Authors: Unknown
At six o'clock, having said his goodbyes to the Kakkahaar, Pellaz went back to Abrimel's house. Vaysh was worried because Abrimel still hadn't appeared, but Pellaz could barely register his anxiety. “I'm going out tonight,” he said.
“I heard Tharmifex had invited you to dinner,” Vaysh said. “Ashmael is in conference with the rest of the Hegemony about the final plans for tomorrow. Perhaps you should be there instead.”
“They will tell me their decisions,” Pellaz said. “I need to relax tonight.”
“Rue has sent you a message. I made a transcription. He wants to know how things are going.”
“I'll look at it later. I'm going to take a bath. Keep everyhar away.”
Vaysh appeared suspicious. “Are you sure you're all right, Pell? You don't seem yourself.”
“Of course I'm not all right. I'm going on a hellish journey to hell tomorrow!” He rolled his eyes. “For the Ag's sake, Vaysh, let me be!”
“I'll run your bath.”
“Thank you.”
Pellaz wandered into the bathroom as Vaysh was finishing up laying out the towels for him. “You know,” Vaysh said, “this is going to sound strange, but I keep getting flashes of déjà vu.”
“Oh?” Pellaz said, not wanting to enquire further.
“Yes, of Ferelithia, when you met Rue. I wonder why that is?”
Pellaz looked Vaysh in the eye. “I don't know. Perhaps you pay too much attention to gossip.”
“Perhaps it's more to do with how well I know you?”
“Perhaps it is. Enjoy Ferelithia, Vaysh, it had its moments.”
“And some of them you bitterly regretted. Might be worth remembering that.”
“Oh, I will.”
“What time will you be back from Tharmifex's?”
“Don't wait up.”
Pellaz adopted a cursory disguise, knowing that if he swathed himself too deeply in a cloak and hood, he'd appear more suspicious than if he just scraped up his hair and hid it beneath a wide brimmed hat. It was doubtful anyhar in The Silver Eye would expect the Tigron to patronise such an establishment. Nohar would recognise him.
When he arrived, the bar was already full. Many of the patrons were Ashmael's warriors: they clearly had no wish to retain clear heads for the morning. The atmosphere was tense and rowdy. Although the warriors swaggered around, enjoying the attention they attracted, Pellaz could tell they were also anxious. Nohar knew what would happen at Fulminir. There were no guarantees the Gelaming had superior force. Pellaz observed groups of hara who would remain in Imbrilim making toasts to those who wouldn't. It was extremely likely that some of them would not return. Everyhar was so intent on their own activities, hardly one of them paid attention as he approached the bar and asked which room housed Flick Sarestes.
The pot har barely glanced at him. “You're his visitor, right? First room on the left at the top of the stairs. You taking a drink up?”
“I'll take a flagon of your best wine; red, if you have it.”
The pot har looked at him then, and grinned lasciviously. “You leavin' tomorrow?”
“Yeah.”
“Best of luck, har. Guess you'll need it. Get in all you can tonight.”
“That's my plan.”
Pellaz shared a conspiratorial and somewhat bawdy laugh with the pot har: it was blissful to be free of his Tigron mask, to talk like an ordinary har, instead of weaving a complexity of formal words. He took the dripping flagon that was offered to him and went to the stairs, which were situated behind a curtain at the back of the bar. Halfway up the staircase, he stood still for some moments. He couldn't analyse his feelings. At the top of the stairs he knocked on the door and heard Galdra say, “It's open.”
The room was lit only by a dim lamp, next to the bed, where Galdra was lying, fully clothed, his long body stretched out.
“Am I late?” Pellaz asked, putting the wine flagon down on a table by the door. He took off his coat and hat, let his hair tumble down, knowing what a spectacle that must make.
“I don't know. I've been here a while. Took the room late this afternoon.”
“You were helpful this morning at the Hegalion,” Pellaz said. “Hara look up to you. I think you have more influence over the majority than we do.”
“I'm one of them,” Galdra said.
“I know that.” Pellaz remained by the door, and poured himself a cup of wine. When he tasted it, its consistency was thick in his mouth, like blood. “Want a drink?”
“I already have one,” Galdra said. He sounded defensive.
Pellaz came further into the room and stood at the foot of the bed. “I think a member of the Hegemony has spoken to you, perhaps more than one of them. Am I right?”
“Many hara have spoken to me, including some of your Hegemony. As you said, hara look up to me. Your government sees the uses in that.”
