“Seriously? Who gives a shit?” Roman cracked up again. “Did you hear her screaming?
Ow-ow-OW!
I bet you broke her arm!”
“I enjoyed that face she made,” Larry said. “When she screamed. I didn't know people's mouths could open that wide. That was very interesting.”
Even Stoom was chortling, though he didn't have anything to say. Paul couldn't wait to get home, get his works, shoot up.
It was more than six months after that before the next person got hurt because Paul was in their house. Another accident, same kind of thing, a man coming home early, Paul barely getting out, The Guys close to hysterics. The one after that, just last month: the same but not the same. Paul had a bad feeling that time. He liked the house, full of small, fenceable stuff, he liked the layoutâlots of trees and shrubs, once you got to the back door you were seriously hiddenâbut the lady who lived there had this funny schedule, you couldn't trust her not to come home. He was thinking maybe he should look for somewhere else but then Larry chimed in. The Guys never had an opinion before on where he should hitâat least, they'd never expressed oneâbut this time Larry said Paul should just go ahead and do it. Paul wanted to explain why not, but Roman started chanting, “Do it! Do it! Do it!” and when Stoom said, “I think it's a good idea too,” Paul knew he was sunk. He did everything he could to be sure the lady would be away, and she was when he broke in and she was while he emptied her jewelry box into his backpack and shoved a laptop in with it and a nice little picture from the wall that might bring a few bucks, but before he could go back down the hall toward the stairs he heard her car crunch gravel in the driveway. He flashed on different ideasâhide in the closet, go out the windowâbut they were all stupid and he slammed down the hallway and flew down the stairs hoping he could get out while she was still wide-eyed staring and thinking,
What the fuck?
He didn't, though. She was like the girl the first time, this lady, she came right at him, screaming and cursing, smashing at him with her handbag, her fists, she was like a crazy lady. “Just move!” he yelled at her. “Just let me out of here!” But she wouldn't, so he pushed her. She stumbled backward and fell, banged her head on the floor. She made a long, low, sad/angry sound, tried to get up, couldn't get up. She pushed at the floor and flopped back, just glaring at Paul with eyes full of hate. When she tried to get up and he thought she'd be able to, he grabbed for something from the coat rack, it was just an umbrella but it was a big heavy one, and he raised it over his head.
Two things happened.
One: the lady's eyes got wide, her face went white, and she froze like a lying-down statue.
And two: Larry said mildly, “Hit her.”
Paul froze too. Two frozen statues staring at each other. He dropped the umbrella and backed away, stumbled past the lady, yanked open the door, and ran. The Guys started kicking him even before he got the ski mask off. By the time he arrived back at his place his whole head was pounding, even his nose and his cheeks, like they were trying to kick his face off. It was one of the worst headaches ever and it took a long time to go away, partly because it was so bad he could hardly see to light the match and melt his tar.
When the smack wore off The Guys kicked him some moreâthey were really mad Paul didn't do what Larry saidâso he had to have another fix. After that one, though, they calmed down for a while. By nighttime Paul was able to move his shaky self out of the apartment, get a cup of coffee and a slice.
The next day he felt okay enough to do some business. The lady's jewelry pawned pretty well, and he sold the laptop for some nice bucks. The picture, it turned out, wasn't worth shit, but his fence gave him a little for the frame, and for a couple of weeks Paul could spend the days running, eating pizza and Chinese, and shooting up. The Guys stayed pretty mellow, not like they weren't there, but it was just a lot of bullshit ragging on him, no headaches, no stupid ideas like the time they told him to jump off the ferry and he had to squeeze the rail so hard he thought he'd break his fingers. That time, they finally told him okay, he didn't have to, and then they laughed and laughed. Nothing like that now, and he relaxed a little and got into a rhythm. He saw his mom, and things were as close to good as they ever were, since The Guys had come.
Eventually, though, it got to be time to plan another job.
