Stitch: Satan's Fury MC (25 page)

Ana Rosso, my little grasshopper, thank you for always being there to read all the various editions of my books, making sure that I get it just right. Even though you are hundreds of miles away, you are like my personal cheerleader. I hope to do the same for you when your new book releases! Can’t wait! Keep on rocking chickeroo!!

Excerpt from Book 1 in the Satan’s Fury MC Series

My mother used to say that everything happens for a reason. It didn’t matter how insignificant or how heart-wrenchingly tragic, she’d say it was just meant to be. She truly believed that if a person was patient enough… looked hard enough… for
long
enough, they’d be able to find their silver lining. Her faith never faltered. Facing difficult times with strength and determination, my loving mother would wait… no matter how long it took. It might have taken her months or even years, but my mother would always be able to find that light shining at the end of the long, dark tunnel.

I say bullshit. There is
no fucking silver lining
. Shit happens. Hard times are just a part of life, like the air we breathe. We have to learn to deal with the hand we are dealt and move the hell on. Yet, every damn time something fucked up happens in my life, I find myself thinking of my mother. If she were still alive, I wonder what she’d have to say about everything that’s happened in my life over the last year. Would she be able to find my silver lining? Because, I sure as hell can’t.

Maverick

‡

“D
on’t rush into
this, Maverick. I know what you’re like. Give it some time, brother,” Cotton told me. I could see the concern in his penetrating eyes, and it meant a lot to me that he was trying to help. He was a good man… a good President. The brothers of Satan’s Fury looked up to him-admired him. We all knew that the club was his life, and he was all about the brotherhood. As our President, he had no problem sacrificing everything for the club – even laying down his own life, time and time again, if it meant protecting his family. I respected him for that, and was honored to be a part of it. “I know what’s really going on here. You can blame this on whatever you want, but the truth is glaring you right in the face.”

“He’s my son! What kind of man would I be if I put him in danger? I can’t risk it, Cotton,” I told him, as I looked down at my broken arm that was now wrapped up in a sling. I was a fucking mess. Bruises and cuts covered my body from head to toe. They’d done a pretty good job of working me over, and I still couldn’t figure out why they didn’t just kill me when they had the chance. “Think about it. What if he was with me when those motherfuckers jumped me? It’s up to me to protect him, and I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him. I already ruined his mother’s life, and I’ll be damned if I ruin his.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it. Hailey brought that shit on herself. You can’t keep carrying all of the blame,” Cotton snapped.

“It was my fault! All if it! I wasn’t there when she needed me. I should have stuck with her, made sure she got the help she needed. Now she’s dead, and I have to own that. John Warren is all I have left of her. I can’t let anything happen to him.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to him, Maverick,” he assured me, but we both knew he couldn’t guarantee that. “None of that even matters… it’s all in the past. Right now, you have to face your demons, either fight them or learn to live with them.”

I knew he was right. My mind had been a cluster fuck since the day I brought John Warren home with me. When I looked at him, I could tell that he had my blood running through his veins. He was such a good looking kid – healthy and strong. I was thankful that his mother’s drug use hadn’t hurt him. Yet, there was a question lingering deep inside of me. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Why did this strange pull keep going off in my head? I loved this kid from the start, but my mind was bombarded with doubts – some of which I couldn’t even name. I had to believe that I was doing this for him. I’d fucked up so much already, I couldn’t be responsible for ruining another life. Me… the club… whatever the reason, John Warren didn’t belong here with me. He deserved more.

“I can’t take that chance. I can’t make the same mistakes again, Cotton.” My throat tightened, making it difficult to even say the words. I truly believed that taking him to Lily was the right thing to do. He deserved a mother, and I knew she loved him as her own. But, the selfish side of me wished things could be different. Still, I knew I had to protect him at all costs. That was the most important thing now.

“Maverick…” Cotton tried again.

“I need you to back me up on this,” I argued. “It’s the right thing for John Warren… and for me.”

His face was registered with acceptance as he brought his hand up, and rested it on my shoulder. “I wish you’d give it more time, but if this is what you think you should do, I’ll support you on it. When do you need to leave?”

I stood up and reached for my keys. “Tonight. There’s no need in delaying this thing any longer. It’s a long drive, so it will take me a couple of days to get back.”

“I’ll let the guys know. Just be careful,” Cotton told me as I turned towards the door. “Maverick?”

I looked over towards him as Cotton said, “Some choices can’t be undone. You need to be sure about this one, brother.” My eyes dropped down to the floor. The worn out boards creaked beneath my feet, and I wondered how they managed to support my weight. I felt so heavy, like the unrelenting weight of the world was pressing down on my shoulders. It hurt to move… to even breathe. His words circled through my thoughts, and I knew he was right. This one decision could haunt me for the rest of my life, but I knew in my gut it was the right thing to do for John Warren… for my son.

I opened the door to my room, and stopped. It was hard to believe how much this room had changed in just one week. It’d been just a room. A place to crash when I needed it, but now I didn’t recognize it. John Warren’s presence filled the air, surrounding me with his warmth. My chest tightened as I thought about him not being here anymore. I tried to block the turmoil from my mind as I grabbed a bag and quickly began filling it with his clothes and toys. When I picked up the tiny giraffe that he slept with every night, I couldn’t hold it together any longer. My legs began to buckle under me when I thought about him lying in that crib with his tiny little fingers wrapped around the giraffe’s neck. It gutted me. I dropped down to my knees as I held the stuffed animal tightly in my hands, bringing it up close to my face so I could inhale JW’s scent. Damn. I’d never felt a hurt like this before.

Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t I be the father he needed? What the fuck was wrong with me? My chest tightened when I thought about taking him back to Lily. My heart shattered like broken glass when I thought about not being able to see his smile; to touch him… to hold him. He was a part of me – the best part of me – but I couldn’t stop the doubts from spiraling through my head. The darkness inside of me was growing, engulfing me. John Warren deserved more than I could give… a life not tarnished by the likes of me.

There was a tap on my door, and I had just enough time to get back on my feet before Cassidy walked in. John Warren was propped up on her hip with a handful of her hair in one hand and a bottle in the other. “I just finished giving little man his dinner and a bath. He’s all ready for bed.”

“Thanks, Cass.” She was one of the bartenders at the club. Even though she sometimes partied with the club girls, I trusted her to watch him. She’d come to love the kid in the short time he’d been here and enjoyed spending time with him. From the moment I brought him into the club, she couldn’t get enough of him, always wanting to hold him and play with him. Cass adored him, and I honestly wouldn’t have known what to do without her.

I rubbed my eyes with the palm of my hands, trying to clear the tears away. When she noticed the expression on my face, she asked, “What’s going on? Are you ok?”

“Would you believe me if I said yes?” I responded, as I looked away from her and started to put the last of John Warren’s things in his bag.

“Seriously,” she snapped. “Tell me what’s going on, Maverick? Are you taking him somewhere?”

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard, trying to reign in the emotions that threatened to tear me apart. I had to hold it together. “I’m taking him back to Lily and Goliath. They can give him what he needs… the life that he deserves…”

“What? No! You can’t do that, Maverick… He belongs here, with us… with
you
. You’re his dad. You’re all he needs,” Cassidy cried as the tears began to pool in her eyes.

“Look at him, Cassidy. He’s perfect. So innocent… so pure. All the good in the world is wrapped up in him.” She looked down at him, a grief-stricken expression on her beautiful face. “I’m no good for him. I’ll only fuck it all up if I keep him here. I love him. I love him like nothing else, and I have to protect him… protect him from my world… protect him from
me
.” I could feel the storm of emotions begin to take hold again, so I took JW from her arms and picked up his bag. “I don’t expect you to understand it, Cassidy, but this is something I have to do. I have to do this for him.”

“Please… please don’t do this,” she begged as she grabbed my arm. Her eyes pleaded with me to listen as she said, “This is a mistake. You’re going to regret this for the rest of your life!” I couldn’t listen to anymore. Trying my best to block out her cries, I walked past her and out the door.

I was relieved to see that the parking lot was empty as I sat John Warren into his car seat. When I clicked his seatbelt around him, he reached for my hand and smiled. That smile would be forever burned into my mind. I took his little hand and brought it up to my mouth, gently kissing the fingers that wrapped around mine. “I love you, JW. Always will.”

I handed the little guy his giraffe as I put the rest of the bags in the seat beside him. I closed his door and got into the car. I sat there for a few minutes in the silence, trying to pull my shit together. Everything was so quiet. It was like I was stuck in some kind of nightmare, lost in a deep fog, and then JW started to babble. He was talking to me like I knew exactly what he was saying.

I turned back to him and said, “I know, little buddy. I know.”

I wiped the tears from my eyes and started the engine. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep, leaving me with a whirlwind of thoughts and questions. I still couldn’t believe how much had happened over the past year. If I had just known… if I hadn’t been so stupid and realized everything that was really going on with Hailey, maybe things could have been different.

I’ll never forget the first time I laid eyes on her. I’d pulled my bike into an old diner out on Highway 19. It was an out of the way spot, but it was raining, and I was wet and cold. The moment I saw her walk across the floor, I wasn’t cold anymore. She was waiting tables, and I wondered why a sexy woman like her was working at a place like this in the middle of nowhere. She had a figure that made a man want to peel her clothes right off, and I would’ve done just about anything to do just that. I instantly craved the touch of her skin against mine. Her long black hair was pulled back into a ponytail showing off the most beautiful blue eyes I’d ever seen. Her smile though, that mouth, those lips… damn, she was
perfect
.

One date was all it took. After that, the months rolled by so fast that I lost track of time. It was a whirlwind. She was everything I ever thought I wanted and more. She liked being on the back of my bike and enjoyed hanging with my brothers at the clubhouse. We spent hours talking and drinking with them. She fit. I loved that. We were happy. We’d even started talking about our future, making plans for our life together. She had enrolled in a nursing program and worked every day at the diner to pay for her tuition. Life was good.

Then the nightmare hit. Everything went up in smoke. It was hell. A stupid drunk crashed into Hailey’s car, leaving her severely wounded. The dashboard crushed in on her, breaking her leg and fracturing several vertebrae in her neck. It was my fault. I was being selfish that night. I just wanted to be with her every second, and I didn’t listen when she told me she was too tired to come to the club. She’d been working all day and just wanted to go home. I should have listened to her, but I was too selfish. I’d had a long day and just wanted inside her.

That crash stole her spark and replaced it with pain and anguish. Her injuries were so painful that the doctors prescribed her strong pain medication, and it seemed to help, giving her some relief from her misery. After she’d been home for a while, I noticed that she was taking too many pills. I figured she was just hurting, and since she was going to school to be a nurse, I thought that she knew what she was doing. A month later, when I saw her taking three at a time, I confronted her about it. She became defensive, but finally admitted that she might have a problem. As time went on, I tried to get her help, sending her to rehab and trying to find doctors that could stop the pain. But nothing worked. The pull of her addiction was already too strong. She tried to hide it from me, over and over again. Each time I discovered that she was still using, she’d promise to try harder. She’d swear that she loved me, and would do whatever it took to get better. I believed her, until the day I found
another
hidden stash of pills. That day, I knew I was done. She chose the drugs over the life we shared, and I refused to be a part of it.