Stink: The Incredible Shrinking Kid (5 page)

“Mom! Stink’s doing homework again!” Judy said.

“You can’t tell on me for doing homework,” said Stink.

“Homework, schmome-work. Let’s do something good.”

“My homework’s good.”

“What’s your homework?” asked Mom.

“Presidents’ Day.”

“You’re not dressing up as a human flag again, are you?” asked Judy.

“No. I have to tell what Presidents’ Day means to me.”

“Stink, everybody knows what Presidents’ Day means. Presidents’ Day means your teacher reads you a book about George Washington’s teeth and Abraham Lincoln’s beard. Presidents’ Day means you make stuff out of Popsicle sticks, like a log cabin or a flag.”

“Nuh-uh,” said Stink.

“Presidents’ Day means you draw three circles. One for Lincoln, one for Washington, and one in the middle for the stuff that’s the same about both.”

“It’s called a Venn diagram,” Mom said.

“My homework is what it means to
me.
Not what it means to Mr. Venn.”

“Good for you,” Mom said. “What
does
Presidents’ Day mean to
you
?”

“Two words,” said Stink.

“Washington and Lincoln,” said Judy.

“James Madison,” said Stink.

Stink got out a bag of cotton balls. Stink made an old-timey James Madison wig. Judy helped him glue cotton balls to her old Brownie cap.

“Pass the glue,” said Stink. “Quit hogging.”

“Not so much!” said Judy. Stink didn’t listen. He just kept gluing more cotton balls. “Let’s see how it looks,” said Stink.

“It has to dry first, or all the cotton balls will fall off,” Judy told him.

“Let’s dry it in the dryer, then,” Stink said.

“Genius!” said Judy.

Stink put the wig in the dryer. “Press
START
,” said Stink. “I can’t reach.”

Judy pressed the fluff-and-tumble button. They waited.
Ga-lump, ga-lump.
They waited some more. The buzzer went off.
“Voilà!”
said Judy, pulling out the wig.

“YIPES!” yelled Stink. “I said press
START.
Not
SHRINK
. Now it looks like . . . an elf wig. An
ant
wig.”

“YOU put it in the dryer,” said Judy.

“YOU pressed the button,” said Stink.

“Never mind. We can put powder in your hair. Like James Madison.”

“You mean
I
can put powder in my hair,” said Stink. “Just to make sure it doesn’t turn orange or anything.”

“BOR-ing,” said Judy.

On Friday, Webster read his report aloud first. It was about making red, white, and blue potholders at his grandpa’s nursing home on Presidents’ Day.

“Presidents’ Day means to me that we should have a girl president,” said Sophie of the Elves. “Since we don’t, I wrote a poem about a First Lady. Stink told me about her, and I found out more. Her name is Dolley Madison.”

D
olley Madison, first to be called First Lady.

O
n a fifteen-cent stamp.

L
iked to dance and fish and cook and ride horses.

L
ooked like a queen.

E
aster egg hunt, started it.

Y
um! Cupcakes are named for her.

M
arried James Madison.

A
lways won foot races.

D
ied in 1849.

I
ce cream always dessert at the White House.

S
aved a painting of George Washington from a fire.

O
strich feathers in her hats.

N
ice lady!

Last of all was Stink. He wore black. He pinned a number 4 to his shirt. He put white powder all over his hair.

“Hey! Your real name is James, too,” said Webster.

“Exactly.” Stink grinned. He finished reading his report.

It was Not-James-Madison-Day Monday. No school. Judy poked her head into Stink’s room. “Stink, I’m supposed to be nice to you.”

“Did Mom say?”

“Yep.”

“Because of the newt?”

“Yep. And I’m supposed to make you feel taller or something. So, Stinkerbell, how about a birthday party?”

“A birthday party? For who?”

“Come downstairs and see.”