Paul had this idea, thinking about it only in that no-words way so The Guys wouldn't catch on. The little museum on Lighthouse Avenue, the Tibetan Museum, it had a lot of art in it, small statues, some made of gold or silver, some even with jewels on them. He told The Guys about them, how easy they'd be to fence and how much he could get for them, as long as he took them into Manhattan. He knew The Guys would like that, they liked that trip, which sometimes Paul made for skag if his dealer was in jail or something. He told them about the skylight into the square room and the alarm that even if it went offâand he didn't think the skylight was wired up, but even if it wasâno one lived there and the precinct was at least five minutes away. Paul could stuff half a dozen, maybe even more, of those strange statues into his backpack and be out the door and sliding down the overgrown hill out back before the cop car ever pulled up in front. The police would walk around for a while with their flashlights, anyway. They'd try the doors in the wall, and by the time someone came to let them in, Paul would be home stashing the statues under the bed and breaking out his works.
The best part of the plan was the part he wasn't thinking in words. No one lived at the museum. No one would stop him. There'd be no one for him to hurt.
Long ago some people used to live there. Long,
long
ago the lady who built the museum lived next door, and the gardens were connected and she'd have come running. But there was a wall there now and the people who lived in her house didn't even like the museum all that much. He wasn't worried about them. And in the hillside below there were two little caves, for monks and nuns to meditate in. When Paul was a kid and used to come here, sometimes there'd be one of them in a cave for a few days, just sitting and thinking with their eyes closed. They used to leave their doors open and Paul would tiptoe over and hide behind the bushes and peek at them. Once, one of the nuns opened her eyes and saw him and he thought she'd be mad but she just smiled at him, nodded like she was saying hi, like she knew him already, and closed her eyes again. The nuns didn't look like the ones he was used to. He'd never seen real monks, only in Robin Hood comics, but they didn't look like this either. These monks and nuns had shaved headsâall of them, the nuns tooâand gray robes and big brown beads, like rosary beads but not. He liked the way they seemed so calm and peaceful, though. That's why he liked to watch them. Even when he was a kid, even before The Guys came, he'd never been calm and peaceful like that.
But that was a long time ago. No one had used those caves for ten years, maybe more. The museum stopped having monks and nuns come and no one was ever there when the place was closed, and thinking without words Paul knew this was a good idea.
Even though he also knew he didn't have a good idea for next time.
He wasn't worrying about that now, as he finished his run and swung onto a bus for St. George. He couldn't. He needed to go get himself together. He'd have loved to get high but there was no way he could shoot up now and still be able to do this job when it got dark. So he went back to his basement apartment, pushed some pizza boxes and takeout cartons out of the way to find his black shirt and pants. He took a shower, even though the clothes were filthy, and then lay down, rolled himself in his blanket, and slept. He hoped The Guys would give him a break; sometimes they liked to scream and yell and wake him just as he was falling asleep. He was braced for it but they didn't and he slipped away.
When he woke up it was just after sunset. Excellent. He took his black backpack and stuffed his ski mask and his gloves into it, plus a rope, and a hammer and a pry bar for the skylight. He stuck in a light-blue sweatshirt too, for afterward when they'd be looking for a guy all in black. If anyone saw him to describe him to the cops. But no one would see him; that was the beauty of this plan.
At the bodega he bought two coffees, lots of cream and sugar, and threw them both back before he got to the bus stop. Now he was buzzed; good. He took the bus up to the corner past the museum and walked down. It was dark, with yellow squares of light glowing in people's windows, the kind of people who had normal lives and no aliens in their heads. Except for one dogwalker, no one was out. The dogwalker had gone around the corner by the time Paul got to the fence. He climbed it easily, trying to avoid the flags. He didn't know much about them but they were called prayer flags so he thought it was probably bad to step on them. He slid a little on the wet leaves on the north side of the building but he was completely hidden there from both the street and the next house. Because the building was buried in the hillside he was only maybe ten feet below the roof, and the rope tossed around a vent pipe took care of that. (“Lucky you're a broken-down skinny-ass runt or that pipe would've busted,” Stoom pointed out. Paul didn't answer.) The skylight, like he figured, was some kind of plastic, and the panels were even easier to pry loose than he'd hoped. He lifted a panel out, laid it aside, and waited. Right about that too: no alarm. He grabbed onto the edge, slipped over, and he was in.
