Steel and Sorrow (21 page)

Drake felt the weight on his shoulders lighten.

After a moment Rygar asked, “So what are we going to do with them then?”

Drake blew out a chest full of air. “I wish I knew.”

* * *

Krytien hobbled through camp. His back ached and so did his rear. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that everything hurt on some level. He wasn’t a young man any longer and scouting with Rygar had taken its toll on him.

Kaz did it on purpose just to spite me. Just to make me suffer and just so I’d be out of his way. Well, I’ve had it with him. We’re going to have a talk tonight. Just as soon as I get to my things and take something for this pain.

He headed toward his gear and saw Raker stumble through camp. He had seen the sight many times before, but it struck him that Raker’s behavior had grown worse as of late. Krytien debated whether to go after the man when Yanasi’s screaming voice caught his attention. Yanasi gestured wildly with her arms as her ponytail whipped about her head. The men of her command stood there with shoulders hunched forward as she carried on.

Krytien glanced back at Raker and saw the engineer sitting at a fire with his bottle as soldiers dealt him into a hand of cards.

He’s probably fine.

He turned back to Yanasi as she kicked over a pile a wood.

That situation’s a bit more pressing.

* * *

“We’re letting too much slip by us. There is no excuse for getting caught off guard like we did today,” said Yanasi, pacing up and down a line of her men. She carried her black bow across her back and it bounced against her hip with each step. “We’ve got to be better. We can’t afford any more mistakes.”

“But Captain, they had mages cloaking them. There was nothing we could do. Not without a mage of our own.”

Yanasi stopped and wheeled on the man. “One Above, Corporal. A mage isn’t invincible. And we’re no stranger to seeing them in battle. They bleed just like everyone else. We can’t use them as an excuse for our mistake. Men died today because we weren’t doing our job as we should have. We let our Commander down.” Heads dropped as she spoke. Hers did the same. “I let you down. We have to do better and that starts with me. Now eat and get some rest. We’re rising an hour before the rest of camp tomorrow morning. We’ll run through our drills before hitting the road. It’s obvious we’re not where I thought we were.”

There were several groans as her men shuffled back into camp. Yanasi watched them drudge past. None met her gaze.

“Don’t you think you were a bit hard on them?”

Yanasi faced Krytien walking toward her. He brushed back the wisps of white hair that fell into his face. She lowered her face in shame once more. “What do you want me to do? Jonrell always expected the best out of his men.”

“Yes, but he also knew when to let up. I think you should do the same.”

“But we screwed up today.”

“It happens,” said Krytien. “And it’ll happen again. Learn from it and get better. It won’t do them any good to feel even worse about themselves. Nor will it do you any good to keep punishing yourself like you’ve been doing.” He paused. “Maybe I should tell Kaz to redistribute some of your responsibilities to others for awhile.”

“No!” said Yanasi, looking up. Krytien flinched which caused her to lower her voice again. “Sorry. It’s just that, I want to help. I need to help. Jonrell was finally letting me do more and it felt good. Kaz has done the same. It might sound stupid, but I don’t want to let Kaz down. It would be like letting Jonrell down too.”

Yanasi started to shake. An arm reached around her and pulled her in tight. She buried her head in Krytien’s old robes. “I miss him so much.”

“I know,” said Krytien. He cleared his throat and she heard the strain in his voice. “We all do.”

* * *

“We’ll reconvene in the morning then?” asked General Grayer.

Kaz nodded. “I want to talk to you more about the terrain we’re heading into. I’ve noticed some small inconsistencies to the maps we have at our disposal.”

“Unfortunately, many are out of date. I’ll take a look tonight and make sure there isn’t anything that could hamper our plans.”

“Until morning then.”

Kaz stood at the entrance to the command tent as the old general left. He stared out at his camp. The trenches had been completed long ago and soldiers sat around campfires relaxing and chatting. Grayer had complimented him less than an hour ago on how orderly he ran things. Kaz had simply shrugged. He saw no other way in which a camp should be maintained.

