Steel & Ice (22 page)

“
They know Kitchen Elle. And
that is precisely why Larry can’t know. He’d get all weird with
me.”

“
So what is up with the
flowers? Where is the card?” I showed Aaron the card. “Damn. Now I
see why the piglets were all fired up. This vase is Swarovski,” he
said, holding the vase up to look at the bottom.

“
Swar-what? What does that
mean?”

“
Swarovski. And it means he
spent at least five benji’s on this vase.”

My mouth hung open. “Five. Hundred. Dollars.
Fuck Aaron. “

“
What’s up with the
coin?”

“
That vase may be the most
expensive thing I own outside the Monte, but the coin is worth way
more.”

I told Aaron all about our day at the
arcade, and that night. I told him how much fun we had. How we
connected—and then how I bailed on him in the middle of the night.
“And he saved the token?” Aaron asked. I nodded. “Elle, that’s some
shit. I would love a man to do something like this for me. He
obviously put some thought into it, and didn’t mind spending a grip
on the vase. He sure as hell didn’t go with the twenty nine ninety
nine FTD special.”

“
Word,” I sighed.

“
Why are you sighing? Aren’t
you excited to see him tonight?”

“
Yes. No. I don’t know. I’m
excited to see him, and terrified that I’m excited. He isn’t like
other guys. Hold up,” I told Aaron, and went to my jewelry box in
the bathroom to retrieve the bracelet J had given me.

I handed the bracelet to Aaron, and fell
onto the couch rather dramatically. “Dude. Did he make this?” he
asked with a look of total awe in his eyes.

“
Yep.”

“
Fuck. The token from a
memorable day you two shared, a bracelet he made with his own two
hands, and a Swarovski vase. He’s special. You need to hold onto
this one.”

I sighed again. “I know he’s special. I
think I’m falling for him. He’s breaking my walls down, slowly but
surely. I gotta give it to him. He’s persistent and determined. I
haven’t exactly made it easy for him to win me.”

“
You shouldn’t! But he’s
obviously in it for the long haul. He treats you right. You’ve said
the sex is off the chain. What? And don’t you dare give me a
shoulder shrug, Eleanor Skye,” Aaron said, probably pissed I hadn’t
married the man yet. Full name. Never a good thing.

“
I think, well—he’s not
totally, um—on the up and up. You know?” I asked Aaron, raising an
eyebrow.

“
You ain’t exactly on the
‘up and up’ either,” Aaron said, making air quotes.

“
Yeah, I know, but it’s
different. I smoke some weed and sell it on occasion. That’s the
extent of my illegal activities nowadays. I think he’s into some
heavier shit. I think that’s why he’s been in St.
Louis.”

“
Did you ask him what he was
doing in St. Louis?” Aaron asked like I was a two year
old.

“
No.”

“
Well what the hell?” Aaron
said, throwing his hands in the air. He was fully exasperated with
me as he had started in with the dramatic, sweeping hand
gestures.

“
Here.” I passed him a bowl
packed with nuggs, nice and green ones. Then, I proceeded to tell
him about starfish. After silence, and Aaron practically smoking
the whole bowl himself, I asked, “Puff puff pass?”

“
Elle, I think you need to
clear your head cuz what you just told me is wack. Like 1995 wack.
Like crack is wack wack. Like what the fuck wack! Like you done
smoked one too many bowls wack!”

“
Fuck, Aaron. I know shit’s
messed up, but he is coming over tonight. What should I
do?”

“
Fuck him.”

“
Thanks Aaron, for that sage
advice.” I grabbed the bowl from his hands. I repacked it and
puffed a few times before handing it to Aaron. “Should I push about
what’s up with the motorcycle and St. Louis and the fact that I’ve
yet to hear about a legit job? Or should I leave it
alone?”

Aaron was silent. Not a good sign. “Elle,
are you prepared for the answers?”

“
God, you sound like my
fucking mother. I don’t know. That’s why I haven’t asked. Duh!” I
snatched the bowl back from Aaron before he smoked the whole
thing.

“
Well, fuck. I guess if you
want this relationship to go the distance, you’ve gotta ask. There
can’t be secrets. But who the fuck am I to give advice. I’m lucky
if my relationships last longer than one night.”

