“Jayd, go give this to your grandfather,” Mama says, covering the hot plate with a cloth napkin. “He’s been outside working on that damn car since he got home.”
I stand in the kitchen doorway frozen in shock. Is Mama really feeding Daddy? I must be dreaming of a happy time long, long ago because this hasn’t happened in years. Mama swore she’d never serve Daddy or my uncles again and she’s kept her word until today.
“Jayd, did you hear me little girl?” Mama asks. “Take your grandfather his dinner.”
“Mama, is everything okay?” I say, reaching for the plate of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans and hot water cornbread.
This is one of those dinners most husbands would love for their wives to cook for them. Mama throws down almost every night, but Daddy usually has to catch his meals elsewhere after he started taking dishes from the various church ladies who love him so much.
“Girl, stop asking silly questions and go on out there before his food gets cold. Make sure you keep it covered.”
In a state of complete disbelief, I place my hand over the napkin covering the full plate and head out the back door. I glance down at Lexi in her customary spot and walk down the back porch steps toward the garage where Daddy’s set up shop. When he gets frustrated, banging dents out of cars and making them appear brand new is his stress relief.
“Mama sent this for you,” I say, watching Daddy paint the old Cadillac in his possession with all the intensity of Picasso. He’s so talented when it comes to fixing up cars. I wish he could fix he and Mama’s relationship the same way.
“Really?” Daddy says, as surprised as I am by Mama’s sudden change of heart.
Pam’s murder hit her pretty hard. Daddy’s also acting more sullen these days. Finding a dead body in your driveway will do that to anyone with a heart.
“It’s not poisoned is it?” Daddy asks, jokingly. He knows as well as I do that if Mama wanted to kill him he would’ve been dead a long time ago.
“I doubt it seriously. Who would keep the boys in check if you weren’t here?” I say, trying to ease his suspicions.
Daddy looks at the plate then up at me. Too hungry to argue, he removes his goggles and gloves and claims his dinner.
“Is that all Lynn Mae needs me for?” Daddy takes a forkful of potatoes and stuffs it into his mouth.
I don’t know how to respond to that. It’s hard to imagine Mama and Daddy ever being in love, but it was a fact back in the day. The spirit book talks about their whirlwind courtship in detail thanks to Mama’s personal journal notes.
“I don’t think that’s all Mama needs you for,” I say, uncomfortable with the conversation. I don’t want to put words in Mama’s mouth I might live to regret. “I know she loves you. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be here.”
Daddy looks up toward the house and his eyes become misty. I’ve never seen my grandfather cry but I think he’s close to dropping a tear.
“Tell your grandmother I said thank you,” Daddy says, taking another bite of his food.
I leave Daddy to his thoughts and head back inside. Love is a trip no matter how old you are, I suppose.
“Daddy said thank you,” I say to Mama as I step back inside the kitchen.
I stop at the sink, wash my hands and turn around toward the two cast iron skillets on the stove. The dozen hot water cornbread patties frying between the two of them are ready to be removed. “Mama, can I take these out now?”
Mama hasn’t moved from the kitchen table where she’s chopping onions. At first I think her tears are from the stinging vegetables but now I see it’s something deeper.
“Mama, what’s wrong?” I turn down the skillets knowing the small breads can’t stay inside too much longer.
“Nothing, baby,” Mama says, wiping tears on her dress sleeve.
“Was it something I said?” I ask.
Mama walks over to the stove and moves the cornbreads one by one onto a paper plate covered with paper towels.
“Words are so powerful, Jayd. They can evoke feelings and emotions you thought were long gone.” Mama takes the last of the breads out of the skillet and turns off the stove. I’ll clean up the kitchen before I head back to my moms’ place.
“I get that, but why are you crying when all Daddy said was ‘Thank you’?”
Mama sits down at the table and puts her feet up on the step stool in front of her. “Sometimes saying ‘thank you’ can be more powerful than saying ‘I love you’ when it’s sincere. Remember that, Jayd. Love is active. Love is gratitude and appreciation.”
