"Madly yes! But you are my husband, Steven! I
told you, I will only make love to you!" Mark choked up and went
for a tissue.
Steve's head began to hurt. He didn't need
this shit after a long day at work, and he still wanted to get his
usual after work run in. He checked his watch.
The doctor wrote notes and then asked Steve,
"So you want Mark to yourself?"
"He is mine!" Steve said loudly. "You know
how many men I've let jerk off on him? Let him suck? I must be out
of my mind!"
"Do you think Mark will cheat if he does not
have your permission?"
Mark and Steve exchanged glares. "I don't
know," Steve said, sneering slightly. "Will you?"
"Piss off. I don't even want to be in the
same room with you at the moment."
"Why did I think this was a good idea?" Steve
asked, "I came in here thinking I was going to help, and now? I
feel like it's all totally fucked up!"
The room grew silent again. Steve stared at
the doctor and threw up his hands. "Three hundred bucks an hour and
you sit there? You've gotta be kidding!"
"Steven!" Mark admonished him and sat up
straight.
"It's okay, Mark." The doctor held up his
hand to calm him. "Steven, what is it you want Mark to get out of
the sessions he and I share?"
"What do I want you to do?" Steve inched
forward on the couch, drawing closer to the doctor. "I want you to
stop his self-inflicted degrading every time he sees a line on his
face or a gray hair. I want you to tell him that starving himself
to the point of passing out is bad for his health! I want you to
tell him he should love me the most! Not Jack!" Steve caught
himself from tipping over the edge and having an emotional
breakdown. He stood and clenched his fists, looking at the door.
"How much longer do I have to do this shit?"
"You may leave at any time, Steven," the
doctor said calmly.
"I'll be in the lobby." He didn't turn back,
letting himself out and sitting heavily on the leather sofa right
outside the door. Steve rubbed his face wearily and then loosened
his tie.
~
Mark felt as if he had to catch his breath
from the outburst. Using the tissue, he dabbed his eyes and inhaled
deeply. "I'm sorry, Doctor. I had no idea Steven would be so
rude."
"I don't think he was rude. I think he cares
strongly about you."
"Yes. He does." Mark wiped his eyes. "I lied.
I do pass out."
The doctor nodded, not appearing
surprised.
"And…though I don't love Jackie more than
Steven, I do think Jack needs me, needs us…" Mark wiped his nose.
"…to keep playing on the weekend. He's a lawyer, as you know. And,
well, his stress level…when he and Adam come play, we all seem to
be able to let loose." Mark balled up the tissue and tossed it into
a garbage pail close to the couch. "I thought we had this hashed
out. I'm slightly put out Steven is still making an issue of
it."
"Do you think it's unfair of a husband to
want exclusive rights to his spouse's body?"
"No. No, of course not. And as I told Steven,
I have no objections…but…" Mark took a fresh tissue as his eyes
filled. "When we broke the news to Jackie…" Mark began to sob.
The doctor stayed silent, as if waiting for
Mark to continue.
Mark battled back the emotion. "Jackie was so
crushed. You know how long he and I have loved each other. Since
college. Bloody hell, that's more than two decades. I can't. I
mean, I can, but he can't." Mark felt sick and rubbed his forehead.
"It's just sex. Why does everyone put it up on a bloody pedestal? I
don't understand. The act has become something either so taboo one
can't speak about it or show it or so suppressed people need to buy
it. It confuses me. I can't deal with it."
Another moment passed and the doctor said,
"I'm afraid our time is up, Mark. We can continue this next
time."
"Yes…Yes, of course." Mark forced himself to
stand, nodding to the doctor. "Thank you. See you next week. And
sorry for Steven's rudeness. Sorry."
"No need to apologize." The doctor walked
Mark to the door. "How are your medications holding up?"
"Well. Thank you."
"Are you sure you don't want to switch from
valium to a more current anti-depressant?"
"No. Thank you." Mark tried to smile, but
failed. He was let out of the office to see Steve, seated on the
couch, flipping the pages of a magazine angrily. He threw the
magazine on the table and stood up.
Mark placed his sunglasses on to hide his
tears and walked behind Steve out of the office.
They said nothing to each other as they took
the elevator down to the lobby and walked outside to where Steve
had parked the Mercedes.
