Striker (62 page)

‘Whoever it is will leave a message,’ Ronnie said, his voice kind, his presence now very necessary. If ever there was a day when she needed her best friend, this was it.

The doorbell ringing made her jump and she leaned forward, pulling her knees up to her chest, resting her forehead against them, just wanting to shut it all out for a few more minutes.

Ronnie was quiet for a second, then she heard him come back to the door, pushing it open and joining her inside, crouching down to her level. ‘It’s the press. And I’m afraid it’s gonna be like this for a while, kiddo. They’re already starting to gather outside and although it’s probably the last thing you feel like doing, somebody’s gonna have to tell them something at some point.’

‘Jesus… Kevin’s gonna go ballistic.’

‘You reckon?’ Ronnie almost couldn’t keep the smirk off his face. ‘It was probably him at the door; you know how he loves to be first when it comes to a local scandal.’

‘It’s not funny,’ Amber said, trying not to smirk herself. ‘Ronnie!’

‘I know, I’m sorry. But, maybe talking to News North East is the way to go, don’t you think? After all, they’re your employers, so surely they’ve got the right to feature your side of the story before anyone else? Because you can’t pretend this is just going to go away. It won’t. Not for a while yet, anyway.’

‘Shit! I can’t believe this is happening. I’m just some local sports reporter who’s really not that interesting. How the hell did I end up here?’

‘I think you know the answer to that question already,’ Ronnie replied, pulling her up to her feet.

‘Speaking of questions,’ Amber said, attempting to change the subject for a second, even though she knew it wouldn’t last long, ‘… who’s this new lady in your life, then? When I rang you last night…’

‘You really want to talk about that now?’

‘Yeah! Why not? I’m curious, nosy, call it what you like. So,
are
you seeing someone new?’

‘Sort of,’ Ronnie mumbled, looking down at the ground.

‘Sort of,’ Amber repeated. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? Ronnie…?’

‘This isn’t really the time to be discussing my love life, is it?’

‘I think it’s the perfect time,’ Amber said, sitting down on the stairs and pulling her knees up to her chest again. ‘Anything to distract me from everything else that’s happening.’

‘Yeah. Because burying your head in the sand is always the best option.’

‘I’m not…’ She looked at her best friend, who just threw her a look back as he sat down next to her. ‘Okay,’ she sighed. ‘I am. But you can’t blame me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Ronnie. What am I supposed to do?’

Ronnie was stopped from answering that impossible question by Ryan wandering into the hall, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his face a picture of confusion.

‘Are you still here?’ Amber said, turning away from him. She couldn’t bear to look at him, she just didn’t really know why. Because what he’d done had made her sick to her stomach? Or because she still loved him and couldn’t bear the thought of saying goodbye? For the briefest of seconds she almost felt sorry for him – he couldn’t help the fact he seemed to like pressing the self-destruct button. But then she remembered the humiliation she’d felt just a few hours earlier when she’d seen two women all over him, witnessed him enjoying every sick second of the things they were doing to him. That managed to wipe away any remaining pity she might be feeling.

‘Amber, I’m sorry,’ Ryan said quietly. It seemed such an inadequate word, given the circumstances, but what else could he say? From the way things were panning out it seemed as though all of this
was
his fault. He should never have said anything to anyone, but then, maybe the thought of Amber and Jim being in such close proximity to each other all the time, maybe it was something that had constantly been at the back of his mind, even if he hadn’t always been aware of it.

‘You’re sorry,’ Ronnie repeated slowly, staring at this very famous but very mixed-up young man. ‘Have you any idea what you’ve just done? Huh? Have you?’

‘Hey, listen, before you start throwing accusations around it wasn’t actually
me
who spoke to the press, okay? It was…’ He stopped talking, but Ronnie continued to stare at him, arching an eyebrow.

‘You shouldn’t have said anything, to anybody, Ryan. End of story.’

