Stay With Me (The Montgomery Brothers) (12 page)

“I know that it’s not a competition…I do.  It’s just that you gave me so much and I feel like I have nothing to give back.”  He paused and met his brother’s gaze.  “Except this.  You’re making a mistake.  With Gina.  I know why you think that letting her go is the right thing to do; I honestly get it.  But playing the martyr is only going to bring you so much satisfaction.”

“She’s spent her whole life…”

Jason held up a hand to stop him.  “I know.  She’s got a mother who’s a control freak and a father who wasn’t strong enough to step in and stop it.  That doesn’t change the fact that she’s crazy about you.  Watching the two of you tonight it was obvious how much you both care about one another.  Don’t walk away and think that you’re doing her a favor!  All you’re going to accomplish is make the both of you miserable.”

“Gina deserves a chance to make her own choices.  If I ask her to stay,” he said and he stumbled over the words, “if I ask her to stay, then I might beg her to stay.  And I know her well enough to know that if I did that, she’d stay.  It wouldn’t be her
choice; she’d be doing it to make me happy.  She needs to be happy, Jace.  That’s all I want.”

He placed a hand on Mac’s shoulder.  “Being with you makes her happy.”

Mac never liked to show weakness to anyone in any situation.  “What if I don’t?  What if I’m…you know, me, and it doesn’t work out?”

“Why would you even think that?”

“Please, I know my faults, Jace; I’m no saint.  I’m mildly OCD, I like things orderly and done a certain way.  She’s just discovering herself.”  He laughed at all of the things Gina had been doing over the last couple of weeks.  “She’s either dancing or singing off key, she’s painting or taking pictures or cooking full course meals at eleven o’clock at night!  Things like that make her smile; make her forget that she’s here watching her father die.  What happens when the dust settles and I get annoyed with the distractions?”

“Do you love her?”

Mac couldn’t answer.  The thought terrified him. 

“For once, I’d like you to learn something from me.  I gave up; I watched Maggie walk away because I thought it was for the best and it damn-near killed me.  You deserve to be happy just as much as Gina does and together, you’ll find a balance where you both work it out.  It doesn’t have to be all for her or all for you.  It’s not all black and white, man.”

The sound of the door opening behind them had them both turning around.  “Everything all right back here?” Lucas asked as he walked toward them.  Jason looked at Mac who nodded.  “Well, it’s no secret that you’re upset and I think that Gina heard part of our conversation so she’s been a little quiet.  Emma’s putting coffee and dessert out now.  Let’s try and salvage the rest of the night.”  He faced Mac.  “But know that you’re going to have to talk to her about this sooner or later.”

Mac was afraid that there wasn’t going to be the option for later.

****

It was near midnight when they pulled into the driveway of his parents
’ house.  He turned the car off and sat in silence.  Actually, the entire ride home had been in silence but somehow now it seemed more profound. 

“I’d ask you to come in but I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Gina finally said softly.  She couldn’t hide the sadness in her voice.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he said, his tone equally soft.

“I know.  I thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal to embark on something short term; it’s my own fault that I let it become something more.”

If she had kicked him in the chest it wouldn’t have hurt more.  “It does mean something more, Gina; you mean more to me than anyone ever has.  I just don’t want to be another person taking charge of your life.”

She wasn’t sure
whether to be touched or really angry.  Mac may not realize it, but by pushing her away, he was just another person taking charge of her life.  He had made the decision for her without ever talking to her about it. 

Sighing, she reached for the door handle and was about to climb out.  “I want you to know that I wouldn’t trade these last weeks together for anything.  I know that at first you resented having to spend time with me, but it meant the world to me to finally get to know you.  Thank you for helping through…well, everything.”  Gina turned and met his gaze.  “
I couldn’t have come this far and handled all of this without you.  You helped me to be strong and I’ll never forget you for that.”

Mac hated the finality in her words; hated knowing that this was the way that it had to be.  Someday she’d be thanking him for stepping back and walking away.  He just didn’t know if he’d be able to bear hearing it then any more than he could bear hearing it now.  “If you need anything, Gina…”

She cut him off.  “Your parents are here for me.  I think now that dad’s in the condition that he’s in, your father and I will be spending a lot of time together.”  Gina had to reassure him; she didn’t want his pity.  “I’m going to be fine.”  Unable to help herself, she leaned back into the car and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.  “Take care of yourself Mackenzie.”

