Sticks and Stones (2 page)

Then Brent leaned across the aisle and started talking to another girl. Everyone turned away from me as if I wasn’t there anymore.
Something
had just happened. But I couldn’t figure out what it was.
Or could I?
Either way, I couldn’t keep standing around as if time had stopped. My chin came up and carried me
over to my seat behind Carlos. I dropped myself and my textbooks into my desk like a two-ton truck.

“Hey,” Carlos said. He was turned around in his desk.

“What?” I stared out the window. I needed a couple of minutes to figure things out.

Carlos tugged at one of my fingers. “Hey.”

I had to look at him.

“They’re jerks,” he said. He hung onto my hand as if it was some sort of prize.

Suddenly, I was blinking fast. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Old Dead Lips stood up and cleared his throat. Then he asked someone to give him the plot of
The Taming of the Shrew
. As usual, all he got was the sound of a lot of breathing. Then one of the guys over by Brent spoke up.

“It’s about this guy who wants to get this girl. She plays hard to get but really she’s pretty easy. She gives in. They get married. The end.”

“You make it sound like a Friday night movie,” Old Dead Lips said.

“Same old story,” the guy shrugged. Some of the kids around him laughed.

Everything in me stopped — everything. Even the snow falling outside seemed to jerk to a halt halfway between sky and ground. I wanted everything to stay stopped like that. Then I wouldn’t have to know what came next. What my gut was telling me.

Ahead of me, Carlos shifted in his seat, then spoke up. Surprise got my brain going again — Carlos never talked in class. “I dunno, maybe I just don’t get it,” he said.

“What don’t you understand?” Old Dead Lips asked.

Carlos flicked his pen against his
desktop. I watched his ears go dark red. “Why’d she marry the guy? He seems like a real jerk to me.”

For the first time that term, Old Dead Lips came alive. His eyebrows went up and his mouth dropped open. I thought,
Uh-oh, Carlos is going to flunk this course for sure
.

“Well, Carlos, I guess that means you’ve actually read the play,” he said.

Carlos’s ears turned purple. First time he’d spoken up in class and Old Dead Lips was putting him down for it. I put up my hand.

“Yes, Trudy?”

That’s my real name. “I’m with Carlos. I think the guy’s a real jerk, too.”

Old Dead Lips gave me a look that put me in deep freeze. “Anyone else in the class agree with these two?”

No one said a word. This seemed to cheer Old Dead Lips up. “Everyone turn to Act I.”

I poked Carlos in the back and whispered, “Thanks.”

He shifted sideways in his seat and smiled. “Old Dead Lips is a jerk, too.”

Chapter Three

I had this feeling — like the
Titanic
had sunk inside my stomach. It wouldn’t go away. Carlo’s being nice couldn’t change that. But I had a test about land forms in my next class to think about. Staring down at the test paper, I wanted to write: Basic rock form — Brent Floyd. But I didn’t. It looked like I might’ve flunked my social life. But I wanted to pass geography.

Besides, I still liked Brent — a lot. I figured it was all a mistake. I’d talk to him and we’d clear everything up. I was walking down an aisle in the cafeteria at lunch when it started again.

“Hey, Jujube!”

They were sitting right on the aisle, leaning out toward me — a bunch of Brent’s friends. Well, they were my friends too. Sometimes I ate lunch with them. I smiled. None of these guys was in my English class.

“Hi, guys.”

Someone gave a low whistle.

“Hi, Jujube,” someone replied, but his voice was different, as if we shared a secret. What secret? They were all grinning.

I wasn’t going to let the same thing happen again. Eyes narrowed, I shifted into a very careful position. I tried to look a little bored. “What’s so funny?”

“What’s so funny?” a guy named
Ralph repeated. Last week, he’d beaten me at poker. “I dunno. You tell us.”

Something cold and wet ran down my hand. My Canada Dry was spilling.

“Back seat baby,” Ralph said, sort of singsong. The guys snickered.

Something in me went into a long fall. Around me, kids kept shouting and laughing. A teacher walked by. To everyone else, we probably looked like friends talking.

We are friends talking
, I thought.

I set my pop and French fries on the table. “You’re kidding, right?”

Ralph looked away from me to another guy. “What do you think, Scott — a seven?”

Scott looked me up and down. “Seven? Maybe.”

“Maybe on a good day,” said another guy.

