Stricken Desire (29 page)

Stacy eyes me and looks at Johnathan then
back at me again.

“How do you think I met Johnathan and the
others? I was in the rehab with them for sixty days. I was dealing
with Kyle and I got addicted to coke and pot for a while. But I had
to kick it. So I did the sobering up shit and met up with Johnathan
in the support group. We have a few things in common other than
that. So we got to talkin’ that shit out when we were in there.
Became friends that way” He says. The only other thing would be the
parent shit, they’d have in common. Stacy can defiantly relate on
that front. His mom was a bitch his whole life until recently.

“Oh, ok. Well what are we going to do about
him?” I nod toward Johnathan.

“Jesus woman are you going to sainthood? I
tell you about all this stuff with Kyle and my feelings you know.
And about the drugs and you still love me huh?”

“Yes, idiot. Even though I’m pissed in some
ways that you never told me those things before. I’m glad to know
them now. And of course I still love you. You’re my best friend.
Who is getting on my last fucking nerve because I want to know what
we are going to do about him. I’m very concerned.” I tap my foot on
the floor barefoot. So it doesn’t carry the effect I’d like.

“I will call and cancel up until San Fran. I
think he can do the last four shows that’ll give him a good month
to clean himself up. If he’s not ready to leave then we can just
take him out for those days in between and have him go back
afterward. We can’t disappoint Cali folks we have to live
there.”

“Okay sounds good. I will call the rehab
clinics with the best security and you take care of the other. And
Johnathan I want you to go take a shower, take off those gross
clothes they smell like alcohol and then climb into my bed you need
some rest.” I instruct decisively.

Man, I am on the ball today. Worried and
heartbroken and scared out of my ever lovin’ mind but I can pull my
shit together with the best of them. Yeah me!

I find a luxury rehab clinic in the outskirts
of LA, open and ready to receive Johnathan. We won’t know how long
he’ll have to stay but the woman on the phone was inviting and
sweet. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact they will have
the hottest rocker on the damn planet at their facility. I sign him
up to sign in the following day. Which is today. I spent all
yesterday working hand in hand with Stacy cleaning up the tour
mess. Which of course means we are going to have to give a press
release. So I write one up and have James drop it with the local
paper to clean up this growing cluster fuck.

We’re back on the bus now driving toward the
airport. We decide to go with on a little further away from DC’s
main hub because let’s face it the paps and fan mess would be hard
to handle. And apparently the band owns a small jet that I had no
clue about. Not that it matters. So we are now flying out of a
small airport about forty miles from DC where the jet is taxiing on
the runway for us to get there and hop aboard.

When Stacy and I informed the rest of the
band yesterday about the cancelation it went over smoother than I
intended. All three of them knew something had been going on with
Johnathan for weeks now and surprisingly they were relieved that he
is so quick to ask for help. Apparently after a short talk with
Stacy admitting you are addicted to a substance is the hardest
thing. So Johnathan coming forth and putting it on the line so
early in his relapse is commendable from a former junkie’s
perspective anyhow. I’ve never done any drugs in my life not even
tried pot. So I can’t understand the point of view of a former
druggy and to be honest that’s one point of view I can do without.
I would hate to spend a year in a facility getting clean like they
all had to do one time or another.

For the past hour the men have been jamming
to guitars on the red leather bus couch and in-between songs
talking about the good ol’ times when they were high on coke or
other drugs of choice. Or maybe not so good times. All of them have
been clean for the past four years except for a minor slip up Keith
had two years ago when he did some X. Which I guess is short for
ecstasy. Hey, give me a break I’m new to this shit. Now all they do
is smoke cigs and drink like fishes. But to be honest I’ve seen
them drink. They can get down with the best of them but it’s not an
everyday thing. Mostly after gigs and occasionally at night they
shoot back a beer or two playing halo on the x-box. I wouldn’t call
them alcoholics by a long shot. Now Stacy’s mom growing up? She was
an alcoholic to the tenfold. And as mean as a Doberman when her
veins ran brown with liquor. Who would have thought get being
diagnosed with an aggressive form of dementia would bring her down
to earth again to heal all those gaping wounds she inflicted on her
son at such a young age. We’ve only been back on tour going on four
days and he’s already called to check up on her once. What a sweet
man!