And then she was gone.  Mac couldn’t watch her walk away; instead he kept his gaze on his hands that had a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel.  It was for the best, he told himself.  Maybe if he kept saying it over and over he would one day be able to believe it.

Off in the distance he saw a light go on in the guest house.  He longed to get out of the car, to chase after her and tell her that he was wrong; somehow he’d find a way for them to be together without ever interfering with her life.  But he knew himself well enough to know that it would be impossible.  Hell, everyone knew that about him.  Even his own father, who seemed hell-bent on playing cupid to the masses didn’t have enough faith in him to want him with Gina.  What did that tell him?

Unable to stand being so close to Gina any longer, Mac put the car in reverse and pulled away from the house.  His chest hurt and his head ached.  Driving into the night
, he wondered if he’d ever have what his brothers had.  Would he ever find a woman that he could be himself with while letting her be who she needed to be?  Lucas and Emma had found that balance, he reminded himself.  They overcame the loss of Lucas’s career and Emma starting a completely new one with her baking business.  Jason and Maggie didn’t have any major obstacles other than learning to trust in one another and they were able to do it.

Why couldn’t Mac? Where did his need to control everything come from?

And how could he let it go so that he could have a chance at finding happiness?

Chapter Ten

For two weeks
, Mac went through the motions of working.  He went in, did what had to be done and left at a reasonable hour to keep his father off of his back.  It would have felt victorious if his father had been there to witness any of it.  Arthur Micelli’s health had taken a turn for the worst and William was spending a bulk of his time at the hospital.  Mac wanted to call Gina or go and see her to make sure that she was okay but he knew that messing with her head was the last thing that she needed. 

“Mac?  Do you have those numbers?” Jason asked and by his tone Mac figured it wasn’t the first time.

“Sorry, my mind wandered.  What do you need?”

Jason and Lucas looked at one another with exasperation.  “Look, all of this moping and staring off into space is getting old.  If you’re not going to work, then maybe take a little time off.  No one would blame you; just take a couple of days to get your head together,” Lucas suggested.

“My head is fine,” Mac snapped.  “My mind wandered for a minute, so sue me
.
” He reached in to the file in front of him and pulled out the sales projections they were working on and flung a copy at each of his brothers.  “There.  Satisfied?”
  Rather than argue with him, they all just went back to the meeting. 

It was a little after three when Jason’s phone rang.  He looked at the caller ID and immediately answered.  Mac wasn’t paying much attention, there was a mountain of paperwork in front of him and he had to get through it just to keep himself sane.  Soon Lucas stood and was standing by Jason and they were talking in hushed tones after Jason hung up the phone. 

“Are the two of you done whispering like school girls so that we can get back to it?  Dad needs this stuff by tomorrow, doesn’t he?”  Today was the one rare day that William wasn’t at the hospital.  He had driven to Raleigh to meet with a client but had told each of them how important this particular project was and how he needed them to finish it.

Lucas stepped forward, his face somber.  He looked at Jason, who nodded, before addressing Mac.  “That was dad on the phone.  Arthur’s doctors just called.  They don’t expect him to make it through the night.  Dad’s on his way back but it will take him about three hours to get here and Gina’s by herself…”

Mac didn’t need to hear any more.  He was on his feet and out the door.

****

The fact that he wasn’t pulled over for speeding was a miracle.  Never in his life could Mac remember driving so fast to get to someone.  If anything happened to Arthur before he got there, he would never be able to forgive himself.  The elevator seemed to take forever to get to the fifth floor but once the doors opened, he flew down toward the end of the hall to where he knew Gina was sitting awaiting the worst news a child could get.

He stood in the doorway and just watched.  Arthur was speaking softly; thank God he had made it here in time!  Should he go in or should he wait outside?  He decided to give them a few more minutes alone before announcing his presence.

“I’m so sorry, Gina,” Arthur said.  “I really thought we’d have more time.”

Tears openly flowed for the first time since her arrival.  There was no way to hold them back now.  “I did too,” she said, her voice trembling.  “I wanted us to have a day outside together; even if it was just to sit in the park.”

Arthur smiled.  “That would have been nice.  I remember when you were a little girl, we would go to the park and I would push you on the swings and you would just giggle with excitement.  You said you thought you were flying.”

