Wait. What? She’s leaving? Mia pasted a smile on her face. It appeared she’d just been left here to fend for herself. “Thank you,” she mumbled as Betty walked away. She felt the heat of his gaze as he stood beside her, staring down at her.
“Hi,” he said smoothly. God, he had no idea how sensuous his voice sounded right now. Or did he?
“Hi,” she replied, avoiding eye contact with him. She just couldn’t. The way her heart would race if she set eyes on him now, she’d be a goner.
“Let me walk you to Luke’s office.”
“Thanks,” she said as he guided her down the narrow hallway. Mia was so close to him that she could feel the heat radiate off of him.
As they walked down the corridor, she accidentally hit his hand with her own and muttered a quick apology. With a touch, all the times he’d held her hand flooded her mind, especially the way he’d caress her thumb with his. She hated herself for the stupid choices she’d made, for ever hurting him like she had.
“You could look at me, you know?” he said with a touch of humor lacing his voice.
Mia shook her head, feeling his eyes burning into her. “No, I can’t,” she croaked, her heart in her throat.
When they reached Luke’s corner office, she hurried in, hoping she was safe, thinking he would leave her there, but she wasn’t that lucky. He followed her in and closed the door behind him.
“So, you’re here to see Luke?” Ethan asked, almost an accusatory tone to his voice.
You know my schedule better than I do,
she thought.
Why didn’t you call me?
she wanted to ask, but in the end, she didn’t want to appear as crushed as she was.
“Yeah, and you know, play a few shows,” she said, looking out the window, still not trusting herself to look at him. Just being in his presence was bad enough. To actually look at him, have her eyes meet his . . . that was asking for trouble.
“So, you’re really not going to look at me?” he asked, a trace of laughter still in his voice.
“Why couldn’t you have just ignored the fact that I was here? Just walked on by.” In the reflection in the window, she saw Ethan move closer, stopping right behind her, his closeness causing her heart to thunder.
“I can’t ignore you,” he said, his velvety voice tickling her ear, his hand lightly grasping her wrist. She tilted her head to the side and swallowed hard, biting back her tears. Weeks and weeks while on the road, she’d craved his touch, begged him for it while she was in New York. Yet he’d ignored her.
But right here, right now, she couldn’t ignore him. Not when he was right there with her. She turned on him, finally meeting those golden eyes she loved so much. That was a mistake. His eyes were dark and filled with pain—pain she didn’t want to see. She tried to remove her arm from his grasp, but he tightened his hold and with his free hand, moved her hair out of her face, his hand lingering on her cheek.
“Mia, what if you were wrong?” he asked, lowering his head and resting it against hers. Her eyes fluttered closed. A part of her was thrilled by his words. The whole time they’d been apart, she’d asked herself the same question—was this break a good idea? She missed him so much that she didn’t feel like herself. An important piece was missing—Ethan.
The part that had been running from the demons of her past all these years knew she needed to figure out a way to defeat them. One thing she did learn during this break was how safe Ethan had made her feel. With him gone, they sought purchase on her weakened self and she was having a hell of a time trying to fight them. They were wearing her down.
And that was something she didn’t want Ethan to see.
“But what if I wasn’t?” Mia countered, though his hand on her face felt so damn good. It traveled to her chin, lifting it. She opened her eyes and found his beautiful, honey brown eyes smiling at her. He leaned in and tentatively placed his lips on hers. He wasn’t pulling away. He wanted this kiss.
Maybe she was wrong . . .
His lips felt even better than his caress and she responded to that. She sighed internally. She couldn’t stop herself. She’d thought with time apart, it would go away, but damn it, she still wanted him, still loved him.
With an exhale of breath, Mia returned his kiss, her lips devouring his. Putting a large hand to her waist, he drew her to him, his strong arms supporting her as he increased the intensity, demanding more from her. She whimpered when he broke the kiss, but his lips trailed along her jaw and cheek before coming back down to capture her mouth with a kiss that stole her soul.
