Stranger at the beach house (7 page)

“You’d better go and see what he
wants, Rose. I don’t want him snooping around here”.

I was still half dazed and
totally aroused as I tried to brace myself for a run in with my very unwelcome
ex.
Walking
quietly out of the kitchen, I turned to
hear Sam mutter “Motherfucker,” as he smashed his fist into the wall. I knew
exactly how he felt.

 
I left through the patio and walked down onto
the beach to give myself a few minutes to regain my composure and could hear
Daniels gentle knocking and Darts loud bark as I made my way up the small
wooden steps towards the house. He must have caught my movement from the corner
of his eye. “Rose,” he shouted, striding over and opening his arms to greet me.
Instinctively I moved backwards, crossing my arms defiantly and frowning.

“What the hell do
you
want?” I asked icily. His smile
dropped as he cast his eyes downwards.

“I need to talk to you, Rose”.
Talk to me.
 
Now.
 
Was he joking?
We had not talked since he told me he was leaving me for an orange bitch
who
was half his age. No apology. He had not even called to
say he was sorry to hear about the death of my closest and only family.

 
“Fuck off, Daniel,” I uttered, pushing my way
past him and into the house, “there is nothing to say”.

He followed me, closing the door
behind him and making his way into the front room, stopping dead as Dart pulled
off a brilliant impression of a guard dog, growling menacingly.
 
“I’m sorry, Rose. I know I’ve been a total
shit. I freaked out when you moved in, it was all going a bit fast and I
panicked, I made a huge mistake leaving you for....”
 
I put my hand up to stop him mid speech.

“Daniel. Firstly, let’s get the
facts straight. I never moved in. My flat was sold from under me and I had
nowhere to go so I was crashing at your place temporarily while I looked for a
new one. Secondly, you made your choice to be with someone else and I don’t
remember you thinking it was a mistake at the time. You did me a favour,” I
spat.

He looked utterly dejected,
shadows falling over his handsome features. “You don’t mean that, Rose” he
smiled gently, walking towards me, his chocolate eyes urging me to hear him
out, to succumb as I had so many times before.

 
It would never happen. I had strengthened my
resolve weeks ago, determined to purge Daniel Bowman from my system and right
now, on top of that, I was a pulsing mass of sexual frustration and desperate
to be back in the arms of my gorgeous neighbour. Could he have picked a worse
time?

“You need to go, Daniel. Really,
there is nothing left to say,” I said as he moved closer, lifting his arm to
stroke mine as I stepped out of reach.

“Please, Rose, I’m so sorry. I
really fucked up this time didn’t I?” he replied quietly, his eyes pleading
with me to listen.

“Yes,” I said, trying hard to
control my growing irritation. “You need to go,” I said again but he wasn’t
listening.

“It’ll take me hours to drive back.
Can’t I at least stay tonight? It’s taken me half the day to find you. I’ll be
gone first thing in the morning, please,” he begged.

I paced backwards and forwards
across the room.
Christ
, I really did
not need this now. All I wanted was Daniel gone but it was a hell of a drive
back, we were in the middle of nowhere and I don’t know how he had found me,
but from the look of him the journey had clearly taken its toll.

“You can sleep there,” I pointed
an angry finger towards the chair. “And I expect you to be gone when I wake
up”.

He slumped into the old leather
chair with his head in his hands, turning to look up at me with sad wide eyes
and I was shocked to find that I actually began to feel sorry for him. I had
never seen Daniel like this. Gone was the arrogant stride, the confident
conversation and the familiar ego I was so used to. It was a different man sat
before me and I suspected that there was more going wrong for Daniel than our
break up. After all, that had been his decision and he’d done nothing to try
and rectify the situation for weeks.