“Hey guys pack up were about ten minutes
out.” Stacy says coming out of the bathroom with a bag of his
toiletries in hand.

A bunch of groans erupt and the larger than
life rockers slide there guitars back into their cases and zip up
their suitcases. Johnathan’s been back in his room forcing himself
into solitary confinement. I know he feels terrible for doing this
to his friends and I’m sure he’s having a hard time coming down
from coke. Stacy said he checked on him this morning and he was
sweaty and fidgety all the signs of a junky needing a fix. But
since yesterday when he handed Stacy the last of his coke which we
all watched it being flushed down the toilet.

“Do you want me to get him or do you?” I ask
Stacy eyeing Johnathan’s closed door.

“I can but I think he’d rather see you. He
came to talk to you yesterday about his problems not me. And that’s
not like him.” He says.

I think Stacy might have felt a little twinge
of sadness when he found out Johnathan came to talk to me about his
drug relapse and sex with that one woman. Over the weeks what I’ve
come to notice is Stacy and Johnathan are rather close. I think
closer than any of the other men on the bus. Maybe it’s because
they can relate to one another more? I have no idea but they both
respect each other and Stacy is straight with Johnathan.

I walk around Stacy and knock once on
Johnathan’s door before opening it.

Inside he’s lying on his bed on his side in
the fetal position his body is pouring with sweat and he’s
trembling like he’s cold. My heart instantly sinks. I can’t believe
he’s been in here the past few hours enduring this alone. I would
have come in. All he had to do was ask. Why didn’t he? Oh yeah I’m
a fucking bitch that’s why. Who shoves the fact that I just fucked
around with another woman in his face. God I am so horrible!

“Hi.” He says his teeth chattering his body
clinching harder into a big bag.

“Oh my god big man are you going to be okay?”
I ask softly and come to the edge of the bed reach out and push his
hair off his forehead. It’s gotten really long the past few
weeks.

“It’s part of detox baby.” He adds with a
shiver.

“We’re almost to the airport. Stacy said to
come get you ready to leave.” I caress his sweat soaked cheek.

“Ok. Thanks.”

“Do you want me to lay with you?” I ask
sweetly.

His eyes widen happily and he smiles through
clinched teeth.

“Okay I’ll be right back I’ll tell Stacy to
come get up when we pull in.” I add and leave the room and find
Stacy digging clothes out of his drawer beside our bunks.

“Stacy, Johnathan is shaking and detoxing
badly is this normal?” I ask worried.

“Yeah. It’s normal for him. He didn’t buy
pure coke. Everything he seemed to order is laced with other mixes
of drugs. We can’t be sure what else he’s addicted to. Coke doesn’t
usually have that affect when you come down so that tells me it’s
something else in that drug he’s been snorting up his nose the past
week.” He explains. Way calmer than I would have. I’m crawling in
my skin over here.

“Okay.” I swallow hard and run my terrified
fingers through my hair.

“Well I know we are close to the airport but
I told him I’d go in and sit with him. Can you please just come get
us at the last minute to load us up?”

“Yeah that’s fine.” He says dumping a bunch
of his clothes into his suitcase.

I turn and go back. Johnathan is still
shivering in the fetal position. He smiles when I enter. I go
around the opposite side of the bed and climb in behind him. I lay
on my side and wrap my arm around him my breasts pressing into his
thick muscled back. I tuck my legs around him like we’re spooning
and push my cheek to his shoulder blades.

“I wish you didn’t have to see me like this.”
He mumbles. His body is soaking wet.

“It’s okay.” I soothe and tuck my arm around
his torso tighter pressing my body firmer to his.

“No, it’s really not. You’re not supposed to
be like this in front of your soul mate. I should be taking care of
you not the other way around. And I am hating myself for it.” He
groans and his body quakes hard.

I can’t say that I think he’s full of shit
like I normally would. He doesn’t deserve that right now. I so just
hold onto him. Giving him the love he needs even if holding him
like this makes my heart ache. Damn even when he’s sweating he
smells so good and his skin is so warm in my arms. I love being
close to this man. So very much.

