I've been thinking maybe . . . maybe you and Bert could take this child. You could adopt it and it would be yours.”

Violet lifted her head. “What?”

“I know you and Bert can't have children of your own, but maybe the two of you have considered adoption and were just wondering how to go about it. Wouldn't it be wonderful for all three of us if you and Bert adopted
this
child? My child.”

Violet stared at Audrey, wordless. It was not the reaction Audrey had hoped for. There wasn't a sound in the room aside from the ticking of the grandfather clock.

“Have you and Bert not considered adoption? Have you not even discussed it?” Audrey asked a moment later.

Silence.

“Violet?”

Then Audrey inhaled a quick breath as realization sank in. “Oh, my God. You haven't told him.”

Violet opened her mouth but no sound emerged.

“I couldn't do it,” Violet whispered a second later as two more tears slipped down her cheek. “I wanted to before we got married—I did. But it happened so fast. One minute we were just on a date, and the next we were eloping.”

“You've been married for almost three years! You're telling me he
still
doesn't know?”

“Audrey, please,” Violet pleaded, leaning forward in the armchair. “Please don't say anything. He thinks it's the quirky hand of fate that has kept me from getting pregnant. Some couples just can't have children. He doesn't blame me. Please? Please don't tell him. I know I should've been honest from the beginning, but I loved him, Audrey! I didn't want to lose him. Please, please don't tell him.”

Audrey could hardly believe what she was hearing. “How have you been able to keep this a secret from him? Doesn't your family know what happened to you?”

“My parents think he knows I can't have children,”
Violet said in a hushed tone, mindful that Delores was asleep down the hall. “My close friends back home who know the details of my surgery all think he knows.”

“But what if they were to say something!” Audrey said, the volume of her voice rising. “What if it should come up in conversation when you're visiting?”

“It hasn't! And it won't!” Violet said in a desperate whisper. “You just don't talk about things like that where I'm from.”

Audrey shook her head in wonder and disappointment. “I just can't believe you would keep this from him.”

“It's not what I wanted to do or planned to do. It just happened! I don't know what to do about it! How can I tell him now?”

“Do you honestly think Bert's the kind of person to leave you just because you can't give him children?” Audrey's tone was both pleading and stern.

“I don't want him to think he can't trust me!”

“Sooner or later he will find out, Violet. You've got to tell him.”

“I don't know how!”

Audrey stared at her friend, miserable and stricken and afraid, her world about to crumble, or so it seemed. “I will help you, Violet. We'll do it together and I'll be right there with you. I'll make sure he knows that fear makes us do stupid things.”

“It was because I loved him!” Violet said as she shook with muted sobs.

“Sometimes fear looks like love. But they aren't the same, Violet. You didn't know that then. Now you do. I will make sure he knows this.”

The room was quiet again, with just the echoing of the clock and Violet's quiet sobs.

“I will do that for you if you will do this for me,” Audrey said a few seconds later, her tone now resolute and controlled. “The baby will be yours and Bert's. I've a lawyer friend who will draw up all the proper papers. And I won't interfere, I promise. I just . . . I just want to be able to visit from time to time and send a birthday present once a year. I can be a good friend who doesn't have any children of her own. I can be the child's Auntie Audrey. He or she never has to know who I am beyond being someone who is fond of him or her, if that's what you want.”

Violet wiped away the tears from her face with her bathrobe sleeve.

“Violet?” Audrey continued. “Will you do this for me?”

“Yes,” Violet whispered.

“And what if Bert says no?”

Violet shook her head. “He won't.”

B
ert's train pulled into Union Station right on schedule, much to Violet's relief.

It had been Audrey's idea to have him get off in Los Angeles and not transfer to another train for the last leg of the trip home to Santa Barbara.

“You don't need Delores listening in on everything that needs to be said and heard,” Audrey had advised. “Tell him you will meet him on the platform. I'll be waiting outside with my car. Then we'll go somewhere private but not too private. I will tell him what I need to say and then you will do the same. Actually, we'll do it at the same time. They kind of go together.”

Violet had lost sleep over how to tell Bert she'd not been truthful with him, but now as the time neared for the weight of that deception to be gone, she found she was anxious to have the ordeal over with. At least the part about not being
able to get pregnant. She could never tell him about the hat. He wouldn't understand.

