Stepbrother Backstage (The Hawthorne Brothers Book 3) (48 page)

Chapter Ten

While the boys are away working, Mom decides it’s her moment
to pounce. The second we Porter women are alone in the lake house, she declares
tonight “girl’s night”, an occasion that none of us has any chance of wiggling
out of.
Great
.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Mom gushes as she herds me out onto
the porch. “The four of us haven’t had a proper chat in ages. Humor your poor
old mother, will you?”

I see that Anna has already been penned in when I step out
onto the verandah. She sits before a giant spread of wine, cheese, chocolate,
and fruit. Mom definitely pulled out all the stops tonight, that’s for sure.
But while I certainly don’t ever mind the sight of a few good bottles of red, I
can hear that old alarm bell winding up in the back of my mind. Why the special
treatment all of a sudden?

“Now let me just get your sister, and we’ll be all set,” Mom
beams, twirling away in a cloud of golden curls and flowing layers.

Anna and I sit quietly on the porch, the night sounds of
insects and other creatures rising up around us like a symphony. We still
haven’t had a second to talk since the other day on the dock. In all honesty, I
don’t even know where she’s been, for the last couple of days.

“You want first dibs?” I offer, nodding at the impressive
spread.

“Yeah. Sure,” she says disinterestedly, plucking a single
strawberry from the fruit plate and popping it into her mouth. I reach for the
wine key and set to work uncorking a bottle of Malbec. I know what my
priorities are.

“What have you been up to, these past few days?” I ask her
point blank, pouring two generous glasses of wine. “I haven’t seen hide or hair
of you.”

“I told you,” she says flatly, “I’ve been hanging out with
Finn and his band. Taking some pictures for them.”

“For
days
?” I press

“It’s not like there’s anyone to hang out with here,” she
replies, flicking her eyes over to me, “What with you and Maddie making
yourselves scarce, and all.”

There it is. The same accusatory tone my little sister
leveled at me the other day by the water. I don’t mind confrontation with her
or anyone. But I have my suspicions about why she’s angry. And if I let her air
her grievances, she may very well make me account for my history with Luke. Not
to mention my present with him. The two of us have been trying to avoid this
very thing from happening since we got here. But now, after our conversation
this morning, everything has changed. I can stop lying to my sister. All I have
to do is let her ask her questions. The rest will take care of itself…I hope.

“Anna,” I begin, taking a deep steadying breath, “I’m
sorry.”

“For what?” she asks, peering at me over the rim of her
wineglass.

“For making you feel like I don’t trust you,” I go on,
lowering my gaze, “For not checking in with you to make sure you were OK.”

“Are we talking about
now
, or these whole past few
years?” she asks coolly.

“Both? I guess?” I tell her, floundering. “I just want you
to know that I do trust you. More than anyone in the world. I want you to be a
bigger part of my life, Anna. And I’m sorry if I haven’t let you be before. If
there’s…If there’s anything I can do. If there’s anything you want to know, or
ask me…Well, I’m all ears. And no lip, for once in my damn life.”

“Really?” she asks, eyebrows raised.

“Really,” I assure her, leaning forward in my Adirondack
chair. “Go on, Anna. Ask me.”

My little sister chews on her lip, looking away from me as
she weighs her next words carefully. I can see her mulling over the options,
wondering whether or not she even wants the truth from me now. But when she
next looks up at me, I know she’s made her choice. This is it. The moment of
truth.

“Sophie,” she begins quietly, “Are you—?”

“Got her!” Mom’s singsong voice bursts from the doorway,
making Anna and I jump out of our skins, “Maddie will be down in just a
second.”

I fall back against my chair, frustrated and disappointed.
We were
so
close. I can sense Anna’s dismay as well, and lift my blue
eyes to her matching ones.

We’ll talk soon
, I try to assure her with my eyes
alone.

And if I had to guess, I’d say that her look translates to,
You
bet your ass we will
.

Maddie finally graces us with her presence, stepping out to
take the last seat at our impromptu feast. I watch the same pang of suspicion
shoot through her body as she takes in the spread. Mom only goes above and
beyond like this when something is wrong.