“To me, I was.  I always loved those times together, just the two of us.”

“I should have fought harder for you,” he said.  “I never should have let you go to California.  I knew you didn’t want to go; knew that you wouldn’t be happy.  In the end I caved because I just didn’t want to fight anymore.  I thought I was doing you a favor.”

“I could have fought more, too,” she said quietly. 

With a shaking hand, Arthur reached out and took Gina’s hand in his.  “Be happy, sweetheart.  Just…be happy.”  His eyes closed and Gina knew he was gone. 

Mac stepped into the room an
d was immediately at her side placing a strong hand on her shoulder.  Gina didn’t turn to face him but reached up and placed her trembling hand on his.  “It’s not fair,” she sobbed.  “He wasn’t supposed to leave me yet.”

“He didn’t want to leave you,” Mac said softly.

One hand held her father’s while the other held Mac’s; the two men she loved most in this world and she couldn’t have either of them.  “I kept thinking that if I didn’t sit with the doctors, if I didn’t hear what they had to say that he wouldn’t go.  Oh, Mac, I’m not ready for him to go!” 

Mac knelt down beside her and gathered her in his arms while she cried.  His heart broke for the way hers was; he felt ever
y shudder of her body as she cried for all that she had lost.  He lost track of time and was losing feeling in his knees from the position but he’d stay like this forever if it brought her comfort. 

Doctors and nurses surrounded the bed and Mac quietly asked them if they could please give her a little more time in the room with her father.  No one argued.  The door closed silently behind them and still he held on to her.

“There were so many things that I wanted to say to him; I kept putting them off because I thought there’d be more time.  Now he’s gone and he’ll never know how I felt!”

Mac pulled back and tucked a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him.  “He knew how you felt, Gina.  All he wanted was the opportunity to spend time with you; to maybe make up for lost time.  Arthur knew that you loved him.”

“But I never had the chance…”

“Tell him now,” Mac said and Gina looked at him like he was crazy.  “Gina, you’ll never have peace if you don’t say what you wanted to.  He’s right there and you know that it’s just his body, but his soul is in a better place.  He’ll hear you.”

She didn’t know if she fully believed him but Gina knew deep down in her heart that she had so much that she had to say and this would be her last chance.  Standing, she looked down at her father’s face, finally at peace.  A quick glance over her shoulder at Mac had him nodding his approval.

Gina cleared her throat and wiped tears from her face.  “Daddy,” she began, “I miss you already.  I’m so sorry for all of the years together that we missed.  I’m sorry for being angry with you for so long for leaving me and making me go to California.  I know now that it wasn’t an easy decision for you and that you did what you thought was best. 
My life wasn’t as bad as I probably make it out to be but the truth is that I missed you.  I missed our time together and I thought that maybe you had forgotten about me.”

She began to cry in earnest again and Mac handed her some tissues.  Gina composed herself and continued.  “I’m sorry for all of the times I refused your calls or made you feel like you weren’t important to me; I was acting out of anger and disappointment.  Basically I was being a brat.  I’m sorry for not coming home sooner.  I should have been here with you long before you were forced to come to the hospital.  I hate to think that you didn’t ever get to go home again.  I know you were disappointed that I didn’t want to stay at the house; it’s a beautiful house and I hope that a family will someday live there and fill the rooms with laughter.  The kind of laughter that we should have had there.”  Her knees threatened to give out so great was her grief.

Mac came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her for support.  With a gentle kiss on her temple he whispered, “Keep going.”

“I want to thank you for not giving up on me; for encouraging me to reconnect with the things that I was once passionate about.  If it wasn’t for you, I would have gone on living in the dark and never remember
ed the light.  You gave it back to me and I only wish that you could see all that I’ve been creating because of you.  I’ve made a beautiful picture for Lily’s room.”  She let out a small laugh.  “I wish you could see her, Daddy; she’s such a sweet baby and Lucas is a wonderful father.  William is just a gushing grandfather and I wish we had the opportunity to experience that for ourselves together.  My babies will never know their grandfather…”

She turned into Mac’s embrace and he carefully pulled her close to him as he sat down in the chair she had vacated and cradled her in his arms.  “He’ll never see any of it,” she cried.  “He’ll never see me get married
nor have children!  Oh, God, Mac; how am I going to get through this?  I want him back!  I want more time!”