“I'm sure they do.”
“Are you trying to tell me something?”
“No. I just want you to be aware I know, that's all.”
Galdra frowned quizzically. “You're not making sense. What's the matter?”
“I wonder why you haven't asked me what Ashmael Alderbaran meant this morning, when he made those rather inflammatory remarks.”
“You've just got here! One foot through the door and you're all spikes and growls. Okay, here's what I think: what Alderbaran said made sense to me. Why should I question it? I imagine that a host of hara would be eager to take Cal's place, if it were an option.”
“Are you one of them?”
“I don't want his place, Pell. I'm not that stupid. What I want from you is beyond political jostling and intrigue. I thought you knew that.”
“What
do
you want from me?”
“Your body against mine. Whatever we can enjoy, for however long. It's all on your terms. I've accepted that.”
Pellaz sat down on the bed and Galdra reached for one of his hands. “Hey,” he murmured. “Forget them all for a while. It's not why you're here.”
Pellaz drank the rest of the wine, grimaced and put the cup on the floor. “You have been with me all day. You're inside me.”
“Am I? I thought that was forbidden.” Galdra's tone was light.
Pellaz lifted Galdra's hand, kissed it. “No. It's all I've thought about. I shouldn't be here, for several reasons, some of which you don't even know about, but for tonight, I just want you, Galdra. I will be with you in heart and soul, as well as mind. I am so empty. You can fill me. And I need that for what I must face in the weeks ahead.”
Galdra squeezed his hand. “Lock the door, Pell. I think you should.”
Pellaz nodded. He rose from the bed and went to turn the key. Then he picked up the wine flagon and returned to the bed. Galdra was undressing beside it, his hair startlingly pale against his tanned skin. His body looked so much like Cal's it was uncanny: lean and sculpted and perfect. Pellaz pressed his cheek in the hollow between Galdra's shoulder blades. He curled his arms around that warm body from behind and inhaled deeply. The smell of a har, so beautiful, like soft, sunlit fur. “Take me back,” Pellaz said.
Pellaz woke before dawn after only three hours' sleep. He slid from the bed without waking Galdra, his mouth full of the sour taste of the previous night's wine. When he stood up, his head reeled a little. He'd drunk too much and was still affected by it. His body would take a couple of hours to detoxify. As he put on his shirt he gazed at Galdra, who appeared deeply asleep, his thin, finely-drawn lips slightly open, his tangled hair spread out about his head. All night, Pellaz had been soume; he had craved to be, which he knew was unlike him. Now, before the sun rose, he should leave, return to Abrimel's house, before Vaysh and the rest of the household got out of bed. Yet he could not leave without kissing those fine lips one more time. As he leaned over the bed, Galdra stirred and opened his eyes.
“It's time,” Galdra murmured. “The day is here. It will begin now. Everything.”
“I know,” Pellaz said. He put his mouth against Galdra's own and Galdra pulled him down beside him, kicking aside the blankets. “Touch me,” Galdra said, a whisperered message in Pell's head.
Pellaz drew back and gazed into Galdra's eyes as he caressed him intimately. “You are oceanic,” Pellaz said. “If I put my ear against you, I would hear the sea.”
“I have wanted this all night,” Galdra said.
“You should have said so.”
Galdra smiled. “No, you needed something. It doesn't matter. Do you have time for this?”
“I don't care whether I have or not. I'm staying a little longer.”
Galdra rolled onto his back, pulled Pellaz on top of him. “I will fight for you, Pell, in both senses. I know now I have a chance.”
“It should have been you in Ferelithia.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” Pellaz ran his fingers through Galdra's hair. “I am told this experience can be overwhelming. Essence of Tigron, essence of Thiede.”
“I would be disappointed if it wasn't. Let go, Pell. Don't hold back. Give in to it. I can take it.”
“There are some mistakes I won't make twice,” Pellaz said. “Don't tempt me.”
“I'm not sure what you mean.”
Pellaz merely smiled. “Relax, Galdra. Open yourself to me.”
Vaysh was already up by the time Pellaz reached the house. He had clearly roused the staff, because the bustle of activity could be heard from every room, as the last preparations for leaving were made. Vaysh met Pellaz in the entrance hall, but although Pellaz tensed himself for a barrage of questions or accusations, Vaysh did not ask where he'd been. “Abrimel is still missing,” he said. “I've had our hara search Imbrilim. Nohar has seen him since the day before yesterday. I have asked Eyra to commit his Listeners to a search.”