I feel the bus stop and hear a bunch of loud
noises from underneath it. They must be unloading the gear to put
in the plane.

“They must be getting ready it’s about time
to go.” I whisper sadness cloaking my tone. It’s too soon I don’t
want to let him go. He needs me. Okay maybe I need him. But either
way we are in need of each other right now.

“There’s a bedroom on the plane will you hold
me there?” he asks like a small child. He’s so fragile like this.
His vulnerability is out again. I love the softness but I hate why
he’s acting this way. He’s going through all this. And I can’t help
but feel like it’s all because of me. If I didn’t do this or that.
If I didn’t sleep with him or fall in love with him or treat him
like a bitch. He wouldn’t be this way. But I know that can’t all be
true. Even though it feels like it. Deep deep down I feel like a
bag of dog shit.

I nod against his back, rubbing my fingers
against his shirt covered abs.

A knock comes at the door and it opens.

“Hey guys.” Stacy peeks his head in.

“Hey” I lean up to see him better.

“We’re ready for you. We’ve got the bedroom
all set up. All the luggage is on board all we need is you
two.”

I give Stacy a sad smile “Okay let me get him
up and we’ll be there in a minute.”

He shuts the door and leaves us. And I let go
of Johnathan and he sits up. We take our time. He’s wobbly on his
feet once he stands. I offer my help but he brushes me off. I think
I might have bruised his ego a bit. It take a few minutes but we
are out the door, down the steps and into the hot August air. Shit!
I forgot to take my vitamin this morning. Oh, well I can’t be
worrying about that right now. I’ll survive one day without it.

We get into the plane D, Price, Keith, Stacy
and even James my own personal bodyguard are on board and so is
some other guy dressed like James whom I haven’t met yet. I shuffle
my feet behind Johnathan walking him to the bed of the plane and
into the bedroom. He opens the door wide and it’s a nice room. Full
sized bed, creamy linens, tan carpet, a small closet. Rather comfy
looking.

“You lie down and I’ll be right back.” I say
and he listens.

“Don’t be gone long please.” he pleads,
desperation saturating each word. My heart drops. This is terrible
so terrible. I can’t believe he has been doing this to himself.

“I won’t” I reassure with give him a sweet
loving smile.

I leave and the plane is just starting to
gather speed. I latch onto the wall for stability.

“Sit your ass down.” D scolds.

Keith reaches out his hand and grabs hold of
my arm. He’s the closest to me and he yanks me into his lap with a
quick tug.

“You’re a crazy woman. Now sit here until we
are safely in the air.” He says my butt in his lap. Johnathan would
have a fucking cow if he saw us right now. Keith wraps his arms
around my waist protectively like I might fly away or
something.

“Stacy I need to get Johnathan something to
eat and drink once we’re safely in the air.” I say ignoring the
fact that I have a sexy blonde rockers arms secured around my waist
and his dick his pressed against my butt. And I think it’s growing.
Oh fuck! Yep. Next stop total Bonerville. Shit!

He wiggles in his seat beneath me. I think he
might be trying to get comfortable. As long as he doesn’t try
anything we will be fine. I can deal or at least I think I can,
with a man’s cock being pressed hard against my ass cheeks in just
a pair of thick black jogging pants. I’m so wishing he had jeans
on. If he did I wouldn’t been feeling the full-length of his
arousal right about now. Damn! I have a junky needing me in the
bedroom and a guitarist who’s two seconds away from dry humping my
ass. Could my day get any more fucked up?

The plane rears back and we are ascending
into airspace. Keith’s grip tightens and he humps once against my
butt. Damnit!

Three minutes later and we are finally
leveling out and I can breathe again.

“There is food in the galley” Stacy informs
me pointing his finger to the small closed door.

I lift off Keith’s lap leaving his boner for
him to deal with. I open the small galley door grab a small bottle
of water out of the mini fridge and a bag of grapes and pretzels. I
make sure to grab a little extra so I can feed these twins growing
in me. I haven’t ate since last night before the concert and I am
starving. I go back into Johnathan’s room and he’s lying on his
side. His shirt is now off and he’s stripped down into his nothing
but a pair of navy blue silk boxers.