I sit up like a shot as a sudden, beautiful thought occurs
to me. What if she’s gathered us all out here to let us know that she and John
are finally breaking up? What if this is our last night at the lake house, and
John’s giving her some space to break the news while he gets the boys up to
speed? To Mom and John, parting ways might seem like another disappointment for
their kids. If only they knew what a blessing such a parting would be. Buoyed
by my theory, I settle back in my seat, happily nursing my wine. I even go so
far as to humor my mom’s small talk—
that’s
how good of a mood I’m in.

“I think it
’
s very smart of you,
getting some extra credits over the summer,” my Mom says, as the conversation
babbles happily along.

“I just want the option of graduating early, if anything
good comes up,” I tell her, “Acting apprenticeships are pretty competitive. If
I snag a good one in the middle of senior year, I want to be able to grab it.”

“Campus must be pretty quiet in the summer,” Mom continues,
heaping a plate with cheese and crackers, “I
’
m sure it
’
ll be relaxing to get some alone time.”

“Not that you
’
ll be entirely without
company,” Anna speaks up pointedly. I glance over at her quickly. Does she know
that Luke is going to working on campus this summer?

“Oh! Will some of your friends be doing the summer session
too?” Mom chirps, “How fun.”

“Uh. Kind of,” I mutter. May as well give this truth-telling
thing a shot. “It, uh, turns out that Luke is going to be TA-ing some more
classes this session…
And he
’
s going
to be an RA, too.”

“RA? What
’
s that?” Mom asks me.

“A resident assistant,” I clarify, “It means he
’
ll be living in the dorms, too. Making sure us kiddos don
’
t get into any trouble.”

“Get out,” Mom gasps, grabbing for my hand, “That is so, so
wonderful. And here I thought all you kids were going to go your separate ways
after this week. I
’
m so glad you two will get to keep on
being friends.”

“Uh-huh,” I reply, trying to keep my cool.

Holy crap…I was right. With all this talk about “going our
separate ways” and “staying friends”, Mom must be working up to telling us that
she and John are splitsville! I can’t believe how good this timing is. Just
when Luke and I are getting ready to come clean about our status, it turns out
there’s nothing dirty about what we’re doing. Not anymore.

“I guess Sophie and Luke will have to be the ones keeping in
touch for us all us, huh?” Anna says, dragging my attention back to the
conversation, “Since the rest of us will be going home after this?”

“Seems that way,” Maddie adds, her voice a bit stilted.

I look around at my mom and sisters, excitement flooding me
from head to toe. It will be such a relief to tell them about how I really feel
for Luke. Sure, it might be a little awkward for Mom down the line, Luke being
her ex’s—or rather, double-ex’s—son and all. But I’m sure she’ll be onto the
next guy by then, anyway.

“Well, actually…” my Mom says, a small smile creeping across
her face, “I wanted to talk to you girls about just that.”

Oh my god. This is it. The moment that will change
everything for me and Luke.

“What
’
s up, Mom?
”
I ask, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice.

“
Well,
” Mom sighs, sipping her wine
with no small bit of drama, “I know I told you that my plan for this summer was
to spend a little time getting grounded in my hometown before going back to
Vermont. Really, I just wanted a couple of weeks away from it all. At first.”

I watch my sisters’ faces become uneasy, and feel my own
expression reflecting theirs’. I wish she would just spit out the good news
already, before I have a conniption.

“Are you staying for longer, then?” Anna asks her, brow
furrowed, “Did you find another place to rent in town or something?”

“Or something,” Mom bubbles, smile widening. She has that
mischievous glint in her eye that almost always spells trouble. A cold spike of
dread pierces my gut as she goes on. Have I completely misjudged this
situation? And if so, what fresh hell is she about to spring on us?

“Actually…” Mom trills, glancing around at us
conspiratorially, “God, I feel like a teenager again, dishing with you girls
like this. But actually, things have been going so well for me and John here
that he
’
s…he
’
s invited me to stay!”