Audrey had assured her that Bert would forgive her. People who loved each other did that. And that she would eventually earn back his trust. People who loved each other did that, too.

She scanned the platform as the doors parted and passengers began to disembark, many of them servicemen just like Bert. After a few seconds Violet saw him step down out of a train car and hoist a duffel bag to his shoulder. He was thin and wore a sand-colored Army uniform. She could see none of his usual wavy hair under his cap. She ran toward him, and he dropped the bag and pulled her close.

At first she could only marvel at the sensation of having his arms around her, and hearing him say her name and feeling his kisses on her neck. She began to cry at the beauty of the present moment and the dread of what would follow when they met up with Audrey.

“You can't imagine how good it is to see you and hold you,” he said as they finally broke away.

“I think maybe I can!” she said, laughing a little and wiping her eyes.

He grabbed his bag. “Shall we go home?”

“Actually, Audrey and I thought we'd take you to lunch before we head back.”

He blinked at her. “Audrey's here?”

“She is. She can drive now. And she's . . . We've got some news for you.”

Bert's happy expression wilted somewhat. “What's happened? What's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong!” she said quickly, looping her arm through his and leading him away from the belching steam
of the train so that she could say the rest of what she and Audrey had rehearsed. “Audrey needs our help with something, Bert. She's expecting.”

He turned his head to face her as they walked. “Expecting?”

“Yes. And she needs our help.”

Violet could see Bert was working out in his head the ramifications of what she had just told him. She would have written him if Audrey had recently gotten married. He'd already surmised that she was still single.

“And there's something I want to tell you, too. But let's wait until we're all together. All right? Your train ride was okay?”

She peppered him with questions about his travel and boot camp until they reached Audrey's car in the parking lot. She got out, and Violet noticed that Bert's gaze bulleted straight to the mound at her middle.

Audrey went to him and kissed him on the cheek. “So good to see you, Bert.”

“And you, too,” he said in return, a dozen questions evident in his tone.

Audrey took a deep breath and smiled. “Violet told you?”

“I can see for myself.” Bert smiled back politely.

“I know a great little park where we can sit and chat for a bit before we find a place to eat. Shall we?”

They got into the car, and again there was small talk, mostly about Audrey's car and her recent play, until they reached the park off Alvarado Street. Audrey parked and directed them to a table near the little lake, but under a willow and shaded from the August sun. Children were splashing about in the water while their mothers sat on blankets and entertained toddlers. A hot-dog vendor and balloon man were having an animated conversation about Babe Ruth donning a baseball uniform for the first time
in seven years, and a teenage boy was tossing a red rubber ball to a curly-haired dog.

“So,” Bert said. “What's all this about?” He looked from Violet to Audrey.

Violet opened her mouth but the rehearsed words hovered at her lips, as if held back by a mighty force.

Audrey took her hand. “Violet has something she needs to tell you, Bert.”

•   •   •

Hours later Bert was sitting up in bed when Violet came into their room from the bathroom. Delores, overjoyed to have her son home but baffled by the news that Bert and Violet were seriously considering adopting Audrey's unborn child, had been full of questions but was at last asleep. Audrey, too, had gone to Bert's old bedroom and turned in.

Violet was at last alone with her husband.

His arms were folded loosely across his chest and an issue of
Audubon
magazine lay unopened on his lap. He was staring at the yellow-and-black bird on the cover, but Violet could tell he was not really seeing it. She knew he was pondering what she'd told him that afternoon.

“You've kept this from me? All this time?” he had said, after she'd at last confessed she could bear him no children. His eyes had been shining with an aching anger she'd dreaded for three years. The happy sounds of children playing in the background had seemed cruelly out of place.

True to her word, Audrey had come to Violet's aid when Bert's anguished question left her struggling to continue.

“She wanted to tell you. You can see in her face how much she did, Bert. She just didn't know how.”

He had turned on Audrey and glared at her. “And you knew about this?”

Violet had expected Audrey to say that she'd realized only recently that Violet hadn't told Bert the truth. Instead, Audrey left the question unanswered.