Wrestling with my conscience I
poured two brandies and handed him a glass, lighting the fire and sitting in
the chair opposite. I thought about Lizzie and could visualise her screaming at
me to kick him out on his arse, tough shit if he was upset. But the sight of
Daniel broken was not something that sat easily with me. Not so long ago I had
really cared for him, and he certainly needed a friend right now. I just wished
it hadn’t been tonight and it hadn’t been me.

My head was spinning and I felt
torn. He had hurt me enormously and a small part of me wanted to scream and
shout, make him feel the hurt that I had, but it wouldn’t make me feel any
better. It would achieve nothing except to destroy him even further or worse
still, risk it looking like I had feelings for him and I no longer wanted any
part of Daniel Bowman. Thoughts of Sam entered my head and I was desperate to
be back next door, holding him, kissing him and feeling every inch of him in
that huge white bed.

He needed to be clear that he was
on that chair as a friend and nothing more. “Daniel,” I said firmly as he
looked up hopefully. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea if I let you stay
tonight on that chair. It’s only because it’s at least a four hour drive back
and you’re in no fit state to tackle it right now. There is no way forward for
us together, so you need to put that out of your head. I am here as a friend
but that’s it. Do you understand?”

He sighed loudly, gazing at me
and nodding his head. “It’s all gone wrong since you left, Rose”. I wanted to
spit that I hadn’t left. He had dumped me for someone else he was screwing
behind my back whilst he was supposed to be here with me, visiting Alice. That
had been the last weekend I’d seen her alive, and he had let me down for a
‘crucial works function’, but it just wasn’t worth it. It was ancient history
now.

 
“So what’s gone wrong, Daniel?” was all I
could say.

 
“I’ve made a huge fuck up at work, Rose, it’s
really jeopardised the company and going to cost us big time.” This must be the
manuscript Lizzie had mentioned in her email. “I just haven’t been myself
without you. I’ve lost it. I can’t concentrate, Rose, I can’t function,” he
said and I seriously could not believe his nerve. He was actually trying to
blame
me
.

 
“Well, don’t you think you should turn to your
girlfriend about this?” I said, trying to hide my increasing irritation.

“It’s finished, Rose, she’s just
not you”.
 
He really was exasperating. I
don’t know why I felt surprised. He had lied to me endlessly throughout the
time we were together, why would I expect things to be any different now?
Lizzie’s email had been clear. Claire had dumped
him
, not the other way around. He was seriously deluded. This
wasn’t about me, or her, or even the employment fuck up. This was about his
ego. What the hell had I ever seen in him? I was incensed.

 
I swigged the brandy in an effort to maintain
the calm facade I was trying to preserve while I raged inside. “I’m sure the
work thing will right itself, Daniel, speak to Lizzie, she’s very good in a
crisis,” I offered as he looked up suddenly, his eyes wide with shock.

“Lizzie’s gone,” he said and I
couldn’t prevent a small smile from curling at the corner of my mouth. Her
imminent escape had clearly been much more imminent than I’d realised. “You
didn’t know?” he questioned, a large frown marring his brow.

“No,” I said, still stunned and shaking my head as I got up
to leave, placing the fireguard in the hearth.

That was my final tie to Daniel
severed, I didn’t even have to try to be civil for Lizzie’s sake now. “I’m
going to bed, Daniel. Don’t be here when I get up”.

 
I closed the bedroom door behind me,
frustrated with Daniel and the loss of the promising night that had been
unfolding next door, but brightened by the news about Lizzie. She had been
planning her getaway for quite some time. I reached for my phone, wondering if
Sam was responsible for the suddenly reliable reception. I wanted to go over
there but I couldn’t risk Daniel following me and snooping around, he had made
that crystal clear.

 
I hoped that Lizzie was still awake. She
probably was
,
Alfie
had the
strangest sleep patterns of any child I knew.

Congratulations. I believe you have finally made your escape x

Her replies came thick and fast.

Yes, not long after your email!!! I was going to tell you in person
when we come up at the weekend. How’d you find out? X

Fantastic.
A visit from Lizzie was just what I needed.

