Starseed (31 page)

Priscilla stood, cupped Kaila’s chin, looked at her with unearthly beauty.

“You know all this,” she said. “Always listen to your gut—your intuition. All your answers are there.”

Priscilla bent down, her white hair touching Kaila like angel wings. She kissed her cheek. Then she was gone.

Kaila watched the empty chair beside her rock until it was still. She meditated on what Priscilla had said.

She thought of Jordyn. Closed her eyes. She was so weary. But the truth, in the core of her heart, was that she still wanted him. She loved him. When she loved someone, she couldn’t just turn it off like a faucet. She ached with the anguish of impossibility. Jordyn had tricked her, wooed her, and broken her heart.

She gazed out to the grasses, the pond, to the pine trees beyond. She knew Nan’s pain in never seeing Paw Paw again. He would never hold her again.

Kaila remembered the day in Egypt when she and Jordyn kissed and held each other. That hadn’t been a lie. Could this all have been one big lie?

Buzzing filled her ears. She put her hands over her ears to block it out.

But then Jordyn was there, in the flesh, standing in front of her.

“Don’t tell me to go away,” he said. He’d lost weight, had shadows beneath his eyes, still hadn’t shaved.

She said nothing, wanting to rise and hold him, and also to throw him over the balcony.

“Don’t look at me that way,” he said.

“And how should I look at you!”

He hung his head. But she wanted to hurt him. Hurt him the way he’d hurt her. “You bastard,” she spat, knowing her words were like a slap.

“Kaila,” he said hoarsely. “I understand how hurt you are.”

“You know nothing about hurt.” Kaila jumped up. “You’re a robot. You feel nothing. You use people and abuse them.”

“Please,” he said.

“You seduced me and used me.”

“Kaila.” He sank to his knees. “I beg you.”

“How dare you come here? I told you to get out and never come near me again.”

“Please, Kaila. Stop saying these things.” He choked. As he lifted his golden eyes to her, she was stunned to see them brimming with unshed tears.

“I can’t sleep,” he said. “I can’t eat. I can’t do anything. Please don’t hurt me anymore. I can’t function. I can’t . . . exist . . . I’m begging you.”

Kaila saw genuine tears spill from his beautiful eyes.

“I am sick,” he said. “I think I am going to die.”

He gazed up at her, pleading. “I’ve never been sick. Never been like this. My stomach hurts, I can’t think. Please, Kaila, help me. I don’t know what this is. I want it to stop!”

“You are lovesick,” Kaila murmured.

“I don’t know what that is,” he said. “All I know is I don’t want to live if I cannot be with you. I will get so sick I will die.”

Kaila took pity, kissed his wet cheek.

He drew her close, wrapping his arms about her. He held her tight as if trying to draw her closer and closer, inside of himself. “What is this?” he said. “Does love hurt when you are not together?”

“Yes.”

“Then . . . we can never be apart again.”

“I don’t know what we’ll do,” Kaila said, renewed with his touch.

“Well,” he said, tenderly kissing her lips. “I do.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “But know I have loved you from the moment I saw you.”

“And I was always looking for you . . . but never knew it. They had us programmed. And then I found you. And then I lost you. I will never lose you again.”

His arms clamped so hard, she winced. “I’m sorry, sorry, never want to hurt you,” he said, guiding her chin so he could kiss her lips. She tasted his mouth, sweet with cloves. “I love you Kaila,” he said.

“I love you too,” she replied. “Only I can’t be with you.”

“We thought we would awaken you. But in the end, it is you that has awakened us. You showed us how to dance, to sing, to eat, to make music. That day riding the horses, riding next to you, feeling the wind and sun on my face. Then your lips.” He smiled wistfully. “I am alive. I feel breath in my lungs, my blood racing. I want to be free. Free to be alone with you.”

Overcome, Jordyn let go. He put his hands on the balcony railing and gazed out to the fields and forest. These were forbidden words, Kaila knew. She was quiet.

“This is a wild, raw planet. With incredible people who are
not
animals. They have something we don’t have. Your Paw Paw showed me our lie.”

Kaila frowned.

“Please,” Jordyn said. “I never meant to hurt you. I just didn’t understand. I’ve known more happiness. Yes,” he said. “That’s the word.
Happiness
. I’ve never known happiness. I love being with you, holding you, kissing you, feeling your body and mind more than I will ever feel with the hive.”

“How can I believe that?”

“Let me show you my,” he paused. “My
darling
.” He said the word as if trying it on.

Jordyn drew her to him and kissed her. She opened her mouth, receptive, hungry, wanting to take all of him. They kissed, feeling the others’ body, essence, until their energies merged to one. Nothing else existed except this moment. Kaila’s body softened; how she wished they might fly over that balcony, upward, free.

After a while, Jordyn pursed his lips and frowned. “Now,” he said, “It gets dangerous.”

Kaila looked into those owl eyes and she recognized he was her twin soul.