Some of the captains had expressed concern that Kaz had not allowed the normal camp followers to travel with the army. But he didn’t care and gave his officers a look that told them the issue had been settled. He refused to allow the whores or sellers of goods to distract marching soldiers.

If they’re unable to find comfort in the arms of some whore or the delight in some useless trinket, maybe their frustration will come out on the enemy. The sooner the opponent falls, the sooner they can go back to the real comforts of home.

The thought of home grabbed his thoughts and a flood of small flashes entered his mind. The images remained quick and jumbled.

Pieces of the culture or even a few faces mean nothing to me without any context or understanding.

A group of laughing soldiers around a raging fire caught his attention. He felt alone.

Will I ever learn who I am? Will I ever see my home again? And if so, will I want the life I find waiting for me?

A gray form walked in front of his line of sight. Kaz scowled.

What does he want?

He turned back inside of his tent and closed the flap behind him.

* * *

“That no good piece of horse dung,” Krytien mumbled. “I know he saw me.” The mage quickened his pace as he headed toward the command tent.

I’m not going to be put off tonight.

Krytien pushed through the tent unannounced. Kaz stood over a table, looking down at a map.

“We need to talk.”

“I’m busy,” said Kaz without looking up.

“Then make time because I’m not going anywhere.”

Kaz stepped away from the table and glared across at Krytien.

“It’s Yanasi,” said Krytien.

“What about her?”

“She’s not handling things well.”

“Did she tell you this?”

“Not in those words, but she didn’t have to. She’s worried that she might disappoint you and let you down. And in her mind, letting you down is just as bad as letting Jonrell down.”

“Why would she think that?”

“I don’t know, but what happened with the raid today only compounded things. It wouldn’t hurt if you told her she was doing a good job.”

“She should know that already. I wouldn’t be giving her so many things to do if she hadn’t already proven herself to me.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“I didn’t think I had to treat one of my best captains as a child,” said Kaz in an exasperated tone.

“In many ways, she still is one. She had a rough childhood before she joined us. And she craves the approval and reassurance from others because she’s so worried she’ll be seen as expendable. Even the smallest bit of praise, especially from Jonrell, made all the difference to her.”

“That isn’t the way I command.”

“Maybe it should become your way,” snapped Krytien. “Jonrell used to—”

“I’m not Jonrell!” yelled Kaz as he took a step forward. “You may be old, but I know you’re not blind. I don’t look like him, nor do I act like him. I’ll never be him. He’s dead. I wish he hadn’t died, but I can’t bring him back! Elyse put me in charge of her army. And for whatever reason the army follows me and is content with my command.” He paused. “It seems that most of the Hell Patrol isn’t.”

Krytien took a step forward himself, releasing his own pent up frustration. “That’s because we never made you leader! That wasn’t something for Elyse to decide.”

Kaz narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice. “Then why has no one brought this up in the year since Jonrell died? Why are my orders accepted?”

There was a moment of silence as Krytien mulled over the questions. He remembered the discussion he and Kroke had on the ship going to Estul Island. “Some of the crew has accepted you as leader. Others just don’t know what else to do. The rest know you’re doing right by Jonrell so they follow because they owe it to him.”

“That’s not good enough.”

Not good enough?
“What?”

“This war is only going to get worse and hard times are coming ahead. I need men who will follow me, not Jonrell’s memory. His memory will not keep them alive. His memory will not win this war.”

“Maybe if you learned to treat the old crew better. It’s like you have it out for many of us.”

“Like who?”

“Kroke. Me. I know you hate sorcery.”

“Aye, I hate sorcery, but I don’t have it out for you. Nor do I have it out for Kroke.”

“Then why does it seem like you’re constantly burdening us with tasks others can just as easily do?”

“Because I know the Hell Patrol can do it better. It’s just like what I said about Yanasi. She’s one of the best I have. Kroke is in Lyrosene with Elyse because there isn’t anyone better I can leave behind to protect the queen. I sent you scouting with Rygar this morning because I wanted it done right in case there were other mages waiting for us. I’m tired of Tomalt’s attacks. They’re affecting the men’s morale. I needed that taken care of.”