‘That Daniels’ here.

I giggled, imagining her face on hearing this news.

Cheating lowlife bastard.
DO
NOT shag him. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

I laughed at her reply, she
couldn’t be farther from the mark, but I couldn’t blame her. She had witnessed
me losing my head over Daniel more than once and like a true friend had
supported me through it. She always said that one day I wouldn’t be blinded by
his charisma and sex appeal and I would see what a transparent, shallow,
arrogant dick he really is. That day had definitely arrived and I wanted to put
her mind at rest.

Great news about the weekend and please don’t worry, he is on the chair
and out first thing. I have finally seen the light x

Chapter 5

True to his word for once, Daniel
had left by the time I woke and there was no time to waste. I washed and
dressed quickly, racing next door as soon as I was decent. I needed to see Sam
and explain. He would know that Daniel hadn’t left last night and the last
thing I needed was for him to think I’d spent the night with him. My stomach
was churning at the thought. That erotic kiss had sent me into orbit and I
needed to feel it again I thought, as I pounded on the door. No answer. Unable
to wait any longer I tried the handle. It was locked.
Fuck
. Where the hell was he?

I ran back to the house, hoping
to find a familiar note on the kitchen counter but there was nothing. I wrote
my own, returning to pin it to his door.

Please come over as soon as you get back. Rose x

There was nothing I could do but
wait. For the next hour I sat drumming my fingers against the kitchen worktop,
staring out of the window and waiting for his car. I had hoped he’d gone for
breakfast, but surely he would be back by now. My brain was racing. Was he mad
at me? Did he think I’d invited Daniel? Was he regretting the kiss?

I took Dart out twice for a stroll
on the beach to check for any movement next door. The blackened glass made it
impossible to see into the property but there were no other signs of life. The
house was still and quiet, the small note flapping mockingly in the breeze. I
had to put things into perspective.

I couldn’t call Lizzie. She had
put up with enough of my emotional trauma over the last few months to last as
lifetime as I lurched from one crisis to the next. I called Joy and filled her
in on the events of the night. “You should think yourself lucky having two
gorgeous guys after you,” she laughed. “I am
googling
Daniel Bowman right now. Jesus, Rose, he is seriously HOT. With a face like
that I bet he’s never had to sleep on a woman’s chair before. I wish you’d have
invited me over, I would have given him a sympathy fuck for you.” She was
laughing, but I knew she wasn’t joking.

“Thanks,” I said dryly.

“I’m not kidding. I spent last
night giving the internet a try. I chatted to a few guys and this morning there
are four random pictures of male genitals in my inbox,” she said, clearly
unimpressed.

 
“Are they all from the same guy?” I giggled.

“No, all different, I mean, when
did that become fucking acceptable?” she said incredulously.

“Never.”

 
“Listen, Rose, you need to lighten up.
Something has probably just come up to do with that ‘situation’ you’re always
harping on about. Maybe his dog died. You’ve no way to reach him so you’ll just
have to wait. It was only a kiss and it’s hardly your fault your ex boyfriend
rocked up uninvited to the party is it? You didn’t sleep with him and now he’s
gone and crawled back into whatever
hole
he came from.
Just sit tight. Sam lives there, he can’t disappear forever, and if he’s even
remotely mad at you then he’s totally out of order. He sent you out to see what
Daniel wanted when he could have gone with you,” she said, offering her
support.

“Low profile,” I interrupted.

 
“Again, Rose, not your fucking fault,” she
replied quickly, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

She was right of course, I was
totally over reacting. “Let’s go out tomorrow night, town is usually pretty
good on a Thursday, or at least it used to be,” I suggested
to
cheer
myself up.

“Brilliant,” laughed Joy
brightly. “I am going to get you totally and utterly mortal and if you’re bored
in the meantime I can send you over some pictures. ‘Sizzling10incher’ doesn’t
live up to his name and ’Pulsing4Ubigmember’ could be done under the trades
descriptions act, but ‘
Ginger&Proud
’ and
‘21Homeboy’ are worth a look,” she said seriously.