He dropped lightly into the center of the square stone room, almost the same spot on the floor he used to sit on when he was a kid and came in just to stare. The lady who sold the tickets thought it was neat that a little kid kept coming around, and didn't make him pay anything. Sometimes if he'd boosted some candy bars he'd bring her one, and she always took it with a big smile and a thank you.
He slipped the headlamp on and turned slowly, watching the beam play over the room. The place hadn't changed much, maybe not at all. On the side built into the hill a couple of stone ledges stepped back. Most of the statues sat on them, lined up in rows. A bunch more were in cases against the other three walls. Two of the cases stood one on either side of the door out to the balcony. The space smelled cool and damp, like it was one of those caves where the nuns and monks used to stay. It was still and silent, but not the heavy silence of the shrink's drugs or the skag. Those made him feel like everything was still there, he was just shutting it out. This, it was a quiet like everything had stopped to rest.
“What a lovely little trip down Memory Lane,” Larry said acidly. “Can we get to work now?”
Paul swung the backpack off, opened it, and stepped up to the shelves, leaning over each statue. He wanted them all, wanted to take them and put them in his basement room just to stare around at them, but that wasn't why he was here and no matter how many he took that wasn't what would happen to them. He reached out. This one, it was gold. He held it, let the headlamp glint off it. Then into the pack. That one was beautiful but it was iron. Leave it. The two there, with jewels and coral, into the pack. The silver one. That little candlestick, it too. That was all the best from the ledges. Now for the cases on the walls. Paul turned his head, sweeping the light around.
There she was.
Just like the first time, the girl in the kitchen, Paul almost pissed himself. A nun, in gray robes, big brown beads around her neck. She smiled softly and Paul's mouth fell open. It was the same nun, the one from the cave, smiling the same smile.
“Youâyouâyou're still here?” he managed to stammer.
“I've always been here,” she replied. Her eyes twinkled, and she stood with her hands folded in front of her. When she smiled she looked like the lady he used to give candy bars to. He'd never noticed that before, that they looked alike. “Paul,” she said, “you know you can't take those.”
His voice had rung oddly off the stone walls. Hers didn't disturb the sense that everything was resting.
“How do you know my name?” This time he whispered so he wouldn't get the same echo.
“You came here when you were a little boy.”
He nodded. “I used to watch you sitting there. Meditating.”
“I know. I thought perhaps you'd join me sometime.”
“Iâ”
Larry interrupted him, barking, “Paul! Get back to work.”
He said, “Just give meâ”
“No!”
That was Roman. The kick was from him too. Paul's head almost cracked. The pain was blinding, and he barely heard the nun calmly say, “Roman, stop that.”
The kicking stopped instantly. Paul stared at the nun. “You can hear them?”
She smiled. “You don't have to do what they say, you know.”
Paul swallowed. “Yes, I do.”
“Yes, he does,” Larry said.
“Yes! He does!” Roman yelled.
“No,” said the nun.
“I can't get them to leave.” Paul was suddenly ashamed of how forlorn he sounded. Like a real loser. He heard Larry snicker.
“Even so,” she said.
He wasn't sure how to answer her, but he didn't get the chance. “Paul?” That was Stoom, sounding dark. When Stoom got mad it was really, really bad. “Do what you came for, and do it now. Remember, Paul: no swag, no skag.” It was one of those times Paul could hear Stoom's sneer.
Paul looked at the nun, and then slowly around the room. The headlamp picked out fierce faces, jeweled eyes. “There's lots of places I could hit,” he said to The Guys. “Doesn't have to be here. This was a dumb idea. You know, like my ideas always are. How about I justâ”
“No,” said Stoom.
“No,” said Larry.
And Roman started kicking him, chanting, “No swag, no skag! No swag, no skag!” Then they were all three chanting and kicking, chanting and kicking.