Kaz threw up his hands. “And this is what I’m talking about. I was only with the Hell Patrol for a short period of time before Jonrell died and yet I saw him ask the same things of you and everyone else. Often, he asked more. Yet the work got done and no one complained. I see the looks that you and the others give me when I issue an order. You’ve been around long enough to know that over time your attitude can easily rub off onto the rest of the army, especially if things don’t go our way. I can’t have that.”

Kaz paused again and turned away. “This campaign is too important to risk the backlash of hurting your egos. Regardless of what you might think, I’m not doing this for myself. I’m doing this for Elyse and the promise I made to Jonrell. If you don’t want to take orders from me, then leave. Go back to Slum Isle and take the others with you. I have more important things to worry about than hurting your feelings.”

Krytien’s mouth hung agape, unable to think clearly. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

“Then go. I have things to do.”

* * *

Krytien hated to leave the conversation as he did but left anyway, full of conflicting emotions. He had expected to go in and give Kaz a piece of his mind, but their roles got reversed somewhere.

And he’s got me looking at him in a different light now. Maybe even how Jonrell saw him.

The exchange had been the most personal moment he had shared with Kaz since the man joined Hell Patrol. He saw a crack in Kaz’s armor. Krytien had been around leaders long enough to realize that the black man was not as sure of himself as he let others believe.

Everyone feels the weight of command at some point. Perhaps he always had and I was too caught up in myself to notice.

* * *

A cool breeze drifted along in the night and Kaz suppressed a shiver. His heavy boots treaded lightly over the open ground of camp as he made his rounds for the evening. It felt good to be out of his tent and walking about. The conversation with Krytien had sent his mind into a dozen different directions. He hadn’t intended to air out some of the things he mentioned, but he felt better after having done so. It surprised him that Krytien had not fired back in return.

Maybe he’s deciding whether or not to move on. I’ll need to reorganize the command if he does.
He sighed.
More things to do.

Kaz walked over to Hag and Wiqua. He passed Yanasi leaving the old woman’s tent. She quickly saluted and shied away. He thought back on what Krytien said about her when he heard Hag’s voice.

“Late again, I see.”

“He has the look of a man troubled by the burdens of command,” said Wiqua.

“Burdens? Ha. Try carrying a kid for nine months.”

Kaz started. “You have a child?”

Hag waved a hand. “And mess up my figure,” she said, grabbing at her wide hips. “One Above, no. I’ve just heard enough women complain about it over the years. Figure it had to be true.” She laughed.

Kaz couldn’t help but smile.

“There, now that’s better. I thought I might have to show you my teats to get rid of that sour look.” Hag cackled louder than before. “Now sit down while I get you a bowl.”

Dinner had been dished out long ago, but the two always saved him a portion to eat in his own time. Kaz took a place by the small fire, sitting across from Wiqua. The old Byzernian sipped a cup of tea as usual. He poured another cup and handed it to Kaz. Hag returned a short time later with his dinner. She grunted when taking her seat next to Wiqua.

“What was Yanasi doing in your tent?” asked Kaz.

Hag shook her head. “That’s between her and me.”

Kaz didn’t bother pressing. He knew he would get nothing from her. He resigned himself to his meal.

After a moment, Hag asked. “That conversation with Krytien has got you in a worse mood than usual.”

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “What do you know about that?”

“Most everything. I just so happened to be walking by when I heard you shouting.”

“So you thought you’d stay and listen?”

Hag shrugged. “Don’t give me that look. If you wanted it to be private, you should have had Krytien work a spell over the tent. Jonrell figured that out long ago.”

Kaz scowled. “Yes, one more thing that he did better than me.”

Hag waved a finger. “Don’t you start. You know that’s not what I meant. As much as some would hate to admit it, Jonrell was not a god. He made his mistakes like everyone else. I just never would have thought the man’s heart would be his downfall. I hope that little snot Mal is rotting down there with the One Below.”

“I doubt that Jonrell would wish that on Mal, even now,” Wiqua said, clearing his voice.