I feel the wind rush out my lungs as my body goes stone
still. The alarm that was only a whisper moments ago raises its voice to a
keening wail. And all it keeps saying is, “NO. NO.
NO
.”

“You mean like, for another couple of weeks…?” Maddie asks
quickly.

“And another, and another,” Mom beams, oblivious to the
distress on her daughters’ faces. As fucking usual.

“Mom, just cut to the chase, OK?” I snap at her, my heart
dashing itself against my ribcage, “Exactly how long are you going to stay here
playing house with John?”

“Watch your tone,” Mom shoots back at me, her airy demeanor
suddenly run through with fire, “But since you ask, I
’
m
planning on staying indefinitely.”

There it is. The nail in the coffin. Not only can Luke and I
not come forward about our feelings now, I’m not sure we can even be a “we”
anymore. If Mom and John are taking the next step in their relationship, if
this isn’t just a fling after all but a full-fledged relationship…there’s no
way Luke and I can keep pretending that what we’re doing isn’t wrong.

For the first time since meeting Luke, acidic shame starts
to eat away at me. This incredible, life-changing thing we found in each other
has, in a moment, become something sick. Something we should be embarrassed
about. Something we should bury deep inside ourselves and never drag out into
the light of day again.

And I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive my mother for
that. 

“But…You don
’
t live here,” Anna
sputters, sounding far younger than her years, “You live in Vermont. In our
house. The house we
’
ve always lived in.”

“Yes, dear,” Mom snaps impatiently, “I know. I have been
living in that house much longer than any of you. And since you
’
re
planning to move out to go ‘find yourself
’
, Anna, I
’
d soon be living there all alone. Or I would have been, if John
hadn
’
t offered—”

“Are you… Selling our house?” Maddie cuts her off.

“I am planning to sell the house, yes,” Mom replies without
ceremony.

“But that
’
s—
you can’
t—were
you even going to talk to us about it?!” I shout, feeling the world fall away
beneath my feet.

“That
’
s what I
’
m
doing now,” Mom sighs, exasperated, “Not that I need your permission, but I
’
m taking my time weighing the decision to—”

“Really? Because it seems to me like you
’
ve
already made your choice,” I cut in, “We love that house, Mom. Our whole
childhoods, our entire lives with Dad was there. That place is all we have left
of him. We can
’
t lose
—”

“Don
’
t tell me about loss,” Mom spits
back at me, her entire demeanor transforming. All week, we’ve only been seeing
her bright and cheery side. But now that dark streak of hers has come out to
play. “I know all about loss, thank you. Your father was the love of my life,
from the time I was just a girl. You
’
ll never be able to
feel the loss of him the way I have.”

“Christ, Mom…” Maddie says disgustedly, “Are you seriously
making our grief into a pissing contest right now?”

“Of course not,” Mom replies sharply, “Because it
’
s no contest whatsoever. Your father is a part of your past.
You can all move on and lead long, happy lives now. But he was my future. My
entire future. I
’
ve lost more than you can possibly imagine,
losing him.”

Maddie falls back against the chair, shocked by our mother’s
unfeeling, deluded response. But honestly? I wish I was surprised by her
callousness. By now, her disregard for us isn’t shocking. It’s just
disappointing as hell.

“What would you even know about what we
’
ve
all been going through since Dad died?” Maddie says softly, “In the past three
years, you haven
’
t bothered to check in with any of us
about how we were doing. Not once. You don
’
t know the
first thing about how his death has changed our lives.”

“Please,” Mom says, waving her hand dismissively, “I think I
know my own daughters—”

“Did you know I
’
ve been seriously
depressed for the last three years?” Maddie cries, “Did you know that I barely
made it through the first semester back at school after he died? That I almost
dropped out just before graduating? I talked about being a literature professor
like him for my entire life. Did you ever wonder why I suddenly changed my mind
and punted to marketing? It
’
s because reading the books he
loved, following in his footsteps, was too painful for me once he was gone. His
death has changed my entire life. My entire future. Not a day goes by that I
don
’
t think of him. And all that's to say nothing of your
other two daughters.”