Storm of Desire (7 page)

Melancholy overtook her. This house did that to her. And yet, things were different now. Aiden was here, holding her, making her feel safe and loved.

Loved?

No way. The stress of the situation was making her think crazy thoughts.

“You’re awfully quiet,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

“Just thinking how homey this is—you, me, cats, a fire, hot chocolate.”

He wrapped his arms tighter around her. “We never had quiet times like this when I was growing up. With three boys, our house was always in chaos.”

Sam chuckled. “Your poor sister. Having three older brothers.”

“Shannon could take care of herself. She gave as good as she got. Tell me what it was like being an only child.”

“Lonely.” She snuggled closer to him, then tilted her head, listening. “The storm isn’t as loud.”

“It’s letting up.”

Sadness wound through her and tugged at her heart. Soon they’d have to leave their little cocoon of warmth and sensuality. The real world waited. And she still didn’t know what she wanted.

Aiden rested his chin on her head. Was he feeling as sad as she was?

He moved as if trying to get more comfortable, but still held her firmly between his thighs. “I told you about my engagement, Sam. I want you to tell me what happened between you and your mother. I get that you aren’t close, but there’s something more. Uncle Sean suspects something too, but Lisa won’t talk about it.”

“I can’t,” she whispered.

“You don’t trust me.”

“That’s not it.”

“Then talk to me, Sam.” He swept her hair away from her neck and nuzzled her nape.

His kisses sent delicious shivers up her spine. “If you keep doing that, I won’t be able to say a word.”

He chuckled and let her hair fall back over her shoulders. “That’s the general idea. But we’ll save that for later. Now talk.”

She settled against his chest. The beat of his heart steadied her. She did trust him. But she’d never told anyone her darkest secret.

“Sam?”

She glanced at the flickering fire, at the cats, felt the warmth around her and suddenly wanted to unload the burden she’d carried all these years. She wanted freedom from the old hurts and anger that held her down, and deep inside, in that private place she kept tightly locked, she wanted the home life she’d fantasized about when she was growing up.

She rolled the hem of her sweater between her fingers. “You know my mom’s reputation with men.”

“I do.”

“Mom always had a boyfriend, sometimes several at a time. I hated the stream of men through here. I’d retreat to my room and my books. Mom didn’t understand why I was so quiet. Why I wasn’t more outgoing, more like her. And she never understood how I felt when I saw men pawing her.” Sam shuddered.

“It’s okay, Sam.” He drew her closer. “Did any of those men hurt you?” he asked in a roughened tone of voice.

She shook her head. “I never had that problem, although as I got older, I noticed a few of them giving me looks. When that happened, the men would be gone.”

“So your mom understood and protected you.”

“Maybe. Or maybe she was jealous they were giving me attention.”

“Sam. You’re kidding.”

“You know what she was like. How she always had to be number one.”

“Have you ever talked to her about it? Asked her why the men were suddenly gone?”

“There are some things my mom and I don’t talk about.”

“So what happened between you two? It’s more than just her boyfriends.”

Sam pressed closer, needing his warmth and comfort, gathering her courage. “Mom may have kept her men away from me, but she couldn’t keep her hands off
my
boyfriend.”

“No,” he said, his voice heavy with disappointment.

“That day, the day you and I…” She took a breath. “I came home early from my part-time job. I had to walk past Mom’s room to get to my bathroom. Her bedroom door was open.”

Sam clasped her hands together, fighting the hot tears of hurt and shame that burned her throat. “Mom and my boyfriend Kurt were in bed together, having sex.”

“My God, Sam. Sweetheart.”

She twisted toward him then and grabbed his shirt, not looking at him. Staring at his chest, she bunched the soft fabric of his shirt between her fingers. “I’d planned to break up with Kurt because I knew he wasn’t the one for me, but neither of them knew that. And even if they did, it wouldn’t excuse their betrayal.” Blinking back tears, she raised her gaze to his, then gave him a shaky smile. “It’s good to finally be able to tell someone.”

“You can tell me anything, Sam.” He gathered her in his arms and held her close.

She melted against him, allowing her hurt and shame to subside. How easy it would be to never leave the security of Aiden’s arms. How complicated.

Calmer at last, she pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I ran from the house, to your bar, to you.” She looked away, her shame renewed. “I used you. Some part of me was determined to prove I could be sexy and desirable too. I’m so sorry, Aiden. I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was so ashamed of how I acted, how I used you, and so totally crushed at my mother’s and Kurt’s betrayal, I had to get away. I ran to Richmond, to my Aunt Rosie. I was going into my last year at law school in Virginia that September, so I stayed with her until school started. I never even told Aunt Rosie what happened.”

“Did you ever hear from Kurt?” Aiden touched her chin, tilting her face until their eyes met.

“Nothing that SOB said could possibly make a difference. He called me a couple of times, trying to apologize, all smooth-talking.” She smiled. “I told him what he could do with his apology. Then I told him to never bother me again. He finally stopped calling.”

“That’s my girl,” Aiden said, returning her smile. His features sobered. “I think I understand now, but I wish you had told me then. I cared about you.”

“I couldn’t tell you. I was too humiliated to tell anyone. What kind of mother cares so little for her daughter that she steals her boyfriend?”

He kissed her gently on the lips. “You had nothing to be ashamed of. Your boyfriend was scum. And Lisa had her own problems.” He studied her. “But Lisa is your mother, regardless of what she did.”

“That’s what Aunt Rosie said. Mom and I reconciled—to a degree.”

“In what way?”