“She'd been hurt before by someone she'd given her heart to, Bert. Someone who abandoned her because of this very thing. He wasn't the man you are and Violet knows it, but when your heart is crushed it does things to keep it from ever getting hurt the same way again. It does foolish things prompted by the worst kind of fear. Violet loves you. She didn't want to lose you.”

Bert had turned his attention back to Violet, his eyes beseeching her to help him understand. “Did you really think I would leave you over this?”

“I wasn't thinking! I was afraid. And the longer I didn't tell you, the more afraid I became, because I knew how badly you wanted us to have a baby.”

It had been at that moment that the edge of his anger had seemed to soften. A few minutes later Audrey had voiced her request. And as Violet had predicted, Bert, though still stunned, was open to the idea of adopting Audrey's baby.

Violet now walked over to Bert's side of the bed and sat down.

Several seconds passed before he looked up at her. “I'm not angry anymore,” he said, but the tone of his voice made Violet tremble.

“But you're
something
,” she said, fresh tears springing to her eyes.

He inhaled slowly. “I don't know what I am. Disillusioned, maybe. Hurt. I don't know.”

“Bert, I am so very—”

“I know. You're sorry.”

“But I am! I just loved you so much. I still do. I couldn't . . . I just couldn't risk losing you.”

“And is this why you wanted to elope? Because you were afraid I'd find out and leave you?”

She stared at him for a second. “Didn't you want to marry me when you did?”

“I did. I just . . . We rushed into marriage so quickly, Violet.”

“When I asked if you thought we should get married, you said yes. I was kidding when I said,
‘
Let's elope
.
'
I didn't think you would take me up on it. Of course I wanted to marry you right then. You were tired of pining away after Audrey. And you knew I loved you!”

She had said too much. Violet looked away. Another stretch of silent seconds passed, and then Bert tossed the magazine onto the floor. Violet flinched and slowly turned her gaze to him. Bert's hand was extended toward her, though, beckoning her to come into his embrace. She scrambled into his arms.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered.

“Shhhh. Let's not talk about it anymore right now. What's done is done.”

They lay quiet in each other's arms for several minutes as Violet's tears abated.

“Are you sure you want to adopt Audrey's child?” he finally said.

She looked up at him. “Aren't you?”

“It will change things between all of us.”

“Will it?”

“How can it not? We will be raising her child as our own.”

“That's what Audrey wants. And this may be our only chance to have a child.”

Bert seemed to be far away in this thoughts. “It just doesn't seem fair to Audrey that the child won't know who she is.”

Violet sat up. “She has a career to think about, darling. A child out of wedlock would harm her reputation.”

“But she's leaving to us the decision of whether or not the child should be told.”

“Yes, but what good would there be in the child knowing? Who wants to grow up thinking his mother thought more of her career than she did of her own child? Would you want to grow up knowing that?”

“I suppose not.”

Violet snuggled back into his arms and they were quiet for a moment. “It makes me sad to think you won't get leave again until Christmas. The baby will already be a month old by then.”

“I know. If we're going to do this, you make sure Audrey knows we'll pay for everything. And she can stay here with you and Mom until she delivers, if that's what she wants. If she believes she needs to stay hidden for the next three months, then she should just stay here.”

Violet smiled against Bert's chest. She liked the thought of Audrey being there while Bert was away and of the child being born right there in Santa Barbara. “Can we call her Elaine if it's a girl? I've always loved that name. We can call her Lainey for short.”

“And if it's a boy?”

“Henry. After your father.” Violet looked up at her husband. His eyes were glistening with what were surely conflicting emotions.

“So you forgive me? Please tell me yes,” she pleaded.

He hesitated a moment, and her pulse quickened under her skin. “We need to know we can trust each other. We
can't have any more secrets like this between us, Violet. We just can't.”

She blinked back new tears. “I know we can't.”

“Promise me no more after this.”

Violet could make that promise. She could easily make it. To suddenly have everything she'd always wanted made her feel light-headed and free.

What she had done in the past—all of it—would be buried under the pledge she was now making.

No more secrets.

“I promise,” she said.

As he took her into his arms, Violet felt as though she were soaring.

She still had to make the call to her parents to tell them she and Bert were adopting Audrey's baby. She knew her parents would likely be concerned about the kind of person Audrey was that she would be in the family way and unmarried.

But Violet didn't want to think about that then. She'd think about it tomorrow.