“I’ll give it a swerve thanks,
Joy,” I replied and hung up, laughing and feeling much less edgy.

I’d been looking at the box on
and off all day and decided to take a look at its contents. A small part of me
worried that it had been too painful for Alice and I wondered if it would be
the same for me. I hadn’t known my mother or my father. I’d felt the loss in
some ways, when the kids at school had asked me where my parents were, and
sometimes I had wished for them, but it was more from a desire to feel normal
than through any real sense of grief or loss. After all, you couldn’t lose what
you’d never had.

I had Alice and that had been
enough. She had been both mother and father, wonderful, protective and caring
with the biggest heart I’d ever known. It had been much, much worse for her.
Hers was a loss that no one should ever have to bear.

Tentatively I opened the box.

The newspaper cuttings were
yellowing and I read the reviews one after the other. They were for various
productions in London in 1981 and my mother was mentioned in several by her
stage name, Grace. There was a letter among the clippings that caught my eye.
It was the offer of a role in Cat’s the Musical. That was what had drawn her
back to London. I was six months old. It must have been a huge deal for her and
a lifetime dream realised. I could understand why she had gone. It was never
meant to be a long absence, unfortunately fate had other plans.

The letters were bundled together
in a red ribbon, tied with a neat bow on top. There looked to be about eight in
total and the stationary was mostly identical, thick cream paper in matching
watermarked envelopes, the writing neat and masculine. Except for one, they
were all addressed simply to Grace. Some had no address at all and others a London
address which had been crossed out and replaced with Alice’s in a different
hand. It looked like Sam had put them in order, with the postmarked ones at the
bottom in ascending dates. My hands trembled as I opened the first. It seemed
like an intrusion into my mother’s most private affairs and I pictured the
young vibrant seventeen year old girl, bravely living her dream in an
unfamiliar city.

Dear Grace

I hope you liked the
roses and I shall be waiting at the stage door with a dozen more each night until
you do me the honour of allowing me to take you to dinner. Tonight as always,
your elegance and passion stirred my soul. You are quite simply the most
beautiful girl I have ever seen and I hope you will say yes.

Hopefully yours

William.

So my father was called William
and his words were thoughtful and incredibly romantic. I immediately suspected
Alice was right about him being married. My mother was young and he sounded
much, much older, a far cry from the teenage boys I had met at the same age. He
also had money. He could afford to watch her nightly performances at the
theatre and a dozen roses had never been cheap. He had promised them every day
until she agreed to dinner.
Dinner?
The invitation
sounded way too sophisticated for a teenage boy. But then if he was married,
how could he get away each night? There were clues but no answers. Carefully
replacing the letter in the envelope I picked the next one from the pile.

My Darling Grace

Thank you for the most
wonderful night. You have been quite literally dancing through my mind all day.
You somehow make the sky seem bluer and the sun shine brighter and I couldn’t
wait until tonight to let you know, so I hope you receive this ahead of the
matinee and feel as happy as I do.
 
I
have finished my studies now and am imploring my parents to allow me to attend
a university in London so I can continue to be close to you. It is not the
tradition in our family but the alternative does not bear thinking about.

I cannot wait to see
you tonight (and every night) and please know that whenever you are not in my
arms, you are most certainly in my heart and thoughts. My beautiful girl, I
feel like the luckiest man alive.

Yours lovingly

William

The letter really touched me,
turning every idea Alice and I had ever had about him on its head. He
was
a young man, a student, unmarried
and living at home. Clearly educated and sophisticated beyond his years and
from his tender adoring words, obviously falling in love with her. Tentatively
and carefully I opened the third.

