Carrie’s emotions swirled with the pictures racing through her mind. She loved Robert Borden. She would not deny that. But the love brought her no joy. It brought nothing but pain.
The pictures in her mind faded away as the most vivid one took their place. The look of confusion, pain and anger on Robert’s face the day she had told him, five weeks before in Richmond that she could not marry him because they held such different views on slavery and on the value of a people God held as his own. Her heart had broken that day just as surely as his had. There had been a short note the day she had left Richmond that had given her a brief flicker of hope, but nothing since then.
In the lucid light of day, Carrie knew she had done the right thing. She could never join her life with someone who held such hatred and anger in his heart. But at night... At night she remembered all the wonderful things about Robert. The way they laughed and talked so easily. The feel of his arms holding her. The memory of the one kiss they had shared. The kiss that held so much promise... A promise that had been swept away by the reality of their differences.
Once again the questions tortured her. Had she done the right thing? Had she thrown away her only love? Where was he? Would he be going into battle soon? Would she ever see him again? Carrie tossed and turned as the answerless questions stormed through her.
Gradually, fatigue won the battle over her mind. As a new moon lifted its shiny sliver to glimmer a faint light down on the boiling rampage of the James River, Carrie slipped into an exhausted slumber.
CHAPTER TWO
Laughter rang out in the still evening air.
Carrie smiled and walked faster in the direction of the Quarters. She was ready to have some fun. Buried under mounds of papers and receipts all day, she had just a few minutes ago pushed herself back from her father’s desk. There was still correspondence to take care of but she had determinedly turned her back on it. There would always be too much to do. She was learning that she had to set limits somewhere. Sarah had invited her down for dinner a week ago and nothing would make her miss it.
Carrie’s smile widened as she broke out into the clearing surrounded by the slave cabins. It looked as if most of the plantation’s children were there, playing a rousing game of chase. Shrieks of laughter and shouts of triumph or defeat filled the air as lithe bodies darted in and out of the shadows, and around the bushes and trees bordering the edge of the clearing. Carrie paused for a long moment and watched the activity and listened to the happy sounds.
Suddenly one of the children, a young girl named Hannah, spied her and dashed over to where she was standing.
As if remembering her manners, she came to an abrupt standstill. She quickly smoothed her faded red dress and patted at her tight braids before she grinned up at her. “Howdy, Miss Carrie.”
“Hello, Hannah. Sounds like y’all are having a fine time.”
“Oh, yessum! We be having a passell of fun!”
Carrie laughed at the excited pleasure in Hannah’s eyes. This little girl with her glowing ebony skin, and wide grin had always been one of her favorites. Her Mama and daddy worked as field hands. Hannah had been born on the plantation.
Hannah’s clear eyes suddenly clouded over. “Miss Carrie?”
“Yes, Hannah?” Carrie stooped down so that she would be more on the level of the small child. She knew what she was going to ask.
“How be Jubal? Is he going to be all right?”
Carrie patted Hannah reassuringly on the shoulder. “Jubal is going to be just fine,” she said firmly. “I checked on him this morning. His fever is going down and he is starting to eat a little bit of food. I predict he’ll be playing with you again in a few days.”
Hannah looked up into her eyes for a few moments and then nodded as if satisfied. “That be good,” she said shortly. Then she turned and dashed back into the wild game.
Carrie laughed and watched her for a few minutes. Jubal was Hannah’s older brother. Somehow the little girl had missed the latest sickness being passed around among the Quarter’s children. They weren’t sick very often, but when something hit they all seemed to share it.
“Miss Carrie!”
Glancing up at the sound of her voice, Carrie moved in the direction of the cabin on the far end of the clearing. It was small, but it was much larger than the other small cabins that housed the Cromwell Plantation slaves. Carrie had asked Moses to build it during the month of December, not telling him the purpose for it. He and Rose had been shocked to discover it was Carrie’s wedding gift to them. “Hello, Sarah. How are you tonight?”
“Ain’t got no reason to be complainin’, and I done got me a heap of reasons to be thankful. I reckon that makes me be doin’ just fine, Miss Carrie. It sure be good to see you, girl. I was afraid you weren’t goin’ to make it here.”
Carrie leaned down to give the tiny, wrinkled woman a gentle hug. “I wouldn’t miss one of your dinners for anything, Sarah. Even Annie didn’t say anything when I told her I wouldn’t be eating at the house tonight.”
“Humph! That woman better not say nothin’. She knows I done taught her everythin’ bout cookin’ she knows!”
Carrie laughed loudly. She could feel her spirits lifting as she entered the cabin Rose and Moses called home. Sarah had insisted she fix dinner there tonight so all of them would have more room. She sniffed appreciatively as she entered the room. “Sweet potato pie! My favorite! I was hoping we would have some tonight.”
Sarah smiled and settled down in the rocker next to the front door. “It will be ready right soon. I picked fresh greens today and found a mess of new potatoes that be roasting on the coals. I even had Moses bring me a slab of ham.”
