Striker (Black Rebel Riders' MC Book 4) (11 page)

15

Baby

How could he kiss me like that?
Jerk.
I hate all men. I don’t know who I am more angry at, him or myself. Because when he kissed me, back there a part of me liked it. I won’t be that girl again. I will not be the reason he divorces his wife.  I was right, I am like my mom, I don’t belong with anyone. And step one I am clearing out my desk. I am done working at the garage with Striker, it was a bad idea. If my dad hadn’t pushed me into that situation none of this shit would be happening right now.

I need Foxie. I know I can talk to her about everything and she won’t judge me. I know Rumor would listen but I know she would silently be judging me. I don’t need that today. I need a mom, and as much as I love Sunshine, she doesn’t know me the way Foxie does.

I pull up outside of the garage and see that Grant is already here. I roll my window down to get his attention I shout at him, “Hey,” I wave him over to the car. He jogs over. “Think you could keep an eye on Colt for me, I just need to grab my stuff from the office. Striker isn’t here is he?”

“Not seen him all morning.”

“Good.” 

I leave Grant at my car with Colt, run in, and start shoving my shit in an empty parts box.

“Look let me explain,” Striker’s voice punches me in the gut.

“I don’t want to hear it I really don’t. You chose your whore over us. There is nothing left to say.” I know I am being cold and harsh, but I have to push him away. This will only end badly, the longer we keep doing this to each other the harder it will be to walk away.

“Baby,” he grabs at my wrist, his touch bringing me such pleasure and pain. It’s so hard not to turn into him and let him tell me all the lies I long to hear. That we will be okay, that he didn’t mean it, that we belong together.

“Stop, I can’t be here with you. I didn’t tell Grim if that’s what you are worried about. We gave it a shot, it didn’t work.”

“We are not over.”

“We were over before we ever started.” I pull from his grip seeing his face, nearly brings me to tears. He’s had the shit kicked out of him. “What happened?”

“Nothing—Nothing I didn’t have coming.”

“My father do this shit?”

“Baby, I love you, that’s all that matters.” Love is not enough. He should know that of all people after watching his parents.

“I can’t trust you. If I hadn’t been there last night, you would have done god knows what. I won’t be that old lady. Your mom didn’t take that shit from your old man and I sure as fuck am not taking it from you. You can see your son, when your face heals. I gotta go. I have class today.”

“This conversation isn’t finished.”

“Oh it’s finished just like us.” I blow him one last kiss and leave before I change my mind. I wave Grant away and head for some woman-to-woman talk with Foxie.

I cry the whole drive to Foxie’s. I already regret the way I acted. Part of me wants to do a U-turn right here in the middle of the road and tend to Striker. I’d like to pretend that nothing else matters but being in his arms. I glance back in my mirror at Colt as he kicks his legs to the beat of the music playing through the speakers from the radio. I have to be careful of the choices I make, they aren’t just about me. As much as I love Striker, I don’t want to put Colt through a rough marriage.

And Romeo, fuck I don’t know what to do with what he said this morning. Then the way Jamie and Dawn reacted, I can’t have them thinking I go around kissing married men. But I guess in a weird way I do.

When I get to Foxie’s I get Colt from the car. Foxie is sitting on her porch swing sipping sweet tea. Thinking about the smell of it makes me sick. I hate tea. “There’s my sweet boy,” she reaches for Colt trading me for her tea. He goes to her excitedly.

“How are things?” she asks as we go inside.

“Not good, could be better, could be worse. I am a mess Foxie.” I sit her tea down on a coaster on the side table for her.

She raises Colt’s shirt and blows raspberries on his stomach causing him to shriek with laughter. “Well shit, get on with it, let me have it. What did that son of mine do?” Her brows furrow as I go into telling her about Striker fucking that bitch, I tell her all about last night, leading up to this morning with Romeo. Colt is bouncing on her knees now, while she holds him steady by his arms.

“Look I am going to be straight with you, Striker is a man, he was drunk, and so he hesitated. I know you are rightfully pissed. But don’t let Romeo wanting to fuck you because his old ass is having issues with his wife stand in the way of what you want and what you deserve—to be happy. You and Striker belong together. Take a few days cool down, and stay away from Romeo. Him and LL have big problems don’t go getting mixed up in that shit. Take care of you and yours.”  She goes back to playing with Colt and we talk some more about Striker, I tell her the part I dread most—that my father beat the shit out of Striker last night.

“Well I am surprised it took this long Baby. Things will work out just don’t punish him too long, because when a man isn’t getting what he needs at home, they go get it where they can.” My talk with Foxie just makes me feel even guiltier.  Her phone rings so I get Colt a diaper change and a snack. Sunshine will feed him dinner, while I am at my night class.