I’ll have to remind my friends of this little lesson next time we’re together. I’ve never heard love described as a verb before.
“When we lost your Uncle Donnie,” Mama says, continuing the lesson. “Your grandfather and I almost fell completely apart. No parent should ever have to lose a child.”
Donnie used to be my favorite uncle until crack cocaine hit him like a freight train just like it did to Pam.
“That was the first time your grandfather cheated on me. He has no one to blame for the state of our marriage but himself.”
“Then why stay married?” I ask. It’s a question I’m sure she’s asked herself on more than one occasion.
“Some things are only for couples to understand, chile. Don’t be mistaken for a moment. Your grandfather and I love each other, and love is not an easy path to walk. Ultimately I believe we are all soldiers for God, Jayd. And, in the end God is pure love.”
“What about false love?” I ask, thinking about my own triangle—or square if we include Rah in the conversation.
“That is lust, Jayd and we’ve already had that conversation.”
As if on cue Rah’s call comes through causing Mama to roll her emerald eyes at the intrusion.
“It’s Rah,” I say, walking toward the back door.
“I know,” Mama says, smiling.
I step out the back door and answer the call even if I don’t feel like being bothered with any more of his bull. Lexi looks up at me and returns to her slumber. It must be nice to sleep whenever you want to.
“Hello,” I say with as much attitude as I can convey through my cell, which he purchased. I think it’s time for an upgrade in more ways than one.
“Hey, girl. How’s the ink?”
“It’s okay,” I say, instinctively touching my shoulder where the scab’s peeling off. It’s not the prettiest thing at the moment but I know it’ll be flyy once it heals.
“We’re having a little session at the crib tonight if you want to come through. No Trish or Sandy, I promise.”
He sounds sweet enough but I’m serious about leaving Rah and his chick shit behind me for good. With both Jeremy and Keenan also on my mind I refuse to allow yet another distraction to get me off of my game.
“Rah, in all honesty I can’t afford the gas to drive over there tonight not to mention tomorrow’s a school day, but thanks for the invite.”
“Jayd, I’ll give you gas money when you get here. Girl, you know I got you. Always.” I hear Rah’s sincerity but I’m not moved to action. Besides, he’s never been able to predict the erratic behavior of the females he deals with.
“Yeah, I know.” And that’s the problem. Rah’s always had my heart in the palm of his hand and it’s time for me to get off of this rollercoaster ride. “Maybe next time.”
“Why do I feel like you’re kicking me to the curb?” Rah says, sounding concerned.
I walk down the steps and look at Daddy back to work on his latest project. My grandparents have a special bond that’s theirs and theirs alone. Mama said real love is work but our friendship feels more like torture.
“Rah, I’m so tired of our back and forth that I’m getting on my own damned nerves,” I say.
Lexi looks up at me in agreement. She’s witnessed more than her fair share of Rah and Jayd arguments.
“What are you really saying, Jayd? You don’t want to know me anymore? You don’t want to know Kamal or Rahima, either? That’s impossible.”
It hurts to think about not being there to see Rahima start kindergarten or Kamal graduate from elementary school, but I need to save myself.
“Why prolong the inevitable? If you’re going to break my heart again by marrying Trish of all people just do it now so I can get over it. I’ve got other shit to do.”
“Jayd, wait,” Rah says calmly when I’m anything but. The thought of he and Trish tying the knot makes my stomach turn.
“What is it, Rah?” If I don’t get off the phone soon I might give in to his request, as usual.
“You know you blew it, right?” Rah says. I can hear his smile through the phone.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I’m not in the mood for twenty-one questions or his mind games. The dirty kitchen is calling and I need to answer if I plan on getting out of Compton by a decent hour.
“When I called you last night I was at the market in the produce section about to buy you a whole chicken and bring it by. But you didn’t call me back, so that was that.”
“Are you being serious right now?” I ask, barely remembering his call. “You’re such a brat.”