“
That’s not a relationship
Aaron,” I playfully chastised. “That’s a hit and run. A hump and
dump. A hit it and quit it. A fuck and flee. A lick it
and—“

“
I fucking got it Elle, and
I make no apologies for my sexual preferences.”

“
Your sexual preference is
men. Your sexual method is bang and bounce.” That was a good one.
“Aaron, you know I don’t give a fuck. I love you because you make
no apologies, so don’t start.”

“
Didn’t plan to. You know,
maybe you should be straight with him. Tell him you think you want
to know some of this shit, but don’t know if you reeeeeallly want
to know. And then tell him why you’re unsure. Why are you unsure?”
Aaron asked. Damn. Why was I? It was true, my life wasn’t exactly
legit. I mean, I didn’t kill people, or rob, or traffic guns. But
what if J did? Oh shit. My mind started reeling.

“
I think I need a nap,” I
said, getting up to put clothes on.

“
I expect full details
tomorrow, missy. I’ll let myself out,” Aaron called to my
back.

“
Thanks. I love you.
Sayonara,” I said, waving goodbye without turning around. I really
did need a nap.

******

“
Is this what you came
for?” he said, grabbing my hair and pushing me into a corner, the
rock hard dick in his pants shoved against my leg.

I closed my eyes. I would not cry. I would
not yell.

“
No Stacey. I came to buy a
sack. Remember? The half ounce we talked about last night at Rick’s
party?” I tried to keep my voice calm as I looked into his glassy
eyes. Fucking meth. How did I not see he was a fucking meth-head.
Marlo had told me never to trust the mo fo’s on uppers. Never knew
what they were gonna do. God Bless ‘Life Lessons from Gary,
Indiana’ that I really shoulda listened to.

My head was hurting from Stacey pulling my
hair so hard, but I was determined to stay calm. “Let’s go sit
down, Stacey.” I put my hand on his chest. God, I didn’t want to
touch him. “Let’s get fucked up, and then I’ll get what I came
for.” I wasn’t getting anything but the hell outta there. I prayed
he couldn’t feel my heart pounding like someone was beating a
punching bag in my chest.

Stacey smiled. Aw gross. He was workin’ with
about ten teeth, and they were all kinds of nasty. “You wanna get
fucked up little girl? I’ll fuck you like you wouldn’t ever
forget.” He laughed and shoved his dick harder against me. How was
his dick so hard when he was sky high? I thought those drugs made
your shit flaccid as fuck.

“
Yeah, you can show me some
things, but let’s get a lil high first, OK?” I was almost pleading.
I could feel the panic start to surface as my breathing sped up. I
took a deep breath in through my nose and exhaled slowly, trying
not to cough at the awful stench coming off this tweaker. Stacey
eased up. He grabbed my arm and shoved me onto the couch. He was
barely an inch taller than me, but he was strong. Like, meth-head
strong. Something else Marlo told me. The uppers make lil mo fo’s
strong as fuck. Again, I wished I had listened better during ‘Life
Lessons from Gary, Indiana.’

I sat down, and looked to see my possible
exit strategies. He was between me and the door, so that wasn’t an
option without knocking him down. With the force he had me pinned
against the wall, I doubted I could take him. He was firmly planted
in the chair closest to the door, and he sure as hell wasn’t
packing a bowl of weed. Fuck. I was not smoking meth with this
fucker. I was not smoking meth period. That shit burned holes I
your head. I did listen to that particular ‘Life lesson from Gary,
Indiana’ and had never used meth or speed or anything like that.
They were not usually very common around town. Weed, X, coke, and H
were the main drugs I’d come across in my time on the streets.

“
I gotta piss, yo. Where’s
the bathroom?” It was my only hope. Stacey was engrossed in getting
the chunky powder into a light bulb. A fucking light bulb? He
nodded his head to the hallway, and I did my best to walk casually
to the back of the trailer. I also prayed to whatever god there was
that there would be a window in the bathroom.