**

It has been a week since I ended things with Striker. I am miserable. I have not spoken to him other than a few text messages about Colt. He has been great on keeping tabs with him. I let Rebel pick him up yesterday and take him to Striker for a visit. It killed me not to ask about him but I refrained. Now all morning Colt has been yelling and babbling “da-da, da-da.” It is driving me nuts; it makes me miss Striker even more. 

I get a quick video of Colt’s incessant babbling and send it to Striker. He instantly shoots back to tell his little buddy that daddy loves him, and at the end of his message he adds that he loves mommy too. My heart does a somersault in my chest. I don’t know how to respond because as hurt and pissed as I was I love him too.

Baby: We love you too.

Striker: I miss you guys can I see you?

My heart is hammering in my chest, I know we need to talk, but I feel like I want him to work shit out with my dad too, I don’t want shit to be awkward.

Baby: Dinner tonight at my dad’s we need to settle some shit.

Striker: I’ll be there. Need me to bring anything?

Baby: Bring a peace offering for Grim.

I feel like I am doing the right thing. I am not telling my dad I invited Striker for dinner tonight. It is best to just spring it on him so he does not have all day to plan against Striker. I just hope he doesn’t go on the attack.

Colt is in his walker roaming up and down the hallway while I get ready for tonight. Crazy kid is like a speed racer. I can’t believe how much he has grown and changed in the past month alone.  I nearly poke my damn eye out with my mascara when the little punk rams his walker into the bathroom door sending the door crashing into my elbow.  I can’t figure out how he maneuvered the thing to hit it in the first place.

“Alright, mommy is ready.” He raises his arms, stretching them up for me to lift him out. He grabs my finger and tries to cram it in his tiny mouth. “I know what you are up to mister, no biting my finger, naughty boy.” He grins. Mean butt.

I carry him into the living room and we have a seat in Grim’s recliner. I take his newest board book from the end table and pick up reading to him from where we left off earlier today. This one teaches shapes and colors. I do this with him at least twice a day.

“Guess who is coming to see us?” I tickle his tummy and he slobbers down his chin. He has new teeth poking through.  “Daddy is coming and mommy is going to win him back for us, yes I am.”

16

Striker

This past week without seeing Baby has been pure hell. I have been laying low, keeping to the garage. My face still looks like shit, and my ribs still hurt like a motherfucker. Colt about killed me last night, he kept wanting to stand on my chest while I held his hands. I was shocked Baby let me see him at all. She seems to be slowly coming around.  Guess my mom was right she just needed to cool down.

“Yo, Striker,” Grant is calling for me from the office.

I peek my head around the door, “What you need bro?”

“Your cell is going off.”

I take my phone from the desk and smile when I see a video of Colt saying, “da-da, da-da.”  I take a chance and tell Baby I love her and she says she loves me back. I ask to see her and she invites me to dinner.

“Get your ass up and help me finish this rebuild on this Fat Boy, just got dinner plans with my woman.”

**

Grant and I are about to put the final touches on this bike.

“Fire this bad boy up.” I smack Grant on the back. The guy is alright.

He nods his chin in the direction of the door. My heart sinks when I see Diamond strutting towards me.

“What are you doing here? I told you not to come around here no more.”

“We need to talk, it’s important.” Diamond is gazing at me with a sad look in her eyes as I wipe the grease from my hands.

“Speak, got shit to do.” I need to get upstairs and jump in the shower before I head over to Grim’s trailer. Hope Baby squared shit away with him.

“I was hoping we could talk in private,” she is twisting her fingers in anxious knots.

“Fine,” I throw my towel down and lead her into Baby’s office. I frown remembering my last conversation with Baby in here. “Alright you have my attention.”

She sucks in a deep breath, “I’m pregnant.”

“Congratulations, but I don’t follow.” Why should I care if she’s pregnant.

“You’re not mad,” she smiles in relief.

“Why in the fuck would I care?” I’m confused.

“Because you’re the father I mean…so we are having a baby.” She smiles again.

Fuck, now all the blood rushes to my head, my ears are pounding. This can’t be happening. Think! Fuck! NO. Then I remember. “I used a condom; sure I’m not the only man you’ve fucked. I know you fucked all the potentials a few weeks ago, we aren’t doing this.” I retort, no way she is pinning this shit on me. Not now, not when I am so close to having my family together.

“No, but the dates match up to when I was with you and you didn’t wear a condom, you tried but it broke so...” She gestures to me with her hands. I was drunk and stoned, but I know I wouldn’t have fucked her without a glove on. Baby is the only woman I’ve ever not worn one with. Why can’t I remember that night?

