Stink and the Great Guinea Pig Express (2 page)

“All I found is . . . a guinea pig!” said Stink.

“I found one, too!” said Sophie.

“I found one, three!” said Webster.

“Guinea pig party!” said Sophie, holding up a tricolor guinea pig that looked like it was wearing a wig.

“Guinea pig
palooza,
” said Webster, putting a black-and-white guinea pig in his lap.

“The Great Wall of Guinea Pigs!” said Stink, holding a little fur ball with blue eyes and spiky hair.

“When did you get three guinea pigs?” Sophie asked Webster.

“And how come you didn’t tell us?” asked Stink.

“They’re not mine,” said Webster. “I never saw them before. I don’t know
how
they got here.”

“If we were at my house,” said Stink, “I’d say my sister, Judy, was trying to clone guinea pigs again. One time, she put guinea pig hairs in the microwave to make more guinea pigs.”

“Maybe they escaped from the circus,” said Webster.

“Maybe they escaped from a mad scientist,” said Sophie.

“Maybe they’re alien guinea pigs from the planet Squeak,” said Stink.

“They look like plain old earthlings to me,” said Webster. He ran into his house to get an apple and some broccoli. The hungry guinea pigs munched down the apple in a flash.

   “Eat all the broccoli, too,” urged Webster. “So I won’t have to.”

“I’m calling mine Astro,” said Stink.

“I’m calling mine Oreo,” said Webster.

“We can’t keep them,” said Sophie. “They must belong to somebody.”

“Yeah — us!” Webster said. “Finders keepers, losers weepers.”

“Finders
stealers,
losers weepers,” said Sophie.

“Let’s take them to Fur & Fangs,” said Stink. “Mrs. Birdwistle will know what we should do.”

Webster and Sophie put their guinea pigs into a shoe box poked with holes. Stink let Astro ride in his very own shoe box.

When they got to Fur & Fangs, Stink could not believe his eyes. Or his ears. Cages were toppled every which way. Puppies squealed and parrots squawked. Rabbits raced in circles. And guinea pigs squeaked from every direction, running loose all over the shop.

“Don’t just stand there,” said Mrs. Birdwistle. “Help me catch them.”

   “Let the Great Guinea Pig Chase begin!” said Stink. Stink, Sophie, and Webster crawled on all fours, cooing in baby talk and coaxing guinea pigs back into their cages with parsley.

“We’ll find the little hair balls if it takes till next Christmas!” said Webster.

When all the cages were right side up and all the piggies were safe inside again, Stink told Mrs. Birdwistle about finding three guinea pigs at Webster’s house. “They must be escapees,” he said.

“I’m not surprised,” said Mrs. Birdwistle. “The latches on the cage doors were broken, and they’ve been running mad all morning. Better help me do a quick count.”

“. . . ninety-nine, one hundred, one hundred and one!” called Stink.

“They’re all here!” said Mrs. B. “Including the three that went to see the Great Wall of China.”

“Are you stocking up for a big blow-out guinea pig sale?” asked Sophie.

“Heavens, no,” said Mrs. Birdwistle. “I heard about these little critters on the news yesterday. A lab was using the poor things to test shampoo and perfume. They’ve been half starved to death, twenty or more jammed to a cage, and they were living in their own droppings.” She pinched her nose. “Not pretty!”

“Yuck,” said Webster. “That’s really terrible.”

“I couldn’t stand to think of the poor little guys taken to a shelter,” said Mrs. B. “If they’re not adopted right away, they get put to sleep. So I marched down there and told Animal Control I’d take all one hundred and one guinea pigs. What in the world was I thinking?”

“Wow, you’re like a guinea pig
superhero,
” said Webster.

“Fantastic Fur Friend to the rescue!” said Stink.

“I wish I could make some of these guinea pigs disappear. Saving them is one thing. Finding one hundred and one good homes is another.” Mrs. B. pulled some straw from her hair.

“We’ll help,” said Stink.

“We can ring doorbells around the neighborhood,” said Webster.

“Ding-dong, guinea pigs calling,” said Sophie of the Elves.

“That sounds great,” Mrs. B. said. “For now, I’ll have to keep them in the old camper out back. There’s no room in here, and Mona Lisa the mynah bird is driving them crazy with her guinea pig imitations.”

   
“Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee!”
squawked Mona Lisa.

“Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee!”
the guinea pigs squeaked back.

The minute Stink got home, he told Judy about the 101 guinea pigs. “How many do you think Mom and Dad will let me keep?”

“Zero,” said Judy. “As in one hundred and
none
.”

“Not even one?” Stink asked. “There’s this one guy with blue eyes and spiky black hair and —”

   “Hel-lo!” Judy said. “Did you forget about Mouse? Do you really think a guinea pig is going to like living with a cat?”

Stink did not want to listen. He went to find Mom anyway.

“A guinea pig?” said Mom. “You already have a furry pet.”

Stink went to try Dad.

“A guinea pig?” said Dad. “What is it with you kids and guinea pigs? And what about Toady?”

“Have you ever tried to cuddle a toad?” Stink asked.

But it was no use. Astro had just become Astro-NOT.