He wished he had the answers.  He wanted to take all of her pain away but knew that he was helpless.  All Mac could do was be there for her now in her darkest hour and help her remember all that her father had taught her. 

They sat in that chair while Gina cried.  The next time the doctor
came in with the orderlies, he let them do what needed to be done.  Together they stood and walked over to the window and watched the sun setting so that they didn’t have to watch Arthur’s body being wheeled from the room.  Mac knew they were breaking some sort of protocol by even still being in the room but he was thankful for the graciousness of the staff.

He continued to hold her in his arms and she had finally started to come to grips with what was going on.  Every now and again he would feel her shudder as the tears were becoming less and less but he knew it would be a long time before Gina would begin to feel anything other than grief.

The door opened again behind them and Mac turned and saw his father walk in, a look of utter devastation on his face.  He came up to them and Gina went from Mac’s embrace straight to William’s and began to cry anew.  Mac had
never seen his father cry and it was humbling to watch him do so now.  He was whispering words of comfort to Gina and Mac began to feel like an intruder. 

“Come on, sweetheart,” William said, “there are some arrangements that have to be made.”

“Dad,” Mac said cautiously, “right now?  Can’t they wait?”

The truth was that Arthur had taken care of everything once he found out his prognosis.  William had a copy of everything and it was just a matter of signing some papers.  William shook his head.  “I’ll take care of it and then I’ll take you home,” he said to Gina.

Before she could answer, Mac came forward.  “I’ll take her home.  I don’t want her to be alone.”

“She won’t be,” William said with a sad smile.  “Your mother and I are going to be there with her.”

“It’s okay, William,” Gina whispered.  “You go and be with Monica; I know that you’re feeling this as much as I am.  I just want to go home and crawl into bed.  We’ll talk in the morning, okay?”  They hugged one more time but walked out of the room arm in arm while Mac followed close behind. 

They were stopped by some of the nurses who had been caring for Arthur and then a couple of his doctors stopped to offer their condolences.  William said good night to both Gina and Mac before following one of the nurses who instructed him on the papers that were
there for him to sign.

The elevator ride was made in silence and Mac was proud of her for keeping her composure as so many people had stopped to talk with them.  He led her out to his car and helped her in.  The woman who had danced around to Rod Steward and the Jackson Five now sat listless in her seat and he secured her seatbelt as if she were a child.  Gina kept her head bowed and Mac let her have that time to herself.

It wasn’t until they pulled up in front of his home that she spoke.  “Why are we here?”

They had typically spent their time together at the guest house; he’d only brought Gina to his home once.  “I thought you might appreciate a change of scenery tonight.”  He climbed from the car and went around to help her out.  Pulling Gina close to his side they made their way into the house.  “Are you hungry?  I can make us something to eat if you’d like.”

Gina shook her head.  “I don’t think I could eat anything right now.”

“You need your strength, Gina,” he said as he gently caressed her cheek.  “I know you don’t want to eat but I’m sure you haven’
t taken the time for it today.”

“I didn’t want to leave his side,” she said sadly.  “I didn’t want to take a chance…”

“Sshh…” he whispered as he pulled her close again.  “It’s okay.  Come sit down and I’ll make us some omelets and just eat what you can, okay?”

She nodded and let Mac lead her to a stool at his breakfast bar.  In their time together Mac had never cooked for her; she wasn’t even aware that he knew how.  Watching him now was a good distraction.  The entire time he chopped vegetables and scrambled eggs and placed bread in the toaster, he made small talk with her about random current events and she was thankful to let her mind wander to things that didn’t really even matter.

Before she knew it, a plate of food was in front of her and her stomach growled loudly.  “I guess I was hungrier than I thought,” she said shyly.  Mac sat beside her and together they ate in silence.  Gina managed to eat half of hers before pushing the plate away.  “Thank you, Mac; that was delicious.”

His own meal was completely finished and so he gathered their plates and quickly cleaned up before helping Gina up from the stool.  Turning off the lights as they walked along, he led her to the master bedroom.  Gently, he sat her down on the bed and then went and pulled one of his shirts from a drawer and handed it to her.  “The bathroom is through there,” he pointed, “and if you need anything, just call me.”