“I love you too,” he said, hearing her mind. “But this will require much. Remember we have things to deal with.”

“I want you,” she said.

“That gives me all the power in this world.” He planted soft kisses on her cheek, her ear, her temple. “There will be hell to pay, but now it’s worth it.”

He looked out to the fields below. “I want to kiss you, love you, feel you. I want freedom. Let me break free. Let me be who I am.” His jaw dropped. “Listen to what I just said!”

Then he stood tall. Rolled his shoulders down and back.

He raised his fist.

“I am free,” he said gazing upward. “You lied to me. I claim my power. I am one of you no more. You rule me no more.”

As Jordyn shook his fist at the sky, Kaila grew frightened.

“I understand you have doubts, Kaila,” Jordyn said. “I’m going to do something radical to prove my love to you. Do you trust me?”

Kaila felt his love pouring from his heart, the same as when she had poured her heart light out to protect Melissa and Pia. She nodded.

Jordyn took her hand, raised it, and pressed it to his lips. “Thank you. I see now. Forgive me. Trust is essential. Without it, there will always be war.”

Then he was gone.

Kaila wanted to sit in the rocker all day, awash in bliss. She could erect a mind-screen on her family so she might luxuriate in this bliss all day. She sat up straight with the realization that to put a mind-screen on them had been as selfish a manipulation as the hive projecting mind-screens for their ulterior motives. She shuddered, remembering what it felt like to be controlled.

Kaila rose, and as she donned the plastic head wrap and wig in her bathroom, preparing to teleport herself below with her book bag on her back so it appeared she was returning home from school, she realized that the biggest problem in the universe was the issue of control.

Anytime one sought control, they sought power. Power insisted on subjugation. Subjugation caused rebellion. And rebellion spawned war.

Kaila would have to tell her mother and Nan everything soon, for her and Jordyn’s rebellion could spark war. She would never capitulate. Never. She would revolt. And further, it was tantamount that all beings in the universe realize freedom too. She paused, lost in that thought. What if every being in the universe was free?

Kaila rocked in her chair on the balcony. It was dark and still, the air cool. The pond dimly reflected the low light of the moon.

Her phone lit, mechanically intoning: “You-have-another-sucky-text-message.”

Pia. “Can me & M come over?”

Jordyn said he would come over. But with him time was irrelevant. Did he mean tonight, tomorrow, or next month?

Yet, her friends needed her.

She texted: “Will leave door unlocked.” She imagined them riding their bicycles on the dark country road to get to her house.

With the rocker gently creaking, she inhaled the scent of dead leaves and pine. The wind had picked up. Free of the confining plastic, the wind, like cool unseen fingers, riffled through her hair. She rose to go downstairs to unlock the door and put on some lights.

She opened the kitchen door. The horses whinnied in the barn. Walking outside, she gazed up at the twinkling stars. Kaila was humbled, knowing she was but one soul, but also aware that ultimately, all souls were connected.

She resolved not to be afraid and to fight with her will, her spirit, whatever breath she possessed for the man she loved. Because consequences were coming.

The horses brayed in the barn. The wind sighed through the trees. Darkness surrounded.

You have free will
, Priscilla had said. Dark and light were always around. And the dark and light were inside her too. But she had a choice, every day, every hour, every moment.

She waited for Jordyn.

She realized, she did not have to wait. She did not need him to rescue her. As a starseed, she possessed equal power. And she had equal stake in this.

She looked deep into the night sky.
Come to me
, she summoned.
Now
.

Toby said, “We watched you, Kaila. I visited your horse, Perseus, who loves you. I thought, what an incredible animal and what a relationship you have with her. Then I watched your grandmother cry for your grandfather. And we marveled. The depth of the human heart, no matter if it hurts. I liked it! I saw Nan’s whole life with your Paw Paw, how much her inside was warm and glowing. How she came alive when she was near him.”

Toby thrust his arms in the pockets of his silver overalls. He turned his wide face up toward the moon. “And I want that. Why are we supposed to be these empty, rote creatures? Why give us a heart if we must deny?”

“Help us,” Antonia said, tugging Kaila’s sleeve.

“Please,” Toby implored, his eyes moist. “Help us.”

“We don’t want to live on the ships anymore,” Antonia said. “We want this.” She gestured toward the field, the house, the woods, the pond.

“I don’t know what to do,” Kaila said. “Who am I? Mother Theresa?’

“Who’s that?” Toby asked.

“Some random saint,” Kaila replied. “I’m not a saint. I’m,” she paused. What was she? A freaking hybrid starseed.

“Help us.” Toby gripped Kaila’s wrist. “We don’t want the old life anymore. We want to stay on Earth and live like you.”

Their heads turned as they spied lights up the driveway. Melissa and Pia on their bikes.

“It’s her,” Toby said reverently, looking at the light.

Antonia turned toward the light, with hope.

Toby ran to Melissa. Kaila ran after him. Melissa screamed when she saw them.