She cried inside because she hated—HATED—what she had to do next. Stopping the kiss, she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him, touching him for the first time, feeling his strong muscles beneath his fitted polo. She had wanted this moment for months and now that it was here, she ached because she knew it wouldn’t last. Not when she had her past to fight.
“Ethan, what if I wasn’t wrong?” she repeated against his ear, her voice barely audible.
“What if you were?” he countered, his soft voice urging her to believe him. She let the tears roll down her face. She wasn’t wrong. They needed to be apart. Deep within, she knew she couldn’t survive without facing everything that came about when her mother left. She had to face the demons that that event created because they were dead set to destroy her.
“But I’m not,” she said sadly.
“Mia,” he said, cupping her face. “I love you.”
“And I love you,” she said, covering his hands with hers. “God, I love you so much. But I have a lot to work through. A lot of things I need to figure out.”
The night Ethan surprised her in St. Paul, her drug use had escalated to a higher level than ever before. But it wasn’t just the drugs; it was the alcohol. It was all the ways she tried to drown out the sorrows of her past . . . and her present.
So far, it hadn’t worked. Ethan saw her higher than she’d ever been, saw her with Todd. Thankfully, he only saw the playful side of her and Todd that night. He did not see the two of them making out in a club, in a snow pile on the walk back to the hotel. But she remembered.
If Ethan hadn’t been there, she and Todd would have slept together that night. No doubt about that.
All the drugs and alcohol numbed her all right, but she wasn’t herself, because if she had been sober, she would never have put herself in that kind of position. She would never have been in that club, high and all over Todd.
Mia loved Ethan and wanted only him, but in order to have him, she needed to figure out how to, once and for all, defeat the past that shaped her. She had to stop letting what her parents did to her dictate her life. Maybe once she did that, she could really be with Ethan. One hundred percent his.
His kiss brought her back to the present.
“Let me help you,” he implored.
“I can’t let you do this for me, Ethan,” she answered, moving his hands from her face.
I can’t let you see these demons.
“I don’t want to do it for you. I want to help. I want to be there for you, support you,” he said desperately, clinging to her hands.
“I’m sorry. I hate this. I can only hope that at some point we can find each other again. Because you own my heart and I will love you forever.”
Her heart broke when she saw his tears, knowing he finally realized what this meant. This was the end. She kissed him like a mother would kiss away a child’s wound. She hated to see his pain, the pain that she caused. And she would continue to cause him pain if she stayed, especially with the place she was in right now.
“I really, really hate when you’re right,” he resigned. She gently wiped the tears from his face and kissed his lips once again.
“I love you, Mia. I want you to do whatever it is you need to do. And I understand that you need to do this on your own, but would it be too much to ask that you check in with me from time to time?”
“I can do that.”
“Good. I don’t want you to forget about me.”
“That’s impossible,” she said sadly, feeling the fresh tears stinging her cheeks. She would never forget him, would never stop loving him. She needed to fix what was wrong so she could be with him again! Her failure meant no Ethan.
She did not want to fail.
Putting her head in her hands, she cried harder. “God, I’m so scared!”
“Of what, suga?”
“Of failing. You have no idea how much what happened in my childhood scares me.”
“Have faith in yourself. You can do this,” he said, cupping her chin.
“You say that to me a lot,” she said with a small smile.
“Because I know you can.”
The faith he had in her and she let him down.
“I am not at my best right now. I thought I was, but really, I haven’t been for a long time. This has been slowly pulling me down for years. You deserve me at my best. You don’t deserve what I have already put you through. The drugs, the alcohol, and the stupid shit I’ve done while under their influence. I am truly sorry for that . . . that you had to see me high.”
He stared at her for a few long moments, not saying a word. And then, he suddenly kissed her with such passion and such love, she thought she would burst from the onslaught of his emotions. His love traveled from his lips to hers and to the rest of her body.
“If you keep kissing me like that . . .” she said after he paused, his lips hovering just above hers.
“You’ll what?” he said knowingly. He had a purpose and she loved when he was like that.
She couldn’t voice her wants, but damn, she wanted him. Gazing into his passion-filled eyes, she tried to speak, but his eyes, they held her in a trance.