I poked my head in the first door, the
bathroom, and there was no way in hell I was making it out of the
tiny window. FUCK!! Holding my breath, I crept into the back
bedroom. I ran to the window, again praying, but this time that it
would open. When it did, I closed my eyes and slowly lifted it up
enough for me to shimmy out. I slipped out and fell into some
gravel. It dug into the palms of my hands, drawing blood. I was too
focused on getting to my beat up Ford Festiva to care. I barely had
it started when Stacey came barreling out the front door,
practically knocking it off the hinges. He started beating on my
driver window. “Bitch get your ass back inside. I was gonna take
your pussy, but now I’m takin’ your ass. Don’t plan on walking
right for days you lil fuckin’ cunt.” A crack began to form where
his hand was hitting. I threw it into first gear, and eased off the
clutch. I was shaking. The car stalled. “Get your fuckin’ ass
inside. Don’t make me tell you again unless you wanna feel all my
boys’ dicks up your ass. You like it like that lil girl? Let me go
give them all a call.” I turned the key again, and tried to keep my
left foot from shaking. Stacey kept beating on the window and
screaming. POUND POUND POUND. The crack in the window got
bigger.

I jumped out of bed, my heart racing and
covered in sweat. POUND POUND POUND. Someone was at the door. I did
the chain, opened the door, and stood behind it. I opened it, but
stayed behind the door so whoever was out there couldn’t see me.
“Who is it?” I yelled, panic filling my voice.

“
Elle, it’s me.” The breath
I didn’t know I had been holding came out in one long exhale. I
closed the door and undid the chain, letting J come inside. He
walked in and immediately dropped his bag. I had both my hands on
the wall, leaning up against it. My eyes were squeezed closed as I
tried to even out my breathing. J gently put his hand on my
shoulder. “Elle?” I flinched. “Elle, it’s just me. Everything is
OK. I’m going to take your hands off the wall and put them around
my neck, OK?” I felt like I was in a tunnel. It was dark. I could
hear his words, but I couldn’t see anything. I think I nodded. I
must have because the next thing I knew I was being picked up and
carried to the couch.

You got away Elle. You got the car into
first before the window shattered and you got away. Just like you
did when you were far enough away from Stacey’s, you need to
breathe.

I told myself this as I counted breaths. In.
Out. In. Out. This time I wasn’t sobbing though. I wasn’t sitting
on the side of the road in my car shaking and crying hysterically.
Everything poured out that I’d been holding in since Stacey grabbed
me and shoved me against the wall. All the fear and anxiety came
out of me like a flood from my eyes. I wrapped my arms around
myself. I cried and shook on the side of that road for at least an
hour before I could drive away. I was sixteen. I hadn’t met Chris
or Aaron yet. I drove to work and pushed the buzzer for the back
door. I hadn’t even been working there a year. I’m not sure who
found me, but it was Larry who took care of me. We sat outside the
restaurant, and he let me sob as I told him everything. It’s all
kind of a blur, but I think that was the beginning of the
friendship Larry and I have now. I trusted him. I hadn’t known
where to go, but ended up at the restaurant in Larry’s arms.

That was then. This was now. No more tears.
Just left over nightmares every now and again. I opened my eyes and
blinked a few times, disoriented.

“
Hey,” J said softly. “I
wondered when you were going to come back to me.”

“
What happened?” I was
dreaming. I knew that. When did J get here?

He told me how I opened the door, the fear
in my eyes, and that I was drenched in sweat. “Your heart was going
a mile a minute. What happened before I got here, Elle?” There was
concern in his voice as well as a hint of anger, as if he was ready
to beat some ass.

“
I took a nap. I was
dreaming. I didn’t remember opening the door until you just told
me. Now I remember.”

“
I could tell you weren’t
with it. Your eyes were far away. I almost couldn’t touch you. You
were scared?”

Fuck. This was all too much. I lay my head
against J’s chest, and burrowed deeper into him. “Can we just sit
here for a minute and then I’ll explain?”

“
Of course, sweetheart. You
don’t even need to ask.” He tightened his arms around me. It felt
so good. I had never felt safe in someone’s arms before. I had
never really had anyone’s arms around me, and not be trying to get
away except for that time with Larry. I was taken back to the
dream. Stacey had his hands on me, and was holding me against the
wall. God, he smelled so bad. It was like I could still smell that
stench in the air. I clung to J tighter.