“We talk and email, but not often, and we dance around each other. She tried to apologize after it happened, but I wouldn’t listen. When she took Kurt to her bed she destroyed any chance we might have had for a mother-daughter bond. Aunt Rosie didn’t understand why I felt such resentment.”

Sam shot him a wry smile. “Aunt Rosie thought I needed to have a relationship with Mom. I nearly ran out on them both when Aunt Rosie invited Mom for Thanksgiving that year. But in the end I stayed and made a sort of peace with her.”

He cupped her face. “Sam, you’ll never forget the past, but try to let it go, for your own sake.”

When he wrapped his arms around her, she rested her head on his chest. Warmth spread through her at his closeness and his soothing touch.

She wanted to tell him she’d wanted him for a long time before that night. That, on some level, she’d used her mother and Kurt’s betrayal as an excuse to make love to Aiden. She wanted to tell him he was the only man who melted her with just a look or a touch. But she couldn’t tell him, not until she knew what she wanted.

She wouldn’t risk hurting him again.

CHAPTER NINE

SAM LAY IN
the darkness, cradled in Aiden’s arms. Their lovemaking had been achingly tender, almost melancholy. It was as if Aiden had wanted to make things right for her, to help her banish the hurt and bitterness, heal her wounds.

She propped herself on her elbow and watched him in the faint light from the hallway. He was beautiful, even in sleep—vulnerable, almost boyish. At his core, Aiden Rourke was a kind man, a man who seemed to understand her deepest needs.

He’d been like that in school, always friendly even though he was older and hung out with the popular kids. She’d never run with the cool crowd, but that hadn’t seemed to matter to Aiden.

She skimmed a finger over his sharp cheekbones and full lips, remembering the time she’d dropped all her books in the hall, and only Aiden had stopped to help her pick them up. And the time when the cool girls taunted her in the cafeteria. Aiden had put his arm around her shoulders and told them to lay off, then led her to a table where they could eat lunch together. The mean girls had never bothered her after that.

Aiden had always treated her with respect, and she’d never forgotten. But she hadn’t treated him well when she’d used him that night and when she’d run away. She’d always regret both.

He stirred now, but didn’t wake. She smiled. He’d always made her nervous in school, exciting her in ways that had frightened her. Even as a teenager, she’d tried to suppress her sexual feelings so the other kids wouldn’t think she was like her mother.

She rolled over to lie on her back. Aiden had broken her heart a little when he’d asked another girl, a senior, to his prom. Sam had fantasized for months that Aiden would ask her.

A chill passed over her, a sense that something was different. She stilled. Silence surrounded them. The sleet and wind were gone. The storm was over. As soon as the Coastal cleared of water, they’d be free to go.

Free.

She’d go back to her busy life in Richmond, or accept the transfer to London. Either way, she’d be far from Aiden. An arrow of regret pierced her heart. She had to leave. She didn’t belong here, not anymore. Aiden hadn’t asked her to stay. Would she if he did? She had no answer.

“Morning, sweetheart.” Aiden’s voice was thick with sleep. He pulled her close, spooning her against him. The warmth of his skin and his musky scent heated her to her core. A part of her wanted to stay right here, in the security of his arms, forever. But the silence outside shouted louder than a hurricane that their time together was drawing to its inevitable close.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, nuzzling her neck.

“Don’t you hear it?” she whispered.

“I don’t hear anything.”

“That’s just it.”

He grew still. “Storm’s over.”

Unable to talk around the lump in her throat, she kept silent.

He pushed up on one arm and coaxed her into rolling onto her back. Then he leaned over her. “Sam.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Let’s not think beyond this moment. Make love to me again, Aiden.”

<><><>

Afterward, she nestled in his arms, her satisfaction dampened by sadness.

A loud “meow,” followed by another, disturbed the silence. “The cats are hungry.” She started to slide to the edge of the bed, but Aiden took her arm and gently pulled her back.

“They can wait,” he said. “There should be enough dry food in their bowls.” He positioned her to face him. “We need to talk.”

Apprehension formed a knot in her stomach and made her breathing shallow. “About what?”

“After what we’ve been through the last couple of days, I think we can be open with each other, don’t you?”

“I guess.”

“Talk to me, Sam. Trust me enough to tell me what’s going on in your life. Why did you need to come here now, knowing Lisa was gone?”

She hesitated. She’d always been a private person. Yet, she’d revealed things to Aiden she’d never told anyone. Maybe it would help to talk to him about her career dilemma.

At her continued silence, a shadow fell across his face. “It’s another man, isn’t it?”

Sam cupped his face and looked into his eyes. “Oh, no, Aiden, no other man. I couldn’t have made love to you if there was someone else.”

He released a breath as hope replaced the concern in his eyes. “Something’s on your mind. What is it?”

She pulled the comforter around them, using it as a cocoon, then settled more comfortably against him, their faces inches apart. “Work issues. I love my job and I love Richmond. But there’s a problem. One of the partners has been coming onto me. Nate is married and old enough to be my father.”

“Son-of-a-bitch.” Anger poured from Aiden’s voice. “You told him to go to hell, of course.”

“Not in so many words. It’s complicated.”

“What’s so complicated? File harassment charges, then find another job.”

“He’s a lawyer, remember? And he’s smart. He knows exactly how far he can go. He’s never said anything overt, but his meaning is loud and clear. If I file charges, it’s his word against mine. I have no proof. I’d derail my career. No other firm, at least in Richmond, would hire me. And in this economy, finding another job, even without scandal following me, could take months or years.”

“I’m sorry.” He placed a tender kiss on her lips. “There’s got to be a solution that doesn’t involve you going to bed with him.”

She returned his kiss, then moved away to lie on her back and stare at the ceiling. “No way would I ever go to bed with him.”