Ryan leaned back against the hall wall, closing his eyes for a second. He wished he could turn the clock back, to the point where he and Amber were making love in the kitchen, just a few hours ago, only this time he would make sure neither of them left the house. They’d have that night in that they’d both really wanted, and none of this would have happened. He’d never wished for anything more in his entire life.

‘I think you two need to talk,’ Ronnie said, pulling himself up off the stairs.

‘Do we?’ Amber asked in surprise. ‘About what, exactly? The weather? Last night’s TV…?’

Ronnie looked at her. ‘Grow up, Amber.’ He turned to Ryan. ‘Both of you, sort it out. Like adults. I’ll be in the kitchen fending off phone calls.’

‘He’s right,’ Ryan said, looking at Amber. ‘Maybe we
do
need to talk.’

‘Now, you see, I disagree. I think we’ve done all the talking we need to do, Ryan. There’s not much else we can say. And if you really think that we can salvage anything from this situation then you’re even more deluded than I thought you were.’

‘So, that’s it, then? You’re gonna give up without any kind of a fight?’

She stood up, staring at him for a few seconds before laughing, a quick, cynic-laced laugh. Then, without saying anything more, she walked calmly upstairs, into the bedroom she didn’t think she’d ever be able to sleep in again, not without remembering the twisted scene she’d witnessed in there just a few hours ago.

She immediately started throwing the remainder of Ryan’s things into a suitcase she’d already pulled out of the loft earlier that morning, determined to rid herself of any trace of him as soon as possible. Ronnie was wrong – they didn’t need to talk. She wanted Ryan out of her life, so she didn’t have to think about what had happened anymore. Besides, there were more important things to worry about now, weren’t there? Thanks to him.

A tap on the door didn’t distract her in the slightest. ‘I’ve told you, I’m not interested. There’s nothing left to talk about.’

‘Well, I think there is, honey.’

She stopped what she was doing when she heard his voice. That soft, American accent that had captured her heart over twenty-one years ago and still refused to let go. She should have realised he was going to turn up, at some point. She certainly didn’t feel surprised at his appearance. In fact, if anything, she almost felt relieved. Even though he’d doubtless caused the press and media outside much excitement on his arrival.

‘Can I come in, Amber? Please?’

She walked over to the window, her head spinning with the confusion and anger and hurt that were all fighting to make themselves the dominant emotion within her, which was proving to be a tough job. They were all equally deserving of that title as far as she was concerned. ‘Yeah. Okay,’ she sighed, staring out at the view of Newcastle City Centre away in the distance. The city she loved. A city she didn’t ever really want to leave, but if this mess she suddenly found herself in got any bigger she might have no other choice. Running away again might be the only option left open to her.

‘Ronnie’s explained what he thinks has happened,’ Jim said, quietly closing the door behind him and walking towards her. She turned around to face him, leaning back against the window sill. ‘I guess this was always going to happen at some point, huh?’

Amber looked down at the ground, taking a deep breath as the doorbell rang downstairs. ‘That’ll no doubt be my dad.’

‘We’ll talk to him together, Amber. We’ve got nothing to be ashamed of…’

She looked up at him – this handsome man who’d taken over her life, because she’d let him. ‘Haven’t we? So, why all the sneaking about then, Jim? Why all the secrecy and the hiding and…’

‘Amber!’ Freddie Sullivan’s voice boomed up the stairs and all of a sudden Amber felt sixteen again as all the guilt she’d felt back then flooded through her once more.
 

‘Shit!’ She threw her head back and closed her eyes, sighing heavily. ‘We should have seen this coming. How could we have been so stupid?’

‘We didn’t know it would end up like this. How could we know that?’

She looked at Jim again. ‘Talk about the past coming back to haunt us.’ She could hear Ronnie downstairs trying to calm her father down, even though this wasn’t his problem. This was her fault, and Jim’s. Nobody else’s. Yet here they were, hiding, away from it all. Just like they’d always done.

‘Maybe it’s a good thing,’ Jim said quietly, taking a step closer towards her.
 