He kissed her again, pulling her tight against him. Mia didn’t want to fight this right now, had no desire to back out of his embrace. She wanted more.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, her fingers grasped his hair. His hand traveled from her waist and over her thigh until he reached the hem of her dress. He toyed with the light yellow fabric before his fingers ventured up, touching her bare thigh, setting her skin on fire.
Oh, yes!
He definitely had a purpose.
He pulled her closer to him with his free hand, his leg hard between hers. Her grip tightened as his hand went over the top of her thigh to the valley between her legs. She moaned into his mouth as he pushed aside her panties and caressed her with his warm fingers, sending currents of desire through her.
“If I leave you to lock the door and close the blinds, are you going to put a stop to this?” he asked her while slipping a finger inside her. Her knees buckled as he moved inside of her. She ached for him. That was no different. What had happened a month ago changed nothing, except their relationship status.
Mia whimpered as his thumb rubbed her clit, her breath coming in long, surrendering moans. “N-nooo,” she stuttered.
He sighed thankfully and kissed her hard. Removing his hand from her, Ethan quickly went about locking the door and closing the blinds. When he returned, she shivered at the hunger in his eyes. He took her hand and led her to the sofa. She smiled when he sat down in the middle. Slipping her hands under her dress, she pushed down her panties and kicked them aside, then crawled on top of him, her yellow dress pooling around his lap. He carefully removed her lavender cardigan and kissed her shoulder.
“Ethan?” she quietly queried, wondering if she should stop this, but his tongue found the nook of her neck, pushing any thought of stopping this out of her mind. She needed this—one last time.
His lips pressed against hers, keeping her quiet as he eased a breast from her dress. His hand gently outlined the soft curve, sending a hot shiver through her, before his mouth teased her swollen nipple. Her senses reeled. For months she’d craved this, needed this.
Her unoccupied hands searched for something to keep them busy, and they found it at the fastening of his jeans. He nipped her breast as she drew the button through the hole. She pulled the zipper down over his hard cock and slid her fingers inside of the opening in the front of his boxers, teasing him with the tip of her finger before pulling him from the confines of his boxers. Over and over, she slid her hand up and down the length of his cock.
His moan vibrated over her breast as she increased the speed of her hand. He grabbed her face, kissing her hard and fierce. Then he stopped and smiled at her. “Hi.”
She smiled in return. “Hi.”
Moving closer, Mia hovered above him, her eyes locked on his as she lowered herself onto his hard length. She collapsed against him, his arms tight around her as she moaned into his shoulder, finally having him inside of her again. This felt so good, so right. They always did this well. Too well, she thought as he held her hips and started to move her upon him.
She captured his lips, her kiss very emotional as she took over and moved to her own rhythm. His fingers dug into her ass as she rode him. Stopping for a moment, she regarded him in front of her, his pupils huge with desire. She smiled as she slowly drank from his lips before moving on to his long neck.
“Oh, Mia,” he groaned before flipping them onto the couch. “Sorry, suga, as much as I was really enjoying that, I have something I’ve got to do.”
“Like?” she said, tugging on his lower lip.
“This,” he grunted, pushing himself back inside her. She moaned loudly and he kissed her to quiet her down yet again. She was sure people could hear them, but in that moment, she didn’t really give a shit.
He continued to fill her, loving her as she trailed her fingers up and down his back until she felt herself reaching her peak. He slowed it down just as she was about to orgasm. He knew her too well.
“Look at me,” he ordered, waiting for her eyes to find his. “I love you, Mia Devereux. Remember that. Whatever you go through, I will always love you.”
“Ethan, I love you too,” she whimpered as he moved within her again, tears streaming from her eyes. She cried because this was goodbye. He knew it too.
“This is what you are fighting for, Mia,” he whispered against her ear as she orgasmed. He kept his mouth there, breathing shakily into her ear as his passion overtook him.
She held him close to her and let the tears continue to fall. She heard a sniffle come from him and he abruptly moved off her and situated them so he spooned her, holding her tight against his chest.