My Darling Grace

Please don’t worry my
precious
girl,
everything will be right in the world
as long as we have each other. I have refused to go to Harvard and if they are
intent on cutting me off, then so be it. Without you it is all worth nothing to
me. You are the reason that my heart beats in my chest and I can support and
protect you with or without them. We can elope and do it together Grace, just
the two of us. I promise I will never give you up.

I understand your
fears, but I will never resent you and I pledge my heart on that. Please trust
me my beloved angel. From the first moment you danced into my life I vowed I
would never let you go. You are the one I cannot live without.

Yours forever

William

My father’s letter brought tears
to my eyes and suddenly the picture was clearer than it had ever been. He
wasn’t a married man preying on a young girl, he was an intelligent young man
from a wealthy and prosperous family, willing to give it all up for her love
and I wished desperately that she had let him. She had always defended him to
Alice, never allowing anyone to suggest he had shirked his responsibilities,
and now I understood why. Worst of all, I already knew the tragic ending of
this love story, which would make the next few letters very difficult reading
indeed.

I wished Sam was here to talk it
through, he had read them. He would understand. There had been no cars down the
drive and suspecting he was still out, I shouted to Dart. A walk would do us
both good. It was grey and cold, spots of rain beginning to dampen the sand as
I turned right out of the house, past Sam’s and towards the smugglers coves of
the jutting cliffs. The constant lapping of the waves on the shore helped to
ease my tension and I continued on despite the escalating rain, pulling my damp
cardigan tightly around my shoulders.

 
My sympathy had always been with my mother,
finding herself pregnant and alone at seventeen, tragically killed when I was
just six months old. It had been easier to think my father had been married or
perhaps not cared, but reading those notes had irreversibly altered my
perspective.

The walk was long and exhausting
and exactly what I needed. There was still no sign of life next door and the
note dangled limply from its pin, battered by the rain and the harsh North Sea
winds. Returning to the house, I scribbled another.

Sam, come round as soon as you get this note. Please.

Rose x

This time I pushed it underneath
the door. Peeling off my wet clothes, I lit the fire and decided on a long
relaxing bath to soak away the tension and warm my shivering bones. I was
relaxed and settled to the point that my skin was pruning by the time I got
out. Throwing on my favourite pair of pink pyjamas, I grabbed a sandwich and
curled myself up on the chair by the fire, reaching for the fourth letter and I
knew I would not see Sam tonight.

My Dearest Darling
Grace

Please, please don’t
do this, I implore you. I know you think that it’s for the best and I
understand your concerns for the future, I really do. My parents have a life
planned out for me Grace, but the life I want is with you. I am a man capable
of making my own choices and I choose you my darling, I will always choose you.
I cannot understand why you won’t see me, my love. I know my mother visited you
and I can only imagine the hurtful things she said. I know she told you I was
going to Harvard but one word from you and I will stay. I will turn my back on
everything. You cannot know how much I love you if you doubt me. Your beautiful
image is burned on my mind. You are dancing through my dreams and I cannot
reach you. Grace, I can never be whole without you. Please, let me see you my
darling, my heart is breaking.

Yours eternally

William

His heart was breaking and as I
read the letter over and over again, so was mine. I knew instinctively that
Grace had just found out she was pregnant with me. Alice had told me that she
had loved my father with all her heart. She must have made her decision to
leave in the belief that it was the best thing for William, but after reading
his letters I wasn’t sure she’d been right. Crawling into bed, I lay there
restlessly wondering about my father and the life he may have led.

Had he gone to Harvard and
followed the path his family traditions had dictated, fulfilling his destiny
and forgetting Grace or had he spent his life mourning her loss? I speculated
wildly over what he might look like in my mind’s eye. What kind of man would
the dazzling young dancer fall in love with, and was there was any part of my father
that I had inherited?
 
I didn’t know if I
could ever find him but I was sure I wanted to try. I wanted to reach out to
the young man in the letters with the broken heart and let him know that my
mother had loved him too.