‘And how do you work that one out?’ Amber asked, narrowing her eyes.

‘Ronnie told me you and Ryan… He said the wedding’s off. You and Ryan are finished.’

‘He’s got no right to tell you anything, considering he doesn’t even know the full story himself. Today’s events have kind of superseded all of that.’ She looked at Jim again, his green eyes staring right into hers. ‘Is Ryan still here?’

Jim shook his head. ‘No, he’s gone. I gather it was more than likely his indiscretion that caused all of this?’

‘Probably,’ Amber sighed, pushing both hands through her hair. ‘It’s just one big mess, though, isn’t it? And we can’t hide up here forever…’

‘Listen, Amber, I can… I can put him on the transfer list, if that’s what you want. The window is still very much open and… maybe it’s for the best.’

Amber looked up sharply. ‘For who, exactly? No, Jim, that’s
not
what I want. And I’m not sure it’s what the club will want, either. He’s the best player Red Star have got, you paid millions for him just six months ago, why the hell would you want to sell him? That’s letting our personal shit interfere with business and… and we’ve got to deal with this like the adults we are.’

‘I have the power to get him out of our lives, Amber, don’t you see that?’

She looked at him, narrowing her eyes again, laughing slightly. ‘Jim, you’re a football manager, not the Godfather. And you don’t really have the power at all, do you? You can’t make that decision on your own.’

‘They’d keep me over him, honey. I can guarantee that.’

She shook her head, her eyes still fixed firmly on his. ‘No. No, we don’t do anything that’s only going to draw more attention to everything, that’s ridiculous. All of this… it’s nothing that can’t be sorted. In time.’ She wished she felt as confident about that as she sounded.

‘What if I tell the board I think he’s gone too far this time? That he crossed a line, that he… I know what happened last night, Amber. And before you start telling me I don’t know the facts, I do, because Ryan told me himself. So I know he crossed that line. And if all of this hadn’t have happened today I’d be hauling both him
and
Gary over the coals, believe me. The pair of them are still probably looking at a two-match ban, if I’ve got anything to do with it.’

‘Is that wise? What did I just say? We don’t need to bring any more attention to a situation we should be trying to diffuse.’

‘So, you’re happy to see him get away with it?’

‘Jesus, Jim, come on. He isn’t “getting away” with anything. He’s just thrown our relationship down the toilet, he’s ruined everything. So I really don’t think he feels as though he’s getting off scot-free, do you?’

Jim took another step towards Amber. ‘Maybe… maybe this was the way things were always going to go.’

‘I don’t understand…’

‘Fate. You and me. Everyone knows now, don’t they? We can’t hide it anymore, we can’t lie and say it never happened, so…’

‘So, what? Now the truth is out we might as well just get back together, is that it?’

‘Well, I wouldn’t put it…’

‘Jesus Christ, Jim…’ Amber laughed, turning her head to look out of the window again. The neighbours were out in their back gardens now, shouting to each other over the fences, no doubt talking about the growing numbers of press gathered outside and the stories in the newspapers that had now made their street a port of call for the gossip-mongers. ‘You make everything sound so easy.’

‘Because it is. Or it can be.’ He reached out to gently touch her arm and she swung back round to look at him, his eyes burning into hers as he spoke. ‘No more secrets, Amber. No more hiding from the truth.’

‘What that story doesn’t tell the world, though, Jim, is how much you hurt me. All it focuses on is the fact we slept together when I was so young, not the fact that you hurt me so much, I…
 
It doesn’t tell the whole story, does it?’

‘We can put all that behind us, baby, can’t we? We can start again, don’t you see?’

She pushed him aside and walked away from the window, going back to the job she’d been busy doing before – throwing Ryan’s things into a suitcase. ‘All I see is one huge mess that needs to be sorted out before I even begin to think about what’s going to happen next. I mean, Jesus, this is actually as much
Ryan’s
house as it is mine and yet I’m throwing
him
out! Maybe
I
should be the one to leave…’