Mark felt the November breeze blow back his
hair. He hated this month. It meant another year older.
Forty-bloody-two. May as well slit my wrists right now.
He sat on the passenger's seat as Steve
started the car. Glancing at his husband as he backed out of the
parking space, Mark wished Steve had never come to his session.
Wished he'd said no.
~
Steve drove in the horrendous traffic snarl
from LA to Bel Air. Friday nights were the worst. He parked in the
two-car garage, hopped out and used a remote on his key fob to
disarm the house alarm, then trotted through the house and up the
stairs to get his suit off, his running shorts on, and get the hell
outside for his workout.
Sitting on the bed, taking off his socks and
shoes, he glanced up to see Mark entering their bedroom, loosening
his tie.
"You coming?" Steve asked.
"Can you bear my company?"
Steve didn't take the bait. He removed his
suit jacket, hung it up with his trousers, and then slid off his
tie.
He felt a brush to his bottom. Steve looked
over his shoulder and found Mark, standing there, head down.
"I can bear you," Steve said.
Mark nodded and undressed, hanging up his
suit as well.
Steve removed his cufflinks and unbuttoned
his shirt, staring at Mark as he stripped. "Mark."
Mark glanced up, appearing so
punished…constantly.
"I love you."
As if the ice had been broken, Mark rushed
him and held onto Steve's neck, kissing him.
Steve ran his hand through Mark's hair and
parted from the kiss. "Run first, fuck you hard after?"
"Oh, yes." Mark's smile was back.
"Mm." Steve pecked his lips again and
finished changing, glad they couldn't stay angry at each other for
long.
Alexander Mark Richfield stood on the set of
Being Screwed, the nighttime-cable TV gay vampire drama. In his
vamp makeup, his skin pale, his fake teeth and glowing green
contacts, Alex stood in his skin-tight jeans and V-neck sweater,
waiting for Charlotte Deavers, the director, to get everyone in
their proper positions and say the magic word…Action!
One of his co-stars, Ryan Davis, a mere
nineteen-year-old but already emerging as one of the top
heartthrobs of the series, was also in his vampire makeup. He and
Ryan were about to come to blows over their lover, Tadzio
Andressen, the luscious, androgynous blond Swede, who was cast to
be the catalyst for pure lust and war in the series.
Charlotte had a clipboard in her hand, a
headset over her brown hair, which was tied up in a ponytail, and
her dark-framed glasses on her nose. She jotted notes, handed the
clipboard to her assistant and then checked with her director of
photography. "Can we get this show on the road?"
"All set."
Alex wanted to scratch his nose, but couldn't
because he'd remove the cake makeup. He looked down at his hands,
and they, too, were painted white with fake, long-pointy
fingernails glued on. Using just the tip of a nail, he took care of
the itch.
Ryan laughed at him.
"What? Did I fuck it up?" Alex turned towards
Ryan.
Ryan got a closer look. "Yup."
"Shit."
"Makeup!" Charlotte yelled, sounding
impatient.
The girl with the waist pouch of liner,
lipstick and powder raced over and dabbed a sponge on Alex's nose.
"Stop scratching."
Tadzio snickered and in his thick accent
said, "Lord knows what he's contracted from that old man he
married."
"He's not old!" Alex yelled and showed his
fangs.
"Scary!" the makeup girl laughed and raced
out of the frame.
"People!" Charlotte moaned. "Let's do this
for reelz, shall we? We want to go home before we have to set up
tents and sleep here, okay?"
Alex caught Ryan's smile of irony as Alex was
teased about his husband, Lt Billy Sharpe. Yeah, so what, he's
forty-four. He's still the hottest fucker on the planet to me.
"Okay…" Charlotte stood behind the video
monitor. "Are we ready?"
Alex began to think about his lines through
all the distractions.
"Sound speed!"
"Camera set!"
"Scene alpha-four, take two!" The clapper
board was snapped by the assistant cameraman.
Charlotte raised her arm into the air and
spoke softly, "Action."
Alex spun around to Ryan, as if going for an
attack. "You did this! You placed us all in jeopardy with your
carelessness!"
Ryan, his eyes shining with lavender
contacts, looked fierce. "Me? I'm sick of you and Delta constantly
blaming me."