Carrie glanced over at the table. “Are those biscuits I see there?” she asked hopefully, feeling like a small girl again. There was never a week that had passed by without her coming down to the Quarters for some of Sarah’s biscuits slathered with butter.
Sarah snorted. “You know without askin’ what them be, chile. You think ole Sarah gonna be fixin’ you a meal without biscuits?”
Carrie just smiled and settled back in another chair. “How are my patients?”
“They goin’ to be right as rain in a few days, Miss Carrie.”
“Do I have time to check in on them?”
“You down here to eat, not play doctor!” Sarah’s voice was stern, but her bright eyes glowed with approval.
Carrie stood and leaned down to kiss her leathery, ebony forehead. “It won’t take me long. I’ll be able to relax better when I see how they’re doing for myself.”
Sarah smiled. “You gonna be one cracker jack doctor one o’ these days, girl. You mark my words.”
Carrie smiled as she tried to push down the feelings of frustration at Sarah’s words. She really was content here on the plantation - at least most of the time. She knew she was where she was supposed to be. But the vision of her dream continued to dance before her almost daily. More than anything in the world she wanted to be a doctor. Her mother’s death and the beginning of the war seemed to have dashed all hopes of it ever happening, but still she dreamed - still she hoped. Still she clung to the belief she would someday be able to leave the plantation. There had to still be a chance for her to follow her dreams.
The sun was just dipping below the tops of the towering oaks surrounding the clearing when she approached the tiny cabin she used as an infirmary. Having Sarah always in the Quarters was a wonderful blessing. For several years she had been the Quarters’ mammy. Someone had to be responsible for the children who were too young to work in the fields. They all adored the tiny, old woman with the big heart who gave them so many hugs.
“Good evening, Jubal.” Carrie said lightly as she entered the darkening cabin. “How are you feeling?”
Jubal, a strapping lad of eleven with an easy grin, lifted himself up on one arm and looked at her. “I be feelin’ right much better, Miss Carrie. That stuff you done gave me was like some kind of magic!”
“I feel that way about it sometimes myself, Jubal,” she laughingly agreed. “That magic is called Yarrow.”
Jubal nodded. “Miss Sarah was tellin’ me bout it. Said y’all fetched it from out in the woods.” He shook his head in wonder. “‘Magine that! An old weed keepin’ me from bein’ sick.”
Carrie laughed again. “I used to think they were old weeds myself. That is, until Sarah taught me how to use their magic. There are still regular medicines I use, but sometimes the ‘magical herbs’ – that’s what I call them - work better than anything else. Yarrow works well at bringing down fevers. That - combined with the ice baths Sarah gave you this morning - seemed to have done the trick.” She looked with satisfaction at the renewed shine in his eyes as she placed a hand on his forehead.
Then she turned to the other bed. “And how is our other patient doing tonight, Adam?” She reached her hand out and laid it on his forehead. “Still fighting with that fever are you?” His thin face was hot and drawn.
Adam, a wiry little seven year old, nodded wearily. His attempt at a smile failed miserably. “I reckon so, Miss Carrie,” he whispered.
Smiling gently, she sat down on the edge of his rough bed. “You’ve only been sick for today, Adam. It seems to take a couple of days for the worst part of this to pass. I predict you’ll be feeling better tomorrow.”
Adam nodded again but just watched her with his dark eyes. It was obvious it took too much effort to say anything. Carrie moved over to the table she had set up next to the window and reached for the bottle of dried leaves she had left there from earlier in the morning. Taking a precise amount she mixed two small glasses with the water Moses had drawn for her from the well earlier. Then she handed them to her two young patients. “Drink all of this down. It will make you feel better.”
Jubal and Adam nodded solemnly and drained the liquid without a murmur of complaint. Carrie patted them both on their heads and then moved toward the door. “I have to go now. Jubal, your Mama will be over in just a little while to spend the night with you two. She knows to come get me if I’m needed.” She fixed a warm smile on her littlest patient. “Adam, try to get a good night’s sleep. You’ll feel much better in the morning.”
“Yessum, Miss Carrie.”
Rose was just walking up to the cabin when Carrie emerged into the waning light. “Mama sent me over to get you. She said if you want hot biscuits you better stop doctoring and start thinking about eating!”
Carrie laughed and lengthened her stride. “I’m ready to think about nothing
but
eating!”
Sarah was just setting her pan full of biscuits on the table when Rose and Carrie burst through the door laughing and out of breath.
Sarah looked at them with a smile of satisfaction. “That’s the way life’s done meant to be lived! The good Lord done made us to laugh. There be plenty of times when the heart be too heavy to laugh, so’s you got to take advantage of them times when you
can
laugh. It done makes the soul strong for dem times when you can’t.”
Carrie took her place at the table set next to the window overlooking the Quarters. All of the children had been called in to eat their own suppers, so for a few minutes peace reigned. A chorus of frogs and crickets had come out to herald the arrival of night. The first fireflies were flashing their magical lights through the thick underbrush of the surrounding woods, an occasional one darting into the clearing as if it dared one of the children to try and capture it’s mystic incandescence. Carrie could feel herself relaxing.