“I’m not a brat. I’m demanding,” Rah says. His supreme ego used to be attractive but I’m over it. “Get it straight.”
“Whatever, Rah. Act your age, not your shoe size,” I say, quoting on of my mom’s favorite Prince
songs. “If you want to do something for someone just do it—no strings attached. You can’t dangle a carrot in front of my face and expect me to perform for the shit.”
“Jayd, you’re so unappreciative sometimes, you know that? You told me you were a little short on cash and groceries and shit. I’m just trying to help out,” Rah says. “No matter who you or I date on the side, we’ll always be together in our own way.”
“Help out my ass,” I say, pissed at his reasoning. “You can take that bird and stuff it for all I care.”
I can honestly say a little piece of me has died every time Rah’s hurt me. Each time he’s lied to me, cheated on me, or chose another chick over me a piece of my heart has broken off and shattered into thousands of pieces that the best super glue couldn’t mend. This time is no different.
“Jayd, don’t be like that,” Rah pleads. “Come on, girl. At the end of the day we’re still friends and I want my girl around.”
“I’m sure being around another one of your ex-girlfriends will look bad in front of the judge, right?” I ask, almost yelling. “Besides, now that you’ve got Mickey and Sandy out maybe you can move Trish in and really become one big happy family. It’s the perfect set up,” I say, my voice raising another octave with every passing minute I’m on the phone with this fool. “Sandy’s having Trish’s brother’s love child, and Trish is going to be your step-baby-mama. Y’all can have little incestuous family reunions and everything,” I say as sarcastically as I can. “Rahima won’t be confused at all.”
“Jayd, it’s not even like that,” Rah says.
I notice he’s not denying the ridiculous plan I’ve laid out in for him. Who knows what the hell he’s feeding Trish about their future? Why would I think she’s so different from me, falling for Rah’s charm time and time again? Personally, those days are over. I will never again take a dude by his word alone.
“Rah, I could honestly give a shit what it’s like,” I say, looking toward the backdoor. I don’t want my Mama to hear me cussing like a sailor. “All I know is that you can take me completely out of the equation. I hope Rahima’s best interest is always at the center of everything you do. Deuces,” I say, ending the phone conversation once and for all. I love him but enough’s enough. Rah can kiss my ass and then some, and he can also take his chicken and bull with him.
“It’s just like black folks to fire your ass at the end of the day.”
-Jay
Drama High, volume 5: Lady J
* * *
CHAPTER TWELVE:
DEUCES
Jeremy hasn’t called me since our run-in Sunday morning and I’m not calling him. I have no idea what to say when the time does come. I was slightly relived when he didn’t show up at school today. We can’t avoid each other forever nor do I want to. But like Rah, Jeremy has a bad habit of attracting crazy broads and I’m tired of catching the backlash.
I should be at the shop this afternoon but when Mrs. Carmichael called to inform me that our papers were ready I told Mama why I needed to leave early. She didn’t sound surprised at all. In fact, she’d already filled a larger container of her special honey and olive oil body butter for me to give to Mrs. Carmichael, as if she knew what was coming. One day I hope to rock my powers like my grandmother does. Until then, I’ll continue following her lead.
“You hungry, Jayd?” Chase asks, pointing at the carving board piled high with cold cuts, fresh bread and an array of condiments. They eat well around here at all times making Nigel feel right at home.
“Yeah, I could eat.”
Chase begins making me a turkey sandwich on rye with plenty of mustard—he knows me so well.
“People are people so why should it be that you and I should get along so awfully?” I sing along with my iPod at the top of my lungs.
Chase laughs at me and shakes his head before passing me the plate. I’m surprised he’s not signing along.
“What the hell are you singing?” Nigel asks, entering the room with more snacks. Barbeque chips are just what this sandwich needs to complete the perfect meal.
“It’s old school
Depeche Mode
. Familiar?” I ask, continuing with my massacre of the oldie-but-goodie.
Creed
and
Alanis Morissette
are also on this playlist.