“A really good day? Like last Friday?” Ralph replied.

They were all laughing again.

“You guys are pigs,” I said.

They shut up for a moment. Then Ralph muttered something. Probably I should’ve left it and walked off. But I was so mad.

“What’d you say, Ralph?” I asked.

He sort of grinned but kept quiet and wouldn’t look at me. I walked around the table so I was opposite him. “Pass that math test I helped you study for, Ralph?” I asked.

Ralph poked at his sandwich. I could see a slow red coming up his neck. Still not looking at me, he said, “Ah, forget it, Jujube.”

“Yeah, right.” I started to walk back to pick up my food when Scott spoke up. He said it loud and clear, so everyone could hear.

“He said you were a ten at the dance, Jujube. No — in the parking lot. A perfect score. A real pro.”

It was like they’d run me at top speed into a concrete wall. For a moment, there was nothing. Then a hand touched my elbow.

“C’mon,” Carlos said into my ear.

“Oh, now Carlos gets lucky,” Scott said.

Carlos stopped. He turned and stared at them. Their eyes dropped.

Carlos can do this
, I thought.
He’s a guy
.

“Hey, Scott — you going to band practice after school?” someone finally said to change the subject.

Carlos and I walked out of the cafeteria. When we found an empty stairway, we sat down.

“You all right?” Carlos ate my French fries. I stared off, not talking. I couldn’t seem to find my voice.

“Jujube?”

I whispered, “They’ve never talked like that before.”

“Sure they have,” Carlos said.

“Not to me.”

“O.K., so not to you.”

I knew what he was saying. I’d even laughed sometimes, when they put another girl down. I guess I’d just never thought it could happen to me.

“I thought they were my friends.”

“Some friends.”

“They’ll burn me.”

“Maybe.” He just sat there, chewing on a French fry.

Like, my life is ending here
, I thought.

“I didn’t do… what they’re saying,” I said.

Carlos snorted. “I’m not your mother. It’s nobody’s business what you did.”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s worse when it’s all lies.”

Carlos shrugged. “Some guys lie about that stuff all the time. They think if they don’t score, they’re a nobody. So they lie.”

“You’re a guy,” I pointed out.

He grinned at me. “Yeah?”

“So do you lie about it?”

“I tell them it’s none of their business.”

I watched him drink my pop. “What else are they saying about me?”

“You really want to know?”

“May as well.”

Carlos looked pretty tense. “I’ll keep it as polite as I can. They’re saying you’re easy, you’re fast. You’ll go all the way on the first date. You’ll do anything a guy wants. I won’t go into the details.”

I wanted to disappear. Kids in that cafeteria were passing my name around like a dirty joke. I’d seen other girls this had happened to. They waited for everyone to get tired of the rumors and wear the jokes out. Sometimes the stories died down. Sometimes they didn’t. I couldn’t stick around for that.

I took the half-empty container of
pop, and threw it hard against the wall. Then I stood there swearing for a long time. Carlos sat and waited me out. When I was finished, he looked impressed.

“They’re scum, Jujube,” he said.

I half-laughed. I wanted to cry. “Rumors run this school. It doesn’t matter who starts them.”

“So let them talk,” Carlos said.

He wasn’t quite getting it
. “Carlos, there are about two thousand kids in this school, right? So, say each one of them makes one joke about me — that’s two thousand jokes I have to put up with. Even if I don’t hear them, they’re out there. I’ll feel them. And what if they just laugh? Say each one laughs, ‘Ha ha ha!’ That makes six thousand ‘Ha’s’ I have to live through.”

Carlos sighed. “Look, you can let scum run you or you can let them run each other. Just walk back in there now like you’re the truth and they’re the lies.”

I tried. Carlos and I went into the cafeteria and walked through the crowd of voices to the other end. It felt a little like a parade, everyone secretly watching me. A couple of kids said, “Hi.” No one yelled a word about my sex life. But it was what they were thinking — I could feel the vibes coming at me two thousand strong.

Chapter Four

That afternoon felt unreal. Everything looked the same but felt different. Running laps around the gym, I’d forget what had happened. Then the feeling would come back.
Something’s wrong
, I’d think, looking around me.
Things look normal, but something’s weird. What’s wrong with this picture?