“Why are you doing this, you know I don’t want you. Made that perfectly clear every time you’ve thrown your tits in my face.”

“Look I know a kid with me isn’t ideal, but I didn’t fuck myself.” She admits sadly, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye. Fuck. I am selfish, I was sitting here only worried about how this will fuck my shit up, she’s right. I made the choice to fuck her.

“Are you keeping it, I don’t know what you expect from me. I love Baby, shits tender right now with us and this—God she’s going to kill me.” I throw my hands up exasperated.

“I won’t have an abortion, if that’s what you are getting at. I’m sorry, I don’t want to ruin your life, but that isn’t something I am willing to do. I won’t tell her, but you are going to have to soon. I have a doctor’s appointment next week. I expect you to be there.”

Laying my head against the desk I thump it against the wood a few times hoping that when I look up Diamond will be gone, and this is some fucked up nightmare.

Peering out the corner of my eye, nope still here. Fuck!
Thump. Thump.

“Stop that,” Diamond grabs the back of my head, running her fingers through my hair. I swat her away.

“Don’t. Just don’t alright. Let me know when the appointment is, I’ll be there. But I want a DNA test when the doctor okay’s it.”

“Whatever you want, but please don’t make me do this on my own.” It’s as though she knows exactly how to guilt me. I wasn’t there for Baby when she was pregnant with Colt. Is this God’s twisted way of giving me a second chance to do right? Will Baby understand? Baby wants me to prove I am responsible, but damn I don’t think this is what she had in mind.

There is no way I can face Baby right now and pretend that nothing is wrong. And if I see her, I’ll have to tell her. I don’t want to crush her with this. I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna’ do. I was supposed to have dinner with her tonight; she wants to smooth shit over with Grim and me. But now with this shit, I just wanna’ go have a drink and get smoked out.  I need my brother. I place a call to Rebel.

“Yo, guys night, need to clear my head.”

“Roadhouse?”

“Fuck no, need to get away. Razor’s Edge.”

Baby

Sitting at the table with Grim, Sunshine and Colt, I keep staring at the clock. Striker is late, he promised. I check my phone for the fifteenth time, nothing.  I knew things were going too good today. God just can’t let me be happy. Maybe I am doomed to never be happy in love or life just like my mother. I’ve been reading her diary more. We are a lot alike in some ways, other than her whole being a traitor to the club. Every time I have a glimpse of happy, something rips it away.

“You expecting a call, been checking your phone a lot,” my dad asks concerned. He has no idea what tonight could of held for Colt and me. I can’t worry about it though. I have wasted enough tears on Striker Black.

My sister is getting married soon. Yeah I’ll focus on that. At least one of  us found a man who loves her unconditionally.

“Just waiting for the guy delivering the flowers to confirm my order is all. I want Rumor’s day to be perfect.” I lie through my teeth. Though Striker has me hurt enough that I’d like to see him get his ass beat right about now, and Grim would. My dad has been too wrapped up in his own life, trying to take the club straight to get tangled in mine. If I were to tell him right now that I love Striker and wanted to work things out with him, but he was a no show, he’d flip his shit, hunt him down, and kill him without a second thought this time.

I send a text to Rumor and ask if she wants to get out for tonight. Might as well do something other than worry about what Striker is doing.

Baby: let’s go for a drink I need out of this house.

Rumor: Roadhouse?

Baby: Hell no, out of town. Razors Edge. Cheap beer and dancing.

Rumor: I’ll be over to get you in a few.

I am lucky Sunshine loves spending so much time with Colt, so I can have a life other than being just a mom. Not that I don’t love being a mom, but sometimes I just need to get away. Like tonight, thanks to Striker’s jackass antics.

I get Colt a quick bath and get him ready for bed. Settling in the rocking chair in his room, I cradle him in my arms and strum my fingers through his red thick hair. It’s as though he knows I need one of his smiles tonight, as he gazes up at me with lazy eyes, his lips turned up grinning at me peacefully. I hope when he grows up whomever steals his heart away treats his better than his father has mine. As he drifts to sleep, I make the both of us a promise, that from here on out no more chasing after yesterday.

Rumor knocks lightly on the nursery door; she lays Colt in his crib for me. “So what’s going on? I know you; you only get your dancing shoes on when you are trying to forget about something or someone.”

“Can’t I just want to go out with my sister while I still can? You are going to be an old lady soon and I’ll be an old spinster with Colt and twenty cats.” My sister laughs and rolls her eyes, deciding not to pry further.