Both Alex and Ryan turned around quickly as
Tadzio made his appearance. Tadzio, knowing damn well how hot he
was, especially in vampire makeup, strolled around them both, his
long blond hair blowing in the fan-created breeze.
Alex thought he looked so much like a woman
he actually felt macho next to him.
Tadzio made a noise in his throat of
disapproval and licked the tips of his sharp canines. "Tsch,
tsch…always arguing; such a waste of precious time."
Alex heard Ryan hiss in anger and held his
hand up to hold Ryan back. "Go away. Crawl back into the hole from
which you came."
"And leave you two to run LA?" Tadzio's
accent was even thicker with the fangs in his mouth. The young man
almost needed subtitles.
Ryan made another move to get at Tadzio. Now
Alex was standing in front of Ryan, using his body to hold Ryan
back. Tadzio, his smirk constant, walked in front of Alex. Taunting
him, he ran his long, painted fingernail down Alex's cheek. Since
it was supposed to make it bleed, Alex felt the hidden red blob of
fake blood run down his skin.
Tadzio then grabbed Alex's throat and licked
the blood off his cheek. And as usual, Tadzio went for a covert
grope of Alex's cock.
Alex was again in the position of either
tolerating it, or blowing the scene to have it redone, again and
again. He was exhausted and wanted to go home. So he did
nothing.
"Mm." Tadzio licked his lips.
Ryan was shifting his weight against Alex's
back, as if eager to kill Tadzio, and Alex wished they would fight,
for real.
"Love your blood," Tadzio said to Alex, "And
your balls."
He heard Ryan make a noise. No doubt trying
not to laugh at Tadzio's unscripted line. Charlotte encouraged that
type of behavior from Tadzio, so, of course, she did nothing.
"I hate you," Alex said with venom.
"Yes. You've made that clear, Gavin. You two
would stake me in the heart the first chance you got." Tadzio gave
Alex's crotch a squeeze and sauntered behind Ryan, touching
him.
Alex glanced at Charlotte, her concentration
was on the video screen, her hands holding the headphones as if she
were listening to every breath they made.
"You two will meet me at the club
tonight."
"And if we don't?" Ryan asked.
Alex spun around, both he and Ryan were now
side by side, confronting Tadzio.
"Why don't you test me?" Tadzio licked his
finger. "Test me to see what happens if you disobey."
Ryan and Alex glanced at each other.
"Cut!" Charlotte said to her assistant.
"Rewind it. Let me see it again."
In the break, before his hair and makeup were
attended, Alex confronted Tadzio. "Stop touching my cock!"
Ryan covered his mouth from his laughter and
scooted away.
"Don't be selfish." Tadzio looked Alex up and
down.
"I'm married. Okay? And if it isn't in the
script you can't do it. Got it? Or I swear Tadzio, I will go to
Will and Derek and complain."
"Go. Complain." Tadzio waved his hand
dismissively and was attended to with powder and brushing of his
long hair.
Alex fumed and walked over to Ryan. Ryan
said, "He's a persistent pecker."
"I hate his fucking guts." Alex dropped his
arms to the sides as his hair and makeup were touched up.
"Well, he loves yours." Ryan glanced back at
Tadzio and smiled at Alex.
"Done!" Charlotte waved to them. "Go home, my
three vicious boys. Next scene!"
Alex blew out a breath of relief that he
didn't have to keep doing the same scene again and again. He walked
off the set to a dressing room and began wiping the makeup off his
face. Staring at his eyes in the mirror, Alex knew he couldn't take
the contact lenses out or the teeth until someone unglued his long
nails.
He sat down in front of the mirror and kept
using the damp makeup remover towels to get the pasty white cake
makeup off his skin. His assistant entered and as he did, Alex held
out his hands for the nails to be unglued. Someone poked their head
into the room behind them.
"Alexander? There's someone to see you."
"Now? Can't they wait until I'm changed?"
"Err…" the young man made a face of
exaggerated insistence and Alex asked, "Who is it?"
"George Ford." The young man tilted his head
as if the person was behind him.
Alex and his assistant exchanged looks. Alex
asked the young man at the door, 'The' George Ford? The movie
director?"
The young man nodded his head as if
frantically saying 'yes!'