Then I’d find the answer somewhere -
around my stomach.
It was me
. Even if Brent was the one spreading those lies, he was making me wear them. Unreal — the whole thing felt so unreal.

So when I turned on “Star Trek” after school, I felt at home. Floating in outer space, away from all this — that’s what I wanted. Popcorn laid his head on my feet with a sigh. His first owners were from Scotland. Whenever Scotty came on, yelling to Captain Kirk, Popcorn thumped his tail.

To go where no man has gone before
, I thought.
To go where the stars first send out their light
.

“I can’t help it, Captain — these engines are about to blow!” yelled the TV Scotty. Popcorn wagged his tail.

At supper, Sophie was upset. Now that her father was off probation, he was allowed to call her mom again. He didn’t call her
at our house because Sophie, Mom, and I hung up on him. He called her at work, and tonight she’d gone out for dinner with him. Sophie kept stabbing her mashed potatoes. Globs ended up on the table. But Mom didn’t complain.

“Why does she talk to him? What if she moves back with him?” Sophie demanded.

Mom sighed, “I don’t know, Sophie.”

“But he went to jail for hurting us,” Sophie said.

In a way, I was glad Mom had Sophie to worry about. Every now and then she’d give me one of her long thinking looks. What this usually means is a talk about condoms and the meaning of life. This is part of being an only child. Mom has major panic attacks when I come down with a cold. But, like I said, she can get pretty military — she works as a meatpacker at Gainers. I knew if I told her
about Brent, she’d flip out and go after the entire school.

Fortunately, Mom had to head off for her evening shift without a chance to come after me. She stood in the doorway, zip-ping up her parka. “Jujube?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t think I don’t know some-thing’s bothering you.” Mom’s eyes are traffic-light green.

“Oh, Mom — I’m all right. Have fun shoving raw meat around.” I kissed her goodbye and went up to the bedroom I share with Sophie. Popcorn and I flopped down on my bed. Sophie sat on hers, staring out the cold, black window. Stars were out, shining like faraway friends.

“I know you’re upset, but can I tell you something?” I asked.

Sophie’s eyes were red. “That’s why you only ate carrots at supper?”

“Maybe.”

Sophie pulled a bag of Oreos out of
the night table between our beds. “Here, eat this junk. You must be hungry.”

I munched out on Oreos and told her what had happened with Brent. Sophie sat listening and stroking a stuffed mouse she’d had since she was a kid. Finally she said, “Remember when I first went into the group home? Well, it got around school pretty fast. Someone started a rumor that I was doing time for hooking.”

“What?” I’d never heard about this.

“I didn’t tell anyone. It was really bad — everyone telling jokes, bugging me. One time they even wrote things on the blackboard.”

“Who started it?”

Sophie gave a small laugh. “It doesn’t matter who starts it. It’s weird; the way kids gang up on someone. It’s like they only feel strong when they’re in a group, putting someone else down.”

“But I haven’t done anything to them.”

Sophie hugged her worn-out mouse.
“It’s a power rush sort of thing. A good rep, a bad rep — a rep is something other people give you. They know they can turn you into anything they want — that’s the rush.”

I thought about it. “So what finally happened?”

“After a while they found someone else to bug and forgot about me.”

We heard the front door open. It was Sophie’s mother coming in. Sophie jumped out of bed and ran down the hall. As I listened to their voices, I picked up Sophie’s beat-up mouse. Popcorn whined. Maybe Sophie had made it through O.K., but I knew they’d hurt her. It made me mad.

Over the next few days, things died down at school — just a few comments here and there. But the rumors were still going around and showing up in strange places. Like the moment Carlos and I
came out of the darkroom together. The other kids in the Camera Club started to grin and snort. They wouldn’t have done that before. Of course, not all of the kids behaved that way. Some went out of their way to be friendly, act like nothing was going on. And it wasn’t like all my old friends dropped me or anything. It was just that if a comment about me came up, they’d laugh.
Even the girls
. I tried hard to turn the whole thing into a joke and laugh along with them.

At least I didn’t have to see much of Brent. I used to bump into him all over the place. Not anymore. It was like I was some germ he was avoiding. But we were still stuck in the same room in English class. There, he sat with his friends across the room and laughed at their jokes, never even looking at me. After about a week of this, I was passed a note. Old Dead Lips was writing on the board. The note was folded up small, my name written across the front.
Slowly, it spread apart in my hand.